Boyf got a call from another girl

secret_squirrel

dame wrote:

trying to do something to reassure herself/prove herself wrong, etc.

Making her look like a complete psychotic isnt helpful - especially with no achievable aim.

By suggesting to her that some advice on here is crap (imo) I am helping her (again imo). The mods will soon slap me if Im out of line.

The OP has already taken actions that will have massive consequences if she is wrong. Now it seems that from what she has said there might be something going on, however several posters have pointed out alternative scenarios.

In my opinion the OP has already made enough of a statement for now. She needs to try to calm down and see how the BF reacts to what she has done so far. In case he is innocent the last thing she needs to do is stir things up even further. She may get over her current turbulent feelings, and actually act coldly and rationally, as she is not currently capable of doing.

OP give it a week to see what happens. Try to get some distance and perspective on this issue. Quite frankly - you dont seem in any state of mind to make life changing decisions, and you are already going to have to live with the ones you have made so far.

dame

secret_squirrel wrote:

achievable aim.

Finding out who are the people he has saved as an initial.
Never said it was right, in fact said it might be a bit excessive.

I personally wouldn't trust him to tell the truth considering he didn't before, but that's just my opinion (which comes from seeing plenty of cheaters continuing on their merry way).

You're right about the needing to take time to consider what's next though.

jesus_thats_gre

dame wrote:

It might be a bit excessive but you could always hide the number from his phone and call all the numbers saved as initials and hang up when you recognise the voice or say "Oh sorry , wrong number" or something. When a girl answers you can then decide if you'd like to ask her anything. This is going to keep bugging you until you find out what happened and if he's cheating or not. He probably knows that the only reason you got proof last time was because you got the number and rang the girl. This time he knows you don't have a number and so he thinks if he just brazens it out long enough then you'll eventually let it go. Only you know if you forget this incident, trust him again and continue your relationship.

(Edited to correct spelling of brazens)

Hahahaah I bet you are a dream to go out with.. FFS like.. It is obviously very plausable that your man is up to something. However, what we are being told is just one side of the story. That story is also being fueled by past experiences, paranoia, jealously and 4 or 5 crazy man haters that have posted on this thread. Honestly, how some of you come to the conclusions that you have done is beyond comprehension.

The mindset of a person 6 or 12 months into a relationship is very different to the mindset of a person who is 3 years into a relationship, engaged to be married, living with their partner and has a child with their partner. To say he done it before and use that as justification for saying he could do it again is a joke as there is always so much more to these things.

To the OP, thread carefully as you could be completely wrong and as such, risk ****ing up what could be a good relationship and possibly a good family in the long term.

hunnymonster

Is "can you talk" not the first question of every telephone conversation? Is it not rude to assume that the person you are calling can drop everything to talk to you? OP, I wouldn't be worried about that question at all.


On the other hand, I would be concerned that he has not given you a reasonable explaination as to who was calling. Maybe he just clammed up because you appear to have lost the plot over this or maybe there is some real reason that he wants to hide the callers identity. Either way, a blazing row and throwing him out seems a bizzarre way of dealing with it.


Thirdly, you know he cheated before, but 2 years later you should either have gotten over it or moved on. The man should be able to talk to whoever he wants without risking an explosion.

sien

hunnymonster wrote:

Is "can you talk" not the first question of every telephone conversation? Is it not rude to assume that the person you are calling can drop everything to talk to you? OP, I wouldn't be worried about that question at all.


On the other hand, I would be concerned that he has not given you a reasonable explaination as to who was calling. Maybe he just clammed up because you appear to have lost the plot over this or maybe there is some real reason that he wants to hide the callers identity. Either way, a blazing row and throwing him out seems a bizzarre way of dealing with it.


Thirdly, you know he cheated before, but 2 years later you should either have gotten over it or moved on. The man should be able to talk to whoever he wants without risking an explosion.

He can talk to whoever he wants. BUT if he turns white on a call infront of me and says it was his brother or something. What am I supposed to think. Obviously that meant he was lying and didn't want me to know who it was. And then to slyly hit the hang up button and to keep saying hello hello hello. Seriously, was I supposed to sit there and say nothing??? Then when I did question him he just kept saying he didn't know who it was and getting very aggetated. Would you not be curious if your partner did that?

