Guy kissed me while I was drunk...

LegacyUser

going unreg for obvious reasons.

Im a 21 and a guy with a girlfriend. Went out last night (thursday) with friends from my course and their housemates. As with everyother student night I got extremely drunk and by the end of the night made it back to my friend's house to stay the night.

Now I was almost comatose with the amount of drink I had. I was lying on the couch almost asleep when someone starts kissing me. Being this drunk for some reason I thought it was my girlfriend and started talking to them as if it was.
Then I feel stubble against my face and shove them off me, run as fast as I could out of the room and down the stairs. In the process I fell down the stairs and injured myself (2 broken fingers and a badly bruised face)

When my friends asked why I was running down the stairs I said I had called a cab and it was waiting outside.

The guy who took advantage that I was in a such a bad state is my friends housemate. He seemed normal enough although I did get a vibe off him before that night that he was kind of unfriendly towards me. I feel absolutely sick to the stomach that this happened and cringe everytime it replays in my mind. It's one of the few events I can remember from the night possibly because of its shock value.

So what should I do? Should I confront this guy who clearly saw how drunk I was and tried to take advantage of me or should I just pretend that nothing ever happened as it would be very very embarrassing.
I'm finished college in may and will never see this guy again. I really feel like kicking the **** out of him for what he done.
Help me

Black Swan

Caught by surprise! Was thinking that you were leading up to a drunken kissing incident with a girl not your g/f. A bloke? Whoa! Makes you not want to drink as much next time? Can't imagine what was in his mind, unless the drink brought him out of the closet. I would avoid him completely, and if he made an off colour comment about it in the future, then you should make it known then how revolting it was!

Pigman II

You should meet up with him again and finish off the kiss. That'll be the best way to get it out of your system. Tell him to shave first tho!

zAbbo

That'll be the new National campaign.

'know the one, thats one to many, or we'll send a dude round'

Just another ' I got shítfaced and XYZ happened to me', at least you felt his stubble on your face and not your thighs

Gordon

Oh ffs, helpful replies only please Pigman and zabbo.

calex71

what2do wrote:

I really feel like kicking the **** out of him for what he done.
Help me

Not a good idea but can understand why you'd want too. If you where a girl people would be cying date rape. You where both drunk fair enough but to be taken advantage of in that state is wrong regardless of gender.

Have you spoken to you girlfriend about it? Don't let it play on your mind it's his issue not yours. Give the idiot a wide birth as you say you'll be done with college in may and never have to see him again.

D

You don't have anything to be ashamed about, you did nothing wrong (except for getting so drunk you were unable to make out what was going on around you). I'd tell your girlfriend what happened. Don't make a big deal out of it. The guy is probably really embarrassed about it as much as you are. However, if the guy makes an issue out of it (which I doubt will happen) just tell him that your not gay.

hunnymonster

Could it be that this guy fancied you, made a move, you chatted back so he continued? how was he to know you thought he was your GF? It's just one possibility.


I'm sure you don't need the lecture about not drinking so much that you can't tell the difference between your GF and a random guy. My job means I deal with the fall out of student drinking all the time - the pregnancies, the sti's the criminal records. I still haven't figured out how to make people understand that it isn't just high jinks, it's a problem when you end up that drunk.


I hope your fingers heal as soon as possible. In the mean time I would just try to forget it happened. Hitting the guy will achieve nothing. Stay out of his way and you'll get over it. If you really need to clear the air, do it in a cofee shop of somewhere public that you have to stay calm.

LegacyUser

no i havent told my girlfriend. I have no intention of either because nothing good could come of it.
My only fear now is that he will make up some bogus cover story and tell his housemates and my friend to cover his own ass.
Just can't wait to be finished and move back home to cork, just hope this doesn't affect my exams

secret_squirrel

Would you be making such a big deal of this if some random woman did it? Would you be looking to kick the crap out of her?

I dont think so.

People make drunken advances all the time. In this case it happened to be guy on guy, its not a big deal unless you make it one.

In this case, you actually went with it until you realised who you were kissing.

Was your reaction so violent because you were enjoying it until the moment you felt stubble?

I suggest worrying less about his behaviour and more about your own. You got shítfaced and taken advantage of, maybe you'll actually drink within your limits next time.


Chalk it down to experience and move on.

Slutmonkey57b

secret_squirrel wrote:

I suggest worrying less about his behaviour and more about your own. You got shítfaced and taken advantage of, maybe you'll actually drink within your limits next time.


Chalk it down to experience and move on.

If the OP had been female, I'm sure you would be chanting "date rape" here. The sex of the person doesn't matter, it's the forced sexual contact that's important.

spurious

Women have this happen to them all the time. Once everyone sobers up there's usually much awkwardness and embarrassment.

I really feel like kicking the **** out of him for what he done.

That makes you sound scary tbh.

