Just how do u get over it completely?

LegacyUser

is there people out there who havent got over fully a relationship breakup that happened year or more ago? I personally havent got over 1. I wouldnt want to be back with my x girlfriend. I dont even talk to her now. That was more her choice then mine but I wouldnt want to talk to her. It was long and serious and I after 2 years or so,
I have tried to fill the gap with things I like, one or two decent girls along the way, that kinda thing. Ive snapped out of it so many times but here and there it jsut comes crawling back. I miss the comfort not so much her, and Im annoyed that I got awful upset and made a fool of myself when breakup happened. Also annoyed that my whole youth was spent on her and memories and good times mean nothing.

Just wondering is there many in the same boat? has it taken people longer

LegacyUser

'I'm in the same position.
3 year relationship. I'm 20 and we broke up when I was 19.
I don't want to get back with him, and like you, I don't even speak to him.
But every now and then, I miss him terribly. I miss not having that person who's close to me through everything, knowing what to expect from that person.
Of course the fact that everywhere I go has reminders of him doesn't help.
I wish I could tell you some easy solution for this, but the truth is there is none. Hopefully, you will find someone to be that close to again. That's what keeps me sane, knowing that I will eventually find someone better, and when I do I will know not to let the same things happen with that person.
Just keep yourself surrounded with friends, when she comes to mind remember there's a reason you broke up and hopefully you'll snap out of it.
Sorry I couldn't be more helpful!'

free2fly

When a LT relationship ends there is a grieving process, and a grieving period. Everyone is different in the ways they grieve, and also the amount of time it takes to deal with and move on from their grief. You are still grieving OP. Give it time. Eventually the pain will fade and you will find someone who will make you so happy that you'll just stop missing your ex completely It will happen. You may still have thoughts about her for the rest of your life. But eventually the thoughts won't hurt and they may even turn into fond memories

Mojito

Hmm, its different with me?

I was in a 7 year relationship with my ex before we broke up but when I look back I only see the good times and it brings a smile to my face. I was heart broken when we split up but I got over it in the end.

I've met some lovely girls since then and have had some great times. The difference between me and you is we still talk and met up a few times a year. If its not meant to be its not meant to be, not much you can do.

Look at it this way I'm sure there's lots of people who have been in a relationship who sometimes wish they were single. Actually probably most.

chuci

i was in the same position a few years ago horrible place to be in rock ans a hard place springs to mind.i think that you must just realise that its just her comfort and maybe the memories that you shared but not act her.we all have a tendency to look back on stuff with rose coloured glasses(well its what used to do) and then you miss them more.there are some self help things that say right out a list all your frustrations sadness etc linked with the situation crumple it up and feel the sense of release.just dont go out with anyone else while your fig yourself out dont want to be hurting people.hope this helps anyway,goodluck.

LegacyUser

All the help and advice you need is in this thread OP http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=269323

Its a shame it was locked, there's so many good tips and experience in there it should be a sticky.

Spitfire666

I'm in the same position. infact the unreg post directly below the initial post could well have been written by me. im 20, broke up after a 3 year relation ship and never really got over it. We dont talk and its unfortunate as i'd prefer to be able to as i liked chatting with her about nothing in particular. I too am angry that it upset me so much but things happened, mistakes where made on both sides and for better or worse we split up, i was upset for a long time and it does still get to me but not much anymore. i am more glad that shes happy in her situation now. wouldn't say i could never get back with her as if we got talking again and it came about i probly would if things were better but thats VERY unlikely.

Angeles

To be honest i think it vary's from person to person.
I was in a LT relationship when i was a teen and we broke up when i was 18, thats now approx 6 years ago, i can say i'm over it, but even after all that time, now and then i do think about her and wonder abit.

I think people to you in your past, present and future who have or will be very close and important to you, will always leave a mark on you, some call it a scar on your heart . (but it only becomes a scar after the wound has healed - which is more what your describing and over the main grievence)

Over time this scar will become less noticable, but i don't believe it will ever truely fade, nor would i want it as i look at it now as an experience i was glad to have.

