Another ex issue

lpool2k05

I split up with my girlfriend of 4 years,4 months ago!!She broke it off so i was so devasted as you can imagine!!Her reasons were that she wanted to experience single life!! I was so in love with her!
We had sex 3mths ago just out of nowhere(just a one off when we were locked)...we were both fine with it

We only txt maybe once a week for a couple of txts and maybe ill see her out in the pub and chat for a few mins!!

Yesterday she was on msn and started to chat to me!She said shes feeling very down and feels so lonely and misses having someone love her!!plus she said she misses the sex and its effecting her moods!!She kept talking bot sex and asked was i shagging anybody!i said no!!

She also said she would never just have sex with anybody to fill the gap!!Ive made some ground since we broke up and feel ok about everything!so i said if ya want ill help ya out in the sex dept now and again seeing as how Im ok with it all!!she said she would think about it!!I said sorry for saying that and she said she practically forced the words out of me!

Then that nite i was chatting to her again on msn and she said to me!She asked me would i like a fcuk buddy!i said what fellow wouldnt!!she then said do i not think it would be too weird?i said course it would!but it would be fun!!she just then avoided the subject!!

So why is she coming to me saying shes lonely,misses being loved and misses sex!!I would have the odd sex session with her no bother but what is she playing at

Sorry for the rant its just that its wrecking my head today!!

Any thoughts appreciated?

Mighty_Mouse

She doesnt want to feel like a slapper but wants some lovin.
If your own head can handle it (ie she probably wont want to get back with you ever) then you got take some feckin action. Stop dancin around the subject.

But remember she's an "nice Irish catholic girl" with hang-ups about sex.

From now on try not to emphasise the sex. Just text her saying "hey, how things? Sitting on my tod at home bored silly. Wanna meet up/call round?"

Something like that. And when you're with her do not mention the word "love", "relationship".........etc in any context whatsoever!!!!

Beruthiel

lpool2k05 wrote:

Sorry for the rant its just that its wrecking my head today!!

And that's because you are not totally over her yet.
Personally speaking I cannot see how you will get over her if you go through with your suggestion.
Seems to me that even though ye are finished you are prepared to take any crumb she throws at you.
I would think that if you wish to move on and get over her the sensible thing would be to cut all contact.
She is missing the comfort of a relationship, as one hasn't come along yet, you'll do till it does.
Get on with your life and let her get on with hers.

oldboy

Man I am in nearly the exact same situation as you.

Broke up with long term missus a few weeks ago, went thru the still friends then started the casual sex "**** buddy" thing.

Bad bad bad bad idea. Led to complete head wreck for both of us, it gets very confusing as its too easy to read too much into the sex and confuse the intimacy with love.

No contact - happy christmas obviously but seriously no phone calls, no txts no msn for at least 2 months. Its hard I know but you have to do it.

Then see how you feel about it.

The fact that its wrecking your head now and you havent even done anything means you still give a sh#t. Which is bad news.

Nalz

Too many people on this site. When I and the ex broke it off, there was tones of people on here "goin through the same thing". A few months later there is a thread every second day on this. Where is the love people? I off to get myself some cornflakes

lpool2k05

Yeh i do feel shes using me for when she has her bad days!!you see she hung around with most of my friends and now she cant which is deadly to be honest!!now she feels lonely!!!why do i give a crap bot this??she ended it with me!

Although ive made huge progress she still gets to me!!

Anyone believe the saying 'it takes as long as you were in the relationship,to get over one'..........man i hope that aint true!!

i gotsa find me new woman!!

there are alot of ex threads...possibly because people dont need personal issues for when there happy in love!!

tbh

Hey - You seem like you've plenty of cop on, so I'm sure you know the score here. She wants to "live the single life" - this means that she wants to sleep with other people. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I honestly think that there's nothing wrong with that - you have the same opportunity, and if the relationship is over, it's over. However - and there's always a however, isn't there? - it looks like all those cute single blokes that she always seemed to be meeting when she was in a relationship have suddenly gone away/started relationships/turned gay, and she wants the comfort and reassurance she had when she was in a couple. Again, nothing wrong with that, as long as both parties have the same information. But it doesn't change the fact that she wants to see other people. How do you feel about it? Do you want to get back with her? Because if you do, and actually even if you don't, I wouldn't go for it. I know all of your man cells are saying "it's sex on a plate, you're a fool to pass it up" but everything in this life has a price. If you want her back, the price you'll pay for the sex is the pain you'll feel when she rejects you. If you think it's a step towards getting back together again - if that's what's going to happen, it'll happen whether you sleep with her or not. If you don't want her back, all it'll do is slow down the moving on process. It's like hitting the snooze button on a cold morning - it just delays the inevitable (regular readers will have heard me use that analogy before, but I love it).

