don't want to be responsible for his death.

LegacyUser

ok here goes:

I'm 22 and lived in Norway for a brief period. Whilst there I discovered an internet chat room for non-Norwegians who live in Norway. I made several friends on this chat room, one of whom was a 41 year old Bosnian refugee, we'll call him B. No-one else on this website liked B because they thought he had a bit of an attitude problem and would sometimes say things they found offensive. I, however, did not spend as much time in this chat room as they did, so I had not seen any of his offensive posts.
I felt sorry for him because they kicked him off the chat room and wouldn't talk to him any more, so I told him if he got a myspace account I would talk to him. For a month or so, his messages were fairly normal, but then he changed. He became REALLY possessive over me. He would get angry whenever he heard of me hanging out with Norwegian men, and would demand that I go and stay with him in his house in Norway instead. He began asking really personal questions, telling me off if he thought I was behaving innappropriately (eg- if I was talking to other men, or having any kind of fun at all) and he became really patronising towards me, always behaving as if he knows best. Well I thought this was a bit rich from a bloke I don't even know in real life. Then he told me he was in love with me and started writing me love poetry. The final straw was when he wrote me a message and because I was very busy it took me until the following day to answer his message. He became very angry about it and had a massive go at me, saying "I write you really long messages, I pour my heart and soul into them, you just write me short messages like the greetings of a passer by."
Well I was absolutely furious,

spurious

Turn off the computer for a month.

He may think he is in love with you but obviously if he was thinking straight he would know he's not.


Not sure how you think you would be responsible for his death unless he has used the old 'if you don't want me I will kill myself' threat, in which case run away from the whole situation as fast as you can.

LundiMardi

Unreg5000 wrote:

ok here goes:

I'm 22 and lived in Norway for a brief period. Whilst there I discovered an internet chat room for non-Norwegians who live in Norway. I made several friends on this chat room, one of whom was a 41 year old Bosnian refugee, we'll call him B. No-one else on this website liked B because they thought he had a bit of an attitude problem and would sometimes say things they found offensive. I, however, did not spend as much time in this chat room as they did, so I had not seen any of his offensive posts.
I felt sorry for him because they kicked him off the chat room and wouldn't talk to him any more, so I told him if he got a myspace account I would talk to him. For a month or so, his messages were fairly normal, but then he changed. He became REALLY possessive over me. He would get angry whenever he heard of me hanging out with Norwegian men, and would demand that I go and stay with him in his house in Norway instead. He began asking really personal questions, telling me off if he thought I was behaving innappropriately (eg- if I was talking to other men, or having any kind of fun at all) and he became really patronising towards me, always behaving as if he knows best. Well I thought this was a bit rich from a bloke I don't even know in real life. Then he told me he was in love with me and started writing me love poetry. The final straw was when he wrote me a message and because I was very busy it took me until the following day to answer his message. He became very angry about it and had a massive go at me, saying "I write you really long messages, I pour my heart and soul into them, you just write me short messages like the greetings of a passer by."
Well I was absolutely furious,

I'm not quite sure where the problem is, surely you just delete him from your friends and block him. Problem solved. He has issues, but they're not your issues, so forget about him and move on.

LegacyUser

it posted my message before i had finished, i just reposted it

LegacyUser

This is the full message i was trying to post:

I'm 22 and lived in Norway for a brief period. Whilst there I discovered an internet chat room for non-Norwegians who live in Norway. I made several friends on this chat room, one of whom was a 41 year old Bosnian refugee, we'll call him B. No-one else on this website liked B because they thought he had a bit of an attitude problem and would sometimes say things they found offensive. I, however, did not spend as much time in this chat room as they did, so I had not seen any of his offensive posts.

I felt sorry for him because they kicked him off the chat room and wouldn't talk to him any more, so I told him if he got a myspace account I would talk to him. For a month or so, his messages were fairly normal, but then he changed. He became REALLY possessive over me. He would get angry whenever he heard of me hanging out with Norwegian men, and would demand that I go and stay with him in his house in Norway instead. He began asking really personal questions, telling me off if he thought I was behaving innappropriately (eg- if I was talking to other men, or having any kind of fun at all) and he became really patronising towards me, always behaving as if he knows best. Well I thought this was a bit rich from a bloke I don't even know in real life. Then he told me he was in love with me and started writing me love poetry. The final straw was when he wrote me a message and because I was very busy it took me until the following day to answer his message. He became very angry about it and had a massive go at me, saying "I write you really long messages, I pour my heart and soul into them, you just write me short messages like the greetings of a passer by."
Well I was absolutely furious, becuase I don't even know him, I don't owe him anything! I was so furious I stopped answering him altogether.

He carried on writing to me, about 7 messages a day. I deleted him from my friends list and I tried to block his messages but that function doesn't seem to work on myspace so they kept getting through. At first he wrote things like "I know I shouldn't write to you when you've broken contact with me but i can't help the way i feel" but soon started acting as if we were friends again, sending me more poetry and bossing me around again even though I wasn't replying. He would even send threatening ones demonstrating that he knew my name and where I lived so could find me if he wanted. I showed his messages to my friends and they freaked them out so much they said I should call the police!

Months passed and he was still sending the messages, so I wrote him one back, basically saying, you're a crazy stalker, I showed your messages to my friends and they agree you're insane, if you threaten me again i will call the police, now stop stalking me, bugger off and leave me alone.

He wrote ne back trying to defend his actions and accusing me of bringing it on myself by talking to him in the first place. Then thankfully the messages stopped.