Only your own choices can make it less of an issue for you.
After much time has past you'll still get memory's as you've explained, but you now have the choice to focus on those memories and feel bad, or take action which could make you feel worse.
Or you could threat them as they are, as a memory of someone who will always hold a part of you, and focus on the other important things in your life

LegacyUser

'This relationship ran from 17 - 23. I remember my older sister of 2 years in a similar situation. She is now married, but everytime my relations mention her ex she cringes up inside. He's a neighbour and she see him alot but they dont talk. I dont wanna be like that.

Its crap situation. I think I need to travel, or change jobs, maybe even the type of work I do. Need to be happy again. I dont want to try real hard. Would like them to happen naturally if people know what I mean,
Want her and the past completely out of my mind and start afresh.'

Nalz

I was in this situation too, its feckin tough to say the least but wha can ya do only pick yourself up. Life is too short for moanin and groaning I think. If ya know what ya wanna do in life then.....do it! If ya dont, find out what you wanna do.

LegacyUser

'Im in the exact same situation except I see/talk to me x most days. Its tough and eveyday I realise that we will never be together like we were, which I want. Everyday I feel a little worse because I miss how things used to be and just wish I could have one more shot!'

CathyMoran

Some relationships are just special and you never fully get over them, you just get used to the pain...I can think about one relationship in particular logically and say that it would have taken an awful lot of work and that he would have hurt me but I still feel something for him...then I look at my life now (happily marrried to a wonderful man) and I am thankful that the other relationship did not work.

LegacyUser

'Thanks.to all that replied to this. I wish I could go a full week without thinking of her. Its horrible thinking of someone who developed a hatred of you. Really horrible. I put on those silly rose tinted glasses sometimes. Thinking of how she was best mates with my sister, thinking of all the silly and lovey dovey thinks she did. But time moves on. Heres me sulking all this time and she's living the highlife. More than likely with a new man or new mates. so annoying!'

limklad

Peter Parker wrote:

'Thanks.to all that replied to this. I wish I could go a full week without thinking of her. Its horrible thinking of someone who developed a hatred of you. Really horrible. I put on those silly rose tinted glasses sometimes. Thinking of how she was best mates with my sister, thinking of all the silly and lovey dovey thinks she did. But time moves on. Heres me sulking all this time and she's living the highlife. More than likely with a new man or new mates. so annoying!'

Sulking over her is not going to do you any favors. It clear both of you are not suited to each other, otherwise you would have been back together.
Everybody is different, It is clear you love her since you had been grieving for the lost of the relationship.

Peter Parker wrote:

I personally havent got over 1. I wouldnt want to be back with my x girlfriend. I dont even talk to her now. That was more her choice then mine but I wouldnt want to talk to her.

You have answer you own dilemma, so what is stopping you from moving on?
Was she your ideal woman? Did you believe that she is "the one" ? well you know what she not!!
She clearly was not an angel, was she? What way did you break up? Did she hurt you to the bone? It is clear from you posts that she did.
You can stop now. It draining all of you energy continuing this way. You are allowing her to prevent you from living your life. Do something useful with it. It is clear she does not deserve it. She not sulking for your loss, therefore it is over. Sad I know.
as Trilla says

Trilla wrote:

Life is too short

You can do better. Now move forward with your life.

iremex

similar, peter parker, you WILL get over this. was in a similar situation myself and it took me TWO YEARS if i was to put a time on my recovery period.

there is nothing you can physically do to speed things up. even when i casually dated, it just wasnt the same. my ex was my first love and even to this day i get a twinge in the stomach when i see her and thats after 4 years apart.

one positive is that after a while you wont think of them from one day to the next and when you do, you will remember the good things but just recap why you two arent together anymore. those issues never really go away.
when i spilt with my girlfriend, we lost contact for 6months and got back together(before the FINAL split) and everything was rosey for the first couple of weeks and it was as good as you can imagine it being but as fast as a flash, all the problems came rushing back.

im not saying that if you split you wont be able to get back together, but regarding my experiences once something is broken it cant be fixed and no amount of coverup will heal/hide those cracks.

remember, it gets easier and its a walk of life you have to give you more experience on how to handle if it happens to you again. better learning now rather than when you are married and with kids.

best of luck in the future. tomorrow is another day..