The Official "You Go CathyMoran" thread!

ARGINITE

CathyMoran wrote:

Sorry that I was having a bad day the last time I posted.

If I only dealth with my bad days as well as you do

HelterSkelter

Hi Aoife,

have been following this thread for some time. Glad you are on the mend.

I had a serious operation a few years ago and can relate to a lot of the things you are saying. When I got out of hospital first I was very weak. It takes a lot of time for your body to recover from serious surgery. Like you I could barely walk up the stairs. If I tried to do something like leave the house and go shopping I would be wrecked for days after. When I got out of hospital first it seemed like I had one good day for every 6 bad days. By bad days I mean I was really tired, no energy at all, spent a lot of the day resting in bed and just lying around the house. Gradually the good days increased one by one until finally there were no more bad days. I'd say it took a good four months until I was back on my feet again. I think you just need to be patient. It is only a few weeks since your surgery, it is important to push yourself but it is also important to know when to take it easy and give your body a break. I do get the feeling you might be expecting too much, I would have never been able for going to the zoo so soon after my surgery!! The other thing is that as you are not eating properly yet it might take a bit longer to recover. I presume you are on vitamin suppliments and energy drinks (ensure, etc)?

If you have any questions feel free to ask. Take care and stay positive :-)

CathyMoran

HelterSkelter wrote:

Hi Aoife,

have been following this thread for some time. Glad you are on the mend.

I had a serious operation a few years ago and can relate to a lot of the things you are saying. When I got out of hospital first I was very weak. It takes a lot of time for your body to recover from serious surgery. Like you I could barely walk up the stairs. If I tried to do something like leave the house and go shopping I would be wrecked for days after. When I got out of hospital first it seemed like I had one good day for every 6 bad days. By bad days I mean I was really tired, no energy at all, spent a lot of the day resting in bed and just lying around the house. Gradually the good days increased one by one until finally there were no more bad days. I'd say it took a good four months until I was back on my feet again. I think you just need to be patient. It is only a few weeks since your surgery, it is important to push yourself but it is also important to know when to take it easy and give your body a break. I do get the feeling you might be expecting too much, I would have never been able for going to the zoo so soon after my surgery!! The other thing is that as you are not eating properly yet it might take a bit longer to recover. I presume you are on vitamin suppliments and energy drinks (ensure, etc)?

If you have any questions feel free to ask. Take care and stay positive :-)

Thanks a million for your response. I think that when you are recovering from major surgery your expectations of recovery are unrealistic. I also have a lot of internal problems (with eating) as a result of the surgery. Time will be a healer though. I also still have fatigue from the chemo which I am not fully over yet - this is not helping! I am a fighter though and I will continue to do the best I can to get over this as fast as I can, that is just in my nature! I am listening to my body though and going slower. My eating is harder to fix, the nutrient drinks do not agree with me though I am trying all of them to try to find one that will be OK. I have a background in nutrition though so I know what I should be eating to get by.

Today was a good day. I was a bit sick after lunch (the usual tummy being full) but picked up after a while and managed to go to one of my cousin's homes (she has been of great help to me and Shane) and spent time with some young and some less young kids who Shane and I really love, was really nice. We then went to the supermarket trying to get food that I would eat, getting smaller portion sizes (can not eat large amounts) is really difficult though.

Tomorrow is Shane and my 3 month anniversarry, I know that you are not supposed to celebrate them but when you were so close to not having them they take on extra meaning. I just want to say publicly to Shane that I love him.

dame

It'll take a while before you're right but I hope you're still getting better bit by bit and keeping yourself occupied and positive. Best wishes as always, dame.

CathyMoran

Well, I gained some weight, a 2lb but it is still something. Shane took me to Portugal for a week so I had to force myself to be stronger and started to develop a liking for sardine paste over there, I am also eating more meals through the day. I actually managed to go clothes shopping and go to the aquarium over in Lisbon. My recovery is still slow but I am recovering.

I still get scared of the cancer returning - I have such a great life (am very happy with my gorgeous husband) that I do not want this horrible illness to return...I do not get down about it often but I will cry at anything romantic and soppy.

