Depression, Anxiety, alcoholism and agorophobia. My story.

sam34

outlaw pete, i know you mean well, but please dont go around making online diagnoses, it is potentially very dangerous

sam34

you've mentioned a diagnosis, offered a link to teh symptoms of it, when terry replied saying he didnt have one particular one you came back with the fact that your mate didnt have that one either but still had that condition...

you've given a history of someone having a different diagnosis again ...

online symptom checklists are notoriously unreliable and therefore dangerous

Terry

sam34 wrote: »

outlaw pete, i know you mean well, but please dont go around making online diagnoses, it is potentially very dangerous

Don't worry. I won't be suing boards.
I've been a passenger in multiple car crashes and never made a claim because I was never physically hurt.

OutlawPete wrote: »

Are you serious? When did I make a diagnosis??

It's a legal thing.
From a legal standpoint, boards Ltd is liable for posts made here in a certain context.
I don't know the full story, but basically I could potentially sue boards because you gave what could be viewed as medical advice and it could be a misdiagnosis.
Because you're not a doctor, you are not allowed to legally diagnose anyone with anything.

I wouldn't sue, but someone else might.

sam34

Terry wrote: »

Don't worry. I won't be suing boards.

i'm much less concerned with a potential lawsuit than i am with the fact that someone could read the particular post, or any with alternative diagnoses in them, decide that they have this other condition mentioned and not the one they originally thought, and thus stop their treatment risking a significant relapse.

Terry

sam34, it may be prudent to check this out in the mod forum.
Nothing against OutlawPete, but there are jackasses out there who could take advantage of a potentially litigious post.

OutlawPete, this is why PI is so strict. Perople are arseholes.
I'll check with my GP if I feel anything out of the ordinary, rather than just sue someone for frivilous reasons.

OutlawPete

Terry wrote: »

sam34, it may be prudent to check this out in the mod forum.
Nothing against OutlawPete, but there are jackasses out there who could take advantage of a potentially litigious post.

OutlawPete, this is why PI is so strict. Perople are arseholes.
I'll check with my GP if I feel anything out of the ordinary, rather than just sue someone for frivilous reasons.

Fair enough Terry.

Wouldn't for a second suggest you have any illness. Just that the symptoms rang a bell.

Sam, feel free to delete any or all of my posts in this thread.

sam34

OutlawPete wrote: »

As far as the ***, where does that even suggest to Terry that it might even refer to him? or his symptoms?

the fact that you told him to make sure he left no stone unturned, then a few words later you mentioned this diagnosis means it is not unreasonable to think you were offering this as a potential alternative diagnosis.

on reflection, i'm going to edit the diagnosis bits from your posts

DrIndy

Our issue with medical advice is not about being sued - but about people being safe. If you take someones advice off the internet and stop medications or don't see a doctor - you can have a potentially serious condition which lingers on and causes more harm.

There are many websites out there which help you with online diagnosis. Boards should not be one of them and particularily in this forum and health sciences - we want to help people with their conditions through factual information and understanding - not prejudice their threapy or worry someone unduly. Hence there are strict criteria on what is considered medical advice and information and the grey zones are adjudicated on by medically qualified individuals to keep every user as safe as possible.

People don't mean any harm when they post responses - but sometimes those posts can cause harm, particularily when taken out of context.