However, ever since joining myspace he has written a blog, which my friend reads because it is hilarious. Today my friend told me to read the blog myself, so I did. He has written that people think he is a crazy stalker and that this is his last message, now it is too late for him. He writes as if he is going to kill himself. I don't want to be responsible for his death, but I can't write to him and ask if he's ok because that will just encourage him again. Should I just forget about him and leave him to his own devices? By the way, he has no family or friends at all, not a single person in his life.

Talliesin

Ah. You kick someone off a system for being a creep, and there's always someone that still hasn't seen what a creep they are and keeps in touch and ends up in this mess.

Ignore him. If he's persistent keep logs and other records of any attempts to communicate with him.

Don't see how this matches the title above, unless he's threatened to top himself. Responding with "good, then you'll be dead and I won't have to read your crap" is a good idea then. It sometimes makes them go away, though unfortunately it rarely actually leads to them killing themselves (man, if those creeps could really be induced to top themselves so easily that'd be pretty sweet - and I'd be happy enough with the blood that would be on my hands - but it isn't going to happen).

Gordon

'Unreg5000 - when you post your post will go into a queue and will be approved when a PI mod comes along and reads your post. So, no need to post things twice, just post once and wait until it gets approved. Thanks.'

spurious

Unreg5000 wrote:

he has no family or friends at all, not a single person in his life.

He has himself and for people like him, that's all that matters.

He is sucking your energy out of you.
Look at the time you spent typing that post - he is not worth it.

Ignore him, do not visit his silly page, move on with your own stuff.

humanji

You should just ignore him. He isn't going to kill himself, he just wants attention. He's a nut and you'll be better off and safer just forgetting about him.

And also, even if he was to kill himself, it's not your fault at all. His problems started a long time ago (quite possibly before you were born!).

Talliesin

Yes. You don't owe him anything. He's at best a nuisance and at worse a danger to you and to others.

And they almost never kill themselves. Trust me, if you're foolish enough to keep reading what he's up to you'll find yet another "EVERYONE LOOK AT ME. I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF" notice, possibly referencing some other poor girl.

StormWarrior

what about the fact that he knows who you are and where you live? and presumably he can forever keep tabs on you by checking your profile. I would be more concerned with that than him killing himself.

LegacyUser

'yes well I thought of that, but I don't want to make my profile private because how will other people know if they want to make friends with me. But i do hate the thought of him reading my blogs.'

carpenoctem

Well, what I would do is contact the police (in Norway, since that's where I got that he lives?). Show them any messages etc. that you have saved, including the blog that made it sound like he wants to kill himself. They'll most likely warn him and also speaking from experience they're used to handling cases of "I am gonna kill myself". Then I would forget about him.

Also, I would be a bit sceptic as to his "I have no friends" etc. I am not being racist or anything but we have to remember that there are refugees who would go to some rather extreme measures to marry someone from an EU country. I am not saying that's definitely what he is trying for, he could also just have some serious issues, all I'm saying is don't take everything he says at face value.

Anyhow, that's just my opinion. I would definitely contact somewhere you think might offer him some help, if not the police maybe try to contact a suicide helpline or something for advice on what action to take? After that you could at least step away from this situation knowing you did all you could, and hopefully be able to not feel responsible should something happen.

It could also just be that he is gonna leave myspae though...

LundiMardi

Unreg5000 wrote:

'yes well I thought of that, but I don't want to make my profile private because how will other people know if they want to make friends with me. But i do hate the thought of him reading my blogs.'

you can block him.

The Black Oil

Yeah, there are people like this manipulative, attention seeking idiots around the place. Learn from it, after a while you develop a good 'nose' for bull online. Keep your distance.

Look after yourself.

Capt'n Midnight

carpenoctem wrote:

Well, what I would do is contact the police (in Norway, since that's where I got that he lives?). Show them any messages etc. that you have saved, including the blog that made it sound like he wants to kill himself. They'll most likely warn him and also speaking from experience they're used to handling cases of "I am gonna kill myself". Then I would forget about him.

He is harassing you. You could report that to the police which they would probably take more seriously than the suicide threats. If you were a few years younger then the contacting the police would be a definite.

Sounds like a control freak using emotional blackmail to stress you tbh.

He is quite litterly old enough to be your father, and you have nothing in common, and he has never met you so it's not love. Don't send him any pictures or any personal info.

You owe him nothing because he has abused any friendship there might have been. It's possible that his actions could cost him his refegue status so there is no excuse whatsoever for his behaviour apart from him being being a complete asshole. If I'm not mistaken the health system in Norway is better than here or Bosnia so if he wants to see a shrink about depression he can do so anytime.

The wonderful thing about the internet is you don't ever have to contact him again if you don't want.

Shellie13

never let somebody like that posess you if someone is honestly suicidal they're far more likely to keep it botled than post angsty **** on a public blog!

Nevyn

You are not responsible for another person's act of will.

aidan24326

Unreg5000, in fairness you were being a bit of a drama-queen yourself with the title of this thread.

He hasn't actually said he's going to kill himself, even if he had he'd more than likely just be looking for attention. I mean why tell a bunch of people on the internet you're going to top yourself? Pure attention-seeking sh1te.

If the guy was to blow his head off tomorrow that's hardly your fault. Jesus you've never even met him. Any problems he has were there long before you showed up in cyberspace, and that's for certain.

So just forget about it. Try to have him blocked from your myspace (can be done), and don't read his blog. Forget he even exists. Cannot see how this would be your problem in any way. Oh, and do be wary of who get friendly with on the internet, never give people too much personal details. This guy sounds like a creep.