I still have a long way to go - Shane is back in work now and I pine for him like crazy. Am trying to walk to the shops which are 5 minutes down the road twice a day - it makes me quite ill at the moment, I get very breathless and cough and often get sick. I have to eat more often and have smaller amounts and eat slowly, it is not easy. I still get sick most days but I did not get sick yesterday which was brilliant. Small steps.

It probably sounds like I have been moaning - my life is good, I am very greatful to be still here, I just would like to know that I will be here long term as I love my life and the risk of the cancer returning scares me, especially as it would be terminal if it returned and I have too much to live for, I go on about it but being in love is one of the most wonderful things in the world and I want to have kids with my husband...sorry there. Am still grabbing life and making the most of every second of it - life is too short.

Hugs,

Aoife Cait

oscarBravo

We're all still rootin' for ya, Aoife. Keep taking those little steps, and you'll be running before you know it.

NextSteps

How's the writing going?

CathyMoran

UB wrote:

How's the writing going?

Thanks for asking - I have about 6,000 words done so far, have not touched on the operation yet, will have to go back to this thread about that as while I have memories a lot of the days were blurred, plus it was very traumatic. There is a competition to get a book deal on Ryan Tubridy's show that I am entering, will have to see.

Still very tired and struggling to maintain my weight (and failing) but was reasured by the surgeon yesterday that it is normal. Eating as much fish as I can which is good for me. Want to be up to going back to work but that is some months away.

Still blissfully happy with my new hubby - 4 months on Sunday

CathyMoran

It has been a long time since I posted last - am still very happy with my gorgeous husband but my recovery is still taking a long time and I am half a stone in weight lighter than before which is not good. I tend to find that I will have one good day where I can stay up all day, then the following day I need to stay in bed! I wish that I could manage to have good days every day as I am missing work terribly and it is very isolating being at home and not having the energy to go out and meet friends. Both Shane and I missed a friend's wedding at the weekend as we are both struck down with the flu.

I am very greatful to be alive - Shane makes me very happy and I am going on one of these courses where they give cancer survivors a makeover tomorrow which should be fun. Thanks to everyone for their support.

Dave!

You're an inspiration Cathy Get better soon

holly_johnson

Glad to hear you're on the mend and still blissfully happy...

Keep up the good work!

jos28

Well done Cathy, you are well on the way to total recovery.6 monthly check ups are on the way. Take it one day at a time and savour each moment.Enjoy the good days and accept the bad ones for what they are. Just a bad day ! Plenty of better ones ahead.

CathyMoran

jos28 wrote:

Well done Cathy, you are well on the way to total recovery.6 monthly check ups are on the way. Take it one day at a time and savour each moment.Enjoy the good days and accept the bad ones for what they are. Just a bad day ! Plenty of better ones ahead.

Yes, the 6 month check up is coming up in August, am petrified as I do not want the cancer back as it would be very bad. Your attitude is right though, I have to accept the bad ones as just bad ones. I am incredibly lucky to be alive, I realise that, and there are a lot of great times ahead, it just is hard when the operation is still affecting me so much in terms of chronic fatigue, pain and eating. But I am very lucky - my husband has been really amazing in making me smile even through the bad days.

dlofnep

Cathy, you're a warrior. I wish you the best.

CathyMoran

The scan is in about 3 weeks, getting more nervous about it as time goes on. I still get very tired but am also up to getting bored too. Shane and I joined a gym but we have only gone twice so far, I only managed two lengths of the pool. There was one major milestone last week - getting a bus into town. I cried my eyes out when I did it, people must have thought that I was strange but it was a step back to normality, whatever that is.

It is tough accepting that I will probably never be able to pig out and eat a full meal ever again (or even a full sandwitch), I keep hoping that a dieting craze of smaller portions will catch on as living on the equivalent of tapas is very boring...what I would give for a Big Mac or Whopper Meal, but that is not to be, I am still alive and I am very greatful. So many others diagnosed at the same time or after me have died. I still get petrified at my odds of surving 5 years which are only one in four, I want to live, I want to have kids, I love my husband so much it hurts and I know that I would not be here had it not been for him, he made me live when I did not want to.

