Guy kissed me while I was drunk...

BackwardRussia

dame wrote:

I'm saying that it would be more mature to know that you will be in a position to be compromised more easily and so take steps to avoid that, ie by not drinking so much that you are not in control of yourself and in danger of passing out.

So as a married man with a child what sort of example are you setting for that child? That it's fine to go out and get so drunk you're passing out? That you should expect others to look after you when you're in that state? That violence is the answer to any/every conflict? When another child teases your child is he immediately going to think what would my daddy do, kick the **** out of him? There are always ways of diplomatically solving minor disputes (as the OP's one is in the grander scheme of things). If somebody gave you the wrong item in a shop and you realised once you'd left (cos you didn't check it there and then so you'd be partially to blame), would you go back and politely explain or would you go back in a rage and beat the **** out of them?

You can't compare what could be considered to some as a sexual assault, and receiving the wrong item in a shop. Your comparison is a cheap shot and shows you are running out of valid points in a desperate attempt to win this argument.

So as a married man with a child what sort of example are you setting for that child? That it's fine to go out and get so drunk you're passing out?

Umm.. Firstly, I never said anywhere in any of my posts that I go out and get so drunk that I pass out. I did when I was younger but now that I have responsibilities (and a mortgage) I don't. Stop putting words in my mouth.

I'm presuming from your name you are female. Therefore the following situation might not apply to you, but if someone came up to you on the street and start mugging or beating you up for no apparent reason, and there was nowhere to run, would you just stand there and take it or fight back and defend yourself?

Now in this situation, you have 1 gay man coming onto a straight man and taking advantage of him while hes passed out drunk. Whats to say next time the gay man decides he wants sex, he got away with kissing the last time so why not give it a try?

Now say there are 2 people passed out drunk in the room, and the gay man wants sex. Who do you think he is going to go after first, me (the guy who will beat the **** out of him), or guy 2 who will just brush it off and get on with life?

dame

BackwardRussia wrote:

if someone came up to you on the street and start mugging or beating you up for no apparent reason, and there was nowhere to run, would you just stand there and take it or fight back and defend yourself?

No, I'd hand over a bit of cash, there's no point in getting knifed for a few quid. That would be defending myself. Fighting will only cause you more injury in the long run. If you've ever taken notice, it is usually the people who don't fight back who live to tell the tale and hopefully get their attacker brought to justice.

BackwardRussia wrote:

Now in this situation, you have 1 gay man coming onto a straight man and taking advantage of him while hes passed out drunk. Whats to say next time the gay man decides he wants sex, he got away with kissing the last time so why not give it a try?

So you'd actually risk being passed out drunk again?

BackwardRussia wrote:

Now say there are 2 people passed out drunk in the room, and the gay man wants sex. Who do you think he is going to go after first, me (the guy who will beat the **** out of him), or guy 2 who will just brush it off and get on with life?

Again, why would you risk being passed out anywhere, let alone near this guy? Do you think that because you beat him up he'll just say "Respect, that guy's no pushover!" and rape your friend instead? Would you not think that maybe he'd see it as an opportunity to get revenge for you having beaten him up? After all you see nothing wrong in taking revenge yourself!

ninja 101

dame wrote:

No, I'd hand over a bit of cash, there's no point in getting knifed for a few quid. That would be defending myself. Fighting will only cause you more injury in the long run. If you've ever taken notice, it is usually the people who don't fight back who live to tell the tale and hopefully get their attacker brought to justice.



So you'd actually risk being passed out drunk again?



Again, why would you risk being passed out anywhere, let alone near this guy? Do you think that because you beat him up he'll just say "Respect, that guy's no pushover!" and rape your friend instead? Would you not think that maybe he'd see it as an opportunity to get revenge for you having beaten him up? After all you see nothing wrong in taking revenge yourself!

