Granny takes child's bicycle money in Malahide

dochasach

27 Feb 2007 was a grim day on the mean streets of Malahide. The rain and gales had forced visiting friends to take an early ferry back home. Before leaving, they gave my wife 30 Euro in exchange for a bicycle our daughter had outgrown. My wife stuffed the money into her jacket pocket. The 30 euro, along with money in our child's piggy bank, were to be used to buy a bigger bicycle. At 2:15 P.M. whilst my wife was paying a parking machine near St. Sylvester's church, the 10 and 20 euro notes dropped from her jacket pocket. A woman walking past immediately grabbed the money. My wife said, "Excuse me, that's mine!" The 'lady' said, "No it isn't," and walked on. Our child was strapped into the car, so there was no possibility of following and confronting the woman.

The woman who took the money was described as a Caucasian woman in her 60s with shoulder-length salt and pepper hair. She is believed to have been an Irish national and was wearing a brown coat and carrying a sack fully loaded with onions! It was unclear what she intended to do with the onions or the money, but I suspect that she was up to no good.

However... as a Christian, I feel that I should give this woman the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she felt that God had taken the money from my wife in order to give it to herself. Perhaps her God is similar to robin hood, excepting that he takes from the poor and gives to the rich. Or maybe the woman was donating onions to a special onion charity and the 30 euros will be used to buy more onions. I don't know. But if you know this 'lady' and she has a sense of honor, perhaps she would bring the money to the Garda station. If she is too embarrassed (even in Malahide some people do have a sense of shame), she should ask a small child to turn in the money on her behalf. From my experience, children younger than 3 years of age don't know how to lie. It is obvious from what I see around me that everyone above this age is very good at it. This incident took place not far from where our childs pram was once stolen and used to transport other stolen goods. My wife and I both lived in areas with far worse reputations for crime and poverty than Malahide. Even in the post-industrial wasteland that was my home in the 1970s and 80s, I rarely encountered such behaviour. Thirty Euro is nothing in this hedonistic, bubbly, booming society, but the cost to my belief in the world my child will grow up in is much greater.

My nickname here goes back to a place and time far away from here. Does anyone remember how to say 'hopeless' in Irish?

The Hill Billy

The oul' b!tch!

dochasach - Get straight on to the Fingal Indo. See if they can generate a bit of publicity on this shameless carry-on for you.

dochasach

Hill Billy wrote:

The oul' b!tch!

dochasach - Get straight on to the Fingal Indo. See if they can generate a bit of publicity on this shameless carry-on for you.

Right! Maybe they'll release an artist's sketch of the suspect:
_-_
( . . )
{ ~}

#
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The Hill Billy

From the size of her pupils it looks like she's a serious druggie.

catch--22

What a random story! Bring in the Fingal Indo!!

dochasach

catch--22 wrote:

What a random story! Bring in the Fingal Indo!!

Not enough violence for Northside People eh? Maybe I should mention the lads who tried to break a Dart window with a brick (or onion?) just north of Howth junction last night. Or should I embellish it a bit, "But this granny was massive! she was... a being which had the shape of a granny, but apparently of gigantic stature."

I hadn't noticed the pupils in the artist sketch before. I think Hillybilly is right, drugs... obviously drugs.

monkeyfudge

Make the granny a non-national... then you've got a story for the Evening Herald.

Half-crazed onion obsessed granny's coming over to our country and stealing our childrens money? That's a disgrace!

The Hill Billy

dochasach wrote:

...I think Hillybilly is right, drugs... obviously drugs.

It all starts in their 40's & 50's. A couple of HRT tabs now & then. Sure what's the harm? All their pals are doing it.

But then...

The heavyweight geratric pushers get their nasty mitts on them & all of a sudden they are heavily dependent on water-retention tabs & blood-pressure drugs.

Word on the street is that there is a whole sub-culture & even underground organised gangs of these ne'er-do-wells. They meet regularly in so-called "Over 65's Clubs". :eek:




Ahem... There's only one "y" in Hill Billy.

catch--22

You may be onto something Hilly Billy!


ooops....sorry

Fingleberries

dochasach wrote:

Not enough violence for Northside People eh?

Go the whole hog - Fingal Independent, North County Leader and Northside People.

I fear that it'd never get the money back, but people like that deserve to be named and shamed.

(Although you'll probably end up with a picture of you and your child on the front of the paper, with your daughter wearing a cycle helmet. She can be looking distraught standing next to where a new bike should be).

It could even lead to some generous bike shop spotting a 'goodwill' / advertising opportunity and giving your daughter a bike.

The Hill Billy

Calm down everyone!

This could potentially snowball into some potentially serious vigilanteism against OAPs. The vast majority of whom I am sure are innocent, peaceful & drug-free onion-loving silver-haired folk.

Instead of a head-on media assault I'd suggest that we form a committee & elect a PRO who could take this matter directly to An Tániste. That nazi fceker would be happy to round up all innocent, peaceful & drug-free onion-loving silver-haired folk & have CAB confiscate their ill-gotten bicycle funds. (While Mary (Bingo-Wings) Harney takes nicks their pensions & onion money.

catch--22

A fantastic idea Mr. Billy! I offer up my services to the committee! For the greater good and the end to Evil OAP's everywhere!

The Hill Billy

Such altruism! Away with you to Leinster House then & don't come back until you've got McDowell running around Fingal like the Pied Piper being followed by every onion-munching, bike-fund-stealing, p!ssy-knickered OAP he can find.

Fingleberries

Careful now ... Down with that sort of thing!

Tails142

yore ma and so forth.....


hilarious story by the way