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Going to a childs funeral - do I bring my baby

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  • 02-01-2007 1:18pm
    #1
    ArthurDent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 915 ✭✭✭


    Ok here's my dilemma - an ex-colleague's son has died and I want to attend funeral - but I have a 12 week old exclusively breastfed baby that I couldn't leave for the 4 or so hours it will take to get there, go to church and go home. DH will stay at home to mind other 2 kids so, can't get him to come along and keep baby in car for funeral mass.
    Would bringing a small baby to funeral make it even worse for the parents or would my not going be better - opinions anyone.

    thanks
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    #2
    FranknFurter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,215 ✭✭✭FranknFurter


    I wouldnt go but would send a condolence card just to show you care.
    People would Im sure understand that with a new baby yourself it may not be possible.

    B


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    #3
    jimogr
    Registered Users Posts: 622 ✭✭✭jimogr


    I don’t think it would be appropriate.


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    #4
    Kildrought
    Registered Users Posts: 381 ✭✭Kildrought


    Some other options:

    a) leave a bottle of expressed breast milk for baby
    or
    b) have your partner attend on your behalf, he can introduce himself to the principal mourner explain that you were unable to attend due to small baby and express your sympathies
    or
    c) bring another person (sister, mother?) who can stay in car w. baby so you can nurse just before /after church bit.


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    #5
    ArthurDent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 915 ✭✭✭ArthurDent


    Thanks all

    I'm not comfortable with bringing baby into church - I think would be very difficult for ex-colleague/wife.
    Baby won't take bottle - so leaving her with bottle of expressed milk not an option.
    So will either try and find someone else to sit in car with baby or send a condolence card

    Thanks

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    #6
    TempestSabre
    Registered Users Posts: 4,142 ✭✭✭TempestSabre


    I think people like to see friends and family at a funeral, so I would try and go if at all possible. Even if its not to stay the whole time but just to pop in say hello. Any parent will understand perfectly that its hard to juggle the kids and babies at any time. Perhaps theres another ex colleague who could mind the baby in the car for a few minutes while you do that. People appreciate you take the time and effort to see them. I wouldn't bring the baby into church or near the parents. Its just too raw. Small babies are the hardest to see at that time.


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    #7
    Gaspode
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Regional East Moderators, Regional Midlands Moderators, Regional Midwest Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators, Regional North Mods, Regional West Moderators, Regional South East Moderators, Regional North East Moderators, Regional North West Moderators, Regional South Moderators Posts: 8,032 CMod ✭✭✭✭Gaspode


    I would go and bring the baby..after all you cant leave a BF child for four hours.

    Neighbours of ours lost a child at 11 months and there were other children at the mass..

    I think it would be ok.

    Stay near the back of the church and get someone to hold babs while you pay your respects...But I would think going would be better than not.


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    #8
    TempestSabre
    Registered Users Posts: 4,142 ✭✭✭TempestSabre


    Might depend if theres other chidren in the family that will be there.


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    #9
    ArthurDent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 915 ✭✭✭ArthurDent


    In the end I didn't go, my Dh had to work and I wouldn't bring my other kids - one almost exactly the same age as the child who died, I just felt it was too much for their family - also didn't want to upset my older two children by having them at a child's funeral. Thanks for all the advice


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