Dame you seem to think that there has been no harm done here.This guy was sexually assulted by another man.This is probally one of the most disgusting horrible crimes possible!Not so long ago the guy would have been put in jail for pulling a stunt like this.This guy broke two of his fingers and smashed his face getting away from his attacker so there has been harm done.The op should go back and at least get the money for the medical costs inncured.First of all people say its okay to be gay,now they are saying it okay if a a gay dose something like this.What happening to our morals.

dvega

Do nothing,you were pissed he could say anything and you wouldnt remember,you know NOT what to do next time you go out,obviously you cant handle drink so be careful next time.

GrumPy

Calling it an "attack" is abit much tbh, The guy shoulda got a swift punch in the mouth, and walked.

Fracture

Well tbh, in my opinion, As soon as it happened I would have punched him straight away. Just because you were that drunk dosent mean he should get away with it.
Or maybe i would confront him about it first, and if he says sorry then forget about it, but if he laughs or anything id kick the living **** out of him and tell everyone why he looks like an old banana.

dame

It was a KISS!!!! I think that people are getting carried away here calling it a "serious sexual assault". If a woman kissed a man when he was drunk would that be as serious in people's eyes? If a man kissed a woman when she didn't want him to (ie when she's drunk), she'd remove herself as soon as she could and as long as it stopped at a kiss she'd move on and try not to put herself in danger of something similar happening again (by keeping away from the man in question and keeping her wits about her in similar situations).

Violence is never the answer, unless it is in self defence, as in if you don't react violently you'll be killed. Punching someone in the face cos they kissed you will just land you with a summons and a criminal record.

How many times.....the thing to do is push him away (with just enough force to remove him from your face), tell him you're not interested, then remember not to get so drunk next time that you can't tell you're kissing a guy.

kizzyr

BackwardRussia wrote:

What the ****? How is this allowed to be said and advocating violence is not?

You should never take advantage kissing someone while they are passed out drunk. If it was a fella doing it to a girl there would be uproar.

OP personally I know what I would do, I would kick the **** out of him. I'm not advising this or advocating it, it's just how I would react. If you let it go, it shows to him and anyone he knows (ie. his gay friends) that you can easily be taken advantage of with no consequences. I would have to send the message out that this will not be tolerated on me. Who knows what will happen the next time you are passed out drunk. Everyone has the right to get drunk without being taken advantage of.

No no no no no you don't. I'm not saying that women who get drunk and raped deserve it, no one ever deserves to be raped. That said however if you go out and get yourself rat arsed and in such a state that you have all but passed out and find it difficult to tell the gender of who is kissing you then you and you only have put yourself in that position. Yes the bloke who kissed the OP was wrong to have taken advantage but if the OP hadn't drunk himself stupid then he wouldn't have been able to would he. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their actions and behavior and not use "ah sure I was drunk it wasn't my fault" as an excuse for everything.

dame

ninja 101 wrote:

This guy broke two of his fingers and smashed his face getting away from his attacker so there has been harm done.The op should go back and at least get the money for the medical costs inncured.

Why? If he hadn't been so pissed he wouldn't have fallen and if he hadn't been so pissed the incident that made him run wouldn't have happend.

dame

ninja 101 wrote:

First of all people say its okay to be gay,now they are saying it okay if a a gay dose something like this.What happening to our morals.

Careful there ninja 101....

ninja 101

QUOTE=dame] If a woman kissed a man when he was drunk would that be as serious in people's eyes? [/QUOTE]

No its okay for the woman to pressume the man is straight,she still shouldn't really do it however its not okay for a guy to pressume another man is gay as only about 2 or 3% of the population are gay.He is forced himself on a straight guy,people have been killed for less.He was very foolish and lucky to get away with what he did so lightly.

ninja 101

dame wrote:

Careful there ninja 101....

what?

kizzyr

ninja 101 wrote:

Dame you seem to think that there has been no harm done here.This guy was sexually assulted by another man.This is probally one of the most disgusting horrible crimes possible!Not so long ago the guy would have been put in jail for pulling a stunt like this.This guy broke two of his fingers and smashed his face getting away from his attacker so there has been harm done.The op should go back and at least get the money for the medical costs inncured.First of all people say its okay to be gay,now they are saying it okay if a a gay dose something like this.What happening to our morals.

