So I'm finally admitting it...

Attol

I have a drinking problem. Now that I've managed to recognise that I was wondering how others manage to keep this under control? I'm sick of what I've turned my life into and I've alienated myself from everyone with my selfishness. Nobody wants to be around me anymore. I want to change this as I hate knowing it's my fault I have ruined so many good things that I enjoyed. Thanks. Don't want to go unreg as I feel that would just be further fooling myself.

The AA isn't really an option as I'm not religious.

Miss Fluff

Well done for taking the first step and being brave enough to admit it LL. It takes bravery.

A good start is looking at page 18 of this link which will establish how real a problem it is.

http://whqlibdoc.who.int/hq/2001/WHO_MSD_MSB_01.6a.pdf

What has happened recently that you have now decided it is time to change?

Have you a GP? Being referred to a specialist in St. John of God's would be a good start.

I wish you all the very best.

LegacyUser

I dont think you need to be religious for AA. I mean I believe its a little bit spiritual and not to my taste either, but I have a friend who goes who wouldnt be religious either. Its worked for him (what youve described sounds like what he described), and I dont think Id have any problem with trying it out at least once or twice to see if I can take the group support and filter out the spiritual stuff.

Good luck.

dame

Maybe the AA's way of doing it makes sense though, ie cutting alcohol out completely. Tell your nearest and dearest so that they can be a support to you and help you. Take up a new hobby, something that doesn't involve drink but does involve socialising. Maybe salsa classes (in a health club ) or a course in something you've always wanted to try. The main thing is to just avoid alcohol completely until you are comfortable that you can be around people drinking but not give in and drink yourself. Total abstinence.

Well done for taking this first step. It will be hard but it will be so worth it to get your life back. Best of luck to you Ladylotts!

chuci

well done for taking the step that you have a problem it is the hardest thing to do.i would suggest find yourself a good councelor to get you through the next most horrble weeks/months you will experience and to help you after to stop you reverting back and to find out the reason/deal with the reason why you started to rely on drink.
best of luck though ll

Attol

Thanks for the link and support. Really appreciate it.

I just realised everyone had stopped talking to me. When I drink I just keep drinking even though I ALWAYS regret it. I'm not the kind who wakes up in the morning and needs a drink, I just can't control it if I start. I am so embarassed by myself and my behaviour and it's making my life a lot more difficult. I've lost count of the amount of things I don't remember when I've been drinking. If people around me are drinking I'll usually drink too because if I say no everyone tells me I'm being silly and I'll be drinking in another week anyway so what difference does it make. This is why I need outside help. Nobody takes me seriously when I say I think I have a problem with drink then b!tch when I get too drunk AGAIN. I'm a weak person in some aspects of my life and just feel the need to address them now since I don't want to end up any unhappier or without a single person to talk to.

arbeitsscheuer

Miss Fluff wrote:

Well done for taking the first step and being brave enough to admit it LL. It takes bravery.

Seconded.

Like chuci, I would suggest that you find a good therapist to help you through what will be some difficult times ahead, especially since you seem to want to eschew the AA as a method of beating the alcoholism.

Good luck C.

Seb

Nevyn

The only requirement for membership of an Alcoholics Anonymous Group "is a desire to stop drinking".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholics_Anonymous

Part of the AA program is to help yourself make up for what you have done to yourself and to other's you have hurt with your drinking.

There is support and help there if you want it.
Congratulations on taking the first step and I hope you do make amends and learn to value your soberity.

Miss Fluff

LadyLotts wrote:

If people around me are drinking I'll usually drink too because if I say no everyone tells me I'm being silly and I'll be drinking in another week anyway so what difference does it make. This is why I need outside help. Nobody takes me seriously when I say I think I have a problem with drink then b!tch when I get too drunk AGAIN. .

May not be what you need to hear but these people are not behaving like real friends. Have you thought that you may make these people feel better about their own drinking habits, i.e. well I don't drink as much as Lady Lotts etc? It is important that you have friends or family that you can rely on and who will suport you at a time like this.

