Help!! How to discipline 6 yr old?

Trinity

Hi Dame

Hmmm well his behaviour did improve dramatically last week, he was off school on his mid term break.

We had the odd hiccup, i havent been in the best health wise so i let a lot slide. I have stopped wiping his bottom and only accompany him to the bathroom if the lights are not already on, they usually are. He still cant wipe properly but he is trying, the next bit may shed some light on that!!

I got a call during the week from a psychologist in work who had assessed him for dyspraxia, she had taken his checklist to temple street and their recommendation was for me to get an urgent appointment for a neurologist. They feel his behaviour maybe related to motor co-ordination difficulties as well as the fact he is a bit spoiled.

Thanks for your advice above, the last paragraph was spot on and had me wondering if you knew me and if so who could you be incognito

desiredbard

Give him a whack or a spanking never did me any harm

Have to go offline now though before the Gardai trace me down...something to do with 23 murders and some questions they have

dame

Trinity1 wrote:

Hi Dame

Hmmm well his behaviour did improve dramatically last week, he was off school on his mid term break.

We had the odd hiccup, i havent been in the best health wise so i let a lot slide. I have stopped wiping his bottom and only accompany him to the bathroom if the lights are not already on, they usually are. He still cant wipe properly but he is trying, the next bit may shed some light on that!!

I got a call during the week from a psychologist in work who had assessed him for dyspraxia, she had taken his checklist to temple street and their recommendation was for me to get an urgent appointment for a neurologist. They feel his behaviour maybe related to motor co-ordination difficulties as well as the fact he is a bit spoiled.

Thanks for your advice above, the last paragraph was spot on and had me wondering if you knew me and if so who could you be incognito

Not at all, you'd mentioned your mum and sister in an earlier post that's all! I also lived next door to a single mother of an only son. He was definitely her "golden boy" and acted up a lot to get her attention when he was little. Stangely enough he didn't in our house (my mother's a teacher and I think he recognised a stricter voice when he heard it! she still makes us all behave) but he's grown up into a lovely considerate young fella now (he's 14). He uses up all his energy playing football and is always out in the garden kicking at one when he's not off playing with the lads at school. I think being around women a lot actually made him quite empathetic/sympathetic to others as he got older but he was quite a boisterous little fella! He can chat away with anyone now and is so good to his Granny and to younger kids, you wouldn't believe it.

Glad to hear things are improving for you all and that you're getting help. Knowing there's a problem and what it is can be half the battle with finding workable solutions for any situation.

OTK

hi trinity

This is how I deal with my kids.
1. The child is not your friend. The child is a child looking to you as an adult for help and guidance. The child has to know that you and him are different. You can drink alcohol and coffee. He can't. Everyone in my household swears all the time except the kids who know they are not allowed to.
2. Love your child and never threaten to withdraw that love when the child misbehaves. This gives the child a sense of security.
3.As an adult you must behave more maturely than your child. You should hardly ever cry or show any extreme emotion such as anger in front of a child. This gives the child a sense of security.
4. Consistency in the face of constant attempts to break the rules. This kind of drama is played out every 15 minutes in my house:
'Dad, get me a glass of milk'
'That's not how you ask me'
'Please may I have a glass of milk dad?'
etc
You tell kids the rules and then they try to break them to see your reaction. When you calmly enforce the rule they feel more secure. Yes, it is constant and tiring and sometimes you want to tell them to piss off but you are a parent and the future mental health and happiness of a human being is your responsibility.
5. Giving in. Most parents know that if they give in they are fcuked. If your kid is pushing his luck and you just couldn't be bothered fighting and you give in then the next time you can bet the kid will try the same trick. You make your life easier for 2 minutes and harder for months. Not worth it. It confuses the child.
6. Punishing children. I ignore the children to punish them. Take them out of the room and lock them in their own rooms. I never show any emotion while punishing a child. No tantrum is ever allowed in a public area of the house. If a kid starts screaming, I pick him up and dump him on his bed very quickly and close the door and leave him alone. Other ways of punishing include cancelling his trips to friends, telling him that everybody is unhappy with him and that he's in trouble. Send to bed early without a story. Kids have a very short attention span so the whole thing should only take 4-5 minutes. No cuddling the child after he has apologised again because otherwise he will misbehave in order to get a cuddle later.
7. kid wiping his own arse etc. My kids are constantly encouraged to do things for themselves. You're a big boy now. Give them lots of praise when they succeed.
8. Backup. Apart from mum and dad there are usually various other relations in the house. As far as possible these should all be consistent in their treatment of the child or he will rapidly play one of us off against the other.

In your situation I don't know how you get back from the bad habits your child has learnt. Also there may be some medical cause, though I suspect all children would behave like your son if they were treated in the way you described (no offence to you meant).You do need a consistent approach worked out with your boyfriend. If he corrects the child, the child will turn to you to appeal the verdict. If you do it is unfair to the child who will never listen to your bf again.

Sometimes kids are naughty because that's the only time they get attention from their parents. So you should devote time to creative play with the kid, painting, jigsaws, memory game. This is a better way to win the love of your child than buying him crap in the shops.

Lastly diet. If you feed your kid a diet of cocopops and cheese strings, you will have a moody obese monster on your hands. Buy healthy food and don't offer alternatives.

undecided

foxy....... i'm no expert but i think hitting a child back teaches them that it is okay to hurt other people. In my home hurting people is not allowed. I found when I enforced this rule both with me giving my daughter a smack and her hitting me it worked really well.

Trinity........ I can understand exactly where you are now. When my daughter was 2 1/2 I got pregnant on my 2nd. She was a demon! There is alot of good tips in the posts and if you perservere you will get results dont give in! Dont make empty or unrealistic threats. Remember firstly you are the parent and then a friend. It will wear you out but you can do it!

McGinty

I would only add one thing, children a loveable and demons, what I mean by that is they look to us for guidance and care, at the same time they seek to push boundaries and rules to CHECK AND SEE IF YOU NOTICE AND CARE, sorry for the block capitals, but I had trouble with my son, only I was lucky he was going the same way your son is right now, only a friend sat me down and hit me between the two eyes what I needed to do. I've been a single parent since my son was six months old, he is nine now, to be honest there are some blessings, I can raise him my way and it is mostly good. Kids love their parents/ mothers/ guardians, basically whoever raises them but they also want to do what they want, it is in the nature of children , they are not seeking to hurt us (parents/guardians) personally, they are just being children, we need to be just parents. I don't believe in smacking the ****e out of some child, but total neglect be it out of misguided compassion, sympathy or laziness is not on either. PARENTING IS THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD, and it is thankless, it is a task of pain, misery and learning, my son has taught me more about human nature than any other person I've met, when he acts out I no longer take it personally, he is just acting out, however with help within myself and therapy I'm learning to be a parent, to guide my son, to teach him responsiblity for himself and our relationship grows good because of it, but I'm always aware he'll give me **** again, not because he hates me, but its because its what kids do, they need to learn and stretch at our expense, if we let them, we are required to teach them boundaries until they are adults. There has been some excellent advice re: parenting from Bethruthial and thaedyal (excuse spelling) and many others, I would just concur with what they say, I admire your honesty and the fact you are seeking help that is the first step, so fair play to you. The rest will build up from there, good luck.