Guilt Free!!

Beetlebum

Hi guys

I recently got back together with my ex boyfriend of 4 years. We broke up back in April and I took it really hard. I missed him so much and was really happy when he suggested giving it another shot.

One drunken night during the break up, I ended up sleeping with a good friend of mine. There's always been a level of sexual tension between us but niether of us wanted anything to come of it. Basically, sometimes we score and sometimes we don't. It's no big deal, I guess we're what you would call 'f*ck buddies'.

Anyway, I've been single for almost a year and me and my ex only got back together two weeks ago. It was hard to switch out of single mode but I'm so happy that we're trying again.

I slept with my f*ck buddy on Friday night. We were really wasted and it just kid of happened. I think it's because we're so used of sleeping together on random weekends. So, my problem is this - Should I come clean to my ex about what happened. He doesn't know that we're f*ck buddies so I'd have to tell him everything. The horrible part of all of this is that I don't feel that guilty for some reason and it's freaking me out. The whole time we were going out I never cheated, in fact I hate cheating. I don't want it to happen but I can't understand why I don't feel worse having done that.

I'm not sure what to do and was wondering if anybody has any suggestions as to why I don't feel giluty. My ex hurt me really badly so maybe on some level I wanted to hurt him back or something?? I don't know...

Kell

Beetlebum wrote:

wondering if anybody has any suggestions as to why I don't feel giluty*.

:rolleyes:

Beetlebum wrote:

It was hard to switch out of single mode.

:rolleyes:

Theres you answer right there. You are still in single mode.

If you have been single for ages, and you get into a relationship, its difficult to just snap into the mode of having a significant other in your life and your attention will wander lots.

Are you sure you didnt just get back into the relationship as its comfy and familiar to be there?

K-

*I assume you meant guilty?

Catari Jaguar

Are you sure you don't have feelings for your fcuk buddy?

Don't bother telling your boyf. If you don't feel guilty then you don't need forgiveness or to ease your conscience so you have no reason to tell him. What happened when you guys were single is none of his business and maybe you wanted one last fling.... So what?

BUT, the fact that you are still hurt and want revenge seems that you aren't ready to get back with this guy. You'll prob have mental issues/ trust issues and all this weird stuff going on in your head that will confuse him and I guess you resent him too. Forgive him, let go and move on or it won't work out.

skywalker

Lil Kitten wrote:

What happened when you guys were single is none of his business and maybe you wanted one last fling.... So what?

I wonder if a guy had posted that exact same post would he be getting absolved with "so what?" or would he be getting called a scumbag?

LegacyUser

He would be called a scumbag. Double Standards. Hilarious.

bug

get out of single mode.

simple.

Either that or you really didn't want him back in reality. Not in monogamous mode anyways.

I'm not sure what to do and was wondering if anybody has any suggestions as to why I don't feel giluty. My ex hurt me really badly so maybe on some level I wanted to hurt him back or something?? I don't know...

The worst person you can "kid" is yourself. You do know, if you think about it.
No point in being back with someone if you want to get back at him.

You don't feel guilty? well you should, and you may well do in the future.

LegacyUser

cheesedude wrote:

He would be called a scumbag. Double Standards. Hilarious.

then let me as a female call you a scumbag.

scumbag.
there, now we're all happy.

tbh just dont get drunk in front of your fu*k buddy. and are you planning on telling the bf?

sweet-rasmus

Lil Kitten wrote:

Don't bother telling your boyf. If you don't feel guilty then you don't need forgiveness or to ease your conscience so you have no reason to tell him. What happened when you guys were single is none of his business and maybe you wanted one last fling.... So what?

i admit i would agree with this. but you say it hit you really hard when you guys broke up. i hope you aren't remembering only the ideal perfect parts of your past relationship. if you think it can work, then go for it; you only live once.

also, as previously mentioned, get out of single mode!!!

LegacyUser

'

sweet-rasmus wrote:

Don't bother telling your boyf. If you don't feel guilty then you don't need forgiveness or to ease your conscience so you have no reason to tell him.

ever hear of honesty? isnt that the real reason why you tell the truth?'

Black Swan

Beetlebum wrote:

I slept with my f*ck buddy on Friday night. We were really wasted and it just kid of happened.

Booze is no excuse for cheating. If it were, then everyone that had a little too much on any night, married or in a relationship, could yell "time out!" I was on booze and it doesn't count?

So, my problem is this - Should I come clean to my ex about what happened. He doesn't know that we're f*ck buddies so I'd have to tell him everything.

Well, that would be honest, but I doubt that he will be your b/f after you tell him.

The horrible part of all of this is that I don't feel that guilty for some reason and it's freaking me out.

This is the largest issue you raised for yourself? Could you cheat on someone you truly loved, and not feel guilty?

Raskolnikov

I see a lot of people suggesting that the OP needs to "get out of single mode", how exactly do you do that? :rolleyes:

padser

Lil Kitten wrote:

Don't bother telling your boyf.

Not particularly good advice for someone in a relationship. Not 'bothering' telling him is not a great basis to continue the relationship,....unless you feel honesty isnt important in a relationship.

Lil Kitten wrote:

Forgive him

Maybe I'm missing something, but this girl went an slutted around while going out with this lad, what exactly does he need forgiveness for?