Also, are you feeling morose because you had a particularly heavy night last night? It is important to look back at this thread in the cold light of sobriety. It will be a day-by-day process for you. It may be a case that you are not an alcoholic but rather a binge drinker, there is a difference. First step for you tomorrow though is going to see a good and sympathetic GP and discussing this with them first. It's a positive time for you, once you make some positive changes you will be a much happier person.:)

DAVE_K

Ladylotts i was in the same situation as yourself. Go down to an aa meeting-you dont have to go there forever - it'll level you out and when you go down there and see how some people have f%cked up on booze - you be less likely to go too far in the future. Your friends will come back to you after a while when they see that your really trying to sort yourself out.

chuci

LadyLotts wrote:

Thanks for the link and support. Really appreciate it.

I'm a weak person in some aspects of my life and just feel the need to address them now since I don't want to end up any unhappier or without a single person to talk to.

maybe all these things are interlinked and thats why you do drink? as for the people that say that you are silly to not drink i would avoid them for the next few weeks or if your close enough to them tell them and im sure they will support you. inform your family too though they will be a pillar of strenght to you over the next few weeks.
dont cut yourself off from your friends either though. meet for like lunch or go to the cinema when you go out somewhere, where you wont be be tempted to drink.

Hagar

I applaud you. Not for falling but for realising that you have stumbled. Stand up, brush the dirt from your knees and go on. I'll walk with you if it's any help.

DublinWriter

LadyLotts wrote:

The AA isn't really an option as I'm not religious.

Well done for admitting it, it's the hardest step, some say.

The AA isn't relgious at all. They just ask that you place your trust in a 'higher power', wether it's God, Jesus, Buddah or the Flying Spaghetti Monster is entirely up to you.

Read Marc Almonds autobiography - he details at length having the same dilema as you over that clause in the the AA.

I think there may be another organisation called "Alcon" who offer an alternate method, but I dunno, maybe the name rings a bell with someone?

r3nu4l

Miss Fluff wrote:

May not be what you need to hear but these people are not behaving like real friends. Have you thought that you may make these people feel better about their own drinking habits, i.e. well I don't drink as much as Lady Lotts etc? It is important that you have friends or family that you can rely on and who will suport you at a time like this.

The advice from Miss Fluff sounds about right to me. It's always easier to excuse your own behaviour if someone else is worse than you are. It also adds to the excitement of the gossip the next day

Glad you have woken up to your problems LadyLotts, now it's time to get on with things. Lots of good suggestions here. I'm not a big believer in beating yourself up over past events. I believe that every day should be an opportunity to show people around you that you care for them...giving up the booze is a way to tell people that you care about yourself and those around you.

I know you are not particularly religious but one way to help you in your quest not to drink is to tell your friends that you are going to give up booze for Lent For some reason, people seem to accept this even when they are not religious themselves Lent will be starting very soon so it's the perfect time to give up alcohol

Best of luck and take any and all help offered, everybody needs some help now and then

Beruthiel

LadyLotts wrote:

Nobody takes me seriously when I say I think I have a problem with drink then b!tch when I get too drunk AGAIN.

Your real friends will back you 100% on this, the rest aren't worth your time and anything that tries to sidetrack you from your goal should be avoided.

I'm a weak person in some aspects of my life and just feel the need to address them now since I don't want to end up any unhappier or without a single person to talk to.

Fair play to you, especially for posting as yourself, that took courage.
Half the battle is knowing you need to change. As everyone else said, try AA - anything that helps at this point can only be a good thing. You need not take on the religious part, just on a spiritual basis, which will help with your willpower strength.
For the next few months, I would suggest avoiding pubs and places where you could be tempted. No harm to spend a while on yourself doing something else with your time. Keep busy and the best of luck to you.
I've no doubt you will come out the far side a stronger person.

onemanband

I commend you for having the courage to tackle the problem head on. Lots of good advice posted already. The one piece of advice I would give is to hit the gym every day for a month as you start to abstain from booze completely.