People kiss people all the time. It's not the end of the world, for anyone.

rediguana

Live and learn. Don't get comatose again. This time it was boy-to-boy kissing, next time it could be a stabbing, STD, robbery.

Don't mention it to him, or anyone. He was wrong to do it, but boundaries get muddied when everyone's plastered.

Forget about it. It's not the end of the world.

dame

what2do wrote:

I feel absolutely sick to the stomach that this happened and cringe everytime it replays in my mind.

I hope anyone reading this who is ever tempted to take advantage of someone else when drunk (male or female), will remember this line and think about how they wouldn't like to feel like this themselves.

OP, it can happen so easily and it regularly does. I suspect it happens to fellas more than you'd know because, like you, they don't talk about it as easily because they are so disgusted that they have been taken advantage of. I know you don't want a lecture on drinking so much that you were almost comatose, but this really was a wake-up call.

Would you have enjoyed your night out any less if you had halved the amount you drank? Or if you had stopped at two drinks? Would you have known what you were doing? Would you have broken your fingers falling down the stairs if you hadn't been drunk? Are your broken fingers going to affect your college work (final year)? Would you be feeling sick to your stomach if you'd realised immediately and pushed him off or would you have laughed it off?

Tell your girlfriend just to get it off your chest, then try and put it to the back of your mind and get on with your college work. I wouldn't confront him unless he makes some comment about it or tries to come onto you again, although I'd say he's got the message you're not gay after your reaction!!

rediguana

DAME: "Tell your girlfriend just to get it off your chest, then try and put it to the back of your mind and get on with your college work."


It's already off his chest! If he tells his girlfriend, she may:
(a) Look at it as just another instance of drunken cheating, and freak, or..
(b) Think he really MUST have gay tendencies, and be less attracted to him.

Some things are better kept secret.

ninja 101

i can't believe you ran away from that worthless fag,you really should go back and beat the living sh1t out of him.

LegacyUser

ninja 101 wrote:

i can't believe you ran away from that worthless fag,you really should go back and beat the living sh1t out of him.

Curtains for you methinks!

Anti

ninja 101 wrote:

i can't believe you ran away from that worthless fag,you really should go back and beat the living sh1t out of him.

Yeah great idea -_-



Just leave it, and forget about it.

kizzyr

OP as other people have said this incident may make you see that you don't have to be totally rat arsed to have fun. I've been the drunken student as have most of the people who posted here but after one evening when I drank too much, did stuff I wasn't proud of it made me realise that it was possible to enjoy myself without drinking way way too much.
What happened to you wasn't nice but I think you're reaction is so strong because it was bloke who kissed you. If it had been another girl I doubt you'd be feeling quite so violated. I think you're probably feeling angry that this bloke thought he could kiss you and you'd respond in kind. In my experience many guys hate to think that they are seen as being potentially gay and somehow see it as making them less of a man.
If I were you I'd chalk this up to experience, deal with your anger on this and move on. If it makes you feel better talk to this bloke who kissed you tell him that you think he was totally out of order to do what he did. I'd let your girlfriend know what happened and then just forget about it. Hope your fingers get better soon;)

dudara

@ ninja 101 Please do not advocate the use of violence in this forum. Please read the charter for further advice.

dudara

Húrin

Don't do anything, sure this fella was a dirty moron for doing that, but no harm came from it.

Dutchology

what2do wrote:

no i havent told my girlfriend. I have no intention of either because nothing good could come of it.
My only fear now is that he will make up some bogus cover story and tell his housemates and my friend to cover his own ass.
Just can't wait to be finished and move back home to cork, just hope this doesn't affect my exams

Not bothered reading the rest of the thread, but em... tell your girlfriend, seriously. She'll find out at a later date anyway. You are much better off telling her now and explaining. Think about it, she might think you've been covering up for something in the long run if she doesn't hear about it from you first.....

Umaro

Do NOT tell your girlfriend - for the love of Science H Logic man, don't tell her!!

Dutchology

Umaro wrote:

Do NOT tell your girlfriend - for the love of Science H Logic man, don't tell her!!

Why not?

BackwardRussia

spurious wrote:

Women have this happen to them all the time. Once everyone sobers up there's usually much awkwardness and embarrassment.

I really feel like kicking the **** out of him for what he done.

That makes you sound scary tbh.

People kiss people all the time. It's not the end of the world, for anyone.

What the ****? How is this allowed to be said and advocating violence is not?

You should never take advantage kissing someone while they are passed out drunk. If it was a fella doing it to a girl there would be uproar.

OP personally I know what I would do, I would kick the **** out of him. I'm not advising this or advocating it, it's just how I would react. If you let it go, it shows to him and anyone he knows (ie. his gay friends) that you can easily be taken advantage of with no consequences. I would have to send the message out that this will not be tolerated on me. Who knows what will happen the next time you are passed out drunk. Everyone has the right to get drunk without being taken advantage of.

spurious

BackwardRussia wrote:

If it was a fella doing it to a girl there would be uproar.

