A joke or two

Rabies

Two hillbillies walk into a bar.

While having a shot of whiskey, They talk about their own moonshine operations. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head no.

"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there "Hind Lick Maneuver", but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"

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I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

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How do you sink an Irish submarine?
Knock on the hatch.

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How do you sink another Irish submarine?
Knock on the hatch again, he'll open the window and say 'I'm not falling for THAT again!'

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Paddy Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman decide to do a science experiment. They buy an elephant and block it's bum with a huge cork! They then leave the elephant for a few months, coming back they find the elephant has swollen to a huge size with all the crap building up inside it, so they try to decide who will pull the cork out to which they all say "no way, not me!" So they buy a monkey and train it to pull corks out, so the big day comes, the monkey sits behind the elephant, Paddy Irishman stands 5 feet away, Scotsman stands 10 feet away and Englishman 20 feet away. The monkey is given the command by Paddy Irishman and it pulls the cork out! A huge wave of **** flies out burying Paddy Irishman completely, Scotsman is buried up to the waist and Englishman up to his ankles, Paddy Englishman helps Scotsman out as they rush to rescue Paddy Irishman, when they uncover his head they find him laughing. "What's so funny?" they ask. Paddy Irishman replies "You should have seen the look on the monkeys face!"

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What's the difference between Christopher Reeve and O.J. Simpson?
Christopher Reeve got the electric chair.

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fred funk }{

Very good. The last one was class

wba88

very good indeed

OfflerCrocGod

"You should have seen the look on the monkeys face!" - rofl

GLaDOS

I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

Lmfao

Victor

I cried @ monkey.

Hagar

Definitely a 5 star thread. Nice one.:D

redzerdrog

some v good ones

The Hill Billy

Rabies wrote:

Two hillbillies walk into a bar.

While having a shot of whiskey, They talk about their own moonshine operations. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head no.

"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there "Hind Lick Maneuver", but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"

QFT

Capt'n Midnight

monkey :eek: