[Request] The best "Bottom" comeback lines

FrCrilly

Sorry, I don’t have a joke here. Just a request.

I was watching “Bottom” recently and noticed some of the clever comeback lines the boys come out with. Richie asked Eddie “How do I look?” to which Eddie responded “With your eyeballs, don’t you”. I know that may not sound funny on paper, but can get a laugh when it’s used in the course of a conversation.

Anyone know any other similar comeback lines from “Bottom” (or elsewhere) off the top of their heads?

petes

Bottom is a great show. I always liked it. Can't think of any off the top of my head though. Its been ages since I last saw it.

c - 13

In the episode where they go camping in the park -

Ritchie: Eddie, what are we going to do ? We lost all our food, we'll starve to death !
Eddie: Aha Ritchie. You might starve to death but I brought a packet of choc-o-late hob-nobs

Not really a comeback, but a line thats stuck in my head for years.

tosh_thedude

"Hey!! I wonder how much meat you get on a womble" - Eddie

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Eddie - "Eddie holds out hand to shake> 'hi, Eddie Hitler'

Man- 'Eddie Hitler? Hmmm any relation?'

Eddie- 'why yes actually'"

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Eddie : "Righty-dokey matey-bloke flap old salty sea-dog amigo skip- jack jockstrap piano-tuner, let's see you balls this one up! "

Richie : "Ahhh, oh chess! God I adore chess! I should have been a chess champion. If I'd spent my whole life learning how to play chess better than everyone else in the world I could have been the chess champion. And I look a bit Slavic, don't you think? "

Richie : "How do you actually play chess?"

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biko

Great show, a couple of clips here

petes

tosh_thedude wrote:

"

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Eddie - "Eddie holds out hand to shake> 'hi, Eddie Hitler'

Man- 'Eddie Hitler? Hmmm any relation?'

Eddie- 'why yes actually'"

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The other one was

Man: Edward Hitler

Eddie: Yes. thats me

Man: Any relation?

Eddie: Well, I've got a mother!

Man: I meant Adolf.

Eddie: Yes, thats her.

Crowhill

Richie: Four and a half hours ago you left to collect two fish suppers. I gave you one pound seventy-five in good faith. Where is my bit of halibut?

Eddie: All right, here we go, right... One pound seventy-five, yeah, I remember that... Was that today? Well I blame the town planners, it's socially irresponsible to put the Lamb And Flag bang next door to Neptune's Pantry!

Richie: You mean...

Eddie: Yes! [drops his coat and hat next to the hatstand] I have liquidised your assets!

Zapho

Ted: I'll give you one pound fifty for it
Eddie: Lets haggle.
Ted: Ok, a pound.
Eddie: No, lets haggle upwards.
Ted: 50p then!
Eddie: Cor, they don't call you Harry the Bastard for nothin!
Ted: Actually, my name's Ted....



Brilliant!

EDIT: Oh and this one

[Eddie and Richie are watching the Carnival parade from their window]
Richie: Did you see the floats?
Eddie: I thought I flushed it!

slumped

the episode where they get the pheremone sex spray - they walk into a sex shop

Eddie: "This is a sex shop"
Shopman: "Yes, yes it is"
Eddie: "I'll have five quids worth then"
Shopman: "Very good sir, never heard that before"
Eddie: "Will I tell it again?"

Not word for word but if you know the show, you'll know the clip.

Also from same episode

"Come back to my place, we're going to have it off!"

S

TerrorFirmer

petes wrote:

The other one was

Man: Edward Hitler

Eddie: Yes. thats me

Man: Any relation?

Eddie: Well, I've got a mother!

Man: I meant Adolf.

Eddie: Yes, thats her.

Lol. bottom is brilliant. Loved Guest House Paradiso as well, great film. "Eddie - you've broken the pencil!"