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Rabies

A squad of American soldiers were patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened. "Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard.

I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!'" "He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!'" "We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."

---

A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk.

He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he asked. "Why, yes, I am," said the doctor. The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth."

He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?" "Yes, dear, I am," said the mother beaming. "Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.

He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?" "Yes, I am," his father proudly answered.

The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger.

"Hurts, doesn't it!"

---

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It's-a illegal to putta 5 people in a Quattro."
"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.
"Quattro meansa four," replies the Italian official.
"Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile" the Germans retort unbelievingly. Look at ze papers, ze car is designed to karry 5 persons."
"You cant a pulla that a one on me!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four. You have fivea people ina your car and you are therefore abreaking the law."
The German driver replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. He's a busy with a 2 guys in a Fiat Uno.

GLaDOS

Love the first one