A little advice needed...

LegacyUser

Hi all, ok basically i met this girl last week in my local (oddly enough as she lives locally and i have never seen her before around the place even though we live out in the sticks.).So anyway i was invited back to a house party with her...etc. etc. we got on very well and i felt we had some sort of connection albeit i didnt know her very long but i mentioned i would like to get to know her better.She to me seemed like she was genuinely listening and interested.So happy days! We kissed anyway and i asked her for her number, weve just started textin however since i dont know her,how do i go about gettin to know her? I was possibley thinking of asking (.i.e textin)her down to the local pub again but my head is telling me its too soon and also it is somehow a bit lazy or cowardly to text someone to ask them out.. Id just like a 2nd, 3rd or 50th opinion on how to go about get to know her better without comin across as desperate or as a pyscho in her eyes,e.g overtextin or whatever. Id just like to initiate somethin but i dont know how to rightly, and i do get every person is different.i.e textin maybe someones bread and butter...its not for me though.... but is there any compromise?????I hope this makes sense. Im a pretty confident guy,e.g. as in id have no hesitation in ringin her up for a date but i dont want to scare her off,but at the same im not afraid to put myself out there...(cue the jokes)Im not afraid of rejection either its just i feel that there is something about this girl and i dont want to **** it up.....

P.S i just feel textin is a bit childish or for a better word impersonal, but i do understand that it is nearly the main way of communicatin these days, especially in these 'courtin days'.Any comments or advice is appreciated, thank you!

Victor

Phone her, ask her how she is, make some small talk and tell her that you are heading to the pub* tomorrow night, would she like to come along. If you feel chicken, say that you are heading to the pub with some friends and would she like to come along.


* Assuming the pub has a reasonable reputation and isn't a dive, in which case pick somewhere a little bit classier.

LegacyUser

'Thanks a mil for the reply Victor!!!'

LegacyUser

'Thanks for the reply Victor! Am gonna try it later..ill update ya'

LegacyUser

Hmm i tried ringing twice, both times no answer.. Tho i did ring with my number turned off.... Any suggestions on what to do next?

free2fly

that's what I was going to suggest as well. Phone her. Ask her to the pub. Good luck and let us know what she says ok?

Iluvjazzmasters

Hooraay finally foound my password!!!!... Anyway heres an update, i rang 3 times in the last 2 hours and she didnt answer, i did turn my number off before i rang though.. Im thinking of tryin again tomorrow nite i.e ask to the pub for saturday night...any suggestions what i should do next?

0utshined

Why did you turn your number off? A lot of people don't bother answering withhled numbers - she could be one of them. All she knows now is she's got missed calls from someone but doesn't know it's you.

Give her a call tomorrow for sure but let your number show. If she misses your call at least she'll know you called and can get back to you.

Best of luck.

Iluvjazzmasters

The reason why i turned off my number was cos if she saw my name come up, maybe she would be thinking what the hell is this lad ringing me for,he doesnt know me etc..(insert mentalist here) or whatever,haha but yeah now i know she wouldnt answer it on private number.Thanks for the tip tho, ill try again tomorrow with my number on this time.


Fingers crossed

0utshined

Ah I know what you mean, self-doubt is terrible but from your post you've got nothing to worry about.

1) You kissed her She reciprocated
2) You asked for her number She gave it
3) You started texting her She texted back

Now if she didn't like you in some way she could have set you straight at any of those three stages or at any other time. It could be that when you call she doesn't want to meet up but believe me you will regret it if you don't man up and call her. Don't build it up into a big thing though, you're going out regardless and you'd like her to be there. Oh yeah, have a definite venue and time in mind before you call.

Rooting for you man, hope it goes well.

Iluvjazzmasters

Cheers dude, i know the self doubt is horrible, i mean this girl believe it or not came on to me, but i have a horrible feeling that it was just drunk talk off her when we were talking at the house party..its just thats the exact same circumstances happened not too long ago with a different girl (tho i didnt click as much with her, but i still wanted to get to know as a friend at least). The mistake i made then was texting her askin her to meet somwhere and i got the usual ur a nice guy etc... where are all the decent/up for a laugh gone girls gone to??? Oh well....you live and you learn!! Ill let ya know what happens 2moro..thanks again for the advice

Rb

Well, since your number was off don't bother mentioning that it was you trying to ring her. Tomorrow stick your number on and give her a shout, if she misses the call then she'll more than likely return the call when she has a chance, or at the very least text you. Thats on the provision that she has manners anyway, some girls though... but keep optimistic about it anyway! If it rings through tomorrow night, don't bother sending a text saying "Oh I tried to ring you" or whatever, she'll know and depending on her she'll either get back to you or not.

