How to handle a Nutter

LegacyUser

My problem is causing me no end of upset. It has been going on for some months now but over the last week or so it has reached a pinnacle and I feel unable to cope. I work in a company; I am middle management, where a member of staff started some months ago. It was immediately apparent to me that she conducted herself in a strange fashion and after only a day her compulsive lies were obvious for all to see. Fast forward a number of months, she has become almost obsessed with me and is spreading such grossly slanderous stories about me that I am finding it hard to cope. The stories before were that I stalked her celebrity boyfriend (had an altercation with them both on a main street in Dublin) and she was left with no other option but to part ways with him because I was making her life unbearable at work. (She has never met this celebrity, and neither have I). She also claims I am seeing a married man known to some of my friends (she has never met this person, and neither have I). I have now heard back from a number of people that any new person who comes into the company, she tells them to be careful, that I am a bully and will make their life hell and that management want to fire me (you can call me many things, a bully I’m not). I have not been sleeping and I just feel harassed. It has come to the stage where I am now dreading work and I’m not enjoying it. The general consensus is that she has a mental illness, she is definitely a compulsive liar, some think she may be a sociopath. Am really tired of having my professional and personal name tarnished. I can be accused of many things but I am not a bully and to be labeled that is hurtful and untrue. I have now spoken to management and they said there is little they can do but perhaps one of them sit down with her and I and talk to her about it. The problem is I have already confronted her about the stories she has been telling and she denied them 100%. She is so mad and yet so plausible too. What can I do? I have a good career and love my job but she is making it really difficult for me. Thanks for reading, any advice appreciated.

Nevyn

Make a compliant to he about her unprofessional conduct and creating a hostile work enviroment.

Beruthiel

I believe I would put the complaint in writing. I would go as far as to give a list of the lies.
She should at the very least be on a verbal warning at this stage.

biko

Bring this up with your/her boss.
If you can poke just one hole in her stories the rest will not be so plausible then.

Important: You must stand up to her! Do not let others believe her just because you're silent. If you handle this with grace and composure I'm sure everyone will know who is right.

Also, is she only targeting you? Check around, if someone else is being slandered too it makes your case stronger.

daithimac

try to gather proof. (people who will state that she said these things to them personally) then go to a solicitor and bring a case for slander

The Sweeper

Keep a diary about the stories you hear, the sources of those stories, incidents, times, dates. Build this diary up. Keep a log of your interaction with your own management on this subject. If you don't get anywhere, escalate it.

See if you can backfill the diary with what's happened to date - but be very careful. A diary filled with estimated times and dates and places, and hearsay, can be more damaging to your case than supporting of it.

If people tell you stories about something she's said, ask them if they'll put it in an email to you.

There's nothing like an office to turn into a viper's nest of gossip and slander. If you participate, you will lose out - and by participation, I mean allow people to tell you stories but not get them in writing, or discuss this girl with your peers.

Take this by the horns, and do it now. Do not conduct any one-on-one meetings with this girl regarding her behaviour without a member of HR in attendance. Do not enter into conversation or email exchange with her without HR being involved.

The very act of rising above it, keeping it officious and involving HR can be empowering in itself and will make you feel better. You have a right to a calm, stable working environment where all you are judged on is your work output. If something's disturbing your work output, you have a right to have that issue addressed.

But you're the only one who can do something about it.

LegacyUser

Talk to your HR department about her, you can either make the the conversation offical or unoffical and they will be able to advise you on the situation.

ats

just one question. apart form her apparant mental illness is theer any reason you can think of that she'd be doing this? have you had a run in with her eithere in this job or a previous one?

is she also a manager? if not I'd have a word in teh ear of her boss and tell them that if it doen't ent immediatly you will make a formal complaint to HR about her behaviour. it is her the responsibility of her manager to respond to this type of behaviour. obviously I'd bring it to her managers attention via email. that way if her manager does nothing you have evedience you tried to have them resolve it before taking it further.

Just reread your post.