seanybiker

Jaysus terry fair play to you for posting that. a lot of it sounds like apart from the family. I still have my parents alive.
Other than that I was around 6-7 when I noticed I had to do everything twice. That could be picking sweets up in the shop, leaving them down and picking them up again. My twin brother used to do it aswell so I thought it was just me and him being weird.
I wasnt the best in school, probably just above the average in my class but nothing special. I was never the best with authority either.
I used to get annoyed at having to call my teacher sir or miss (obviously different teachers), I felt as if it was forced respect. anyways thats only me being me.
I remember then when I was about 8-9 just crying in class until I got to get outside fo seom fresh air, sometimes I would have to go home.
I would feel grand back home.
That went on anyways till secondary school. I got on grand with everyone in school, had the usual gombeens that nobody got on with but every place has them. I wasnt nervous about secondary school. I got that "best fighter in school" name when i was in 6th class, so I just thought of secondary as more people my age who wouldnt go near me lol. Wouldnt mind but I didnt fight much I was just big for my age and didnt take ****e from anyone.
First year wasnt to bad. Had loads of panic attacks and would just go the secretary and she would ring my mother and tell ehr I was on my way home.
It was in first year that I knew for a fact what was happening to me. turns out my older brother had it years before me but got over it by the time I was old enough to notice.
Second year was a lot different than first. Most days I would cycle down to the park in front of my school. Have a cigarette or two and if I was doing good i would go upto class. I would do the first two classes. Come out at 10:20 for the little break, go down the avenue with the lads and have another smoke or two. Then on the way back upo my next xlass I would panic because I knew I was stuck int he building from 10:30 till 12:30. That was me straight upto the secretary again, didnt even have to say anything. Hello Anne. she would tell me to sit down and wait for a minute, while she went off and rang my mother who she was on first name terms with at this stage, Anne didnt even need to ask me for my home number anymore.
I'd cycle home, sometimes i would be grand, other times I would just cry all the way home because I wasnt "normal". Get in home, have a chat with my mother, whilst drinking a cup fo tea. Then off to bed for as long as I could get away with before my parents would tell me to come downstairs.
third year I'd say the longest time i spent in school was one full week, with only going home once. Evenutally half way through 3rd year I barely turned up at al for school.
I went in for the first day of 5th year and all my friends though I had left in 3rd year. Eventually i did leave school. #
I started with WAVE here in waterford. It was for weird people like me.
I got on great for a while and eventually left to pursuemy carreer in anything that didnt need qulifications for.
That didnt work outm to well. it was to late for me by then. I had becmope fairly addicted to my tablets, that I had been on for a few years. Xanax and Seroxat. I always had to have the tablets with me "just in case" eventually then I decided that if Im asleep I cant feel the sadness of depression and the fear of a panic attck so I would sleep all the time. When i was awake it was ok. I had my plan well and truly sorted. I would drink when I was awake so I wouldnt care about the sadness and fear. The dutch courage had its horrible hands on me.
anyways Im going now a bit. Im still fairly bad with the panic attacks. I was taking off XANAX about amonth ago, I only finished up the last of them a few days ago and my head is fairly wrecked at the thoughts of what am I gonna do now, I have no crutch. I still have the seroxat to fall back on. Im still drinking but not as much as I used to.
im know good at putting me feelings down or anything so sorry for the bad account of life as seany. Ill keep you all informed how I do.
im after downloading "the linden method" (im not paying loads for that fook it).
Ill give that a go, hopefully it works, if not then its just another method to add to my ever increasing trials. but alas, who said life is suppsoed to be easy.
I have a great family. A great bunch of really close friends and I have a good outlook on life.
I find laughing even when dying inside helps me because I dont like people making a fuss over me.
thanks for starting the thread Terry. I wouldnt have being able to type this if someone else didnt.

Best of luck

Slidey

Good on ya seany.

I thought of sending you this link a few times but didn't wanna intrude.

I hope things improve for ya.

seanybiker

Slidey wrote: »

Good on ya seany.

I thought of sending you this link a few times but didn't wanna intrude.

I hope things improve for ya.

ah Terry told me he was puttiong up a thread alright, wasnt to sure if I wanted to read it in case it wiped me out. Kinda ahrd to explain.

Send on links whenever ya want bud, people are only trying to help.
sying that I used to go even madder when people tried to help me years ago.