I did finally join an American chat group about my condition - they boast that they have 5 members (out of 1000) who have lived past 5 years...Shane is threatening to block the web address, they are so depressing!

Sorry about my rant, I do feel very greatful to be alive and I do try and make the most of every minute, I plan a trip on the Orient Express next year with Shane which is why I have to get back to work in October and start saving! I keep on dreaming about having kids, I know that it will be a struggle (if the chemo has not stopped my cycle), either way, we would like to adopt from China but I would need to gain some weight. Here is hoping.

I hope that people are aware of my cancer, it started off as getting sick for no apparent reason but it took 6 LONG weeks to get diagnosed. I could have left it be and I would not be here now. Someone I knew had died from the condition 10 years ago and that along with my husband is why I persisted.

Signing off for now!

tbh

you're the 1 cathy. I knew that when you were diagnosed, and I know it now*







*not medical advice

CathyMoran

Hi,

it has been 6 months since the surgery today. I ate a Big Mac on its own (no drink with it as that takes up volume) which was great The only thing is that my hubby is home on sick leave due to a flare up in his chrohns and a blood clot in the leg. I am hoping to go back to work in October which would be great. My scan is Friday week then I see the surgeon on the 5th. It is still great to be alive

tbh

isn't it mad how quickly the time goes? it seems like only yesterday you were saying you had to go to the docs - all you've been through since then!

best of luck, and congrats on the milestones - just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Give my best to shane too

CathyMoran

Yes, it does seem strange. This time last year I was starting to get really sick and was waiting on an appointment with the wonderful consultant who diagnosed me. I actually saw him last week as he is Shane's consultant and he was delighted to see me looking so well, the last time he had seen me it was to tell me that I had cancer so it was great for him to have a good news story for once. No one believes that I was ever ill had it not been for the slight scars on my neck. Of course I am still bold and I do not eat often enough but I look well, getting a makeover last week really helped

ARGINITE

Best of luck with the checkup Cathy.

nesf

Yah for junk food.

Next you'll be wolfing down 22oz steaks for breakfast

dubsgirl

Hi cathy hope the scan goes really well for you!

CathyMoran

Thanks, it was originally supposed to be Friday but they had to check my kidneys after my kidneys failing after the surgery (they are fine) and it was supposed to be today but the scanner broke (then it was OK, then it broke again) so it is now next Tuesday (I hope). I get the results on the 6th. Hopefully they will let me go back to work, I am itching to get back.

dame

Hope the scan goes well tomorrow. Once you've been back at work a few days you'll be wondering why you thought it was so attractive!

CathyMoran

8 months married to Shane today, I really never thought that I would live to see that so it makes it even more special. The test went fine yesterday, though they lowered the dose of the contrast dye because I had experienced kidney failure in the past year. Now I am waiting on the results. That is tough, because I feel fine apart from being tired, you still get scared though. Will update you when I get my results. Still smiling though from the 8th months with Shane.

holly_johnson

Congratualtions! I'm glad all went well for you.

fullerand

Way to go Cathy.
My gf (29) was diagnosed with breast cancer two weeks ago, she's heading to hospital tomorrow for surgery. Tis a bit scary thinking of the possibilities the surgery presents, let alone her quality of life during the months of chemo&radio that'll follow, but it's nice to hear of real people that have come through it

CathyMoran

fullerand wrote:

Way to go Cathy.
My gf (29) was diagnosed with breast cancer two weeks ago, she's heading to hospital tomorrow for surgery. Tis a bit scary thinking of the possibilities the surgery presents, let alone her quality of life during the months of chemo&radio that'll follow, but it's nice to hear of real people that have come through it

The best of luck to your girlfriend, she will get through this fine, I am not saying that it is easy but parts of the past few months have been some of the best of my life. Let me know how she gets on (and you get on, it is not easy for you either).