Sofrustrated wrote:

. I have now spoken to management and they said there is little they can do ....

complete and utter BS on their part. They have an obligation to investigate any complaints of misconduct. Raise the issue again in writing and if they respond the same fashion then inform them you are taking action against the company. At the end of the day that is what a HR department is for not just sending emails and interviewing people. I’d report it formally to HR and if they respond as before then I’d head off to see a lawyer and have him write to them informing them that if they do not conduct a formal investigation into the matter then you will take legal action.

Also no harm in writing to entemp and getting their views on the situation.

At the end of the day you are entitled to work in a healthy and safe environment. Her conduct is psychologically effecting you, the company has a duty of care here. Also no harm if you do go the legal route to inform you GP of the effect it is having on you (if any)

LegacyUser

The sad thing is I have already spoken to management and haven't really been given actual support. They have said that it is shaky territory because all the lies are about me personally as opposed to work-related incidents. Thing is, an accusation of bullying IS work-related. She is not particularly good at her job either. If she was only just malicious it might be easier to handle but the fact that she is obviously clinically insane makes it all the more difficult. I am by no means a shrinking voilet but on this occasion feel helpless, seems like any type of confrontation will make it a million times worse. I mean does slander come under a specific complaint I can make? Management's argument is that it is heresay. My only saving grace is that I am popular at work and nobody believes her.

tbh

Agreed - you need to take control. For some reason, she sees you as a soft target.

Talk to your bosses again, and tell them that if they won't sort the situation, you will. Then get a solicitors letter, ordering her to desist from slandering you, and copy your companies HR manager on it. Let them all know you won't stand for it anymore.

kmick

Very good advice about the diary. Do this immediately. You need to have a record of all the crap you KNOW she said. Try and recruit another ally to keep a diary as well. One diary is damming two are absolute proof.

[QUOTE=I have now spoken to management and they said there is little they can do but perhaps one of them sit down with her and I and talk to her about it. [/QUOTE]

This is unaccepatable put your complaint in writing to the HR department. However have your dairy/diary's as backup before you do.

Do NOT engage with this person. Any incident will always end up 50/50 blame - do not speak to them, look at them, smile, frown. Always remain calm and nuetral when in mixed company. Do not talk to other people about how mad this peron is. Keep your diary and do not engage. In this way there will be no way you can be construed as bullying them.

Tell your boss immediately and inform them you are keeping a diary from here on out. Make it clear you are taking this route as you feel you have no backup from management. Do not threaten your manager and remain calm if you can. Emotional outbursts will not help.

Bide your time and this will resolve itself. One technique for getting rid of problem employees is to starve them of work. Just dont give them anything to do. Not sure if you are ina psoition to achieve this.

LegacyUser

'It is irrelevant that the comments that are being made are of a personal nature, they are being made about you in work to colleagues, and this means your management have to at least look into the situation.

As for it being hearsay, if you bring it to the attention of HR they will need to investigate the allegations and that will mean talking to her, you and some of your colleagues, that fact that she has said these things to other strengthens your case as it will not be your word against hers.

Keeping the diary is an excellent idea as you will have specifics; times, dates, what was said and who it was said to.

Best of luck, I know it's not a nice situation to be in.'

Doghouse

It doesn't matter that the comments were about you personally as they were made in the workplace by a co-worker and as such management has an obligation to prevent it occurring. Check out this link:
Bullying in the Workplace

gandalf

Follow Majd's advice and document everything. Give the Management and HR in your company another chance to deal with this issue, document that as well. While she is targetting you personally she is also doing it on company time, in the company premises and to your work colleagues. This is harrassment and your company has to deal with it.

The fact she may or may not have a mental problem is irrelevant, she is making your working life a living hell and that is something your employers should not allow to happen.

Marksie

Sofrustrated wrote:

The sad thing is I have already spoken to management and haven't really been given actual support. They have said that it is shaky territory because all the lies are about me personally as opposed to work-related incidents..

Thats complete bollocks actually. We have apolicy in the civil service>> "A positive working envrionment" you may be able to get the full text. Your office should have a policy and the HR cxlearly defined proceedures to deal with this.
These documents will be based on the employment equality acts 1998 and 2004.

