At the Circus

Oliverdog

The old lion-tamer was passing on his skills to a young trainee on a work experience course.

"Now, the first technique you must learn is to stare down the lion, to show him who's boss. Before I can show you how to put your head in the lion's mouth, you must gain his respect. Standing in the centre of the ring, fix him with a level gaze. This will arouse his curiousity, and he will start to walk slowly towards you. When he does that, without losing eye contact, pick up your chair, and hold it out in front of you. This will keep him at a safe distance. You mustn't lose eye contact - keep staring at him !"

"But what if it doesn't - what if he knocks the chair away?"

"Well then, hold your whip out in front of you, and without losing eye contact, back slowly away until you get to the door of the cage. This will give you a chance to open the door and get out, without letting the lion close to you. But for God's sake, don't lose eye contact."

"But what if he knocks the whip away before I can open the door - I can't back away any more !"

"OK - keeping your back to the bars, and without losing eye contact, bending your knees very slowly, reach to the sand behind you, pick up a handful of crap, flick it quickly into the lion's eyes, and quickly get out of the door."

"But what if there isn't any crap on the ground ?"

"There will be."

Johnny Bitte

Good un

old boy

bursting a gut