CathyMoran

I got the CT results today. Aparently my lymph nodes are rather large! Though mine apparently quite big normally so that is OK. They gave me the all clear. They also said that I could go back to work next month! I have another scan in February, I told them not to have it on Valentines day, it was enough being in ICU on Valentines day last year! Which reminds me. My dad and Shane were allowed to sneak in roses last year for Valentines day, though they had to bring them home. When I got home the roses were preserved for me, which was very romantic. Next Valentines day I plan on spending the day with my lovely husband. I have been told that I can slowly cut down on my tablets, I have been taking rather a lot of tablets just to make my stomach empty and I have been having side effects so it will be nice to stop that.

_Whimsical_

Cathy that's excellent news that you have got the all clear again. You've beaten so many odds and passed so many obstacles that I'm sure you'll continue the winning streak. I'm sure you'll wake up today feeling like a huge weight has been lifted from you...I hope that feeling continues for a long time . Worrying about all the small everyday things is a joy after you find yourself free of the of the type of big huge worries you've had hanging over you. I wrote to you when you got sick initially and I'm delighted to come across this thread and see you're on the mend. Very best of luck and I hope this news will be just the first of many good things and dreams come true that you will have ahead of you in the future

Mr Magnolia

Great news Cathy. Thanks again for updating us.

r3nu4l

CathyMoran wrote:

...I have been having side effects so it will be nice to stop that.

Excellent, less side-effects would be almost like getting a treat! Glad to hear things are still going well.

CathyMoran

Well, I start back in work on Monday - half days for two weeks then 3pm finish for one week then 4pm finish for one week. It has been a very emotional time for me as this coincides with one year since my official diagnosis. I remember being told that I had "as expected" a malignant tumour in my oesophagus but that they were going to do chemo and radiation and surgery (in the end I just had chemo and surgery).

Chemo - well, that is not as bad as it is made out to be. Sure, you get sick (you may loose your hair depending on the chemo) and you feel fizzy as anything (as well as very tired) but it makes you feel better afterwards.

Surgery - that was tough. Getting kidney failure and pneumonia was not fun. I pity all those on dialysis, it is not easy. Also pneumonia, having your lungs cleared has to be one of the most painful and hard things that can be done, and I was having that done every hour at one stage. Also not being able to have painkillers when I was in agony. I wanted to die and had it not been for Shane crying begging me to stay I would not be still here, I owe my life to him.
Having my oesophagus removed still has repercussions, I can not eat a full meal. I have to plan drinks (as they fill up your stomach too).

But at least I am still here. If I could just get my stomach back and be less tired! Also, I still want to have children and not knowing if I can have them is a killer.

I wonder what it will be like being back in work, being normal, whatever that is. I find out on Monday!

Scenic911

Cathy,

As a fellow chemo buddy of mine said to me when he returned to work. He is taking less ****e and making his opinions known. Life is too short to take on ****e that you don't need to carry and think about. Tell people to stop beating around the bushes and get straight to the point. Life is too short for that kind of stuff.

Enjoy your days at work :eek:

S

condra

Congrats Cathy! Live long and prosper!

hugs

CathyMoran

It is fast approaching Christmas, this year will be tougher than the last one - I can not eat large volumes (would be lucky if I can eat 2/3rds of a sandwitch). I am also without Sai, it is sad to see one of his last posts here just 2 above this one, it is a reminder how fast this illness can strike. I know that I should be brave, but I am petrified of it coming back, I have a 70% chance of that happening. I love my husband very much and am trying to make the most of it, but it feels like borrowed time...I also get upset still over not being able to have children, as if the cancer did not take enough from me. I am still working, though not full time, I get tired very quickly and they are not allowing me to do any interesting jobs, so I am bored also, but I do not have the ability to commit to anything serious yet.

I am still on the tablets, I find that I get very nauseaus even with them, so without them would be tough, but they have a side effect of making me tired (as well as some embarrasing side effects that I am not discussing here). I got the date of my scans and the appointment with the doctor, 2 days before the one year anniversary of the surgery! I always get petrified of the scans, firstly, they have to check my kidneys to make sure that I am strong enough to take them, then the scan itself - you are in a donut shapped thing and they give you something that makes you feel light-headed. Though they are not as bad as PET scans, they strap you up for those ones for up to 20 minutes (though it feels longer) and you always get an itch.