Dame isn't saying that at all.:rolleyes: The guy was kissed by someone else while drunk. I am pretty certain that if he had been kissed by another woman while he was that drunk he'd have been boasting about it not taking 50 showers a day. Its great to see that homophobia is still alive at well :mad: Yes the guy who did the kissing shouldn't have but in the grand scheme of things all he did was make a move he shouldn't have. It would seem that the OP over reacted to a certain extent what with his throwing himself down the stairs and breaking his own fingers.:rolleyes: There is every chance he'd have done this any time he was drunk, I've listened to so many people tell the stories of their war wounds of the weekend on a Monday morning. All of these war wounds, sprained ankles, massive bruises, broken heels on shoes etc are caused because they've drunk too much. Thats before the fabulous stories of throwing up in taxis, doorways etc kick in.
As for your comment that its not too long ago a guy would have been put in jail for a crime like this.........please.........if thats how you feel then you must be gunning for rapists, pedophiles etc etc
Incidentally there is nothing wrong with being gay no more than there is with being straight. I am amazed at your concern over the morals with society accepting this and you seeing it as a problem yet you advise the OP to attack the man who kissed him:rolleyes:

Slutmonkey57b

If the Kisser is slapping the tongue into guys who are passed out, that's not going to do a lot for getting rid of the "hang on boys, arses against the wall" stereotypical homophobic reaction, is it?

I don't think any of the people who have reacted with "I'd have smacked him one" have made any homophobic comments - their only comment is that someone who is asleep (whether passed out drunk or not) should not be sexually assaulted by anyone, for any reason, no matter what their sex. Regardless of how drunk the OP was, he was out with his friend, stayed over at his friend's, crashed on the couch, and at the very least had the right to expect not to be molested in his sleep. Considering the shock he must have got, running out the door, tripping downstairs is hardly an over-reaction.

ninja 101

kizzyr wrote:

Dame isn't saying that at all.:rolleyes: The guy was kissed by someone else while drunk. I am pretty certain that if he had been kissed by another woman while he was that drunk he'd have been boasting about it not taking 50 showers a day. Its great to see that homophobia is still alive at well :mad: Yes the guy who did the kissing shouldn't have but in the grand scheme of things all he did was make a move he shouldn't have. It would seem that the OP over reacted to a certain extent what with his throwing himself down the stairs and breaking his own fingers.:rolleyes: There is every chance he'd have done this any time he was drunk, I've listened to so many people tell the stories of their war wounds of the weekend on a Monday morning. All of these war wounds, sprained ankles, massive bruises, broken heels on shoes etc are caused because they've drunk too much. Thats before the fabulous stories of throwing up in taxis, doorways etc kick in.
As for your comment that its not too long ago a guy would have been put in jail for a crime like this.........please.........if thats how you feel then you must be gunning for rapists, pedophiles etc etc
Incidentally there is nothing wrong with being gay no more than there is with being straight. I am amazed at your concern over the morals with society accepting this and you seeing it as a problem yet you advise the OP to attack the man who kissed him:rolleyes:

No you can't justify what happened,this guy has wittingly or unwittingly tried to embroiled this innocent albeit drunk guy in the stigma that involves homosexuality.If this guys friends ever hear about this he will get stick for years.He attacked the mans sexuality.As for rapists and pedophiles, well lets just say I'm disappointed we don't have the death sentence.

Elessar

I cant believe there are so many posts. Just get over it, avoid him if you want.

Ignore the manly-men internet tough-guys. :rolleyes:

randylonghorn

ninja 101 wrote:

First of all people say its okay to be gay,now they are saying it okay if a a gay those something like this.

Yes, it is OK to be gay. No, it is not OK to take advantage of someone, whether either party is gay or straight. I do not recall anyone on this thread saying that it was, though there has been some discussion of how major an incident is being discussed, and a lot of exaggerated statements have been made.

The important point, when everyone has finished arguing, is that it feels like a major incident to the OP right now.

OP, people are right to say that you are foolish to get so drunk that you have no idea what is happening to you; however, that does NOT give this guy the right to do what he did. (Assuming, of course, that he wasn't as drunk as you were, crashed out beside you, and knew as little about what he was doing as you did ... unlikely, probably, but not completely impossible).