WalterMitty

Terry, alcohol can cause and prolong depression and anxiety. Maybe if you can quit your other symptoms will get less severe. Not advice just my unqualified opinion.
Depression and alcohol problems often go together, but the evidence suggests that in men alcohol use preceded the depression, whereas in women the depression precedes the alcohol use.
American Journal of Epidemiology, "Study Links Depression and Alcohol Problems"

seanybiker

WalterMitty wrote: »

Terry, alcohol can cause and prolong depression and anxiety. Maybe if you can quit your other symptoms will get less severe. Not advice just my unqualified opinion.
Depression and alcohol problems often go together, but the evidence suggests that in men alcohol use preceded the depression, whereas in women the depression precedes the alcohol use.
American Journal of Epidemiology, "Study Links Depression and Alcohol Problems"

i know you said this to terry but Im in the same boat as him.
Fair enough i only know what he said on here and what i said on here.
personally Im a little worse than what i said but Im not good at portraying (sp?) that.
Alcoholism is very much a part of my family. to tell you the truth. im an alcoholic. It doesnt help in the long run. I have afew cans with me right now. Im gonna finish them so I can sleep tonight, ill be back at square one tomorrow whenever i wake up. Sadly Ill probably go back to the pub. I know I have a problem but I think i can get over it.
It might sound weird or more stupid I suppose but I honestly dont want to give up the drink. It does make me feel happy for those simple few hours where i can act meself and hopefully sleep at the end of it.

tbh

seanybiker wrote: »

J
im know good at putting me feelings down or anything

you're better than you think seany. thanks for sharing man.

Wibbs

While Ive not gone through a tenth of what Terry, Seanybiker and others and dont have a history of depression in me or my family, its soooo easy to start self medicating with alcohol. It happened to me 10 years ago when my father died. Long difficult story behind that I wont bore you with.

Basically before that Id have a few pints on a friday night glass of wine with food. Standard stuff. A well meaning mate brought a case of beer to the house for guests at teh funeral. So I got into them. For the guts of 4 years I had to have 2 cans of beer a night to sleep. Sometimes more but never less and usually the two. Like a sleeping draught. Crept up on me. A habit to stop the nightmares etc. Didnt realise how much until one night I got into a panic when I realised driving home late I didnt have the two cans. Just two bloody cans. Mad or what? Alcoholic? Nope. Habit? defo. Dependent self medication? Yes.

Even though it was only those two cans and it sounds daft, it was pretty bloody hard to come off that habit. Took weeks with a few slips before I could go without and on nights where I couldnt sleep a fair few sips after that too. How I was during that period even buggered up a really good relationship. Low level anxiety and two bloody cans of beer. You couldnt make it up

People that fight much bigger demons than that really impress me I have to say. I wouldnt have the spine for it TBH if the lack of two cans had me reeling.

WalterMitty

Wibbs wrote: »

While Ive not gone through a tenth of what Terry, Seanybiker and others and dont have a history of depression in me or my family, its soooo easy to start self medicating with alcohol. It happened to me 10 years ago when my father died. Long difficult story behind that I wont bore you with.

Basically before that Id have a few pints on a friday night glass of wine with food. Standard stuff. A well meaning mate brought a case of beer to the house for guests at teh funeral. So I got into them. For the guts of 4 years I had to have 2 cans of beer a night to sleep. Sometimes more but never less and usually the two. Like a sleeping draught. Crept up on me. A habit to stop the nightmares etc. Didnt realise how much until one night I got into a panic when I realised driving home late I didnt have the two cans. Just two bloody cans. Mad or what? Alcoholic? Nope. Habit? defo. Dependent self medication? Yes.

Even though it was only those two cans and it sounds daft, it was pretty bloody hard to come off that habit. Took weeks with a few slips before I could go without and on nights where I couldnt sleep a fair few sips after that too. How I was during that period even buggered up a really good relationship. Low level anxiety and two bloody cans of beer. You couldnt make it up

People that fight much bigger demons than that really impress me I have to say. I wouldnt have the spine for it TBH if the lack of two cans had me reeling.

Those two cans were clearly a psychological dependence rather than any physical dependence/addiction. Obviously theres a significant psychological component to addiction which is a good thing in ways as it is open to psychotherapy or behaviour modification. I ihave issues with alcohol and mental health too(dysthymia, Generalised anxiety, but my bingeing is only when my mood is good strangely enough).

Novella

Fair play to you for your original post, Terry. Can't have been easy writing that one, so major kudos. I actually read this thread a while ago but never commented on it, but when it's almost half two in the morning and you've taken your sleeping pills and still can't sleep, well, there is little else to do and words sometimes seem to spill out a little easier!

