Infatuations

LegacyUser

Does anyone else here suffer with infatuations? I have been with the same bloke 10 years (since a teenager) We are more or less married and have 3 young kids. We rushed into buying a house when we were too young, and now I am stuck at home as a housewife while my friends are out enjoying life. My problem is this, I cannot stop myself getting crushs on other men, on a couple of occassions with drink taken I have been close to actually making a pass at them, these are single lads I would know well. I know deep down that I made the wrong choice in who to spend the rest of my life with, but for the sake of the kids I don't want to wreck ouir lives. Is it just me, am I having a pre-mid life crisis?

free2fly

It's human nature to look. And from my experience, if you are not receiving the attention that you need, and are not happy with your relationship, you will develop infatuations as a way to fill those needs. If someone flirts with you it makes you feel good about yourself. But, if you want to keep your relationship in tact for the sake of the children then don't act on it. I won't lecture you on how wrong it can be to stay together for the children. That's not what you asked. Yes, I have been in that situation. Unhappy. And my infatuations were many. But I never acted on them. I just accepted them for what they were.

dame

Some of your single friends will have issues of their own. Some might envy you being settled down while they struggle to find a boyfriend etc. Nobody's life is perfect.

If you could distract yourself from your own situation would that help? Being stuck at home all day probably isn't doing you any good and is leaving you concentrating on yourself and your own dissatisfaction. Could you get a part-time job? Do some charity work? Join a parent-toddler group? Start a course or training program? What would you being with your life now if you hadn't had kids and settled down young? You're still young and taking up something now is a very real possibility. Most third level institutions have child-care facilities and back-to-education type schemes. Make some changes in your own life and you may find that you enjoy life more and you and your family are more content.

LegacyUser

'Thanks for the replies guys, I know I have to get out more. One minute I was in a job I love, with a life ( and kids being minded) and next I am at home with three kids under 4, and nothing to look forward to anymore. I started knocking back the wine every night, and it was turning into a problem. Hopefully once the summer rolls in and we are all getting out and about a bit more, I will improve, and stop eyeing up everyone( only joking). But honestly I just wondered did other people do this, because it was not something I could have admitted to the people around me.'

LegacyUser

'TBH, I'm quite jealous of you.
I'd imagine we're roughly the same age & all I dream of is to be settled down with my partner & our little brats running around us.

Me, I'm young, & free with no commitments, bills, responsibilities.
Prob all the things you yearn for, but that's just it:- we always want what we can't have!!! Think it's just in our nature.

I know if you & I swapped places for 6 months, we'd be screaming to get back to our own lives by the end of it.

But, as another poster said, there are lots of things you could do to improve the boredom.
Probably when you're not working, you can't afford full time childcare, but I'm sure you could drop them off for a few hours each week.
Use this time for yourself, going to the gym, of pool, getting pampered, studying a correspondence course from home, or anything like that.

& as for not having a future:- besides yourself, you've the joy of watching your 3 young children growing up & all the fun that's associated with that.
I on the other hand may never be that lucky.

If everything's great with your partner, but it's just the boring routine of your life that's causing your infatuations, then, spice up your life a bit & the infatuations will disappear.
BUT, if there are big problems with your partner, staying with him could actually be worse for the children in the long run than leaving.
But, you haven't mentioned being unhappy with him, so we'll leave that out, I'd say your just fed up with everyday grown-up life.

Cheer up.
Things are never so bad that they couldn't be worse.
(But only you have the power to make positive changes in your life)'

Black Swan

Get out more! And it's OK to look... Just don't touch.

sweet-rasmus

don't wait for the summer to sort things out! u may go nuts before hand. if u can take up a night course, or get out and see your friends more often, it would give you a breath of fresh air.

dame

Don't put your life on hold. The longer you leave it the harder it will be to make changes. I returned to college full-time to finish my degree, with a toddler. It can be done. I know you've three but you can do it. You just need to be super-organised, get a good bed-time routine (all in bed by 8pm at latest, your three are still small enough to go when they're told without fuss hopefully) and then you've time to do your assignments etc. I'm sure your hubby would be supportive if you told him you want to make changes and do something for yourself. Get looking into what courses you'd like to do/part-time work you'd like to do. Once you're happier your whole family will be.