I can sympathise with how you are feeling right now, I think I would feel the same. I will even admit that had I been in your shoes I might have thrown a punch at the time. I'm not saying that it would have been the right thing to do, or that I am advocating it, I am simply saying that in the heat of the moment I might have done it. I know that in the sober light of day I certainly would not go looking for him with that in mind.

While I can see that part of you probably wants to confront him, there is a real danger that he will deny everything and that things will go from bad to worse with accusations and counter-accusations.

The reality is that while he was wrong to have taken advantage, and it is very understandable that you feel upset, it was just a drunken kiss.

Why not talk it out with someone professional and neutral? ... the counsellor at your college for example? That's what they're there for.

It's your own decision whether to discuss it with your girlfriend, and no-one can make that decision for you. I think most girls would be very understanding and supportive, but I also understand, as a guy, that I would feel awkward and embarrassed telling my girlfriend. I think it probably depends a lot on how close your relationship is as to whether you will feel comfortable telling her.

It is a horrible thing to happen, but it is not the end of the world. It was just a kiss. In a little while, it will fall into perspective, especially if you talk it out of your system and get some support.

And mate, I like a few pints myself, but I always make sure I have some control of what I am doing and, in this case, what is being done to me.

axer

what2do wrote:

no i havent told my girlfriend. I have no intention of either because nothing good could come of it.

I can't see why you wouldn't tell your girlfriend. My girlfriend would be the first I'd tell. She could hardly blame you or anything and its hardly something YOU have to be ashamed of.

If it had happened to me, I know it would make me feel sick (If it had been a girl that kissed me I would not feel sick about it but I would be pissed off with her). I would keep telling myself it was only a kiss and he was drunk - not sure if would do any good though. You have to let it pass - talking to someone would help big time as it would take a bit of the load off of your brain.

There is no point talking to the guy about it again unless you need to make it clear that he is never to do something like that again - but Id say he knows that.

BackwardRussia wrote:

So if a girl has a few too many 1 night on the town, and gets beaten, raped and killed because shes more easily taken advantage of in that state, thats her fault for gettin drunk? Right.. Sorry to be extreme but I have a point to prove.

She would be partly responsible if the getting drunk put her in the vunerable position whereby she could be attacked.

Smiley012

I can't express how I whole heartedly agree with randylonghorn, one of the few people on this thread to speak real sense, and as for ninja101 implying that it's not ok to be gay...

like, what year are you living in? have you no respect for people's sexual orientation?

I have no respect for people who put themselves upon people who are drunk, in fact I tend to think it's downright disgusting, all I can say about it is that if it was a girl OP would not have had the same reaction. He needs to accept that it happened, be comfortable with his own sexuality so that he can move on. Unfortunately signals can be mixed, and people can get very drunk, and people can be very sleazy, I know that myself from nights out on the town.

I don't think he should feel so disgusted with himself, as it was only a kiss... an unwanted kiss I know, but at least thats all it was! OP has done nothing wrong and shouldn't feel ashamed of himself in anyway.

I also wouldn't think that his GF would turn her back on him, or give him a hard time over it, especially if he makes it clear that he's very upset about it. I'm sure that if she loves you, she will support you, and maybe thats what you need? A bit of reassurance and love?

Also, if it is seriously really bothering him, maybe he should go speak to somebody about it... it can help!

LegacyUser

'

dame wrote:

No, I'd hand over a bit of cash, there's no point in getting knifed for a few quid. That would be defending myself. Fighting will only cause you more injury in the long run.

Had to pick up on this, you really dont have a clue what your talking about or arent very street smart. People like you are the reason criminals exist, because they can get away with it. Now unless someone has a loaded shotgun to my head and told me to hand over my wallet, I am going to fight them back.

Just handing your wallet to them and being on your merry way says to them: you won, if you see me around town again sure just take my wallet, I aint gonna fight back. I think some things are worth getting into a fight over, and this is 1 of them. You sound like a complete pushover to be honest (And no disrespect if you are a girl), but you sound like the type who never stands up for themselves.