Anyway he came home last night to see our daughter, I CALMLY asked was he going to tell me who that girl was. He said yet again "I don't now who she is"
So he slept in the spare room last night.

uberwolf

hunnymonster wrote:

Thirdly, you know he cheated before, but 2 years later you should either have gotten over it or moved on. The man should be able to talk to whoever he wants without risking an explosion.

I imagine him chatting would have presented no issues whatsoever to the OP. It's when he didn't chat, tried some subterfuge and got caught that the issues arose.

The man has form for this, and didn't admit it last time either.

Hm. I think the OP may possibly be overreacting, but I do agree there's something fishy going on. I can't think of any other way to find out though, sorry.
Has he not tried saying anything in his defense beyond "I don't know"? I mean obviously at this stage it's not working to convince you...
Has he tried to sit and explain what was going through his head if he genuinely did react badly to a wrong number?

DaDa

Let's for a minute assume the caller was someone he didn't recognise.

If someone calls and asks me "can u talk"... and I don't recognise the voice... then I reply with "sorry, who is this?"

one of 2 things then happens..

it's a genuine wrong number and I say "sorry you have the wrong number"

or

it's not a wrong number, and the person clarifies who they are and I say "oh sorry, didn't recognize the voice for a minute", and we can get on with the call.

The OP's boyfriend's reaction does not obviously fit either category.

Why panic the way he did if he has nothing to hide?

Your relationship does not sound healthy in any way.

greenkittie

Once i got a call from the phone of a guy i had been dating for a couple of weeks, it was his girlfriend, she was phoning every female in his phone book. She seemed totally crazed to me but i was just glad i found out he wasn't actually single!

HashSlinging

Maybe it was one of the guys mates playing a prank caller type message, I know from past experience having caught a few people off with them, that there is one that sounds very like what the caller said. Anyway very interesting to see how paranoid someone gets over a simple call.

He could have been orgainising a night out, are blokes not allowed to have female friends.

SPA

Magic Pips

just my opinion: He's cheating on you. the phone call, the initials instead of names, the previous form and the complete denial (nice move by him - look at the doubt she has now!)

but as has been said before this is just speculation.

BeardyGit

OP, why waste your time? He won't tell you the truth so everything after that is completely and utterly pointless. Why do you think this time will differ from the last?

sien

HashSlinging wrote:

Maybe it was one of the guys mates playing a prank caller type message, I know from past experience having caught a few people off with them, that there is one that sounds very like what the caller said. Anyway very interesting to see how paranoid someone gets over a simple call.

He could have been orgainising a night out, are blokes not allowed to have female friends.

SPA

Yes he can have female friends. The same as I have male friends.
BUT I have never pretended that one of my male friends was my sister calling me. I have never hung up on a male friend when my boyfriend is around because I have nothing ot hide.
There is no need for him to be sly about organising a night out either.
We are engaged to be married, we are together 3 years, we have a daughter together. He shouldn't be hiding things from me.
And if you read my first post again, this is NOT just a simple call. This was 'hush hush can't let the girlfriend know about this' call.

dame

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

Hahahaah I bet you are a dream to go out with.. FFS like.. It is obviously very plausable that your man is up to something. However, what we are being told is just one side of the story. That story is also being fueled by past experiences, paranoia, jealously and 4 or 5 crazy man haters that have posted on this thread. Honestly, how some of you come to the conclusions that you have done is beyond comprehension.

The mindset of a person 6 or 12 months into a relationship is very different to the mindset of a person who is 3 years into a relationship, engaged to be married, living with their partner and has a child with their partner. To say he done it before and use that as justification for saying he could do it again is a joke as there is always so much more to these things.

To the OP, thread carefully as you could be completely wrong and as such, risk ****ing up what could be a good relationship and possibly a good family in the long term.

Jesus_thats_gre, you're jumping to conclusions yourself. I'm actually seven years into a relationship, we have a child and are about to be married.


OP, glad to hear you've had a calm conversation with him. Hope things get better from here.

Talliesin

WrongNumber???? wrote:

I got a call from a girl once... it was a wrong number... anyone here ever get a call from a wrong number ???

Yes. We think the wrong number that my gf got at 2 in the morning (annoying enough) might be related to the phone-call she recieved yesterday evening threatening violence against her because his girlfriend had phoned her.

Apparantly he knows where she lives. Unfortunately he probably doesn't so the fun that could ensue by having him on my property without my permission isn't going to happen.

Some people just aren't able to handle the heady emotional rush of being within 5 feet of a mobile phone.

Dudess

Talliesin wrote:

Yes. We think the wrong number that my gf got at 2 in the morning (annoying enough) might be related to the phone-call she recieved yesterday evening threatening violence against her because his girlfriend had phoned her. Apparantly he knows where she lives.

Wow, mentalist! :eek:

To the people who think the OP's being really unreasonable (and I mean really unreasonable - some people are merely saying she should give her boyfriend the benefit of the doubt), put yourself in her place. Wouldn't you feel suspicious if that exact thing happened to you? Admit it, it seems very suspect. It certainly doesn't make me a "crazy man hater" (jesus_thats_gre) to say that. Reverse the genders and I'd view it the same way. Don't like the way this is starting to become a bit of a men versus women thing. Plus, I don't think he's definitely cheating, but would consider it highly likely.

Talliesin

If I adopted the same attitude of the OP I'd be assuming she really was having an affair with the nutter's girlfriend, since I was there when she took the wrong number call.

The OPs problem is that he cheated before which is making her more suspicious than she would normally be (I hope, maybe she'd be suspicious anyway...) which is fair enough, but not a good basis for a relationship.

The OPs boyfriend could be having an affair (people do change, people do do something wrong once and then not to it again, on the other hand people do also tend to not change as much as we might like) but he could also be worried about her suspecting him on the basis of his past behaviour and therefore going into a defensive position when he has no real reason to do so (people don't behave defensively because they are doing something wrong, they behave defensively because they believe they may be suspected of doing something wrong, whether that suspicion is warranted or not).

iguana

Talliesin wrote:

If I adopted the same attitude of the OP I'd be assuming she really was having an affair with the nutter's girlfriend, since I was there when she took the wrong number call.

The OPs problem is that he cheated before which is making her more suspicious than she would normally be (I hope, maybe she'd be suspicious anyway...) which is fair enough, but not a good basis for a relationship.

No, the op's problem is that he lied to her when he took the call. If your partner was recieving these calls and then acting shifty and telling you that the nutter calling her was in fact her sister, when you knew it wasn't. I bet you'd be pretty damn suspicious too.

Acid_Violet

If his reaction to receiving the call was as blatant and bad as how I perceive it from what you say than I would believe without a doubt that it's not innocent.

Look at it this way as a complete by-stander who is observing this; he gets a phone call, he says something odd and hangs up after the words 'can you talk?' are uttered by a clearly female caller, he says it's 'his brother or something' and then when shouted at about it being otherwise he goes pale and admitts it's a female. Why would he lie? Why would he panic? No reason other than he has been caught and we all know how people react when they get caught doing something they shouldn't be doing. Giving him the benefit of the doubt would be incredibly naive.

When men AND WOMEN cheat they tend to change their story. They backtrack, change facts blatantly, names are saved under initials instead also or false names, all those sort of things.

And insulting the OP as many posters have done is completely uncalled for. How dare you accuse her of being paranoid and labelling her all these things. She has very good reason to be suspicious of her fiance and is being completely open-minded by still considering that it might be nothing.

What happened to Talliesin is completely different for this reason; his girlfriend (from what you've said) didn't panic and lie about who it was. Dare I say it that the point which many people are making is that the wrong number might have been, shock horror, a lie or a cover up.

OP, I hope things turn out best for you and your daughter at the very least.

secret_squirrel

We can argue the did he, didnt he? til the cows come home, however its gone far beyond that. He has been kicked out, and is now sleeping in the spare room. The OP seems to feel she cant trust anything he says, and he is unable or unwilling to explain himself.

The problem the OP and her fiance have is this - now things have gone this far - how is the OP going to recognise the truth when she hears it?

Lets suppose for a minute that the Fiance has been flirting on the phone with someone, but nothing else. Will the OP believe him? What steps can the OP take to get to a reasonable solution for all concerned, including their child?

jesus_thats_gre

dame wrote:

Jesus_thats_gre, you're jumping to conclusions yourself. I'm actually seven years into a relationship, we have a child and are about to be married.

