I ruined Christmas.

LegacyUser

I went over to my brother and his girlfriends house for Christmas morning. His nippers were up and about, excited about Christmas morning. Their 7 year old boy, a right cheecky brat, opened his presents. He was happy about his present from "Santy" but said he didn't like the present his parents got him, saying it was "crap".

I let it slip. But later on, he started sulking and pulling faces because he wasn't happy about the gift "Dad" bought him. I looked at the hurt look on my Brother's face and I nearly just lost it.

"Look" I said, "James worked very hard for that present so you better start being more respectful". He again started pulling faces and repeated my words in a sarcastic voice. I let it go.

But when he started flinging the gift "Dad" got him out the window because it was "crap" and "useless", i just totally flipped. I caught him by the collar of his pjs and shoved him into the wall.

"Look you little ****er, your DAD worked hard for those presents, he bought every single one of them, there is no Santa. You better start behaving or I'll throw you straight out that window along with that book your Father worked hard for"

Needless to say he started balling crying, as did his 5-year-old sister. I looked at my brother and just shook my head. I sat down for 15 minutes with my brother and we tried to pretend like nothing happened, while my brother's girlfriend tried to comfort the balling kids. Then I just apologised and left.

I really don't know what to think now. I know the way I dealt with it was totally wrong. But the kid was just behaving in such a nasty way, he needed to be put in his place by an adult. I just wish I could have dealt with him in a more civilised manner.

andrew

IMO the little fcuker deserved it, sounds like he was acting completelty out of order. I know people will say that he wasnt your kid and that you were out of order, but thats just how i feel, although it was bad that the 5 yr old should hear that about santa.

Gone West

well deserved IMO.
Kids these days are largely spoilt little brats, and aren't grateful of anything they get.

Pity the 5 year old had to hear it though.

Blackjack

Yeah, feck it. Sounds like the little Brat deserved it.

Kinetic^

Blackjack wrote:

Yeah, feck it. Sounds like the little Brat deserved it.

Have to agree, how can a kid be like that ffs :rolleyes:

challengemaster

FuzzyLogic wrote:

well deserved IMO.
Kids these days are largely spoilt little brats, and aren't grateful of anything they get.

Pity the 5 year old had to hear it though.

qft, he deserved it.

Virgil°

Not to say it was right.........but i would probably have done the same thing.
Theres nothing that gets under my skin more than seeing parents not dealing with their obnoxious kid's bad behaviour.
Its a shame it turned out the way it did though.:(
Just try not to let it rip u up too much. Best of luck.

Sad Professor

lol, nice one OP. I agree with everyone else, the little sh*t deserved it.

Nevyn

Children can be spoilt but an adult is ment to be in charge of themsevles and their reaction, if an adult did that do another adult it would be assualt.

Yes I think that the child should have been admonished but it was not an uncles place to raise thier voice at the child esp given the day that is in it never mind roaring , threathening and well basically assualting the child.

It could be that the child would have to see how upset they had made thier parents before they understood the impact of thier reactions.
Show a child that they have managed to hurt, upset and disapointed you can go a lot futher then loosing the head and only showing them anger and making them fear you.

Childern do have to be taught how to behave and what is not the done thing and seeing an adult throwing a tantrum was not the way to go.

OP it could take a while for this to get sorted, while it was your place to have words with your nephew you were well out of line.
I would suggest that you give the family some time and ring your brother and see what you can do to make things right.

You may have to sit down at a later day and say you are sorry to the 7 year old for you behaviour and explain what it was he did that made you upset;
that is if the parents allow it.

kittenkiller

Christ, we were all little brats come Christmas!
That was out of order and not your place to do.
It was your brother who worked hard to buy those gifts, not you.
It's not your place to disillusion 2 young kids like you did!
It's not just this Christmas ruined for 2 kids, it's probably next year too, not to mention ruining the "magic" of Christmas for your brother and his girlfriend too!

Bah Humbug Grinch!

LundiMardi

haha.... Sounds like the kid hasn't been taught to be happy with what he's got. Does he often get what he wants?

It could have been handled better, but **** it... The kid needs to learn somehow. Maybe now(even though he is young) he'll be happy with what his DAD actually got him.

Fanny Cradock

kittenkiller wrote:

ruining the "magic" of Christmas for your brother and his girlfriend too!

Yeah, I'm sure the parents just love the magic of Christmas when little Johnnie throws the gifts bought for him back in their faces.

While it was bad form doing what you did, OP, it was, to a degree, understandable. It does sound like the parents are powerless when faced with the little brats outrageous behaviour. Possibly this will, in time, turn out to be a good thing! The parents may realise that the little **** is out of control and that they have to do something about it.

