Am I being Unfair?

LegacyUser

Hi All

Hopefully you can give me an anwser to this issue myself and my gf are having at the moment. We have being going out for 4 years but are having arguments over this at the moment. Im 26 and she is 25 by the way.

Basically the problem revolves around holidays. I play hurling to quite a high level and as a result I am out training or playing games on average about 3 nights/days a week. Because our big games are all in the summer it is impossible for me to predict when out big games willl be and as a result I can't really commit to a weeks holidays now in case of a clash. I have a 2 day trip planned for midweek in the start of July with friend to spain which is a trip I take every year since I have been 19 unless a clash occurs, last year we had a drw and the replay fell midweek so the trip to spain was cancelled. The main reason I wont commit to a week away is in case that happens. It's one thing cancelling a two day trip with the lads abut another explaining that to your girlfriend about a weeks holidays! I know this sounds stupid to some people but not to me!


Its not that we never go away, we have been on 2 hols for a week each time in each of the last three years, It's just that I cant commit to a week during the "peak season"

This has always been a part of me, it's not something that I have taken up recently, my gf knew I was like this when we first started seeing each other but it seems she has really developed a problem with it.

My question is that I am accused of being unfair and of putting her last all the time. Is that a fair assumption? Obviously I dont think it is but I would like to hear your opinions!

BoozyBabe

No, I don't think you're being unfair, but perhaps how you put your point of view towards her is winding her up, I don't know!!

Myself & bf are also 26. He plays hurling & soccer, therefore in peak season there's training 3 times a week & games on Sat & sun & perhaps during the week.
I was getting fed up of being on my own all the time, while he was at his sport, not mad at him, but mad at me for not having a life, so I took up my sport again: camogie & in peak season I've nearly as much training as him, & I understand what you mean by not being able to commit to holidays.

Thing is, you can get so many late deals close to the time where you'll have a good idea whether you'll be able to make it or not. Much better than having her plan her dream hol all year & then it being cancelled at the last minute.

Also, what about going away a few times a year, for a bank hol weekend, like 2 nights in Galway or other such places when it suits you, just to get away from the routine of daily life. Will prob make her feel better too.

But yea, I don't think you're in the wrong.

comewatmay

Unreggied! wrote:

Hi All

Hopefully you can give me an anwser to this issue myself and my gf are having at the moment. We have being going out for 4 years but are having arguments over this at the moment. Im 26 and she is 25 by the way.

Basically the problem revolves around holidays. I play hurling to quite a high level and as a result I am out training or playing games on average about 3 nights/days a week. Because our big games are all in the summer it is impossible for me to predict when out big games willl be and as a result I can't really commit to a weeks holidays now in case of a clash. I have a 2 day trip planned for midweek in the start of July with friend to spain which is a trip I take every year since I have been 19 unless a clash occurs, last year we had a drw and the replay fell midweek so the trip to spain was cancelled. The main reason I wont commit to a week away is in case that happens. It's one thing cancelling a two day trip with the lads abut another explaining that to your girlfriend about a weeks holidays! I know this sounds stupid to some people but not to me!


Its not that we never go away, we have been on 2 hols for a week each time in each of the last three years, It's just that I cant commit to a week during the "peak season"

This has always been a part of me, it's not something that I have taken up recently, my gf knew I was like this when we first started seeing each other but it seems she has really developed a problem with it.

My question is that I am accused of being unfair and of putting her last all the time. Is that a fair assumption? Obviously I dont think it is but I would like to hear your opinions!

One piece of advice from a man who plays a lot of football, U MUST organise a holiday with her it is totally unfair. Me and my girlfriend broke up and part of the reason was my commitment to football i.e not going on holidays,very little clubbing/drinking etc. And you know wat, the minute we break up im out twice a week and organising a holiday straight away for this summer, if you and ur g/f break up over this u will always regret it. I know one things for sure theres more things important in life than sport, and one of them is ur g/f. If i had her back now i would do things much much differently

6th

OP, could you take 3 weeks off for a honeymoon? Or would you plan a wedding etc around your sporting commitments?

Beruthiel

Am I being Unfair?

No.
You're not being unfair to what you want to do.
Thing is, it comes down to what's the most important thing in your life?

You can have many things in your life, but if something or someone is being left out, then perhaps you need to ask yourself a few questions.
You need to either make some time for your g/f.
or
find a g/f that this does not bother so much.
Either way, if you do not address this (in a less stubborn way) it is going to become a real issue for you both.
At the end of the day, it's not about who's right or wrong, it's about what makes you both happy.

My question is that I am accused of being unfair and of putting her last all the time. Is that a fair assumption? Obviously I dont think it is but I would like to hear your opinions!

Considering that she is fitted in after all the training/matches etc.. then she is coming last after that, is she not?
But as you said yourself, she knew this from the start.
Just my opinion of course.
You both need to talk.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies anyway everybody. Just in response to some of the questions. Yes we do go away on holidays just not in June/July mostly. Like last year we went to Zakynthos, weekend in London and 4 days in rome. The year b4 we had 3 weeks in australia so the going away part is not an issue, it's the fact that we cant really plan now for the summertime is the problem. Also the fact that I booked my midweek thing as well, but the thing is there is that I'd cancel it no probs whereas I couldnt cancel a big hol probly!

Beruthiel

Are you saying it's just for june and july?
Cos if that's all, I wouldn't see it as a big issue.

limklad

Unreggied! wrote:

Thanks for the replies anyway everybody. Just in response to some of the questions. Yes we do go away on holidays just not in June/July mostly. Like last year we went to Zakynthos, weekend in London and 4 days in rome. The year b4 we had 3 weeks in australia so the going away part is not an issue, it's the fact that we cant really plan now for the summertime is the problem. Also the fact that I booked my midweek thing as well, but the thing is there is that I'd cancel it no probs whereas I couldnt cancel a big hol probly!