Anyway, best of luck with it.

Kell

Iluvjazzmasters wrote:

i know the self doubt is horrible, i mean this girl believe it or not came on to me, but i have a horrible feeling that it was just drunk talk off her when we were talking at the house party..

Jeebus. You really must have nothing else on your mind that 1, yes 1 night with a randomer would cause you this much thought and consternation.

OT question- if so many people dont ask people out, how do we have such an "apparantly" promiscuous society?

OP- call the girl. Dont withold your number and arrange to meet her in the local this weekend. Honestly, it really is that easy. If you dont get to speak to her, LEAVE A MESSAGE. If she doesnt call you back SHE ISNT INTERESTED. At least you know one way or the other and you wont be plagued by this "self doubt" of which you speak.

K- have a nice day

Princess78

I don't answer withheld numbers so definately turn your number on.

I gotta say I like texts cause it's easier to think about what to say rather than being put on the spot by a phone call. If she doesn't answer your call I would either leave a voice message or a text saying just tried to call, do you fancy going to the pub etc etc. Getting missed calls with no messages is one of the things that drive me nuts. If someone doesn't leave a message I assume they're going to try and ring me again.

Oh and one other thing - don't say you're going to the pub with friends and does she fancy coming. a. this sets it up as a friends only situation b. I wouldn't like to go out with a group of lads I don't know.

But this is all just my opinion!

Iluvjazzmasters

Ok heres an update. Rang her earlier anyway and she answered, asked her would she like to go to the pub tommorow, however she did hesitate (obviously)but replied she was already goin out to her sisters house and possibley out to a nightclub.. Ok now i thought here yeah-yeah your not interested( see you, good-luck) untill she asked me do i ever go out to this niteclub..Hmm?? What does that mean? Anyway another bit of a weird thing was that she kept talking to me on the phone for about 10 minutes, it seemed to have a very natural flow of converstation if you get me..I thought id mention that i hate texting with a passion and she said the same thing about textin...Anyway the conversation was left with her saying she'd call or text me tommorow to let me know what she'd be at??(i.e if she goin out is what i get from it) Hmm i dunno im just a bit sceptical...Ok what the hell do i do now or should i just cut my losses and leave it??

If it makes any difference im 22 and shes 23.

Rb

See what happens tomorrow. If she calls and says shes heading out, personally I wouldn't turn up at the place shes going to without her specifically inviting me. You could always try heading somewhere different and saying something like "Well I'm heading to x with my friends, you're welcome to join us if you're interested" and see what happens.

Iluvjazzmasters

i dont know if this makes a difference but i forgot to add that before she replied that she was heading to her sisters and out etc. she asked whereabouts am i goin for a few drinks?

Rb

Iluvjazzmasters wrote:

i dont know if this makes a difference but i forgot to add that before she replied that she was heading to her sisters and out etc. she asked whereabouts am i goin for a few drinks?

Then arrange to head out with a friend/some of your friends and tell her where she can find you.

dame

It could just be that she doesn't want to walk into the pub on her own to meet you and your friend, especially if her sister and friends have already decided to go elsewhere. She might be afraid you wouldn't be there or that she'd come across as a bit desperate if she turned up alone. Kinda the same reasons you probably don't want to go out to meet her and her sister at the night-club.

ArphaRima

Organise everything using texts at first. She has time to think about it that way. Go meet with her in the nightclub. Though it isnt ideal, especially with you being as nervous as you are, and her likely to have had a few drinks in. Dont arrive smashed.
After that she sounds about as nervous as you do. Dont confuse nervousness with hesitation or doubtfullness. You'll be fine. Just calm down.