You will find it takes your mind off things, lifts your spirits and you will start to feel cleansed from the effects of heavy drinking. You will start to feel more positive about yourself almost immediately.

As to your friends, you come across as a genuine and nice person to me. Your real friends will stand by you 100%. Don't worry about anyone else.

Chucky the tree

Can i ask what your drinking problem is? Do you drink everyday or just binge at the weekends?

Also, on the AA. How do they work? Do they expect you to give up drinking for ever or can you go with the intention of just cutting down?

dame

onemanband wrote:

The one piece of advice I would give is to hit the gym every day for a month as you start to abstain from booze completely.

You will find it takes your mind off things, lifts your spirits and you will start to feel cleansed from the effects of heavy drinking. You will start to feel more positive about yourself almost immediately.

Agree with this.

Milk Thistle can be got in health food shops and is good for cleansing the liver. Discuss it with them before you buy it or take it though as it may not suit everyone.

koneko

As they say, the first and hardest step is admitting it. Cliched but probably true. Well done. If you have the right attitude you can do something about it, and it really sounds like you want to change this, I can only wish you the best of luck and if you ever need to talk to someone, feel free to PM me, it can be hard to talk to people you're close to about things like this.

As others have said, your real friends will stick by you and if they're proper friends they're probably going to be more understanding than you might expect.

LegacyUser

To be honest - I think U have your work cut out 4 U.

U are determined -> today <- to make a change.
U ask for help - hopefully, U will get the right kind of
help.

But will U be able to continue to say 'No' when U are
constantly surrounded by the Oirish culture of binge
drinkin ??? Get as much in ya as possible, in the shortest
space of time. Ah shure, isn't 'd crack' 90 ???
I think U get the picture.

DublinWriter

r3nu4l wrote:

I believe that every day should be an opportunity to show people around you that you care for them...giving up the booze is a way to tell people that you care about yourself and those around you.

While I'd agree with the broad sentiment of that statement, I couldn't warn you strongly enough about only giving up the sauce for yourself, never do it for others, only if it's a consequence of the pain you are putting them through.

Also LadyLotts, I'd avoid against the type of advice that goes 'ah sure, give it up for lent', or 'just stick to having one'. That's like telling a pyromaniac to just give up matches for lent or just stick to having the one match.

Lastly, I'd like warn you about a lot of these sites that help you 'diagnose' if you're an alcoholic or not. Mostly they'll have 20 questions along the lines of "do you drink alcohol to feel self-confident?" and "Do you feel sick the morning after drinking?" and if you answer 'yes' to any, they'll certify you as a lush.

Now colour me cynical, but I find most of those surveys to be completely over the top and more atuned to North American Social Norms and not Western European Social Norms.

The main question you should ask yourself is "am I sick and tired of being sick and tired?"

Attol

I don't think it's just like having one too many occasionally, DublinWriter. It's if I'm remotely upset I will keep drinking til there is nothing left or I've no money. I am mortified by my behaviour. It just adds stress when nights are just blank, maybe the occasional embarrassing memory and your stomach is so screwed up you can't eat for two days after for fear of throwing up. I'm fine when I'm happy just the thing is at the moment I'm going through some stuff and I just really screwed up with the drink. I'm definitely cutting it all out. It's just not worth it.

The exercise thing is something I was looking into. Can't afford the gym at the mo and I've not got that much spare time but I think I'll get an exercise bike. You can get one in Argos for €100 and when I'm not spending appalling amounts on nights out I'll have the money straight away.

I'm really grateful for everyone here. It's nice having people take you seriously and to hear from people who have had similar experiences. This is definitely a worthwhile forum and you've no idea how much it's helping me right now. I'm so stressed about it and I feel a bit stupid saying these things to people in person but it's easier after having potentially told 70,000 people!

DublinWriter

LadyLotts wrote:

I don't think it's just like having one too many occasionally, DublinWriter.

