Parental advice

secman

My daughter came out at the end of November 2006, it was not too much of a shock to me , as I had suspected it for approx 2 years or so . I asked her about a year ago and she wasn't sure if Bi or Gay. Anyways she had no bad reactions from home. My wife was a bit upset, and is trying to come to terms with the reality of it. But she has hugged her and told her that she loves her and wants her to be happy. We were unsure and a bit worried how our son would react, but he just hugged her and said it was nobody's business.

My daughter is almost 21, and will be back in college in Sept to complete final year of her degree. She has led a quite sheltered life up to now, not having to many friends and not really socialising with the ones she had. Maybe it was all to do with coming to terms with her sexuality. When she came out, she was trying to disguise her girl friend as a "friend from work ". Its her first ever relationship and her partner is 24 yrs old, has travelled and had prevuious relationships ( not that thats a problem). The problem is that my daughter is "all consumed" and has dropped everything and family. I tried to talk to her and advised her to back off a little and take thing a bit slower, keeping a balance life style ( as in ... holding on to friends and interests).

But last Sunday she moved out and has been living in her partners parents home on the pretence that she is not getting on at home ! We don't even know her partners surname, address or anything about themas a family. I asked her to call last night for a chat and she informed us that she is setting up home with her partner eventually but still won't divulge where she is living.


I have ommitted all names for privacy reasons, I know it looks a bit cold not mentioning any names.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear that. I've been trying to think what I tell you for the last 3 hours.
I'm also a 21 year old lesbian. I've heard form a lot of people that the first time a girl is with another girl is extremely powerful and I've been warned not to think I'm falling in love with the first girl I kiss. Not trying to make excuses for your daughter but just wanted to say she wouldn't be the first to act like that.
Maybe you'd get more responces in Personal Issues? I think this has more to do with your relationship with your daughter than the fact that she's gay. But I don't know, just my opinion.
Well done by the way for being supportive. Hope my dad will be too!
I hope she comes around. I guess all you can do is be there for her if she does.

Annasopra

Not really sure what advice you are looking for but the parents support group might be able to help

http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/parents.htm

Nevyn

It's your daughters first relationship and we all do stupids things in our first relationships be they when we are 30 or 13.

It does seem like she is besotted and not thinking straight and is trying to be with this person as much as possible.

The thing is as much as you see her as your daughter and your little girl she is an adult over 18 and can move out of home and throw up her education if she wants to.

Like any adult some people have to move out of the family home ( or at least during the week ) to find themselves and become more independant.

I would suggest that you respect her decision, let her know that you all love her and want to keep in touch and tell her if she ever needs to move back home she can.

BuffyBot

What was said above pretty much sums up my response. She's in love and probably madly at that. Common sense doesn't always come into these things.

Stand back, let her do her thing and make sure she knows there is always an open door and listening ear for her if she needs it.

Beruthiel

Ya
Agree with everything said above.
I know you are probably just a bit worried that she might be throwing away her education or something, but at 21 that decision is for her to make.

The first few months of any relationship is always a bit of a whirl wind and seen through rose tinted glasses. Things will calm down eventually. Leave her to it and tell her that ye will always be there for her.

What was her excuse btw for not giving you her address? That seems a bit odd.

secman

Think she is probably afraid that we might pay a visit to the house as we were pretty annoyed, as you can imagine.

We have spoken since then and she did agree that they didn't handle the whole affair too well . She apologised and agreed to come home till they got their own place..... but didn't in the end . We have come to the conclusion that it suits her to stay in her partners home as they are sharing a room and it being her first relationship, she is besotted.
We have decided to leave her be and give her space and see what happens., but it hurts......

Nevyn

She prolly didn't mean to hurt you but was so caught up in all those new feelings.