Iluvjazzmasters

Thanks for all the replies!!! really appreciated.. So i guess i have to play the waiting game and wait for her to text or call if she does....At any point in the night should i text her asking if shes going out or just leave it?? jaysus i know im analysing everything, sorry!

GusherING

Iluvjazzmasters wrote:

Thanks for all the replies!!! really appreciated.. So i guess i have to play the waiting game and wait for her to text or call if she does....At any point in the night should i text her asking if shes going out or just leave it?? jaysus i know im analysing everything, sorry!

Play it cool ice cold!

Shauna_K

ok, im intrigued.....any updates???

Cant believe a guy exists that puts this much thought into meeting girls, I'm not complaining, just think i must live in seperate universe cause i aint ever met one............. I hope it works out!!!

Kazooie

This is brilliant. It's like a cyber soap. I need to know what happened.:D

Shauna_K

Kazooie wrote:

This is brilliant. It's like a cyber soap. I need to know what happened.:D

Thats what i was thinking!!!!

Iluvjazzmasters

Haha cyber soap!!!!Brilliant!!!! Well this latest installment will probably be the last. What happend was really weird. Right i sent a text early last night saying was she headin out and then all of a sudden i get a call off an unknown number, turns out it was her askin am i goin out? I said yeah i was goin out but to a different niteclub (think i made a mistake there)with my mates but still in the same town..THEN SHE COMES UP with the idea of meeting up after both niteclubs are over, hmm ok i thought but SHE also told me to ring her AFTER as she has no credit and we'll meet up etc..Hmm so anyway had a good nite any way and rang her but then she tells me she is in a taxi on the way home with no explanation????WTF??? You women are mental!!!I dont get that? After all it was her idea to meet up and heres me waiting round like a gob****e!!!I understand if some unforeseen circumstance unfolded but could she not have at least apologised or given me an explanation??I dunno,but what strikes me weird was that as i was walking to the taxi rank to go home i met her best friend,(who was pissed)..Phew this is a long rant..Apparently she left without her too.Hmmm. SO the best friend rang her (she was supposed to be staying at her house)and she replied that she was at home, and (yes the mate did ask was she alone)...She was.. Blah blah got a taxi home with the mate any way but the mate kept telling me how much this girl likes me and i should ask her out etc, she really does like you etc. What the hell???? Im really confused...Make sense of that if you will?

Should i leave it now with some sort of dignity left or give it 1 more shot?
Cue Eastenders theme song.............

hunnymonster

<dons scriptwriters hat>

She likes you (always believe the best mate, good or bad). She probably had a few drinks in the club and pushed the post-club date the the back of her ming and automatically headed home. I'd call her pretned to be all upset about being stood up and arrange another date.

killbillvol2

I reckon she was just pissed and decided to leg it;
a) in case you'd think badly of her or
b) in case she got carried away by your charms!

Either way, relax and arrange to meet her next weekend, ideally not after you've both had a skinful. She's obviously just as nervous as you about this so take the initiative and don't be such a wuss. What've you got to lose?

ArphaRima

You are both about as nervous as people get. Get some balls and invite her out. Either that or wait until next weekend and run the risk that she meets someone else. You rock for each other. Just because you are equally as scared of each other!!!

Kell

Iluvjazzmasters wrote:

Cue Eastenders theme song.............

D'ya remember the cat from the intro to Corrie that used to curl up on the wall? Use it to scratch your eyes out.

Jeebus. Q- Do you like the girl?

A) Yes- ASK HER OUT AGAIN
No- quit worrying

And ignore fluffer who reckons plans should be made by text. Text is too impersonal and a call is always more appreciated.

K-

Caliden

She could have left the nightclub early in the hope you would too so you could meet up or whatever and got tired hanging around her drunken friend.
If her best friends tells you she likes you, then she really does.

Try calling her later this week and arrange something for Saturday night or whatever. Don't leave it till the last minute.

I would try and stop being so paranoid about it and just relax or you could very well end up scaring her off.