I never said it was, read my post again.

It's all about control, and not having the power to stop until that power is literally taken away from you by your own physical inability to consume more.

Attol

Oh no, I just mean that it's not like I've been listening to those sites. I flicked over a few but that isn't what made it hit me. I just feel I'm ruining all my opportunities for myself with this and it's not what I want at all.

Miss Fluff

I think a good start in making a list of Pros and Cons for drinking, sounds like the Cons will be a far bigger list for you. You can buy a stepper from Elverys for €50, great way to pound some of the anger and angst out of you.

Have you mentioned to anyone since your first post yesterday what you are intending to do?

Attol

I have yeah. My mum said that if I feel it's right for me to go for it, 2 of my friends were very supportive and 2 other people confused...

Are those stepper things any good? Look uncomfortable.

Miss Fluff

Good you have told a couple of people, important to have the support.

Steppers are great, good to keep your mind occupied

http://www.buy4now.ie/elverys/aspx/category.aspx?loc=R&catid=9

monkeyfudge

I was very bad myself at one stage.

And it just got to the stage where I'd ruined yet another party thrown by a friend and insulted a lot of people who I actually respected quite a bit. And I was just drinking lots of stupid stuff like absinthe which would send me completely over the edge. I lost a lot of friends during that patch in my life.

I never considered giving up drink completely, as I think that's something that would make life in this country very difficult as it's such an intricate part of the social and professional life.

So what I did was try and put some manners on my drinking habits and went cold turkey for exactly one month. It required a lot of will power on my part to make it through the month but when the month was up I felt I had a lot more control over my drinking and ever since then I find it a lot easier to stop drinking and decide when I've had enough while out.

Best of luck with it though and with whichever path you choose to take. It's probably one of the worst countrys in the world to try and stop drinking in.

stepbar

LadyLotts wrote:

Oh no, I just mean that it's not like I've been listening to those sites. I flicked over a few but that isn't what made it hit me. I just feel I'm ruining all my opportunities for myself with this and it's not what I want at all.

Kinda know what you mean, I got hard on the sauce myself when I go out. Was alright when I was a student but you have to be very careful when its in a work suitation. You can easily get a reputation (which I have already) when all you should be doing is trying to do is make an impression (which I am). Both have the effect of cancelling each other out. Well done for recognising that you have a problem and I hope that you will just take it easy on the sause from not on. I dont think you are an alco but all you need to do is drink less (easier said than done)

hullaballoo

Firstly, I'd echo what most other people have said and congratulate you on coming to terms with the problem. Secondly, I'd congratulate you on having a good relationship with your mum. That always helps.

I've known the situation to arise where someone has recognised they have a drinking problem (as in, have seen it interfering with the rest of their life), and to say, "I've to do something about this" and even make an appointment to go to a therapist about it, and then pull out because they haven't done anything "bad" while they've been drunk the last few times. That's a mistake. Be careful not to fall into that trap.

Mostly though, well done so far!

bico

A friend om mine went to Rutland centre www.rutlandcentre.org , it changed his life it's the best place in the country to fight addiction .They look at what makes you drink rather than just treating the symptoms.

bico

it's www.rutlandcentre.ie

peckerhead

LadyLotts, you've taken the first step (admitting the problem) — well done. Also, you have everything you need to try the AA/12-steps route — a genuine desire to stop drinking. I've been doing it for six months now, and I can assure you you don't need religion. I don't believe in a God, but I'm not (or no longer) so deluded as to believe that there is no 'higher power' outside of myself, or that I am the sole Boss of me. And that's all that's required.

The biggest part of it — and the hardest, for most people — is getting ruthlessly honest with yourself. Everything else follows from that. Coming on here and discussing it openly is something to be proud of.

Stick with it, and very best of luck. Take all the help you can get. And try a few AA meetings — what have you got to lose? It may not be The Only Way, but it's working fine for me and thousands of others.