Hero status restored. So you being in a long term relationship and having a child automatically implies that you are not irrational, untrusting or just a plain good old fashioned phsycho?

You are advising a girl (who you don't know or know anything about besides what she has told us on the internet) to do some very stupid things based purely on her version of events. You seem absolutely adament that this lad has cheated and you are giving advise that, if he goes through with and is proven wrong eventually, could split up a happy family.

You drawing conclusions has the potential to effect a number of peoples lifes in a negative way and you are doing so with minimal info. My conclusions are harmless and probably more accurate

Dudess

Jesus_thats_gre *me sniggers at the username*, are you pretty confident that the OP's boyfriend is completely innocent? If you are, then that's a pretty silly position to take, given the facts (yes, it's just the OP's version of events, but on forums like this you sometimes have to take things at face value - plus, most of us are bearing in mind that she has to give the guy a right to reply).
Using insulting phrases like "psycho" and "crazy man-hater" - I know, not to refer to anyone specific, but used in relation to some of the female posters here - it seems like you have an axe to grind when it comes to women.

This quote from Acid_Violet is spot-on:

Look at it this way as a complete by-stander who is observing this; he gets a phone call, he says something odd and hangs up after the words 'can you talk?' are uttered by a clearly female caller, he says it's 'his brother or something' and then when shouted at about it being otherwise he goes pale and admitts it's a female. Why would he lie? Why would he panic? No reason other than he has been caught and we all know how people react when they get caught doing something they shouldn't be doing. Giving him the benefit of the doubt would be incredibly naive.

When men AND WOMEN cheat they tend to change their story. They backtrack, change facts blatantly, names are saved under initials instead also or false names, all those sort of things.

And insulting the OP as many posters have done is completely uncalled for. How dare you accuse her of being paranoid and labelling her all these things. She has very good reason to be suspicious of her fiance and is being completely open-minded by still considering that it might be nothing.

There is no way you can say that the OP doesn't have reason to be suspicious and is irrational for being so.

sien

Why did he lie???
That's the thing alot of posters aren't getting here.
If someone rang me from a wrong number I'd ask "who's this?".
I certainly wouldn't make up a bullsh*t cover up story for a Wrong Number.

I asked him again yesterday could he please tell me what is going on.
He is still saying he doesn't know who rang him and that he just panicked.

Country-Bumpkin

Hi Sien,

Im new here but read ur post and Thought id have to reply......The same thing happened to me about 18 months ago with the guy I had been with for nearly 5 years and spent almost every minute with. All of a sudden he seemed to be gettin a load of prank phone calls and whenever we went anywhere he conveniently forgot his phone. I was, like you, not a jealous or crazy g/f but it was gettin a bit much and I kept asking him what was goin on. After a few weeks he finally admitted that he had been seeing someone he worked with. We broke up for a while but as we had just bought a house together we decided to give it another try. 18 months later and things are back to normal, some ppl said I was mad to take him back but I think if you're willing to give it a try let him know this and maybe he's more likely to tell you the truth. If not, maybe he's not worth ur tears.

I hope it all works out for u

dellas1979

Look Sien,

At this stage you are annoying me a bit now.

How in the name of god are we supposed to know why he acted like this? Come on, we are a bunch of people here on boards who know nothing about either of you.

The only person, at this stage, who can do something about this is you. But you dont seem to be getting the bigger picture here.

This has gone on long enough. For the love of your sanity, do something about it.

I cant encourage you to leave him. Could you talk maybe to a member of his family. Its time to get a bit proactive about this if it is making you worried. Maybe a work colleague of his? This would at least get it out in the open.

sien

dellas1979 wrote:

Look Sien,

At this stage you are annoying me a bit now.

How in the name of god are we supposed to know why he acted like this? Come on, we are a bunch of people here on boards who know nothing about either of you.

The only person, at this stage, who can do something about this is you. But you dont seem to be getting the bigger picture here.

This has gone on long enough. For the love of your sanity, do something about it.

I cant encourage you to leave him. Could you talk maybe to a member of his family. Its time to get a bit proactive about this if it is making you worried. Maybe a work colleague of his? This would at least get it out in the open.

LOOK DELLAS1979,

If im annoying you so much STOP reading my thread!

Yeah it's really that simple, his two brothers who he was using as the cover up are really going to tell me if he is upto something.

And the lads on the building, seriously I doubt it.

dellas1979

And what are we going to do for you here?

What are people here able to do? Come up with some magic solution?

Im only trying to get you to see reason here.

Everything suggested is shot down.

You are the one with the problem. You need to become a bit cleverer about it to find a solution.

Think a bit outside the box.

event

i said it already

you arent going to believe him until he says he was cheating!

and tehn you will dump him.

so just dump him now

Fanny Cradock

Dudess wrote:

Using insulting phrases like "psycho" and "crazy man-hater" - I know, not to refer to anyone specific, but used in relation to some of the female posters here - it seems like you have an axe to grind when it comes to women.

In defence of Jesus_thats_great there have been one or two suggestions (i'll refrain from mentioning them... again) that could definitely be classified as a little, eh, odd. I don't see any axe/ axe grinding paraphernalia in his posts.

To reiterate event, the only acceptable answer for the OP (and some others here) seems to be if he admits to cheating. OP, I realise that you have asked him on a few occasions now what the story was, but I wonder if you have calmly discuss what happened or merely shouted at him? Assuming there is something going on, he will be more likely to admit it if it's a calm discussion. It really doesn't seem like either of you have sat down and talked about it in any real depth - just an angry word here and there. Maybe I'm reading into the curtness of your posts regarding the conversation between you two wrong - if so I apologise.

Yes, it is very possible that he did cheat - his reaction does look very suspicious, especially when you factor in his past. However, maybe he didn't, and I can understand why he would lie if he thought anything like this was going to happen. Nobody here knows the truth, but to read some of the replies here you would think that they had some sort of special insight. To say he has definitely cheated (even if they are proved right in the end) seems irresponsible because it's a judgement based on only half the story.

podge79

sien wrote:

My head is wrecked on this one. So your opinions are welcome.
My boyf of 3 years got a call when we were in the car yesterday. This is the conversation:
He said "Hello" A girl says "Can you talk?" He says " I don't know you may ask Tom about that" Then he hits the hang up button on the sly and keeps saying "Hello hello hello" as if he'd been cut off.
He had gone white in the face so I knew there was something up. So I asked who was that? He said it was his "brother or something" I said "or something it was either your brother or it wasn't?" He just kept saying "I don't know who it was" I got really annoyed and start shouting at him to tell me now who it was. He start to sweat, then he admitted that it was a girl asking could he talk and he panicked and hung up on her.
He says he doesn't know who it was and that it must be a wrong number and that it was stupid what he said on the phone but he just panicked because there was a strange girl on the phone.
He is saying he panicked because about 2 years ago I caught him calling and texting two other girls and we split up for 6 months. And he says he was in bits from the night before because he'd been out drinking and that, and thats why he wasn't thinking straight.
I am extremely suspisious but the only thing is that we go everywhere together and we live together so I don't know when he'd have the time to be seeing someone else. I'm absolutely shocked that this is after happening again, he really seemed to have changed.
Am I reading too much into this call?

sorry to hear this, what i can never understand is when guys know when they are on to a good thing - having a long-term relationship and commiting to marriage and then going and doing something like this. He's trying to have his cake and eat it, and if i were you, unless he gives a full explanation as to why all this cloak and dagger stuff is going on, i'd kick his sorry ass into touch .. not only for your sake but for ye're daughters as well... there's no point in playing happy families

dame

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

Hero status restored. So you being in a long term relationship and having a child automatically implies that you are not irrational, untrusting or just a plain good old fashioned phsycho?

It implies nothing more than the fact that I'm obviously not a nightmare to go out with.

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

You drawing conclusions has the potential to effect a number of peoples lifes in a negative way and you are doing so with minimal info. My conclusions are harmless and probably more accurate

You're not concluding anything at all. All you're basically saying is you have no proof OP so just ask him nicely but then give it up, go against your own gut feelings and let him act suspicious all he wants.

