Girlfriends Best Friend - Destroying my head

LegacyUser

I used to be friends with a girl, we'll call her Sally and we were pretty damn good friends too, close and got on well etc. Then I started going out with a girl who we will call Laura, whom I met through her and have been going out with her now around 7/8 months. In the time I have started going out with my girlfriend Laura who is best friends with Sally i used to be real good mates with Sally but unfortunately incidents happened and to be honest, my friendship with the other girl has seriously deteriorated to the sense that I just can not stand her anymore, i just think she is overly dramatic and a complete wreck the head, my girlfriend is best friends with this girl though...and there have been times where my girlfriend has felt she is in a position to choose between me and her girlfriend. When I am around my girlfriend and her best friend, I just can not act comfortable, i feel so awkward and it is horrible, to be honest, I just feel that Sally dominates my girlfriend and I can not share her. She makes me feel so uncomfortable and it sucks purely cos i know i don't like her, and can not change my colours and be fake. i just want as little to do with Sally as I possibly can but ideally for my girlfriend, she would love it if we all could be friends and whatnot. I can't handle it. Sally and my girlfriend get on great but me and Sally (more so my part) don't...well not that we don't, i could get along with her if i wanted to in a general sense but Jesus Christ, she just wrecks my head these days, i just don't want anything to do with her.

Now I love my girlfriend, and I will do anything for her. But what the hell can I do? I mean I always spend time with my girlfriend where it is just myself and her and I love that, I just hate it when Sally is around because she makes me feel uncomfortable.

Just an example, one night we were in my house watching tv, myself and a mate of mine and then Sally and my girlfriend Laura, my friend wanted to do me a favor by leaving early and Sally said she would give him a lift home, now they were already over for a couple of hours and it was around 10'ish and Sally was like "I'll come back to bring you home Laura..." and I was like "Sally, it's fine, no problem at all, I'll bring her home in a while..." and Sally was being as awkward as possible in body language so she would come back and be a third wheel with myself and my girlfriend watching tv. I mean for ****s sake, can you take the hint? I just wanted to spend quality time with my girlfriend. My girlfriend at the time noticed how weird Sally was getting and that was that, she finally went and would "allow" me to drop her home.

I just feel very unmanly (more like a child) when Sally is around as she seems to look after my girlfriend even more so when I am around. It's a pain in the ass to be honest.

Advice please.

Dalfiatach

Sally originally wanted you as more than just a friend and is now jealous, and hurt that you picked Laura over her. Probably with a bit of "you are stealing my best friend away from me" mixed in there too.

Of course, she'll vehemently deny any of this if you ever raised it with her and would hate you forever for mentioning it.

Tough situation, I was in it myself once. But my Laura refused to see that Sally was being weird and couldn't understand why I was increasingly uncomfortable round her. After 2 years, there was nothing for it but to dump Laura. Sorry dude, maybe somebody else here has better advice. But getting in between two best girl friends is always a minefield.

Black Swan

Have you shared your feelings of discomfort with your g/f? If so, how did she respond?

Beruthiel

Talk to your g/f about this.

LegacyUser

'Hey,

I have spoken to my girlfriend about it and she herself knows the situation and how I feel and I told her "I will try my best to get along with her for the sake of us" and she was really cool and understanding about it. She knows myself and Sally were friends before I even met her. And trust me, her friend doesn't fancy me, the way I can describe it if anything is if she fancies one of us, it's my girlfriend! I've spoken to my girlfriend about this and Sally is really annoyed I am not in touch with her anymore and stuff, I mean how can i not think she is interfering? Just a month or two ago, I got a text off Sally saying "Hey, wats ur plan 2night? I'm not heading out n wouldn't mind chilling out for a bit so call down if ur not up to anything." I wrote back saying "No idea wat i am doing yet but I'll call down if i'm free". Maybe a bit of a cold response on my part but our friendship was deteriorating by this stage. And then the following morning I get a text that was meant for my girlfriend saying "Hey Laura, do me a favour and don't mention anything to your boyfriend about last night, i don't want to make it dramatic or anything out of it,it's just not worth it x" and that was what she sent my girlfriend, so she was clearly bitching to my girlfriend because I didn't call down to her. I didn't even bother responding, i just said to myself, jesus this is ridiculous...and wrote back going something "it's fine it's fine..."I just don't want anything to do with her anymore.