Attol

I really don't think I'd be able to do that though. I believe that my decisions have brought me to this and as a rational thinking being I can't blame others. I have to take responsibility not pass the blame? I just am incapable of believing in anything other than what is here in front of me right now.

ronbyrne2005

AA is'nt necessary and it doesnt work anyway,anyone who claims it saved them saved themselves(www.orange-papers.org). If drinking is causing probs just give it up for a certain period say 3 months and when you've been off booze 3 months you will know you can stay off the booze. Your prob is'nt booze , the boozing is just a symptom. Maybe you will be able to drink socially in future but you have to work on the underlying probs first and don't blame the drink or personal weakness for your abuse of drink.

Orion

Firstly congrats on your courage for admitting it.

But I have a problem with the AA. It's not religious as others have said but it can take the form of a cult. An aunt of mine has taken it to that level. She has manic depression as well and she is not drinking anymore as far as I know. I say 'as far as I know' because not one member of her family - brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, ever her own father - has seen or heard from her in 9 months. The AA has not just helped her stop drinking it has also replaced her entire family.

I'm not saying don't use the AA - it may well be a good option for you. Just take care to help yourself and not get too sucked in.

tunaman

LadyLotts wrote:

I really don't think I'd be able to do that though. I believe that my decisions have brought me to this and as a rational thinking being I can't blame others. I have to take responsibility not pass the blame? I just am incapable of believing in anything other than what is here in front of me right now.

I know a few people who swear by AA, but like others have said these people do change, but not neccessarily for the better. Their lives are still controlled by drink, especially the fear of one drink sending them right back where they were.

Many people also end up swapping one addiction for another, which is not healthy either. The main problem I find is that people just have no discipline.

Interestingly enough Ireland has one of the highest rates in Europe of young people who drink no alcohol, roughly 25%. Probably due to witnessing first hand the terrible damage that alcohol addiction causes.

The other 75% more than make up for it.

It really is up to you alone to decide if you want to be in control of your life.

darkflower

Hagar wrote:

I applaud you. Not for falling but for realising that you have stumbled. Stand up, brush the dirt from your knees and go on. I'll walk with you if it's any help.

Yeah! I too am here.;) Go boy!

g-punkteffekt

this is ridiculous. You're applauding her for admitting she binge drinks once a week or whatever? She's just your usual 21st century irish girl that can't keep up with the binge drinking culture of today. She's whingeing about a sick stomach for 2 days, awww diddums, you're getting hangovers . I put up with that every week, I get blackouts every week, sometimes I do stupid stuff. But I know what I'm getting into when I binge drink. I do it because I have some great times on it. And yes I drink a few the next day/night to get my head together, but I'm not an alcoholic. I haven't had a drink in nearly a week now but I'll be back on it soon, because I like drinking.
She sounds like a drunk overly dramatic teenager to me.

Attol

Fair enough if that's how you see it. I just think it becomes a problem when you've ****ed up so much that nobody wants to be around you when you're drinking because they know the state you'll be in. And since all their socialising revolves around drink you just don't get spoken to any more. In my view alcohol becomes a problem when your ability to control your drinking affects other aspects of your life and this has affected mine very negatively. I won't get into details but due to my behaviour I've lost pretty much all my friends here.

Brainy

You have done one of the hardest bits - admitting and accepting that you have a drink problem.

It is not going to be easy given our culture but with the help and support of friends and family you will get there. Family and friends whom you have alienated will come round once they see that you intend to make a genuine effort.

With regard to AA, get a list of all the meetings. Then shop around until you find one that feels right - if you don't get on or feel comfortable in the meeting you will stop going.

Good luck.

Duckjob

Ladylotts, just like to add mine to the voices of support for facing up to what is a problem and making the decision to change it. Very admirable.

Half the people in this country are still in denial about their inability to drink without bingeing.

Best of luck.

