Shallow about my girlfriend

confusedbloke

I have been going out with my girlfriend for a year and a half and she is brilliant and i love her company. She is always on my mind and is a great girl, However I am ashamed to say I keep focusing on her physical characteristics when I am in her presence. I know its mean but I find her less attractive than previous girls I have gone out with (although she is miles ahead of them all personality wise) and she is also a bigger girl than my exes too. I seem to focus on her bit of extra weight and looks as compare her to others while at the same time knowing she is so good for me. sometimes my mates comment on her weight and i hate that. Saying that she is not unattractive I just wish I could be less shallow because I really want to be with her. I am no male model either and I dont need anyone to attack me on this but will she grow on me physically as much as she is close to me otherwise.? I hate being such a prat, can any one offer a helpful suggestion? i do love her.

cornbb

You don't sound like much of a prat to me. You recognise that your girlfriend is not physically perfect, but thats not necessarily a bad thing. I don't think you are hung up about your gf's physical appearance, you are just hung up over the fact that you have spotted flaws in it. But you obviously love her and want to be with her despite this. So I wouldn't worry about it.

Ruu_Old

Well as long as you take into account her other qualities apart from the physical features, I wouldn't worry a whole lot about it.

iremex

OP dont worry about the physical aspects of it. i was in a similar situation as yourself with my previous GF and the deeper i feel in love with her, the more i found that her body had next to nothing to do with who i loved.
you will find yourself looking into her eyes more so than anything else and feel lucky to be fortunate to have found her

justsomebloke

as this is a PI thread dump her fat ass and she is probably cheating on you.

truthfully though physical attraction is very important, however generally more in the early stages and the fact that you initally got with her some seem to indicate that on some level their was a physical attraction at some point, so is it that you don't find her attractive or that you are more caught up with what other people think of her. Truthfully grow a pair of tell your mates to cop onto them selves and that you like her and you don't care about the fact that she is overweight. That or on her next birthday get her some liposuction treatment for her present. Other then that maybe it just isn't meant to be and it is time to move on and hopefully try and find someone else with both her personality traits and a better body cause chances are their is someone you will love you GF for who she is and in the end doesn't she deserve that aswell, so in the end both of yous would be better off

LegacyUser

Lust and real love are two very different things and it's great when the two go together but sometimes they don't. Sounds like you really love this girl and want to be with her, and as someone pointed out, you obviously found her attractive enough to have started going out with her in the first place. You are being a bit immature but you sound like a decent guy, so stop obsessing over it. If your ex's were that perfect, would you want to go back with them? Probably not is your answer. Looks fade and it's what you are left with what counts. Anyway, she sounds attractive enough from what you say, you're just being silly.

LegacyUser

'

confusedbloke wrote:

I have been going out with my girlfriend for a year and a half and she is brilliant and i love her company. She is always on my mind and is a great girl, However I am ashamed to say I keep focusing on her physical characteristics when I am in her presence. I know its mean but I find her less attractive than previous girls I have gone out with (although she is miles ahead of them all personality wise) and she is also a bigger girl than my exes too. I seem to focus on her bit of extra weight and looks as compare her to others while at the same time knowing she is so good for me. sometimes my mates comment on her weight and i hate that. Saying that she is not unattractive I just wish I could be less shallow because I really want to be with her. I am no male model either and I dont need anyone to attack me on this but will she grow on me physically as much as she is close to me otherwise.? I hate being such a prat, can any one offer a helpful suggestion? i do love her.

From a girls perspectives, it's interesting to read your comment. But is she actually really fat?... if so, then perhaps you could encourage her to take up some new activity with you+ eat healthy (has so many benefits). Your mates appear to be causing the 'issue' by commenting on it. You're obviously going to listen to them etc... + that must be annoying to put up with. Just tell them to stop. Surely they will, if they're good friends. Out of curiousity, when you say she's a 'bigger girl' than your exes... roughly what size is she, to cause you to think she's carrying extra weight? (like a size 10, 12, 14, 16, 18 etc)... ya don't have to answer that if you don't want to'

Black Swan

confusedbloke wrote:

She is always on my mind and is a great girl, However I am ashamed to say I keep focusing on her physical characteristics when I am in her presence. I know its mean but I find her less attractive than previous girls I have gone out with

Can you encourage her to join a fitness club or gym? It would be grand for her health, fitness, and self esteem? Maybe you could join the gym and work out with her? Couple workouts are fun, and can lead to even more fun afterwards...

LundiMardi

Blue_Lagoon wrote:

Can you encourage her to join a fitness club or gym? It would be grand for her health, fitness, and self esteem? Maybe you could join the gym and work out with her? Couple workouts are fun, and can lead to even more fun afterwards...

To be honest i don't see how this is relevant. The OP is the one with the problem here. The other half could be completely happy with how she looks.

Carrigart Exile

Sounds a bit like its your mates and their comments that are causing most of the problem. I don't know what age you are but the older you get the more you appreciate a woman for the characteristics your girlfriend has in spades. And, being honest, women with some meat on their bones are far far sexier. Your a lucky man

daiixi

To answer your question: probably not because it sounds like you're shallow and easily influenced by your friends.

Honestly, if your girlfriend's health is not in danger then you have no reason to worry about or focus on her weight.

g-punkteffekt

I could never have a relationship with a person who wasn't physically perfect in my eyes. It's a natural thing. I mean - who wants to have ugly kids? Or kids with red hair? Not me...

Beruthiel

g-punkteffekt wrote:

I could never have a relationship with a person who wasn't physically perfect in my eyes. It's a natural thing. I mean - who wants to have ugly kids? Or kids with red hair? Not me...

:rolleyes:
Read this forums charter or don't bother posting again.
B

Bog Man

So tell me, lets say you were involved in an accident that resulted in a serious facial disfigurement. What would your feelings be if your girlfriend dumped you because her friends considered you 'ugly'?
Even Mary Poppins was only 'practically perfect'. You will spend your whole life looking for so called perfection and never find it.
The fact that you have to pose the question casts doubt on the strength of your feelings for this girl.
If she is good, kind, honest and YOU find her sexy & great to be with, why would you be bothered by what some so-called friend thinks.

LegacyUser

'What ever you do, don't ever tell her. Ever. My boyfriend did, saying "while i find myself being forced into feeling attracted to you, I could never leave you because I am so in love with you", telling me I am "the most amazing girl personality wise etc" While I stayed with him, my self confidence is shattered.I only buy clothes that I think he likes on me, or he says he likes... If I bring it up, he tells me eat healthier, go gym, etc. Though he has stated he no longer feels that way.....

Don't EVER tell her.


sigh. I've just bummed myself out!!!!'

Talliesin

Does she do it for you or not?

If not, then there's nothing you can do about that (and why did you end up with her in the first place?)

If she does, then what the **** do you care if she doesn't hit a certain point on a weight/height chart.

If a "mate" comments on her weight just tell him, "how about you go **** yourself while I go **** my sexy girlfriend". Then gradually cut him out of your life (he's clearly a moron, for lacking to cop on to not mind his own business if nothing else).

akw_old

first off, your mates are dicks. no one has the right to slag off someones gf cos of their looks.
secondly, one of my mates started going out with a girl you could consider over weight a few years back. since then she has lost all the weight and looks great now. she was always attractive, but now she is stunning. i dunno if he said anything to her, but if you like her personality, and find her attractive despite your friends comments, then i dont see the need to worry.

also nothing wrong with a bit of flesh to grab on to.