Still in Love?

LegacyUser

OK I've been going out with my girlfriend for about 3 years now and we've had a great relationship up until now. We've had brilliant times and have been the closest that two people could be to eachother. Lately, however, things haven't been so peachy.

I've started a new course, and she's finishing up hers. For some reason, we just can't seem to be together for sustained periods of time without either me, wanting to get away from her and be on my own or her igniting some sort of argument. She's having a hard time on her course and with her family and me, well I'm starting a new life on a pretty demanding course and find myself being able to relax a lot less... Something very important to me.

At college, I've met a girl who I get on with like a house on fire, I also find her incredibly attractive, which, according to my friends, I'm not too good at keeping under the hat- although there hasn't been any reason for me to believe she's copped. Now this is nothing new, I've been attracted to lots of women during our relationship.. A couple who wanted to capitalise on this but I would never cheat on my girlfriend. She is my best friend above all things and I couldn't bring myself to do that. I think this girl has a boyfriend which is most likely a good thing. I spose it's more what this girl represents in my head than actually seeing her as a girl I'm thinking of having a relationship with (which I wouldn't turn down if circumstances were different).

So I was chatting to a close friend of mine because my mind is in absolute turmoil at the moment. I feel so isolated in my relationship but I don't want to ruin what could be the greatest thing in my life. They brought up the question "Are you still in love with her?"

This baffled me as I have no idea what love really is.. Should I? I'm a pretty cynical...logical thinker. I think that the majority of people don't know what love is. Am I right? How I feel about my girlfriend is.. I want to always be close to her, I never want anything to hurt her, I want her to be happy and would do anything to ensure that... But I feel this way about the majority of my close friends... Sometimes she does my ****ing head in, sometimes I find girls more attractive than her, things would suggest that maybe we don't have all that much in common. I seem to have more things in common with this other girl... Scarily so.

I'm pretty sure I've been ****ing awful in bed lately. When we started off it was anytime, anyplace. We'd do it on average about 5 or 6 times in a session. Lately, my sex drive has plummeted. I feel lethargic and can't really be arsed to go on top. A couple of times in the last month or two, I've pictured having sex with someone else and I've been coming unnaturally fast. She hasn't made any real complaints except for the times I've turned her down. I've been so tired. On the flipside, I'm still masturbating like a 15 year old kid when I get on the net.

I think the sex could probably be down to my poor lifestyle lately and my complete and utter lethargy but maybe I'm just not too bothered with her. I'd say if I got the go ahead, I'd really get stuck into the other girl (although the fast coming would have me ****ting it).

I'm just wondering, is how I'm feeling normal? Is this bound to happen in a long-term relationship? Or is it just simple that what I think is love is simply compassion for my best friend?

Kell

What is love? wrote:

I'm just wondering, is how I'm feeling normal? Is this bound to happen in a long-term relationship? Or is it just simple that what I think is love is simply compassion for my best friend?

I think its normal. I think you are very confused also. Rather than think about whether you do or dont love your GF does she still make you go WOW?

I think if the wow factor has gone then maybe you're in a place where you need to move on.

K-

Aura

Yeah some of this is completely normal in a long term relationship particularly if as you mention you are both under stress.... new courses and family problems.
The way I always knew it was still there was trying to imagine if something really good or something really bad happened who would i most want to be with.

dr.bollocko

You have already moved on mate.
Thinking selfishly about whats right for you without putting any work into this relationship is a pretty good sign that you shouldnt be in it, isnt it?

~nop~

I have to say i think dr bollocko said it all. If you dont appreciate her anymore, and if you dont seem to even be able to spend time together you may as well even just go on a break, rediscover what she means to you. Youre not going to miss her till shes gone you know, and if you still dont, then you know its over ok?

LegacyUser

Kell wrote:

I think its normal. I think you are very confused also. Rather than think about whether you do or dont love your GF does she still make you go WOW?

I think if the wow factor has gone then maybe you're in a place where you need to move on.

K-

Well in the last few days she has... But it was more of a "WOW, this girl must really love me, look what she's done for me". To be honest, a lot of the time I feel so uncomfortable because this girl really does love me so much and I'm not sure if I can return it.

I don't like to think that I haven't tried at this... 3 years doesn't just happen. It's just I don't like how much pressure I feel under.. I'm only young..

It's hard to picture life without her in my corner though. It really is.

Black Swan

You may have love for your g/f, but it would appear that you are not "in love" with her (and there's a difference). If you were "in love" with her, you would not be posting here.