OK i will quote from the code of practice issued by the health and safety Authority under the safety, Health and Welfare Act 1989 as well as by the labour relations comission under the Industrial relations act:

"workplace bullying is repeated inappropriate behaviour, direct or indirect, whether verbal, physical or otherwise, conducted by one or more persons against another, or others, at the place of work and/or in the course of employment which could reasonable be regarded as undermining the individuals right to dignity at work. An isolated incident of the behaviour described in this definition may be an affront to dignity at work but as a once off incident is not considered to eb bullying"

the follwoing are examples of bullying from our civil service these you may find useful: this is from a long list and i have excluded the obvious ones but inlduded those which based on your info may be important:]


1)regular humiliation, ridicule, belittling efforts, often in front of others.

2) verbal abuse, including shouting, use of obsecene language and spreading malicious rumours

3) showing hostility through sustained unfriendly contact or exlusion

Going on your information, you are being bullied.

These comments have to be documented and any witnesses asked to be brought forward.
You have these things to gather:

What occurred
who was involved
when the incidents occurred
where the incidents occurred
whether there were any eye witnesses.

What you have presented falls in the context of the act as it is undermining your RIGHT TO DIGNITY at work.

Also go to your doctor and get it on record.
Put it in writing.
They will have to act on this if they do not and you are forced sick and leave they are liable i belive, but only if you follow procedures.
Put all information down and witnesses who are willing to come forward.

BTW we had a training course and it stated that if it was outside of work and yet could affect you in work it was bullying.

Hearsay? you do not have to have heard her say it herself...what you do have to have, is people who will say yes she has said it to them about you.

Record everything.

dellas1979

Yeah I mean come on.

How can you work in a situation like that?

Look, its nothing compared to your situation, but I stayed silent about being accused of bullying once and it very very nearly came to me getting kicked out of school.

I was friends with a girl. Good friends. She was grand at the start. She turned into a nutter. Not only spread nasty rumours about me but about other people. Again it was all hear say. I stopped being friends with her and her revenge was to tell the principle that I bullied her.

I said nothing - in a sort of disbelieving way. I was brought to the office one day and was told that Id have to find another school to do my leaving in. I was still shocked!!!

The next day, the principle brought me in to his office again. She was on the phone with her mother, on loud speaker - I could hear her crying and saying "she did this to me...blah blah blah". At that stage, and I didnt know at the time, some people in my year went to the principle and said "look, she is actually nuts and did/said all this......"

The principle hung up on her. I couldnt believe it.

She was a full blown nutter.

My point is dont get to the stage where people will actually start to believe her. It could happen. You need to start getting advice be it from management or a solicitor. Your management have to have a policy on bullying or harassment. They have to.

LegacyUser

'Get a diary and take make a note of every conversation you have with her and every remark she makes about you.
Don't rely on hearsay, if she confides in someone you know get them to record it for you.
Don't confront her until you have a nice bit written for upper management to have a look at.'

bug

you poor thing, that must be awful.

I would say that from now on you document everything that happens.
As MAJD said try and get people in work you trust to write incidents down.

Take action on this immediately.
I would say that if you have already gone to HR in you're company the next step is to consult a solicitor and ask their advice on how to go about this by the letter of the law.

That might sound like a big step, but the weight that will be lifted off your shoulders knowing that someone can help you out and force your company to take action will be much better for you.

The other option is to leave the company, don't let her do this to you.

Victor

Sofrustrated wrote:

The stories before were that I stalked her celebrity boyfriend (had an altercation with them both on a main street in Dublin) and she was left with no other option but to part ways with him because I was making her life unbearable at work. (She has never met this celebrity, and neither have I).

I don't quite understand this bit.

Carrigart Exile

A recent survey of workplace bullying found about one third of it was by staff of a lower grade towards staff of a senior grade so it is a recognised problem. I think you have two solutions, one, a clear the air, informal meeting with her (you might want to suggest a neutral observor is there) where you can re-establish ground rules. Or, as many have said on here, escalate what is happening to you formally, your HR department should have set down procedures for dealing with this behaviour. My own prefrence would be to try option 1 first. Good luck.

Marksie

Carrigart Exile wrote:

I think you have two solutions, one, a clear the air, informal meeting with her (you might want to suggest a neutral observor is there) where you can re-establish ground rules. Or, as many have said on here, escalate what is happening to you formally, your HR department should have set down procedures for dealing with this behaviour. My own prefrence would be to try option 1 first. Good luck.