There wouldn't though, that's the point. It happens at parties every day of the week.

The OP is freaking because it's a guy did it to him and he seems to feel this says something about him, hence the wanting to kick someone's head in. By his own account he went along with it for a while, talking to the other person. It all sounds very confused and drink-ridden, which is probably the problem.

I would be surprised if you find many women who have not had similar happen to them (by a man or another woman), except they generally do not want to kick anyone's head in.

dame

BackwardRussia wrote:

OP personally I know what I would do, I would kick the **** out of him. I'm not advising this or advocating it, it's just how I would react. If you let it go, it shows to him and anyone he knows (ie. his gay friends) that you can easily be taken advantage of with no consequences. I would have to send the message out that this will not be tolerated on me. Who knows what will happen the next time you are passed out drunk. Everyone has the right to get drunk without being taken advantage of.

This opinion is extremely immature. For a start there's a severe anti-gay tone to it. Here's a little boy who's so insecure in himself he has to beat up someone who kissed him, just to prove that he isn't gay and can't "be taken advantage of".

BackwardRussia wrote:

Who knows what will happen the next time you are passed out drunk. Everyone has the right to get drunk without being taken advantage of.

There is so much wrong with this I don't know where to begin. I'll just say this; anyone who believes he has a right to get drunk and pass out, should be big enough to acknowledge that he most likely will do something he isn't proud of, make a fool of himself, put himself in dangerous situations, etc, and when it does happen he should accept it and not then blame others "because he had a right to get drunk and not have **** happen".

BackwardRussia

dame wrote:

There is so much wrong with this I don't know where to begin. I'll just say this; anyone who believes he has a right to get drunk and pass out, should be big enough to acknowledge that he most likely will do something he isn't proud of, make a fool of himself, put himself in dangerous situations, etc, and when it does happen he should accept it and not then blame others "because he had a right to get drunk and not have **** happen".

So if a girl has a few too many 1 night on the town, and gets beaten, raped and killed because shes more easily taken advantage of in that state, thats her fault for gettin drunk? Right.. Sorry to be extreme but I have a point to prove.

This opinion is extremely immature. For a start there's a severe anti-gay tone to it. Here's a little boy who's so insecure in himself he has to beat up someone who kissed him, just to prove that he isn't gay and can't "be taken advantage of".

I wouldnt do it to prove Im not gay. Sure Im married with a young child, I dont have a whole lot to prove. I would do it to send the message to people that I wont be taken advantage of without consequences, whether its a gay bloke kissing me while drunk, or a raping, a beating, whatever. Do it to me and there will be consequences. If you personally would prefer to lie down and take it, then I have no problem with that. Im just saying its not the way I was brought up.

The_Minister

dame wrote:

This opinion is extremely immature. For a start there's a severe anti-gay tone to it. Here's a little boy who's so insecure in himself he has to beat up someone who kissed him, just to prove that he isn't gay and can't "be taken advantage of".

There is a strong stigma regarding getting ****faced and scoring a guy (unlike with girls where its just hot). The chances are that his friends will slag him about this if they find out. The one way to counter this is to show that the encounter was entirely one-way, a violation, is to beat the living snot out of the guy. (not advocating)
Even without ths, many men would have a violent reaction towards even been come on to by a guy,"Gay Panic" isn't an accepted legal defence for nothing. It's not really immature, it's just an instinct that arises, as most men would have no idea how to deal with sexually-predatory gay men, and would likely have no experience on which to draw, that they could use to temper their emotions.

dame

I'm saying that it would be more mature to know that you will be in a position to be compromised more easily and so take steps to avoid that, ie by not drinking so much that you are not in control of yourself and in danger of passing out.

So as a married man with a child what sort of example are you setting for that child? That it's fine to go out and get so drunk you're passing out? That you should expect others to look after you when you're in that state? That violence is the answer to any/every conflict? When another child teases your child is he immediately going to think what would my daddy do, kick the **** out of him? There are always ways of diplomatically solving minor disputes (as the OP's one is in the grander scheme of things). If somebody gave you the wrong item in a shop and you realised once you'd left (cos you didn't check it there and then so you'd be partially to blame), would you go back and politely explain or would you go back in a rage and beat the **** out of them?

If the OP took your advice and did go and beat the **** out of the guy then he could very easily end up in court on charges of assault or even manslaughter. What would he explain to the judge? "Well your honour, I was pissed one night and he kissed me and I kissed him back, then I realised he was a man so I ran off and then a few days later I saw him again, so I kicked the **** out him cos he kissed me, and I have a right to get drunk and not be kissed by another man."

Grow up BackwardRussia. Try and teach your child some values, other than drink and violence.

Carrigart Exile

I take it the guy who did the kissing was also very very drunk. Put it down to experience and move on mate; in fact congratulate yourself that you are attractive.