I get the vibe off you that you think its the OPs fault he was sexually assaulted by a homosexual. Its not. For gods sake if you cant even get drunk and crash on your mates sofa without being kissed by a homosexual man I dunno what the world is coming to.'

kizzyr

ninja 101 wrote:

No you can't justify what happened,this guy has wittingly or unwittingly tried to embroiled this innocent albeit drunk guy in the stigma that involves homosexuality.If this guys friends ever hear about this he will get stick for years.He attacked the mans sexuality.As for rapists and pedophiles, well lets just say I'm disappointed we don't have the death sentence.

Burt why is there a stigma attached to homosexuality I really don't get this, what is so wrong with someone being gay or how can the fear of someone slagging you off for that be so bad that you will pretty much throw yourself down the stairs and break a few fingers to get away from someone who kissed you? Fair enough they shouldn't have done that but I am really puzzled at the fear so many men have of homosexuality

Tha Gopher

dame wrote:

This opinion is extremely immature. For a start there's a severe anti-gay tone to it. Here's a little boy who's so insecure in himself he has to beat up someone who kissed him, just to prove that he isn't gay and can't "be taken advantage of".

Good god, young man with above views. Hello 999, put me through to the thought police.

If I assume by the way she is dressed a girl is loose, and when shes asleep i feel her up, she wakes and clatters me one, is it because she doesnt want to be used? Or is she a slut in denial, much like your insinuitating ninja is gay in denail?

Kizzyr, its how society works. If a man does this to you, the reaction is violence, its just the way of the world. Pretty much the same way we instinctively react with violence in matters to do with harm on our sisters, daughters, partners, family and friends etc, its simply in the head and tbh as a female you should be greatful if you have male relatives/friends willing to risk prosecution to commit illegal violence if harm comes to you.

As for the stigma, is basically boils down to one sentence

"Its an exit hole"

Its all in the head, again, pre determined since before you knew what gay and straight were. Hell, as a 5 year old I was mortified when my mother told me Id be getting a tetanus injection in my arse (terrified as I assumed it was going the brown avenue route in, rather than simply puncturing my cheeks )

Carrigart Exile

kizzyr wrote:

Burt why is there a stigma attached to homosexuality I really don't get this, what is so wrong with someone being gay or how can the fear of someone slagging you off for that be so bad that you will pretty much throw yourself down the stairs and break a few fingers to get away from someone who kissed you? Fair enough they shouldn't have done that but I am really puzzled at the fear so many men have of homosexuality

20 years ago you could still be jailed for being homosexual; that institutionalised discrimination takes time to pass out of the psyche.

Bottle_of_Smoke

kizzyr wrote:

Burt why is there a stigma attached to homosexuality I really don't get this, what is so wrong with someone being gay

I personally believe it's down to natural selection. When we were evolving if you were 100% gay & comfortable with same the chances are your genes would never be passed on. If you were homophobic it's much more likely your genes would have been passed on. Hence people of today.

OP:

Don't kick the **** out of him. It will achieve nothing. There's also the worst case scenario that he might win the fight & if you're this uncomfortable with a guy kissing you I'd hate to see what being beaten in a fight by a pansey would do.

The problem with this thread is we don't know anything about the guy. I suspect he's not a closet case because he came on to you. However maybe something you said or did during the night led him to suspect you were gay/bi.

My first point in this post explains why you're not telling your girlfriend & wh you feel feel panicky/guilty - How about telling your mate who he lives with? Maybe your friend has had to cover for him before, maybe he's capable of worse.

That said - he might have thought you were bi - didn't realise you were quite so bolloxed, tried his luck - and for a second thought you were reciprocating. He could may well feel sick to his stomach that he put someone in that situation.

Avoid primitive urges - won't get you anywhere in this day & age, if it was me I'd tell my girlfriend, but I'm comfortable enough to make a joke out of it - probably would have pushed him off and had a laugh about it. Not trying to put you down - three years ago I would have reacted the same way as you.