In the mean time, it would be best to apologise to the parents and the kids I think.

Ruu_Old

Maybe he will appreciate the gifts in the future, thats as much as you can hope for out of this. Try to enjoy what remains of your Christmas and maybe when you relax a bit you can go over and straighten things out.

LegacyUser

My oh my, I can't believe how many agree with the OP. If this is the opinion of most, I greatly fear for the next generation if this is the type of parenting you agree with.

It sounds like the parents haven't got a clue. You should not have had to get involved, the parents should be in control and should be able to resolve the manner in a calm way and taken the child aside and had a word with him and given him a cuddle, told him he's loved and that's the main thing and for him to understand that.

Jesus holy christ people, I hope most of you never have children if you agree with what the OP did.

Advise the parents to get some directions on parenting!!

Catari Jaguar

Fcuk that PC sh1t, kid deserved it, lil brat. I see kids hit their parents in shops and throw tantrums and can't help but give them that "do that again and I'l fukn kill you" look. They think they can walk all over everyone cos they fear nothing.

Stand your ground. Tell your bro and his sis to watch Supernanny more often and learn not to raise such an ingrateful lil fecker.:D

Nevyn

Ok so the parents may need to consider parenting but that does not allow an extended family member who does not live in the house to come in to the home and act that way towards a child.


Also the op is looking for advice on how to patch things up with this borhter and his family and
comments like the kid had it coming are not helpful
and unhelpful and off topic posts will get you banned from this forum

Owen

To the OP, when most of us were kids, if we behaved like that, our parents would have spanked us. Kids these days are treated like demi-gods, and consequently, they get away with doing whatever the hell they want, and misbehaving in Public. Parents in general don't know how to effectively use the word 'NO' anymore for fear that they mentally scar little Johnny.

I think what you would have been correct if it was your own offspring, but perhaps with someone else's kids, you should have just used strong language to embarass them.

Don't be ashamed - you have some bridges to mend, but you seem like you can think things through when needed, and you'll find a way to fix this too.

CatInABox

Aye, you shouldn't have done that to be honest.

What I would have done is take all his presents away until he can "learn to appreciate what he's got".

In all fairness though, he deserved something, and unfortunately his parents weren't going to provide it, so all in all, you were right to do something, but over reacted. You also apologized and you do seem fairly cut up about it, so you have actually acquitted your self well in this case, regardless of what they say.

You have my respect for trying to impose discipline on kids who aren't getting any, but you do lose some for dealing with it in that manner.

semifinalist

Thaedydal wrote:

Also the op is looking for advice on how to patch things up with this borhter and his family and
comments like the kid had it coming are not helpful
and unhelpful and off topic posts will get you banned from this forum

The Op was looking for peoples thoughts so if posters feel that the kid had it coming then they should be entitled to say it. it's not off-topic. it's directly on-topic.

Playboy

Tbh OP you were way over the top. The reason the child is behaving badly has more to do with the parents than the child. A child doesnt spoil himself .. his parents spoil him! It is not your place to discipline your brothers kids. And I'm sorry but those kids were much too young to find out that Santa doesnt exist .. that was a really lame thing to do that is going to have an impact on them for the next few years and maybe on their friends depending on who they tell! I'd be ringing to apologize!

LegacyUser

Shocked:( wrote:

My oh my, I can't believe how many agree with the OP. If this is the opinion of most, I greatly fear for the next generation if this is the type of parenting you agree with.

It sounds like the parents haven't got a clue. You should not have had to get involved, the parents should be in control and should be able to resolve the manner in a calm way and taken the child aside and had a word with him and given him a cuddle, told him he's loved and that's the main thing and for him to understand that.

Jesus holy christ people, I hope most of you never have children if you agree with what the OP did.

Advise the parents to get some directions on parenting!!

Agreed.

Obviously the kids need some direction.. coming from the Dad and Mum. Sounds like he is a spoilt little brat and if so the parents need told.

Here OP. Grow some balls and confront your Brother over it. Put him against the wall if you have to get him to see sense. Sure if you can do it to a kid.....

Gone West

semifinalist wrote:

The Op was looking for peoples thoughts so if posters feel that the kid had it coming then they should be entitled to say it. it's not off-topic. it's directly on-topic.

Yes indeedy.
There is no clear cut course of action here.
Simply disagreeing with one persons suggestion, and suggesting that the OP was dead right is not off topic. Nor is it unhelpful. It is a re-assurance to the original poster that he is not a bad person. And although he went about things wrongly(quite a lot), his intent was good. He was shocked that kids could be raised to be spoilt like that, and he acted out his emotions.