If you are going to do option 1, you MUST have a witness. BUT there stands the chance of a row developing, that would compound the issues still further.
Alternatively, you could ask for the services of a trained mediator.

The bottom line is:

1). How is the current situation affecting you personally? My guess is lack of sleep, stomach upsets, lack of concentration, worry, depression, excess consumption of alcohol and or tobacco. A constant sick feeling. Demotivation. It may be affecting your homw life and the realtionship between partners and family.

2) The likely outcome is one or the other or both leave, this is especially true where the HR department does not handle conflict resolution properly.

3) Procedures should be in place, as this is also a health and safety issue. If not then the EMPLOYER could be deemed liable if they do not handle it correctly. That however is an issue for another day and perhaps in the jobs forum???

4) HR personnel should have been trained. UNder the legislation the right to dignity at work is a given, so the fact that rumours are being spread which are not work related is immaterial. The fact that your right to dignity at work is being impuned IS. It is the way you are being made to feel in other words. If HR personnel are not taking this on board then they are not doing their job effectively.

Pablo-El-Vagabu

Like everyone else I agree:

- Document everything she has done in clear and concise language

- Go to HR right now!!

She sounds like a looney tune.

Also if she is doing this to you she is also possibly doing other crazy stuff in the work place or she has done something similar in her previous Job.

cheeky_guy

OP get yourself one of those little recorders hide it in your pocket and then confront her when the two of you are on your own. Ask her why is she so crazy and why is she spreading those stories about you. Ask her about the celebrity and everything else she is saying. Then if she starts having a mental fit and starts mouthing off, at least you will have it all on tape and then you can show it to HR so at least you will have proof. Simple!

the_syco

With bullies, the best defense is overkill offense. F**k the HR dept. Get a solictor, get your collegues to make statements, and then arrange a meeting with HR. Bring your solictor, and let them squirm when the solictor tells them your rights.

Most likely, though, is they're not reacting now, as they don't have proof of either case (yours or hers), so they're not acting out of fear of siding with the wrong person. Make a diary, and I'd say they'll helpfull anough with your plight.

dade

cheeky_guy wrote:

OP get yourself one of those little recorders hide it in your pocket and then confront her when the two of you are on your own. Ask her why is she so crazy and why is she spreading those stories about you. Ask her about the celebrity and everything else she is saying. Then if she starts having a mental fit and starts mouthing off, at least you will have it all on tape and then you can show it to HR so at least you will have proof. Simple!

AFAIK recording a conversation without consent is illegal so even if she did admit it the HR department probably couldn't use it or knowledge gained from it for any discipline purposes.

best bet as said approach HR again and inform them of your rights as an employee to a safe, healthy, bully free environment. her commentc could be seen as a form of bullying as it undermines you in your role in the company. ane even if long term members of staff may not listen to her whats to say new employees wont.

I'd formally write to your HR Department. if they fail to respond or respond as previous if your company is part of a larger group then inform the HR Department in the Mother company while CCing your own HR department. not only will it escelate the issue to those that may actually do something but it also highlights that those that should be doing something are not doing it.

This is a good approach from my experiences. I had a manager that was bullying me, basically said I was unfit for work when i had an injury then when i was certified fit he failed to recognise it and wouldnt return me to my normal duties. at review time he said i had failed to complete assignements given to me, but I had completed them to the letter just his idea of what he wanted was different to what he said he wanted etc he asked me to look into the feasibility of something not actually develop it. SO i called in HR and they tried to place some of the blame on me saying I was pushing back against his authority, was unhelpful etc. in the end I contacted head office in Germany and they sent someone over to mediate and ended up but my manager and the HR manager where reprimanded for their behaviour.

do document everything, because the slightest little thing can sway something in your favour even how they speak to you in public, dsaid manager use to swear A LOT. ok most of teh time by me but one day he swore at me directly infront of someone, he told them to tell me to shut the F up. so i tolf him not to use that language again around me. he laughed so again i banged an email to him informing him i didn't appreciate being spoken to in that manner. this all came in handy at the time head office came over.

Most of all, dont let the bìtch get you down.