LegacyUser

'Well just to let you know, I did tell the girlfriend when we were out last night and it felt great to confide in someone about it. She knew that I didn't know what I was doing because she was out on my last birthday where I was given free drink all night so knows what I'm like on a mad night out.
She advised me to just avoid the guy if possible but as most of you said he is probably so embarrassed he will avoid me too.

I've actually almost completely forgot about it and actually laugh when I think about it now because it's just so crazy and unbievable. Being with the girlfriend on a night out helped alot I think and I've set my limit of drinks to 6 whenever I go out and I must say I really enjoyed myself last night.

Anyway thanks for all the replies and advice (though some of it scares me).'

Boston

I find this thread and the people who have posted in it revolting for many reasons.

• The OP was sexually assaulted. Trying to turn him into the bad guy for feeling that way is well out of line, as is making small of it with statements like "it happens to women all the time" and "what do you expect when you get drunk". I'd feel the exact same way as the OP, and I also would have left as quickly as possible. Being honest the guy probably would have received a smack or two as well. I honestly have to wonder about the people who are inventing excuses for this guy. Once someone is passed out, that's it, it's over. Who gives a fuk what the Gay guy thought.

• Others have put forward the idea that the only way for the OP to prove he's no gay is to kick the crap out of the guy. Send a message to him and his gay mates. What planet do you people live on, where it is better to risk your life and your freedom then be perceived to be gay by some morons? If the OP goes back and kicks the **** of the guy, he'll more then likely end up behind bars for it with a criminal record. You're in a ****ed up situation, don't make it any worse, don't turn him into the victim.

Silent Grape

people will take advantage when you're drunk. girls have to deal with this ****, drunk or not, every time we're out. and then when we complain get asked 'were you wearing something slutty?'

yes ive had people kissing me, groping me, full on trying to have sex with me at parties, when im trying to sleep. you write them off as ****, get you're friends to kick them out, and continue having fun/sleeping. maybe the fact it was a guy is whats freaking you out the most, would you have honestly run so fast you injure yourself from a girl trying it on?

Boston

Silent Grape wrote:

people will take advantage when you're drunk. girls have to deal with this ****, drunk or not, every time we're out. and then when we complain get asked 'were you wearing something slutty?'

But you're saying the exact same time of thing. Girls put up with it so the OP should. You both ridcule the OP and moan about not being taking seriously when it happens to you. Just because you tolerate that behaviour doesn't mean he should.

yes ive had people kissing me, groping me, full on trying to have sex with me at parties, when im trying to sleep. you write them off as ****, get you're friends to kick them out, and continue having fun/sleeping.

I can't believe you tolerate that, and expect others to as well.

maybe the fact it was a guy is whats freaking you out the most, would you have honestly run so fast you injure yourself from a girl trying it on?

A guy doing that to me would also freak me out allot more then a women, for the simple reason you've less control. You can be more easily over powered. I would more then like panic, which is what the OP did. That said if I woke up to find a woman I barely knew, if at all ,erforming oral sex for example, I'd hit the roof.

Silent Grape

im just saying, these things happen, people get drunk and most of the time are just being 'chancers' and not trying to 'violate' you or whatever. lets just say it could have been a lot worse.

i fully respect the OPs feelings about this, and i dont at all think its acceptable, and i dont accept it, or expect others to. the last man that put his hand up my skirt recieved a punch in the face which left him on the ground. im not proud of it, but im saying, it happens. and this was fairly mild in all fairness, compared to some of the **** thats happened to me and friends of mine.

i didnt once ridicule the OP. im sure it was a shock. im just saying, chill out a bit, stop analysing it, chances are he was as drunk as you were and being a bit bold. just relax a little about, you're still you, you didnt have a hand down your pants. look at the bigger picture. if a gay girl was trying to kiss me while i slept, yes id be pissed off, id push her away, firmly, tell her im not interested, firmly, and tell her its innapropriate to do this. and id probably feel a little sorry for her that she has to kiss people while they're asleep to get any. but i certainly wouldnt be screaming 'sexual assault'. i know sexual assault, and this situation isnt it.

Silent Grape

Boston, what if it was a very large woman? a woman bigger than you? im 5'11 and a kickboxer...