OP, you dont deserve to have a boyfriend, being wasted is no excuse. For his sake I think you should break it off, telling him exactly why - you are not capable of remaining faithful.

justsomebloke

OP how many people know yous are f*ck buddies and as your f*ck buddy is one of your friends is he now going to be in contact with your current BF, also does he know that you got back together with your BF and if he did, does he now think that cause you cheated on your BF once that this is going to be an on going thing that you still remain f*ck buddies even though you have a BF.

OP you are the one who is going to have to decide if you tell your BF you cheated on him or not, but you are also going to think hard about why you cheated on him and no alcohol is not the reason (if you think drink is the reason then you have a drink problem and you will need help for this other wise it is just a cop out answer). chances are that you might not want to be back in a relationship with your BF, you may think you do because he hurt when he broke up with you before so you think you still love him but since your time apart you may have grown and now he is no longer the person for you, but you may be in love with ghost of the previous relationship and not actually in love in your current one

Magic Pips

You are a durty cheat. face it. tell your bf so he can get away from you, you shouldnt be with someone if you cant keep your knickers on.

there is no excuse FULL STOP

Femelade

Just tell him. He might dump you, but you'll have to deal with that just like he will have to deal with getting back with you only for you to jump into bed with another guy after 2 weeks!
You should feel guilty, You cheated on your Boyfriend! If you dont feel guilty then you should just stay being single until you are ready for a relationship again.

shinners007

if a guy posted this he'd be getting a right telling off!!!!

so from a girly to another girl shame on you!!! you little phinx:D

seriously tho, your only back with the ex and shagging the f*ck buddy already, tell the boyfriend or break up with him. no one deserves to be cheated on and it's worse that your doing it so early on in the relationship.

btw, drink is not an excuse nor is adjusting back from the single mode.

i suggest you have a good chat with your f*ck buddy and decide are ye f*ck buddies only, no strings attached, are ye going to stop once either of ye meet some one, or start a relationship (OBVIOUSLY NOT) or have ye feelings for each other.

these are things that ye should have discussed when ye decided ye'd become f*uck buddies - saying it just keeps happening is not good enough, if your old enough to decide to become a friends occasional f$ck buddy you be responsible enough to lay down rules/boundaries etc and not to mention contarception and safety in relation to STI's.

i think you should stay single as you just cant be in a relationship if you jump into bed with some one else in such a short space of time.

do the right thing and tell your boyfriend and leave him be to find a girl who wont cheat on him so quick.

jdivision

I think as a once off it was probably bound to happen, if it happens again though you should tell him. I wouldn't now.

MojoMaker

Beetlebum is a guy.

Caliden

Beetlebum wrote:

Hi guys
Anyway, I've been single for almost a year and me and my ex only got back together two weeks ago.

I slept with my f*ck buddy on Friday night.

The whole time we were going out I never cheated, in fact I hate cheating.

:rolleyes:

You just cheated.

Kell

Raskolnikov wrote:

I see a lot of people suggesting that the OP needs to "get out of single mode", how exactly do you do that? :rolleyes:

I dont think its a case of getting out of a mode per se, its more of a reflection of how committed you are to the relationship. In other words, shagging someone else wouldnt occur to you if you have committed yourself to the relationship, no matter what the circumstance.

I think the OP has got back into this relationship for reasons of comfort and not love.

K-

dr.bollocko

"It.... just....*sniffle* kind of... happened."
For gods sake grow a spine and accept responsibility. You chose to **** the other guy. You chose it. Just you. It was your choice. Now deal with it.

Yeah. If you say the above through a veil of tears Im sure he will accept that.
Or else he'll think, I cant believe this ****tard couldn't even be monogamous for two weeks. I can't believe I ever considered getting back together with him. I cant believe how badly I judged this relationship and this guy.
And he'd probably be right.

Catari Jaguar

dr.bollocko wrote:

"It.... just....*sniffle* kind of... happened."
For gods sake grow a spine and accept responsibility. You chose to **** the other guy. You chose it. Just you. It was your choice. Now deal with it.

Yeah. If you say the above through a veil of tears Im sure he will accept that.
.

OP has no problem. They don't feel guilty or upset. That's the real issue there, not giving out and calling him/her a cheater.

Why is there no guilt? Because they haven't forgiven the ex? Or just still feel single? Or trying to one up the ex by having some power and thinking "someone else wants me". Feeling for fcuk buddy? Insecurity and confusion over the ex issues coming back? You can't just get out of single mode by clicking your fingers. There's more than meets the eye here.

They were only back together less than two weeks when it happened, maybe it was just one last fling before starting again.

You just don't know. No one but OP knows, and that'll only be after serious soul searching so please keep the personal opinions about cheating out and give good advice if you have any.

Crea

MojoMaker wrote:

Beetlebum is a guy.

Beetlebum is definitely a girl - stop stirring Mojomaker.

Beetlebum - if you are still going to be hanging around your f*** buddy then your bf will find out what has happened in the past. It's best to tell him about that. Telling him about you being unfaithful - i'm not sure it'll serve any purpose other than finishing your relationship. You are obviously still hurt and resentful about what went on with your breakup and this needs to be talked about with your boyfriend. Only you can know if you are serious about making this relationship work but if you are you'll have to avoid your FB in future.

little lady

It’s very simple; you cheated on your boyfriend.

You obviously don’t care too much about him or else you wouldn’t have cheated on him, and this is re-enforced by the fact that you don’t feel guilty. The best thing for you both is for you to break-up with him.