In my honest opinion I couldn't carry on a relationship where I didn't trust my partner. If on the other hand he did have something to hide but came clean about it then I could take him back. It would take serious work but it can be done, as Country-Bumpkin has prooven. It should be remembered though that the guy here has never admitted anything before, even when it was prooven as fact.

To the suggestion that he may have been planning a big Valentine's surprise;
What would you do if someone stumbled across a nice surprise for them?
(a) Try to keep the smile from your face,
(b) Panic and go white as a sheet.

Chucky the tree

sien wrote:

Why did he lie???

Its probaly cos your a bit nuts. If i was him i would lie. I'd say ever since you first found out he was cheating you have been very jealous and a bit of a control freak.

Chances are you have checked his mobile to see who he has called, read his texts etc etc to see what he is up too. You have also asked question after question when he has gone out with his mates.


If he was cheating, do you think he would of been caught out so easily? I doubt it. He would of handled the call alot better if he was putting it about somewhere else and he would of been more prepared for the situation.

Do the chap a favour and dump him. His head must be melted going out with you.

King of Kings

Chucky the tree wrote:

Its probaly cos your a bit nuts. If i was him i would lie. I'd say ever since you first found out he was cheating you have been very jealous and a bit of a control freak.

Chances are you have checked his mobile to see who he has called, read his texts etc etc to see what he is up too. You have also asked question after question when he has gone out with his mates.


If he was cheating, do you think he would of been caught out so easily? I doubt it. He would of handled the call alot better if he was putting it about somewhere else and he would of been more prepared for the situation.

Do the chap a favour and dump him. His head must be melted going out with you.

Ah chucky with his pearls of wisdom yet again!

Silverfish

Chucky the tree wrote:

Its probaly cos ....
If i was ....
I'd say ever since ....

Chances are you ....


If he was ...

Quite a lot of assumptions there, try working from the facts. He is lying to her.
It wasn't his brother on the phone, he said it was. He hung up, and pretended the other person lost connection. It was a woman on the phone, and he couldn't explain who it was, and tried to pretend he didn't know who it was - but not before pretending in front of his girlfriend that it was someone else.

So, he has definitely lied somewhere along the line.

Unless the OP is out on a surprise night out right now, and this woman was calling from somewhere to confirm a surprise booking / arrange delivery of a present, then I would recommend she not let this guy melt her head any more, and find someone who won't pull this crap.

jesus_thats_gre

Dudess wrote:

Jesus_thats_gre *me sniggers at the username*, are you pretty confident that the OP's boyfriend is completely innocent? If you are, then that's a pretty silly position to take, given the facts (yes, it's just the OP's version of events, but on forums like this you sometimes have to take things at face value - plus, most of us are bearing in mind that she has to give the guy a right to reply).
Using insulting phrases like "psycho" and "crazy man-hater" - I know, not to refer to anyone specific, but used in relation to some of the female posters here - it seems like you have an axe to grind when it comes to women.

This quote from Acid_Violet is spot-on:

Look at it this way as a complete by-stander who is observing this; he gets a phone call, he says something odd and hangs up after the words 'can you talk?' are uttered by a clearly female caller, he says it's 'his brother or something' and then when shouted at about it being otherwise he goes pale and admitts it's a female. Why would he lie? Why would he panic? No reason other than he has been caught and we all know how people react when they get caught doing something they shouldn't be doing. Giving him the benefit of the doubt would be incredibly naive.

When men AND WOMEN cheat they tend to change their story. They backtrack, change facts blatantly, names are saved under initials instead also or false names, all those sort of things.

And insulting the OP as many posters have done is completely uncalled for. How dare you accuse her of being paranoid and labelling her all these things. She has very good reason to be suspicious of her fiance and is being completely open-minded by still considering that it might be nothing.

There is no way you can say that the OP doesn't have reason to be suspicious and is irrational for being so.

If you read my posts, I have not said that the OP is doing much wrong. I am criticising the posts of some of the females on this thread. Some of the conclusions that they have come to are just plain nuts. The OP is possibly going to be making life altering decsions based on what some eijits on this thread are telling her. As for having an axe to grind. You would be pretty right. I have stupid women who come to rediculous conclusions based on tid bits on information. Incidently, I also hate stupid men that do the same.