CodeMonkey

Iluvjazzmasters wrote:

Haha cyber soap!!!!Brilliant!!!! Well this latest installment will probably be the last. What happend was really weird. Right i sent a text early last night saying was she headin out and then all of a sudden i get a call off an unknown number, turns out it was her askin am i goin out? I said yeah i was goin out but to a different niteclub (think i made a mistake there)with my mates but still in the same town..THEN SHE COMES UP with the idea of meeting up after both niteclubs are over, hmm ok i thought but SHE also told me to ring her AFTER as she has no credit and we'll meet up etc..Hmm so anyway had a good nite any way and rang her but then she tells me she is in a taxi on the way home with no explanation????WTF??? You women are mental!!!I dont get that? After all it was her idea to meet up and heres me waiting round like a gob****e!!!I understand if some unforeseen circumstance unfolded but could she not have at least apologised or given me an explanation??I dunno,but what strikes me weird was that as i was walking to the taxi rank to go home i met her best friend,(who was pissed)..Phew this is a long rant..Apparently she left without her too.Hmmm. SO the best friend rang her (she was supposed to be staying at her house)and she replied that she was at home, and (yes the mate did ask was she alone)...She was.. Blah blah got a taxi home with the mate any way but the mate kept telling me how much this girl likes me and i should ask her out etc, she really does like you etc. What the hell???? Im really confused...Make sense of that if you will?

Should i leave it now with some sort of dignity left or give it 1 more shot?
Cue Eastenders theme song.............

FFS, sounds like she really liked you even without this conversation with the best mate. She was telling you where she was at that night to give you a chance to find her. What the hell do you want? Her to make the first move? Take a goddamn chance and stop over analysing the poor girl's actions already. This makes me so mad *shakes fist*

Rb

Ask her out already.

5times

Iluvjazzmasters wrote:

Haha cyber soap!!!!Brilliant!!!! Well this latest installment will probably be the last. What happend was really weird. Right i sent a text early last night saying was she headin out and then all of a sudden i get a call off an unknown number, turns out it was her askin am i goin out? I said yeah i was goin out but to a different niteclub (think i made a mistake there)with my mates but still in the same town..THEN SHE COMES UP with the idea of meeting up after both niteclubs are over, hmm ok i thought but SHE also told me to ring her AFTER as she has no credit and we'll meet up etc..Hmm so anyway had a good nite any way and rang her but then she tells me she is in a taxi on the way home with no explanation????WTF??? You women are mental!!!I dont get that? After all it was her idea to meet up and heres me waiting round like a gob****e!!!I understand if some unforeseen circumstance unfolded but could she not have at least apologised or given me an explanation??I dunno,but what strikes me weird was that as i was walking to the taxi rank to go home i met her best friend,(who was pissed)..Phew this is a long rant..Apparently she left without her too.Hmmm. SO the best friend rang her (she was supposed to be staying at her house)and she replied that she was at home, and (yes the mate did ask was she alone)...She was.. Blah blah got a taxi home with the mate any way but the mate kept telling me how much this girl likes me and i should ask her out etc, she really does like you etc. What the hell???? Im really confused...Make sense of that if you will?

Should i leave it now with some sort of dignity left or give it 1 more shot?
Cue Eastenders theme song.............

For the love of God - what is wrong with you man ? The girl obviously likes you , obviously would like you to ask her out , obviously wants to be with you . You should immediately ring her . Ask her out for a bite to eat - forget the pub - too much chance of meeting someone ye both know and losing time getting to know her . Be yourself , that's obviously what she likes (unless you were putting on an act the other times , then revert to that) . And whatever you do - keep us updated . This is great stuff .

Iluvjazzmasters

F**k me, alright...................................alright im on it!! Jeebus! I must be totally blind towards women :rolleyes:

killbillvol2

5times wrote:

And whatever you do - keep us updated . This is great stuff .

Hear hear!

sweet-rasmus

lookin forward to hearing how it goes! i'm rooting for you

5times

Bloody hell - any updates ? This is killing me .

Iluvjazzmasters

Ok heres the update.. rang her last last night, no answer however she did ring me back late last night, (i suppose thats a good sign) asked aher her out anyway,at first she said she was already going out cos it was the best friends birthday( yes the mate that was telling me she liked me).

So any way she said she wasnt busy the WHOLE :rolleyes: weekend and said she's available to meet up sunday night!! fingers crossed!! Il'l let ye know how i get on.