Obviously the core cause of this problem was poor parenting. If the parents had made little Johnny respect everything he got, the kid would definetly have not thrown his present out the window.

Simply because a moderator or long time poster suggests a solution, does not necessarily make it the right course of action to take.

Oh and Merry Christmas folks

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the inputs, opinions and advice. I haven't rang my bro yet, but I suspect he'll just tell me to forget about it, that's just the way he is.

As for apologizing to the kid, I'm not sure I want to. I'm still angry thinking about him flinging the book out the front window because it was "crap". I'd seriously have to swallow my pride to tell him that I was in the wrong, and I'd feel like a hypocrite too, because I believe the same as the majority here do, the kid had it coming to him.

What I really feel bad about it causing bad vibes around my Bros home at Christmas. And his poor little daughter didn't have to hear that there was no Santa or see her brother being man handled (although he does bully her horiffically). Thanks again for all input.

Owen

FuzzyLogic wrote:

Yes indeedy. There is no clear cut course of action here.
Simply disagreeing with one persons suggestion, and suggesting that the OP was dead right is not off topic. Nor is it unhelpful.

Wow. Can we have FuzzyLogic for Mod of the Year?

ferdi

well your brother and his gf are obviously crap parents if their child acts like this so the kid is already going to be screwed up, to hell with it

walrusgumble

would not worry about it, so long as you patch things up with the brother and girlfriend it be ok. doubt anyone could re convince the 5 yr old that there is a santa.

to be honest i am really surprised that children from 7 up still believe in him, considering they are well able to master swear words and certain areas bout sex, and of course the commericalism of christmas know, i know not everyone would have the train of thought to question how santa could get all over the world...... (i wass 7 when i stopped believing, kinda f8cks things up in one way but parents were always brilliant for pressies even with stuff i never asked for, one thing thou i apperiated them more after learning the truth, espeially how they scrimped and saved.

you prob know yourself and wished you handled the situation, but its done now not much you can do but to try and not feel too sorry bout yourself and enjoy the rest of x mas

Catari Jaguar

Scrooge. wrote:

I haven't rang my bro yet, but I suspect he'll just tell me to forget about it, that's just the way he is.

her brother being man handled (although he does bully her horiffically).

Two things as to why I can see where the child's behaviour stems from...

1. If that's the type of temperament your brother has he sounds like a push over. The child can see that, and walks all over him w/o being chastised.

2. Bullying the sister - Does the little boy get enough attention? Do both parents work? You mentioned your brother had to work very hard to get the present... BIG problem.

I think your brother needs to address these issues.


Don't worry about Santa thing, the lil one will just pretend it didn't happen. Kids are great at that whole repression/ imagination thing when they want to believe something.

BuffyBot

OP, yes, you went a bit OTT. While the child was acting out of line, it's not your place to say it. However, things happen and while you should have controlled your temper, the situation spiraled.

Phone your brother and speak to him and her, apologise and make that peace. To be honest, the child will probably not even realise that it's such a big deal a couple of days down the line, but you should try and sit down and explain why you were annoyed, and why it's bad to react like you did and apologise to him, and hopefully him to you.

Pigman II

You made all that up OP but fair play to your imaginary self irregardless. I would have liked to do the same in that situation.

Fanny Cradock

Playboy wrote:

And I'm sorry but those kids were much too young to find out that Santa doesnt exist .. that was a really lame thing to do that is going to have an impact on them for the next few years and maybe on their friends depending on who they tell!

Please, belief in Santa isn't a prerequisite for a healthy and happy childhood. My cousins were told that there was no Santa from the age their parents felt they could keep their word and not tell others about it. They kept the secret to themselves and all grew up well adjusted individuals.

I'd say the kid's horrible attitude (obviously enforced by the parents) is the source of any unhappiness, not the sudden realisation that there is no Santa. There is no shame in it, but it does sound like your brother and sis in law need some sort of parenting course.

JC 2K3

Lil Kitten wrote:

Don't worry about Santa thing, the lil one will just pretend it didn't happen. Kids are great at that whole repression/ imagination thing when they want to believe something.

Agreed.

Every kid finds out there's no Santa when they're about 7/8(for me I was 5 ), but it's not like the parents can't still say there's a Santa and 90% of the time the kid will go along with it anyway.

So no, you've ruined no "magic" for years to come and I think the whole issue will blow over. Being lashed out at once isn't going to scar a child for life(he knows full well why you acted in such a way).

