Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Early Retirement Scheme

Options
  • 17-12-2006 4:31pm
    #1
    challengemaster
    Registered Users Posts: 16,930 ✭✭✭✭


    EARLY RETIREMENT SCHEME

    Due to the current financial situation, management has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers over 30 on early retirement. This Scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early)

    Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the Special Help After Retirement Scheme (SHAFT)

    Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme for Retired Early workers).

    Note: A person may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deem appropriate.

    Persons who have been RAPED can also get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or Spouses) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.

    Persons staying on will recieve as much Special High Intensity Training (SH!T) as possible. Management has always prided itself for the amount of SH!T it gives to staff. Should you feel you do not recieve enough SH!T, please bring it to the attention of your manager. He/She has been trained to give you all the SH!T you can handle.

    i lol'd :D


Comments

Advertisement