You been playing GAA for some time now so you girlfriend should know this is part of you life. They you enjoy it and it make you happy. Not many people give up drink/social life for sport. It shows commitment. Also it two months of the year that she is having a problem with that. What wrong with the other 10 for holidays?
I think she is jealous of the GAA. To her, It is like your other girlfriend that she cannot compete with. If she knows you are passionate about the sports and it make you happy then she should accept it and you should accept those things that make her happy.
I going to be brutal brunt and say "Do you really know your girlfriend?" Do you love her unconditionaly? Does she love you unconditionaly? Do you listen to her and be attentive to her? Do you both repect each other?
Basily you need find out what is driving her to start a fight with you? You need to talk not verbally fight! Do not get mad or angry at her as it will always backfire on you at a later date, no matter what she says to you, stay clam, wait until she finishes what she had to say before you responds. If she repects you she will listen.
I know a girl who married a farmer who can not go on holidays for 4 months of the summer and she barly see him during that time, but they do talk alot on the phone while he out doing contract work. They suit each personality wise. They goes on holidays in October and short weekend break through out the year.
Unconditionaly Love heals all wounds and overcome challanges. Jealous, envy, "selfish love" destroys releationships in the heart.
Hope it works out for you. all the best

chump

at the end of the day more honored in the breach than in the observance
if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. leave no stone unturned or are you as useless as a hip pocket in a singlet
Where's the beef? It's not a red herring, shots ring out. Give peace a chance whether you're searching for the right woman or man.

dudara

@ chump ?? - Please only post helpful comments. dudara

Mojito

What about August? I don't think any girl would complain about going off on a holiday in August or am I missing something?

deisemum

Wouldn't it be worse for her if you were part of a successful county hurling team that played through to September. LOL

I don't think you're being unfair if it's only June/July that you don't go on holidays. Personally I'd be happy going outside the busier and more expensive time of the year.

Has this been a recent complaint or has she complained about it other years? Have you recently booked the midweek break with your friend, maybe if you have it's crystalizing her view of being way down the line and she's feeling fed up.

I know how she feels, been there in a slightly similar situation but I know that hubby really enjoys what he's at and if he's happy then I'm happy enough to go along with it. I might have the occasional moan especially if I'm feeling hard done by left looking after the children all the time.


One of my neighbours has a very senior position in the GAA and has a wife and school going children so they take a summer holiday in July or August. They usually book last minute holidays and have no problems getting something

pepper

Unreggied! wrote:

Hi All

Hopefully you can give me an anwser to this issue myself and my gf are having at the moment. We have being going out for 4 years but are having arguments over this at the moment. Im 26 and she is 25 by the way.

Basically the problem revolves around holidays. I play hurling to quite a high level and as a result I am out training or playing games on average about 3 nights/days a week. Because our big games are all in the summer it is impossible for me to predict when out big games willl be and as a result I can't really commit to a weeks holidays now in case of a clash. I have a 2 day trip planned for midweek in the start of July with friend to spain which is a trip I take every year since I have been 19 unless a clash occurs, last year we had a drw and the replay fell midweek so the trip to spain was cancelled. The main reason I wont commit to a week away is in case that happens. It's one thing cancelling a two day trip with the lads abut another explaining that to your girlfriend about a weeks holidays! I know this sounds stupid to some people but not to me!


Its not that we never go away, we have been on 2 hols for a week each time in each of the last three years, It's just that I cant commit to a week during the "peak season"

This has always been a part of me, it's not something that I have taken up recently, my gf knew I was like this when we first started seeing each other but it seems she has really developed a problem with it.

My question is that I am accused of being unfair and of putting her last all the time. Is that a fair assumption? Obviously I dont think it is but I would like to hear your opinions!

well honestly she should know that during a peak season u cant just go off like that- she knew ur commitments when she met you

LegacyUser

'My advice is that unless you're playing intercounty for one of the main hurling counties (Clare, Cork, Limerick, Waterford, Kilkenny, Offaly, Wexford, Galway) or playing for a team with a very realistic chance of winning club all-Ireland, stop being such a hurling dork and go on holidays. You're old enough, so it's not like you're going to get called up to your county team either. I know of lads your age that take it as seriously as you, they're all talentless players who make senior teams based on their dedication and commitment alone, and to be honest I find it quite sad. It's time to mature and realise that as an adult you have commitments greater than hurling.

P.S. I am hoping for your sake that you're not from Dublin or you're not some guy who plays an annonymous intercounty team.'

Ciara22

Im in the same situation as your girlfriend, and it does get a little frustrating at times. I dont even get weekends away or short breaks because of his job and his commitment to sport. This only started after we began seeing each other and its gonna get worse! I see how much he loves both his job and sport and actually admire his dedication.
I think your gf is lucky she does get some sort of a break with you.

tinkerbell

What's wrong with all the other months of the year??

Unless she is a teacher, then I don't see what the problem is (although they do get hols for Easter and Christmas too, so that shouldn't be a problem either). What every happened to going away mid year? I know high season is the summer for places like the mediterranean countries, but the Caribbean and Indian Ocean have their high season December - April.

She's been unreasonable if ya ask me.

LegacyUser

Its give and take to be honest, this happens to me a bit and we fight over it but at the end of the day the gf loves the glitz and glamour of it. Sure there is always the team holiday in the off peak season. I personally think she's annoyed that we arent in dubai at the moment.