A few smiles

Hagar

Two deaf guys are trying to buy some condoms, but the pharmacist does not read sign. Frustrated they go outside to figure out a way to make him understand what they want.
Finally one of the guys gets an idea, goes into the pharmacy, whips out his member and lays his money beside it on the counter. The pharmacist looks around to make sure no other customers are in the store, whips out his member and takes the money.
The guy goes out and signs the event to his friend. The friend goes in to the pharmacy and comes out about five minutes later.
The first guy signs asking if he got the condoms.
The second guy signs back, "No, but I got your money back."

<<<>>>

An old man turned 115 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. During the interview the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together. A very pretty girl of about 19 served the old man and the reporter, keeping them in fresh tea and running errands for them.
"Are these your grandkids?" the reporter asked. "Naw, sir, they all be my younguns," the old man replied with a sly grin.
"Your kids?" said the reporter. "What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your children too?"
"Naw, sir," said the old man. "She be my wife."
"Your wife?" said the surprised reporter. "But she can't be more than 19 years old."
"Thass right," said the old man with pride.
"Well, surely you can't have a sex life with you being 115 and she being only 19," the reporter remarked.
"Naw, sir, " said the old man. "We have sex every night. Every night two of my boys helps me on it, and every morning six of my boys helps me off."
"Wait just one minute," said the newspaperman. "Why does it only take two of your boys to put you on, but it takes six of them to take you off?"
"Cause," the spry old man said with a balled fist, "I fights 'em."

<<<>>>

A priest was preparing a dying man for his 'long day's journey into night'.
Whispering firmly, the priest says,
"Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil."
The dying man says nothing.
The priest repeats his order again.
Still, the dying man says nothing.
The priest asks,
"Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"
The dying man replies,
"Until I know exactly where I'm headed, I don't think it's such a good idea to aggravate anybody just yet."

<<<>>>


The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week.
Little Irving got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last week - " he began.
"Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher.
"Is he all right now?"
"He must be," said little Irving.
"He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

<<<>>>

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.
He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me" he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.
Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.
Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Well, I ****en Didn’t", said the bat.

TerrorFirmer

Last one is great....

r3nu4l

First joke...were the two deaf guys mute as well? Couldn't they have just asked the pharmacist for condoms? Shouldn't they just have gone to Tesco and picked them off the shelves? Probably would have been cheaper too than the local pharmacy. That's the problem these days, nobody thinks about saving a bit of money, it's all spend, spend, spend. Although of course maybe they were attempting to support local business over the giant consumer behometh that is Tesco today...

Hagar

Mmmm...Do I use my god-like mod powers to edit the first post and make r3nu4l look silly or will I go and have my tea...

Nyom nyom it's meatballs. He was lucky that time.:D

KamiKazi

Hagar wrote:

Mmmm...Do I use my god-like mod powers to edit the first post and make r3nu4l look silly or will I go and have my tea...

Nyom nyom it's meatballs. He was lucky that time.:D

lol

Capt'n Midnight

r3nu4l wrote:

That's the problem these days, nobody thinks about saving a bit of money, it's all spend, spend, spend.

there are some things that you shouldn't over-economise on

r3nu4l

Hagar wrote:

Mmmm...Do I use my god-like mod powers to edit the first post and make r3nu4l look silly or will I go and have my tea...

Nyom nyom it's meatballs. He was lucky that time.:D

/wipes sweat from brow...cooks more meatballs