I explained to my girlfriend that I am sorry if myself and Sally have grown apart but the simple reason for it is that somehow Sally used to be the person for a period of time who I would confide in and she would do the same with me, and now that I have a girlfriend who I am really close with, that she is now the person I would confide in and tell stuff too because naturally, if u go out with someone and things keep going well, u open up more to them, and this is the situation. This isn't the only reason myself and Sally have grown apart but it is one of the reasons.

Any advice guys?'

BaZmO*

By the sounds of it you're the one that's being a dick. Sally was great to be a friend and have around all the time but as soon as you get yourself hitched up (with one of her friends) you don't what to know her. You sound like a great mate. :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

BaZmO* wrote:

By the sounds of it you're the one that's being a dick. Sally was great to be a friend and have around all the time but as soon as you get yourself hitched up (with one of her friends) you don't what to know her. You sound like a great mate. :rolleyes:

Our relationship was already deteriorating for other reasons before and during, it just completely started deteriorating during my relationship. And yes she was a great friend but then she ****ed up and started doing silly things and then started wrecking my head when I got with her friend. She is already really jealous of the fact that I am in a relationship with her friend and she is not. That's just the way it is. She is jealous as her best friend is devoting time to me like a couple should.

vorbis

I doubt he dumped her just because he got a girlfriend :rolleyes:

Some people do grow apart, it happens. I have friends who I used to be really close with, now I hardly ever see them. There was no intent on either side for things to be that way, circumstances changed. The thing is if I meet them while out, theres no bad blood there, we're just more acquantances now.

It sounds like Sally is upset over not being as important to you as before you had a girlfriend. Thats not your fault, its just change in circumstances. She's handling it rather badly though. You'll need to have a word with her about it. Can you get her hitched up with one of your friends

sweet-rasmus

this is a difficult one. i know what it's like; if you don't get on with your other half's close friends, or they don't get on with yours, it can be pretty head wrecking. obviously you love your gf, but you will be driven insane by this friend if your not careful. it would obviously help if there was a clear divide as to when your gf spends time with this certain friend and when she spends time with you. which really means choosing between you and the friend for you gf on many an occasion and your gf will find this very difficult. if your gf can't help create this divide... well... that sucks for you. only time will tell what happens next.

your other choice is to try to become friends with this girl again. but, i bet you'd have my opinion in wanting nothing to do with her pah!

loismustdie

you may tell is what sally did to annoy you for us to understand

dRNk SAnTA

I was in a position where my girlfriends best friend was constantly acting the 3rd wheel. She wasn't a bitch like the one you described, but I could never get rid of her and my girlfriend felt torn between the two of us.

I put up with it for a long time, but eventually I was honest with my girlfriend and said that I'd had enough of the friend always being around us and that I wanted to spend more quality time together. I basically kept up my complaints for a while, and eventually my girlfriend started putting her foot down with regards to her friend.


I know you've already told your girlfriend, but you should let her know exactly how you feel. Tell her again and again if nothing changes. If your girlfriend cares about you and how you feel then she'll eventually listen. But it will be difficult for her to start blowing off a good friend so you need to let her know that its important for you.

protos

why not just agree with your girlfriend that she keeps her friend (or this particular friend) side and her boyfriend side of her life separate, so that you don't need to see each other all the time.

This might be going slightly offtopic a bit but :
I've always thought that its a bit unfair when someone in a close knit group of friends gets a girl / boy friend, and everyone else in the group has to put up with this person even if they don't like him / her. Its very hard to tell a good friend that you think his girlfriend is a b*tch !! I've seen it happen often enough, and my philosophy is to keep romance and friends apart as much as possible - within reason ............ sometimes, it just doesn't work though !