I never commented because I wasn't sure what to say. I mean, is 'wow' too unsubstantial? I honestly really do admire you for everything you've been through and dealt with and it was good to read that you've found something you like doing. Just wanted to add my best wishes for the future tbh, hope things continue to look up.

Wizard007

Terry, Seanybiker, I don't know what to say to either of you. That took balls!! Fair play to you both. Wibbs, you'd be abselutely amazed what you'd have the spine for if faced with it, we humans are amazing creatures Life kicks ye in the balls and finding the strength to come back and fight and see there are brighter days ahead is abselutely admirable. Ye're great the three of ye!

Terry

Thanks for all the good wishes and stuff, but I just really did this so that others could add to it.

I'm not a qualified psychologist/ psychiatrist / mechanic or whatever, so I can only tell others what has happened to me, the underlying causes, the triggers and stuff like that.

The one thing I can do is to attepmt to remove the social stigma attached to mental illness.
I've met so many people in real life and here on boards who are going through a similar situation. The backgrounds are quite diverse, but the symptoms are all quite similar.

The main problem is the stigma. Now it's not for everyone, but I urge others to step into the light and tell their friends and family what is happening them. Go and seek councelling.
The more people know about this, the more widely recognised it becomes and the faster it can be treated because people will recognise the symptoms of others in themselves.

Misinformation is another thing which can be tackled by people stepping forward.
When I was 18 or 19 or something (I'm completely lost on time by now. All I know is that I've been going through this for half of my life at this point in time), I only knew one person who had gone through something similar. He told me to go to the doctor and ask for Beta Blockers. I now know that they were not for me and that he was either misdiagnosed or was full of crap.

In saying that, this is what prompted me to go to the doctor. It was a few months later because I never took so much as paracetemol and did not want to be on prescription meds. Still don't take anything apart from what is prescribed, but that's just me.

Anyway, to get back to my point, it was the suggestion that I go to the doctor which lead to me being diagnosed (after several ECGs and other tests) and that's when I began to get better.

Oh yeah. Now I remember what happened.
Some local scangers called up to my house, accuse dme of grassing them out to the cops re their drug usage (I didn't), and they dragged me into the garden and kicked the crap out of me. I ran to my closest cousin (geographically speaking) and told her what happened. This was only the second time a family member had seen me having a panic attack and this was when I first opened up about what had been going on for years. It was her boyfriend who suggested the doctor.

Sorry about what seems to be incoherent rambling. I'm a bit tipsy and tired right now.

Oh yeah. I passed all my friends on the way to my cousin and they were puzzled as to why I ran past without even looking at them. I told them what happened when they called up the next day.

Cicero

OP- just read ure original post...best wishes for the future...

force majeure

Alright their Terry... congrats on the post it must have taking a good deal off effort and I wish you well from now on.

cynder

Hi terry, and congrats on your post.

I was 8 whe i first held a knife to my chest and wanted to kill myself. My dad was a drunk and my life was hell. i did finally try when i was 15 took a load of tablets ( its a miricale i survived let alone wthout liver damage). im nearly 30 now. My turn around was when i had kids myself - i had a reason to live. I myself dont drink and never took drugs, long story but my dad was a bit of a experimenter before i was born adn we got told the stories.

i was at one point prescribed xanax but i felt it didnt do nothing so i stoped taking it, i have had vallium and that didnt do anything either, so i get along by a positive mental attitude (easy said then done) i take the good with the bad, if bad happens i'll deal with it, if it dont then i dont worry about it.

i used to blame a lot of stuff on my dad and he was well not a great dad, but when i was older i found out all his problems was from his own childhood whch was horiffc, really HORIFFIC. i also then began to see things in a differnt light. He parents were nothing short of evil, so i can understand where he got a few things from. and his way of dealing with his parent was to become dependent on drugs and booze. He died last august at 54. I miss him even though he was a horrible father in the early days he improved in his later years. the drugs and booze had long term effects - he was very very paranoid and his brain was a bit scrambled,but he was more placid.