So, in summary, kick the bitch to the kerb.

na, not really, but don't get suckered into doing something you don't really want to do. Best of luck.

Kebab

Yep, been there myself before. Worked for me but the bf had other ideas - of wanting to get back together, thinking it would lead to that. I wasn't interested. Was still fond of him and it's the old familiar thing but at the end of the day we just called it quits for good. He was really upset, I less so. There's always going to be one of you that will be more into it than the other until eventually you'll just stop meeting up at all...

Mojito

I've been there as well. We broke up and decided that we would remain "good friends" . Then one day I took my ex out for a meal and she asked about getting back together. We're still great friends but we don't sleep with each other anymore.

It's better in the long run.

dvega

Jesus is there anyone out there who did get back out with an ex?!

I would avoid the sex bit,maybe meet up and talk about things and explain how you feel?

CathyMoran

dvega wrote:

Jesus is there anyone out there who did get back out with an ex?!

I would avoid the sex bit,maybe meet up and talk about things and explain how you feel?

Shane and I are living proof, we even saw other people on our time apart but will be married next week.

Personally I think that getting back with an ex is a bad idea, especially if it is just for sex as one of you is bound to get hurt...having said that Shane and I always managed to stay friends through the pain of numerous break ups and it worked for us...if you are meant to be together you will be.

lpool2k05

dvega wrote:

Jesus is there anyone out there who did get back out with an ex?!

I would avoid the sex bit,maybe meet up and talk about things and explain how you feel?

Think your right about avoiding the sex bit!!

But the thing is ive accepted its over but im just worried about her even doh i should not give a toss!!i hate the thought of her feeling lonely etc!Am i being too much of a mother teresa here??how do ya stop being friends with your best friend especially when your on speaking terms??

By the way she hasnt being intimate with any1 since but has kissed a few lads!!i know that for a fact!

CathyMoran

lpool2k05 wrote:

Think your right about avoiding the sex bit!!

But the thing is ive accepted its over but im just worried about her even doh i should not give a toss!!i hate the thought of her feeling lonely etc!Am i being too much of a mother teresa here??how do ya stop being friends with your best friend especially when your on speaking terms??

By the way she hasnt being intimate with any1 since but has kissed a few lads!!i know that for a fact!

Am probably the last person to give advice here as I am marrying someone that I broke up with but with us I could not give up the friendship, he drives me batty sometimes and I do the same to him but I love him, we were friends first and I can not imagine my life without him, we just get on. I do think that you should avoid sex with her until/unless you officially get back. Good luck to you.

dvega

Plenty of ppl get back out together some ppl just need to be on their own for awhile.

So ye use each other as a sex buddy couple of weeks later some intimate feelings grow,then one day you see her snogging another fella,or she see's you snogging another woman how would you react? And most important how would she react?

If both of ye did'nt care AT ALL then i say go for it.

Black Swan

Another FB thread? Is this for real? If so, why ask us? It would seem that you would know if you wanted to resume a conditional relationship with your ex of 4 years? Now, if this thread is on the up and up (and not a playful post), then the OP should approach such an arrangement with caution, cause the OP is on the rebound and vulnerable, and could be "used" by the ex until someone else comes along.

lpool2k05

Blue Lagoon!!
U hit the nail on the head!she txtd me yesterday and said that she didnt want me to be a FBuddy as it would be using me and im the last person she wants to use!!i feel the same!becos i know all the good work ive gone thru would be waisted as i still love her but its easier now if ya know what i mean

She told me that she is feeling the worst shes ever felt about our breakup but wreckons its just becos its xmas!!im kinda glad because although we were right to break up she still misses me loads!!i feel a bit worse becos its xmas but nothing a hell of alot of partying wont help!!

Thanx cathymoran!!ur advice was good to hear and hope u have a great wedding!!

Thanx for all the advice and merry xmas!!

Anti

I bet 20 bucks you give her one over xmas.......

walrusgumble

by all means take the chance if offered, but do not make yourself look easy, and someone who will drop everything just when she fancies a shag. you will look stupid, as she will get all cocky and loose respect for you. i am sure after keeping her happy for 4 yrs you will not have much probs looking elsewhere looking for sex. drop her

it was she who wanted to break up to see what being single is like, she hurt you. would she be coming to you asking for a sex buddy had she got some one new or was going round town or realised maybe ending the relationship was a bad thing? why let her mess with your head? four years is a long time, you are only human if she is still in your head.

she is looking for some one to love her, i am sure you would, but is she willing to love you, whats the point in being in a relationship for the sake of it just beause of the security and comfort, fu8k that, with that attitude she would mess up about again

stay friends but try and get her out of your system.......some time after xmas