Few jokes for yis

xzanti

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his
wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up,"
she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.


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A woman came home, screeching her car into the
driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the
door and shouted at the top of her lungs,"Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack,
beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter,"
she said. "Just get out."


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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always right, and the other is a husband.

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for
a driver's license. First, of course, he had to
take an eye sight test The optician showed him a
card with the letters'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?"
the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and
said to them, "I must tell you all something.
We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back.
"I'm so tired of chardonnay."

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in s ome more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going
to STICK! Careful .CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER
listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them!
Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget
to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show
you what it feels like when I'm driving."

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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina
mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in
basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon
the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day,
the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the
Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day,
the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking
for Herman for 51 years.

Archeron

Some great ones there

r3nu4l

Brilliant