Overheal

g-punkteffekt wrote:

this is ridiculous. You're applauding her for admitting she binge drinks once a week or whatever? She's just your usual 21st century irish girl that can't keep up with the binge drinking culture of today. She's whingeing about a sick stomach for 2 days, awww diddums, you're getting hangovers . I put up with that every week, I get blackouts every week, sometimes I do stupid stuff. But I know what I'm getting into when I binge drink. I do it because I have some great times on it. And yes I drink a few the next day/night to get my head together, but I'm not an alcoholic. I haven't had a drink in nearly a week now but I'll be back on it soon, because I like drinking.
She sounds like a drunk overly dramatic teenager to me.

Seek professional help.

g-punkteffekt

why? I'm quite fit and healthy and emotionally stable. I just like binge drinking, as do most people in this country.

Attol

Drinking to the point of blackouts every week because you sometimes have fun doesn't seem healthy tbh. If you can't remember it what's the point in it? It's really dangerous as well.

Are you always able to get home by yourself or does someone have to help you get there? Do you have random freak outs so that people have to take care of you and calm you down so you don't hurt others or yourself? Do you ever fall and hurt yourself? Have you lost things like your mobile, money or credit card? Those are all things that happen to people who drink to excess at some point or another. They are not fun for anyone concerned.

Anti

g-punkteffekt wrote:

this is ridiculous. You're applauding her for admitting she binge drinks once a week or whatever? She's just your usual 21st century irish girl that can't keep up with the binge drinking culture of today. She's whingeing about a sick stomach for 2 days, awww diddums, you're getting hangovers . I put up with that every week, I get blackouts every week, sometimes I do stupid stuff. But I know what I'm getting into when I binge drink. I do it because I have some great times on it. And yes I drink a few the next day/night to get my head together, but I'm not an alcoholic. I haven't had a drink in nearly a week now but I'll be back on it soon, because I like drinking.
She sounds like a drunk overly dramatic teenager to me.

If she sounds like a overly dramatic teenager to you, what do you think you sound like to the rest of us?

Drinking till you blackout. No no, thats not a sign of alcoholism :rolleyes:

g-punkteffekt

I black out when I'm knackered tired after getting drunk and I stay awake for a while. Anyway this is besides the point, I just really don't think she's an alcoholic.

DublinWriter

g-punkteffekt wrote:

this is ridiculous. You're applauding her for admitting she binge drinks once a week or whatever?

We're applauding her for being brave enough to admit that she has a problem.

g-punkteffekt wrote:

I get blackouts every week, sometimes I do stupid stuff. But I know what I'm getting into when I binge drink.

Really? You blackout and say you know what you're getting into?

g-punkteffekt wrote:

I do it because I have some great times on it. And yes I drink a few the next day/night to get my head together, but I'm not an alcoholic. I haven't had a drink in nearly a week now but I'll be back on it soon, because I like drinking.

Being an alcoholic is not about when you drink, it's about how you drink. The difference is an alcoholic can go days, weeks, even months without a drink, but when they do drink, they cannot stop until they are physically incapable of holding a glass.

g-punkteffekt wrote:

She sounds like a drunk overly dramatic teenager to me.

No sunshine, you do.

g-punkteffekt

in what way am I being overly dramatic?

g-punkteffekt

DublinWriter wrote:

We're applauding her for being brave enough to admit that she has a problem.

Now that just sounds like Oprah Winfrey nonsense to me. Give her a kick up the arse and tell her to get her act together.

Beruthiel

g-punkteffekt wrote:

I get blackouts every week, sometimes I do stupid stuff. But I know what I'm getting into when I binge drink. I do it because I have some great times on it. And yes I drink a few the next day/night to get my head together, but I'm not an alcoholic. I haven't had a drink in nearly a week now but I'll be back on it soon, because I like drinking.

You are someone who has an awful lot of growing up to do.
You actually think that it's perfectly acceptable to black out every week?
I do hope you are not trolling this forum, because anyone with more than two brain cells would know that sort of behaviour is just plain stupid.

She sounds like a drunk overly dramatic teenager to me.

No, she sounds like someone who has wised up.
You however do come accross as one.