Oh yeah, am pretty sure I posted this already but just in case I didn't. There is no doubt that the lad is acting suspiciously. However, acting suspiciously and having cheated before does not automatically equate to cheating again.

jesus_thats_gre

dame wrote:

It implies nothing more than the fact that I'm obviously not a nightmare to go out with.

If you think going through your partners phonebook and ringing every number until you come across a girls voice that you do not recognise is a perfectly acceptable thing to in a case like this then I would have to conclude that there is something quite not right.

You either think it is perfectly acceptable to do or you are telling her to do something that you wouldn't do yourself. Actually, some of the conclusions you have drawn from the OPs posts and the subsequent advise you have given her are that extreme that it wouldn't surprise me if you are just giving suggestions off the cuff without actually considering their implications in the slightest.

dame wrote:

You're not concluding anything at all.

A recent chain of events:

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

Hahahaah I bet you are a dream to go out with.. FFS like

dame wrote:

Jesus_thats_gre, you're jumping to conclusions yourself. I'm actually seven years into a relationship, we have a child and are about to be married.

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

Hero status restored. So you being in a long term relationship and having a child automatically implies that you are not irrational, untrusting or just a plain good old fashioned phsycho?

You are advising a girl (who you don't know or know anything about besides what she has told us on the internet) to do some very stupid things based purely on her version of events. You seem absolutely adament that this lad has cheated and you are giving advise that, if he goes through with and is proven wrong eventually, could split up a happy family.

You drawing conclusions has the potential to effect a number of peoples lifes in a negative way and you are doing so with minimal info. My conclusions are harmless and probably more accurate

You are accusing me of drawing conclusions, I respond and then you tell me that I am not drawing any conclusions.. You are sort of right though, I wasn't drawing any conclusions on what the OP was saying. I was drawing conclusions on what you must be like to date based on the posts you have made on this topic.

dame wrote:

All you're basically saying is you have no proof OP so just ask him nicely but then give it up, go against your own gut feelings and let him act suspicious all he wants.

I am not. I am telling her to thread carefully and do not do anything that could potentially blow back up in her face in the event that she is totally wrong. I am saying this in direct response to some posts whereby the posters are adament that he is cheating and that she should leave him.

darkflower

No! you're not! It's just that you are really concern with what is happening with your man, it is just normal for you to react that way,what is important is that you really care to your boyfriend, you are that sensitive enough to feel if there is something fishy I mean there is something wrong with him especially if there he goes again with his old stories that would again hurt you, just remember to be brave always and do not let anyone to hurt your feelings.

jesus_thats_gre

Chucky the tree wrote:

Its probaly cos your a bit nuts. If i was him i would lie. I'd say ever since you first found out he was cheating you have been very jealous and a bit of a control freak.

Chances are you have checked his mobile to see who he has called, read his texts etc etc to see what he is up too. You have also asked question after question when he has gone out with his mates.


If he was cheating, do you think he would of been caught out so easily? I doubt it. He would of handled the call alot better if he was putting it about somewhere else and he would of been more prepared for the situation.

Do the chap a favour and dump him. His head must be melted going out with you.

Oh I wish I could write like this. Just got me thinking actually. He is being made out to be some serial cheater yet he gets caught so easily. Either a complete dumb ass or not a seriel cheater.

Carrigart Exile

Dreamer 7 wrote:

I would not drop it for a second. "Can you talk?" implies that she knows bout you so he must have been talking to her at some stage, if there was nothing going on he would have said who is this etc. Get the number from his fone and ask her yourself becoz it doesnt sound like he is gonna tell you the truth

Actually can you talk is almost the first words most people use if they know the person could be driving a car.

Fey!

Dreamer 7 wrote:

I would not drop it for a second. "Can you talk?" implies that she knows bout you so he must have been talking to her at some stage, if there was nothing going on he would have said who is this etc. Get the number from his fone and ask her yourself becoz it doesnt sound like he is gonna tell you the truth

Haven't read through the whole thread yet.

Any chance that it was someone in a shop; he may have been planning a surprise for you. Where I work, if we know a customer is planning a surprise then we'll always ask them if they can talk, and if they say no we'll either wait for them to call us back or try them again later in the day.

ELLIEJ

OP,

you getting on now? Have things settled down?