visitation rights

Sheila7

Hi All my name is Sheila and I am new.:)

I was hoping you good people could give me some advice?

I have been with my chap for over two years we both have one child each from other relationships.

My partner lives with me and we plan to marry when I finish college.

His x uses his son to get what she wants, I think she still has feelings for my chap.

She is always very nasty about me though I have tried to get on with her.
( I have given up now):rolleyes:

Now she is telling my partner that his little boy can't go no where with me when he is visiting. She said she will get me arrested.
Can she do this? Can she tell us what to do as I see us as a family and so does my OH please help!

His son likes coming off with me and my little girl and I like it:)

Please help Thanks Merry christmas

Nevyn

She can not get you arrested for being arround your partner's child.
It sounds like your son should push for a properly mediated agreement about
visitation that is signed like a contract.

Sheila7

Thank you for you're quick reply Thaedydal.

could you answer this question for me ? Please

When my other half has his son come and stay can his ex tell him where and what he can do or is it up to my other half to make the choices?

thank you

Nevyn

There has to be comprimise for the childsake so that his routine is not all over the place after the child goes back to his mammmy.

As for where to go, well there could be places she does not thing suitble for her son or that she wants to take the child herslef so there has to be communication and comprimise.

Shelia7 you would have to understand that maybe from her point of view the child is ment to be bonding with his dad and his dad is ment to be minding him and not having you do it.
Also she could have concerns about her son bonding with you and that if you break up with his Dad she would be left to deal with the fall out.

Some people find it hard to deal with the fact that they are not part of what is seen as a tradtional family and view new partners as a treath to the loose linked family they are a part of; esp if you are planning on gettng married and then the little boy would see you all as a proper family and then where does his mam fit into this picture.

It can be hard to see an ex move on and start a new family and wonder why it seems to be working for them and why it could not have worked out first time around.

You partner needs to do iron out some of these issues himself with the mother of his son.

I can undersand you being frustrated and think that you are wonderful planning your life together and making room for his son as part of the life and your family, while you can't let the mother of his son ruin your happiness you have to have some consideration for her.

I know when my ex has the children away for the weekend down to his parents house I like to know what he has planned to do with the children
to ease my mind so that I don't worry as much.

Sheila7

Hi
I was a single mum since my daughter was born(she is 9 now) so I do understand what she is feeling and I don't see myself as being wonderful I do aim to keep all parties happy and I only take my partners son to the shops maybe for a walk with my daughter and the dogs my partner does not always want to come.

My partner is not a single man any more he lives with me and my daughter and when his son comes to stay it is in to our family, that family includes his son as. I treat both children the same if one gets the other gets.His ex should see that now and be thank full I am not the bitch she is!!!!!!!!!!

His ex has been very nasty and is still trying her hardest to break myself and my partner up. I went to the Guards about her I was told I could take her to court but I did't as I could not upset her son.

I plan to stay with my partner till I am old and grey!!!!!!

His ex calls me and my daughter names I have put up with a lot and I still try to make peace.

Thank you for taking the time to answer I am grateful

Ba_barbaraAnne

Hi Sheila

You sound like you are doing your best for your boyfriend's child as well as your own.

I am at the opposite of this discussion - My youngest child's father has never been great at taking him or looking after him when he does bother to see him, and his girlfriend won't let the boy's father visit him here as she knows he still has feelings for me, (even though I am in a new relationship).

My problem with my son going to stay with his dad is that he doesn't like the g/f, all that is done with him is go round the shops, go to McDonald's (with the g/f while his dad is in the pub, then to the pub or left in a play-centre while his dad and the g'f are in the pub - then he is taken to their house, a row breaks out as the little lad wants to sleep wth his dad so he has some time alone with him, he gets to bed very late, and he is brought home the next day in a terrible state.

I have no problem with my ex having a relationship with someone else, but I am told that it is the g/f that is keeping him from seeing his son (I take this with the proverbial grain of salt). He has an open invitation to see his son either here, or in appropriate surroundings (not a pub) and can have him to stay overnight as long as the boy wants to go to his dad's house, but this is not taken up by his dad.

The child is sick this Christmas and desperately wants his dad to visit but he is 'not allowed'! He could go and stay with his father tonight as long as he is kept in the house and cared for - but that offer has been turned down. Stephen's day in the pub watching football with the g/f has won!

Not all new relationships are beneficial to the children involved, and it makes me very sad to think that my son's father puts his child so far down his list of priorities. Thankfully, I have taken my time and found a partner who treats my children as if they were his own.

Good luck Sheila and stick to your guns making a family for yourself, your partner and your children.

littlebitdull

I am not in your situation Sheila...but I would have though that if your DP has a shared custody agreement - or at the least an arragement to have the boy for particular times - then I would have though he had Parental Rights over the child.

And as a Parent he is surely entitled to make decisions about the child. Especially minor ones such as "shall we go to the shops now" !!

If my husband was minding my children for the weekend I would not feel I had to make the decision for him as to what they were going to do with their time.

LegacyUser

Hi Sheila

Im sorry if this is too intrusieve....but did your relationship with your new partner have anything to do with the breakup of his relationship with his sons mother??.....if it did well then thats your answer to why mum is so anti-you!

I came from a suitition where my parents sperated and divorced....my mother to this very day(20 years later) takes every opportunity to bitch about my stepmum....but she has always seen her as a threat...the woman who took away her husband and now her son. This sort of thing can leave people feeling very nasty and bitter!!

My advice to you is dont react to mums actions or abuse. There is a child involved here....someone totally innocent of any wrongdoing. If I were you I would make sure you are a haven of peace and reassurance to this child...somewhere where he can forget about the problems he is facing and will face in the future.Mum sounds like a bitter,twisted person in the making...somone who will pour scorn on you to the child given every chance!!....so make seeing you and his dad an enjoyable experiance....a time he will look back on with fondness...trust me Sheila it will be worth it in the long run!!