Married but not in love

LegacyUser

I guess I know the answer already but I'm only doing what a lot of people do when they post here. I'm seeking some empathy, or possibly a wake up call to tell me that there are so many who would wish to have what I have but feel that they never will.

I am not in love with my wife, I love her but I am not in love. I am not sexually attracted to her. we have two children who I don't want to lose but I just don't know what to do.

At times like these when I feel so low, I think it would be easier to kill myself but I don't really want to do that. i want to be with someone I am in love with. Not just to fulfil the ideal of having a wife and a family, I can't do it any more. I'm sorry.

Black Swan

Were you ever "in love" with her, and if so, what has happened since for you to fall out of love?

Victor

What are you looking for? What is missing that was there is the past? Does one have to love and / or be sexually attracted to someone to stay in a marriage?

Can you create a spark for your partner, that might be reciprocated?

In any case I wouldn't do anything dramatic, but perhaps look towards marriage counselling.

Ruu_Old

Go back to find the reason why you got married in the first place, take out the photos and look back on things. Maybe then you can figure out the next step.

~nop~

If you decide to leave it please please make sure you're making the right decision. You don't appreciate what you've got till it's gone and all that. Talk to her, consider marraige counselling, spend time together, try to reignite things before you take that step, but in the end if you feel you can't continue that is the time to get out of it. Good luck.

jimmycrackcorm

Welcome to the world of marriage. My solution is that I have an interesting job in IT so that preoccupies me most of the time.

Victor

idontwannreg wrote:

for f's sake,

<snip>

If you are going to post, do so civilly.

Beruthiel

notinlove wrote:

I am not in love with my wife, I love her but I am not in love. I am not sexually attracted to her.

I know exactly what you are talking about.
For me, I met my ex husband waaaay too young, got married and 10 years later had changed so much as a person that I could not stay married to a man I was no longer attracted to. I tried for over two years, gave it my all but when it's not working, it's just not working.
I was miserable to the point where I thought I was going insane.
Eventually I left, best thing I ever did.
No fights, nothing. We jointly took care of our daughter and that is the most important thing.
You must talk to your wife, see how she feels. Whatever you do, make sure to come to an agreement with regards to you kids.

Before you decide to leave though, go to a councillor, perhaps you can get back what you've had? You owe it to the both of ye to give it your all one last time and then at least you know you tried.
best of luck.

Mighty_Mouse

For me usually the starting point is:
"Tough **** paddy". You had the sprogs now you gotta raise them.
Mind if I don't shed a tear for your heartbreak but the family unit becomes more important than you when considering whats best for the kids. Sin é life.

However:
As for commiting suicide. Dont be stupid.
If you're really gonna be that selfish and ruin your parents, brothers, sisters, wife and kids lives.................then just leave the woman. Better option.

In the end though, if you find it within yourself to handle your business and raise your kids properly then well and good.
ie being a positive influence on their lives, being a happy person for them to come home to, showing them what love is about etc etc etc etc

If you cant do the above in your current situation then things have to change.
ie if the relationship between your wife and yourself is not condusive to a happy home, then you gotta leave.