So basically, there's no long term damage caused. Call your brother in a while and apologise, because you did go a little overboard and it wasn't really your place to discipline his child.

josephine20

Yeah the brat deserved it and you didn't ruin Christmas. Maybe if the parents controlled their children properly and brought them up to be respectful, they wouldn't have had the problem. When you think about it, had we said that when we were younger you would have been given out to and sent to your room if you acted like that. Children these days are just brats and you're expected to put up with it and think it's cute.

Miss Fluff

Scrooge. wrote:

I caught him by the collar of his pjs and shoved him into the wall..

`
The kids will get over the Santy thing ok, as someone said, tots will believe in what they choose to so I wouldn't worry about that.

As for ruining your brother's Christmas and his family's Christmas and acting like a complete twat (with NO self-control btw) I'm not sure what advice you are looking for tbh. Not sure if shoving a child into a wall is my idea of festive goodwill love.

Playboy

Fanny Cradock wrote:

Please, belief in Santa isn't a prerequisite for a healthy and happy childhood. My cousins were told that there was no Santa from the age their parents felt they could keep their word and not tell others about it. They kept the secret to themselves and all grew up well adjusted individuals.

I'd say the kid's horrible attitude (obviously enforced by the parents) is the source of any unhappiness, not the sudden realisation that there is no Santa. There is no shame in it, but it does sound like your brother and sis in law need some sort of parenting course.

It might not be a prerequisite but 9 out of 10 people will tell you that some of their fondest memories of childhood are of christmas and santa claus. It was not this persons place to take that magic away from 2 kids so young. If I was the parent I would be more than pissed off just over that part of the incident. And come on .. kids of 5 and 7 arent too good at keeping secrets especially when it comes to something like Santa Claus.

mr_angry

Miss Fluff wrote:

`
The kids will get over the Santy thing ok, as someone said, tots will believe in what they choose to so I wouldn't worry about that.

As for ruining your brother's Christmas and his family's Christmas and acting like a complete twat (with NO self-control btw) I'm not sure what advice you are looking for tbh. Not sure if shoving a child into a wall is my idea of festive goodwill love.

Sounds like Christmas was going pretty badly before the OP lost it. Therefore, I wouldn't say he 'ruined' it. In some ways, he probably said what needed to be said. As for the "assault" (as some people are calling it)... sounds to me like a bit of trauma would do that child a lot of good.

nobodythere

It'll pass, it's only such a massive deal now, I suggest you apologise when you calm down.

JC 2K3

Playboy wrote:

It might not be a prerequisite but 9 out of 10 people will tell you that some of their fondest memories of childhood are of christmas and santa claus. It was not this persons place to take that magic away from 2 kids so young. If I was the parent I would be more than pissed off just over that part of the incident. And come on .. kids of 5 and 7 arent too good at keeping secrets especially when it comes to something like Santa Claus.

Kids know Santa isn't real years before they accept it/act like they don't believe in him.

I dunno about generations before me, but I'm 17 and the excitement in my childhood was generated purely based on anticipation for the presents Santa was bringing rather than the fact it was a magical guy called Santa was coming.

ninebeanrows

The 5 year old surely can be made believe santa is real anyway...

So i wouldnt worry..

As for the little brat, i think it was out of line what you did. The kid is 7 for god sake he was just acting like a maggot u shudda punished him in some other way...

Botswana

OMG, OP you are totally in the wrong here.

If I saw you doing that to my kids, I would kill you. You'd be banned from my house.

Mind your own ****ing business and learn to control your emotions.

ferdi

Botswana wrote:

OMG, OP you are totally in the wrong here.

If I saw you doing that to my kids, I would kill you. You'd be banned from my house.

Mind your own ****ing business and learn to control your emotions.

LOL, i guess your one of these parents who let their kids run riot and attack anyone who trys to control them due to your inability to parent.

if my kid was acting like that, i would have done what the OP did myself.

Cmar-Ireland

Well done OP. Bravo! There are far to many little c**ts running around thinking they can get away with anything. The kid deserved what he got, and don't you dare apologise to him. That would only make him think he was right. A bit more strong behaviour might make the kid cop the f*** on!!!
Apologise to the bro and g/f by all means, but tell them you'd do the same again.

Botswana

ferdi wrote:

LOL, i guess your one of these parents who let their kids run riot and attack anyone who trys to control them due to your inability to parent.

How did you come to that conclusion from my post?

1. A family member tells my 7 year old there is no such thing as Santa.
2. Calls my 7 year old a ****er.
3. Aggressively shoves my 7 year old into the wall.
4. Can't mind her own ****ing business.

Of course the kid was being a little ****, but that's an entirely seperate issue. No one is allowed attack my kids, verbally or physically.