Boarders yeah your right, i do analyse things way too much but i think its to do with me being an impatient b*stard and not knowing where i stand,that goes for any situation though....however lesson learned.

killbillvol2

Good luck tomorrow night. Relax and enjoy yourself.

greine

One of the best reads in a long time, and yea, I'm hanging here too, roll on tomorrow and best of luck, Hope she doesn't hit you over the head with a statue...oh, wrong soap, good luck!!!:D

the_ronan_only

What is it with irish people and dating? We're all starting to speak like californians we just haven't got the hang of asking (random) people out.

American guys will go up to an attractive girl in any situation (not just down the local) and ask for their number (after a brief chat-up). If the girl finds the guy attractive she will comply and be prepared for him to ring her over the next couple of days fto meet up and chat over a coffee, dinner or a drink.

Irish guys will get hammered with their mates, manage to break off from them in a nightclub and rub up against every girl on the dancefloor until one of them isn't repulsed at which point he will smack the gob on her, fondle her on a nearby couch, get her number and text her over the next week to try and arrange for them both to be in a nightclub at the same time next friday.

Do many of you go on dates?

I went on one date last year with a non-irish girl.
It's not like I dont go out or I'm repulsive - I just dont get the opportunities.
I tried unsuccessfully for a month to ask a girl out but she only wanted to meet me when her friends were with her.

Is it just me (i'm 22 btw) or do other people find it hard to meet women?

PS Iluvjazzmasters - why dont you ask her out for lunch or dinner instead of meeting her in a nightclub?

dame

the_ronan_only wrote:

Irish guys will get hammered with their mates, manage to break off from them in a nightclub and rub up against every girl on the dancefloor until one of them isn't repulsed at which point he will smack the gob on her, fondle her on a nearby couch, get her number and text her over the next week to try and arrange for them both to be in a nightclub at the same time next friday.

That is so true! I think it changes as people get older though. They start to realise that's not exactly a good way to meet a soulmate.

OP, good luck!

MissThing

Make a day date, bowling, visiting a museum, art gallery, rollarblading, light lunch and stoll afterwards (of course I don't mean to do all of these things in one day). Be the "different" guy, the one she remembers and longs for. Don't get jarred up together like everyone else with zero imagination.


In the words of Shakesphere......."Faint heart never won fair lady"

Iluvjazzmasters

Hey ye'all just thought i d update you on last nights date... It was great we went for a few drinks, the converstion was mega, we had a lot in common, (good for groundwork),but also different interests,and also got on like a house on fire................................ weve arranged to meet up next weekend, HOORAY!! Just goes to show if you get a kick up the ass by all you beautiful boarders here sometimes things work out the way you want them to!

Cheers for everyones advice!

5times

Iluvjazzmasters wrote:

Hey ye'all just thought i d update you on last nights date... It was great we went for a few drinks, the converstion was mega, we had a lot in common, (good for groundwork),but also different interests,and also got on like a house on fire................................ weve arranged to meet up next weekend, HOORAY!! Just goes to show if you get a kick up the ass by all you beautiful boarders here sometimes things work out the way you want them to!

Cheers for everyones advice!

Well done - I love it when a plan comes together . Now , when you need to ask her to marry you , you know where to come for advice . Good luck with it all . In a selfish way I'm a bit down that it's now come good - I looked forward to your updates . Ah well , best of luck to you , I hope you make each other very happy .

Faith

Ugh, I've just read this thread for the first time.

You know what was the real problem, OP? Why she might not have liked you? Because you have no self-confidence, and clearly don't attempt to hide that fact. There's no greater turn off than an insecure man (or woman). Nobody wants to keep having to reassure their partner that they do in fact like them.

I'm glad your date went well, but seriously man, grow some balls, or she'll get sick of you pretty quickly.

dame

Iluvjazzmasters wrote:

Hey ye'all just thought i d update you on last nights date... It was great we went for a few drinks, the converstion was mega, we had a lot in common, (good for groundwork),but also different interests,and also got on like a house on fire................................ weve arranged to meet up next weekend, HOORAY!! Just goes to show if you get a kick up the ass by all you beautiful boarders here sometimes things work out the way you want them to!

Cheers for everyones advice!