I guess that I have found as close as possible what normal is - I hate my job! I just want to spend as much time with Shane as possible, if I won the lotto tonight I would spend all my time with him - he has been the shining light through all of this, my lifeline. If I could do it again, I would not have had the surgery, the effects of it are too tough but otherwise...

Happy Christmas to one and all.

mike65

and to you (and Shane of course!)

Mike.

IRLConor

CathyMoran wrote: »

I know that I should be brave, but I am petrified of it coming back, I have a 70% chance of that happening.

Stick it out. I don't know the data behind those stats, but usually with figures like you quote above you can improve your odds by living as healthy a lifestyle as you can (maybe take it easy on the BigMacs ). Change what you can and don't wory about what you can't. I'm hardly a saint when it comes to healthy living, so I'll leave it at that.

You're lucky to have your husband. My parents and friends were brilliant when I was sick, I still very much appreciate their efforts (and for putting up with me being short-tempered a lot more than normal). From the way you talk about him, cancer or no cancer you are clearly a VERY lucky person.

Today is the 8th anniversary of my last day of chemo[1]. It seems like it was only yesterday, the time does fly. Everyone I talked to told me that it takes longer than you think to get over the chemo, of course I didn't believe them, but it does. Take it easy and try to work out when it's sensible to push yourself and when it's time to say no and take a rest.

CathyMoran wrote: »

I guess that I have found as close as possible what normal is - I hate my job!

Definitely a good sign of things getting back to normal.

Seriously though, figure out a way of fixing whatever's wrong with your job. If you don't think you can, then try and work out what you would enjoy doing and aim yourself at that. Having a project like that can be a useful distraction as well as genuinely improving your situation.

Have a good Christmas.




[1] For the curious, I had 6 months of ABVD to treat Hodgkin's disease. If anyone at any stage is diagnosed with Hodgkin's and is facing a run of ABVD feel free to PM me for a chat if you want. That's also an open invitation to anyone diagnosed with cancer and looking at chemo, but bear in mind I know bugger-all about other cancers, chemo regimes, radiotherapy, etc.

Atomic Pineapple

i've only read through this thread fully now, its very inspiring and i just wanted to say enjoy christmass CarhtMoran, you definately deserve it.

CathyMoran

Just to say that I am NED (no evidence of disease) one year after my surgery. The bad news is that my kidneys were damaged from the chemo, so that is a worry. They nearly did not do the CT, my kidney results were that bad! They are going to check my ovarian function as one of the reasons why I am still so tired (and also to find out if we can have kids). Relieved but worried about my kidneys.

mike65

Proberbly feels like two steps fowards one step back, but it beats other way round. Can the doctors say with any confidence the cancer is unlikely to reappear or is that beyond thier remit?

Mike.

The_Conductor

The consultant said he has no reason whatsoever to think that the cancer may return- but given the size of the lymph nodes they would keep an eye on things. He did suggest that were it to return, medically there is very little they could do- and said many people would simply be happier not knowing. The kidney problem was possibly worse as a result of painkillers she was on- so she has a list of things to avoid and things that are fine. Also- he emphasised how important it was to keep her diabetes under control- and has forwarded her back to her diabetic consultant with a letter.

mike65

I dunno how you two do it to be honest

Mike.

fozzle

That sucks about your kideneys CathyMoran, but congratulations on the NED, that's brilliant.

Dizzyblonde

Congratulations on the NED Cathy, fingers crossed on the kidney and ovarian issues - you're in my prayers.

tbh

Great news Cathy, we'll worry about the other stuff another day

Mr Magnolia

Thanks for the update guys. Best of luck with the test results.

CathyMoran

Was at my diabetic doctor today - he says that my ovarian function is fine and that they just have to kick start my cycle again. Shane and I are over the moon. My kidney and liver function tests were also good. I am still very tired and they are saying that I should only be working half days but apart from that they are really pleased.

mike65

:thumbs up:

Mike.

smashey

Good news there Cathy.