I hate when people butt into other peoples business.

The OP needs to -

1. Learn how to mind her own business.
2. Learn how to control her emotions.

InFront

Well done OP. Bravo! There are far to many little c**ts running around thinking they can get away with anything. The kid deserved what he got, and don't you dare apologise to him. That would only make him think he was right. A bit more strong behaviour might make the kid cop the f*** on!!!
Apologise to the bro and g/f by all means, but tell them you'd do the same again.

Then what would be the point of apologizing?

I think the op was wrong, the child is seven (most of us were brats at that age) and it isn't an uncle's place to do that to a child. If the parents cant discipline him, tough, you can't just take it upon yourself. It is Christmas, and you acted quite childish by telling the kids there's no Santa Claus if thats what the parents want them to belive. They are the child's (that's what he is, a child) parents, it's their job, their home and their kids.

Nevyn

Children do NOT dervse to be abused esp in thier own home by family memebers.
Children have to be taught what is and is not acceptible behaviour and you
do not do that by showing them more unacceptible behaviour.

Heinrich

The proper course for the OP to have taken was to get his ass out of the bedlam household. In that way he would not have to justify his questionable action. Questionable because the brat was out of order and the parents were too lax in their attitude and he took the matter in hand.

In a way that is probably the only discipline the brats would encounter and the PC brigade will not agree with his actions.

I don't think the brat was in any way traumatised, indeed he seems to have full encouragement from parents who fail in their obligations. Get the hell away from that sad household, it's not worth the effort...

philologos

in regard to the presents, and the sulking etc... I think a lot of it is down to the child in particular being spoiled, and secondly outside influences, such as commercialism and the secularisation of Christmas itself. I don't know what the solution for what this would be as FuzzyLogic said its hardly clear cut and well defined what to do. I'm still a teenager and as such I haven't parented at all, but I think parents should remind their children of the importance of Christmas as a holiday and the story behind it maybe... On the behaviour front, I'd say that there should be clearcut rules in the household, they are obviously behaving like that for a reason.. As I've said though I don't really know, just an opinion really.

Nevyn

Children are not prefect they have to be taught to walk and talk and how to behave and it can be trying but you don't throw wobbilies at them and slam them into walls, esp when they are not your children there are other ways.

Botswana

I'm totally with Thaedydal on this one.

I seriously hope the people who are high fiving the OP have no kids. If you seriously would be happy to have someone verbally and physically abuse your kids, you are a disgrace.

Kids should never be slammed into walls, and telling kids Santa doesn't exist is just sick.

Heinrich

Thaedydal wrote:

Children do NOT dervse to be abused esp in thier own home by family memebers.
Children have to be taught what is and is not acceptible behaviour and you
do not do that by showing them more unacceptible behaviour.

...and the parents seem to be failing badly by condoning the errant ways of their offspring. Someone will eventually put the brats right and hopefully it will not be some stranger who will do this by beating the crap out of them when they grow older and manifest their their foul attitude on non family persons! :mad:

philologos

Botswana wrote:

I'm totally with Thaedydal on this one.

I seriously hope the people who are high fiving the OP have no kids. If you seriously would be happy to have someone verbally and physically abuse your kids, you are a disgrace.

Kids should never be slammed into walls, and telling kids Santa doesn't exist is just sick.

I think the OP had the right principle in mind just went about it in the wrong way. If he had sat down and explained it differently and more calmly it would have gone better. Children tend to act like their elders, so throwing a wobbler will merely encourage them to do the same, whereas if you are calm it will encourage them to be calm also.

In relation to Santa, I fail to see how it is sick... It is merely tradition. I'd be of the mind that it would be better to teach children that it was an occasion where people share with eachother and come together as families and friends etc, rather than the whole Santa theory. But hey that's me.

kittenkiller

The "magic" of Christmas isn't just for kids, the whole atmosphere in a house changes when there's someone who believes in Santa living there.
If the kid is spoiled so be it, as another poster said, kids don't spoil themselves.
If you don't agree with someone's parenting technique you don't ram the child up against a wall and scream abuse at them!!

The OP could've just said that Santa was watching and mightn't be as generous next year or something.

I don't know how letting a kid see their parents stand aside while some other relative comes into their home and threatens them in such an agressive manner can teach the child how to behave!
I just don't see any logic in that.

The OP should stick to adult only celebrations from now until he can control himself fully!

There's no point in apologising to your brother, his girlfriend or their kids, you obviously wouldn't mean it and that'd just be hypocritical and might lead to them thinking you're a nicer and more responsible person than you are.