Aaaaw, happy endings! Glad to hear it, well done! Best of luck!

davyjose

Best thread EVER!!!!

5times

Faith wrote:

Ugh, I've just read this thread for the first time.

You know what was the real problem, OP? Why she might not have liked you? Because you have no self-confidence, and clearly don't attempt to hide that fact. There's no greater turn off than an insecure man (or woman). Nobody wants to keep having to reassure their partner that they do in fact like them.

I'm glad your date went well, but seriously man, grow some balls, or she'll get sick of you pretty quickly.

Who's a moaning Michael ? Seriously , don't be a fool . The guy just needed some reassurance , which is what he got . If you don't like the thread , move on and find something else to pick on .

Iluvjazzmasters

Hey i thought id update you all on this story... Basically for the last few weeks me and the girl were seeing each other getting on great nothing too heavy ya know,then last weekend it all went to ****!!! During the week we met up and she mentioned to me that we go out this particular weekend (which was last weekend). Ya know it was kinda flirty texting as in your mine for the weekend if you get me which was intiated by her.... So any way friday came she texted to see if i was still up for goin etc...... So i met up with her in the local with all her mates,she got a bit touchy feely which i thought was great, as in things are goin well......So sat with her mates had a few boozes got on fine with those...( i know that the mates really liked me cos she kept telling me how much they liked me, then in aother ear i got the best mate once again tellin me she really liked me, f**kin hell)



So anyway thoughts soon turned to goin to the nightclub, i said i didnt have enough money for the night, i only had enough money to go out saturday nightclubbing...She then kindly enough offered to pay for me for the whole night which i was surprised at but i thought hey ill go with the flow....

So got out to the nightclub anyway and within seconds of walking in the door i noticed all the mates talking between each other and to (my girl).. I straightaway thought, oh great theres definetly an ex boyfriend here........which there was..I was told nothing until (my girl) came over to me and at least had the decency to level with me.. She explained that her ex who she dated for 3 years was here with another girl and that she found it awkward seeing him there...I said i understood and it was normal to feel like that, she then TOLD ME THINGS WERE OVER and that SHE ENDED IT...I then said look that i would like to see more of her and that i liked her and ( to which really really pisses me off) she said she felt the same way and that she'd like to get to know me better, likes me and we should do something for valentines.....etc..etc.. you get the picture. So everything was hunky dory from then on we were both all over each other until we left the nightclub...So we both got a taxi to one of her mates for a house party, then this is where it gets weird.. as she hopes out of the taxi she muttered something which i cant remember and then for no reason completly blanked me for the rest of the night... When i confronted her and asked her wtf was up with her
... she said 'i dont wanna talk right now, i wanna go home and we'll talk in the morning' and went to bed in the mates gaff. B*lls to that i thought, so I put this down to the amount of drink, and in her own words earlier the shock of seeing her ex and the fact the mates were involved in an altercation with a bouncer over jackets etc after ther nightclub, and i went home.....


So saturday came and i thought f*ck it ill text her and see what the story is was she heading out....I didnt hear anything at all but i got 2 missed calls off her to which i returned but didnt pick up...I thought to myslef ill get a few of the lads out insteadand we'll have a bit of craic going out...So went out to a different nightclub and i bumped into her and the mates againand asked her what the story was, which she said that she wasnt ready for a relationship and that she needed time to herself,as i had a few on board i stupidly didnt ask her was all the things she said to me the previous night a lie...I dont know why i asked this but i asked her did she see anything happening with us in the future and she said yeah but in a few months...what the hell does that mean, does it mean f**k off and leave me alone or just back off for a while or what??? That was how i left it and went off....

I feel like a complete fool but the thing that is really bugging me is that it was not like i was goin overboard, it was all very mutual as in i.e she was texting me asking to meet up with her and she said she liked me etc. I just dont get it, i understand the issue with the ex but if she needed her own space why lead me on? To be honest im gutted because no.1 i really liked the girl, there was a definite spark there and no.2 im annoyed at myself, i should have seen it coming because usually im a good judge of character (obviously not in this case though):mad: no.3 was she all over me in the nightclub just to make the ex jealous??

Id just like to make sense of the situation.....



Thoughts or comments/ advice are much appreciated, thank you!