Friend withh issues, lost contact

LegacyUser

Hi, basically I've a friend who's always acted weird and we've lost contact. She changes completely depending on who she's hanging around with. She's a fairly small pretty girl but she always has to be the centre of attention wherever she is and could never go out without getting very drunk. She flirts with every single male and doesn't like to see any other girl getting male attention. She'll throw herself on men but yet I've seen her cry so many times after one night stands. Strange enough she never got name as a slut cos she has this way of being a victim and people just feel sorry for her and want to help her and protect her, male and female. She'd sit on a guys knee and start chatting to him and his girlfriend, not see anything wrong with that. Some people would get annoyed with her now and again but mostly people just accepted that's way she is. She lies a lot and will change her story depending on who she's talking to. Sometimes I wondered what I was doing being her friend but she's such a bubbly fun person most of the time and if you ever asked anyone about her they'd all say the same. She has a way of lighting up a room, even while she gets on your nerves.

Since finishing college last year she hasn't been keeping in touch very much any more. She moved to a different area of the country and has lost touch with a lot of us. She logs onto her Bebo and looks at her messages every few weeks but doesn't reply to any.

She's quite a fragile person really but most people only see her being centre of attention so don't realise this. She's done a lot f martial arts and is very proud to say she can look after herself and doesn't need anybody to look after her. She'd insist on walking home alone rather than have someone else go with her. She wouldn't hear of this being dangerous and I did wonder a few times if she did it on purpose almost hoping something would happen.

I suspect she may have been abused by her father when she was younger. She'd go home on the bus at the weekend, visit her mother for a couple of hours then come straight back. She sometimes said she hated her father but then again he'd ring her regularly and she'd put on a baby voice and talk to him for a few mins before hanging up and saying she hated him. Her father was doing up an old building when she was growing up and she'd go with him. She says the place is really creepy and strange things used to happen when they were there but wouldn't say what. Since she atarted college she never spent any summer at home and no nights at all if she could help it. I never really questioned her but that's just the impression she gave. Then again she does love to be the centre of attention and does lie about stuff all the time.

I don't know what advice I'm expecting really but I suppose I always felt I was looking out for her and now that she's moved away and cut herself off I worry about her. I know I shouldn't since she's never been that great a friend to me or anyone else but I know she has issues of some sort and I hope she's managing to deal with her new job and life now. She's a smart girl but I don't think she can cope on her own without somebody checking she's OK and looking after her. In a way I also miss her and don't know why she's stopped contacting people. There's no real advice anyone can give I suppose but thanks for letting me vent. Sorry for the ramblin!

kkposse

Let the butterfly fly man!!

Black Swan

People move on. It may be sad for you to realise this with your friend in particular... You can send her a letter by snail mail, or an email, or whatever, but if she does not respond, there's nothing you can do about it. Just part of life it would seem.

tbh

Good on you for looking out for your friend, it's just one of those things that happens in life. Your role as her friend is to support her when she needs your support, but not force it on her if she doesn't want it. There's only so much you can do really, we all deal with things in different ways. Don't feel bad about it, you sound like you'd be a good mate to have.

Marksie

You do sound caring and concerned. From the synopsis it also appears thatyour friend is a complex emotional character. undoubtedly with issues yet to deal with.
BUT this is the way she will be: you WERE in her sphere of influence in direct contact with her and therefore part of her world.
You are no longer in her world, therefore you will not (metaphorically) exist. When she returns...for a visit maybe... you will be back in her world again.
You were (and are ) a good friend.
The butterfly analogy was quite apt. She will flit from here to there and will only see what is directly in front of her.
So, look at it this way, she will have the knack of finding someone who is now in her sphere of influence whoi could very well be writing the exact same post in a years time