Cold *Content Warning - Graphic*

DarkJager

One of my older works:

V1: Everyday I dream of you,
Dead and forever gone,
It takes me a while to clean the blood,
Which stains my guilty hands.
The wound has bled dry,
And blood is smeared across your face,
In a tainted smile,
A vision of death.

C: This is all I ever wanted,
For you to have, my love,
I'll steal your life my dear,
Where is your god above?
You'll scream and cry cold tears,
But its just you and I,
Is this your deepest fear?
To give your love and die..

V2: Every night I dream about,
Setting fire to your corpse,
And inhaling the smoke of your burning flesh,
As my final insult to you,
Dancing in the ashes,
Of your incinerated shell,
Having bathed you in petrol,
I send you straight to fvcking hell.

Chorus

Outro: Its only a dream (Repeat to fade...)

frobisher

They are so unlike any lyrics that I would write that I almost don't know what to say. That's a whole lot of darkness in there!! I'm really interested to hear how you get inspired writing them and how it feels when you perfom them. Sometimes I write a lyric and I like it but when I'm performing it it can feel like a pain because the emotion or spark behind them feels very distant.

I have to say I think certain parts work better than others. The bits about wounds don't make me create my own mental image as much as the bits where you say things like "where is your God above" and "tainted smile" They somehow imply something deeper, more complex and interesting. If I could sum it up in one word it would be: DARK!

Savman

Location: Limerick
Maybe that explains it...

I don't like it, sorry. No doubt there will be some beings in this universe who like song lyrics that graphic and disturbing but not me.

It wasn't me!

It sounds kinda typical to be honest dude. There's a lot of potential in some phrases for more progression and insight, but it's kinda sounding like an angry Iron Maiden tune at the moment. Also, it's hard to tell what kind of rhythm or feel you're going for with this, do you have music in mind? I'm not trying to be overly critical, but perhaps a more analytical look at that you're doing would yield a better song. Think of sounds as well as actual words, they're as important for creating mood, if not more so.

Steve_o

Its very dark for sure, i find those lyrics frankly disturbing, not my cup of tea at all...i suppose its good for what it is but its a little too dark for me.

DarkJager

Yeah I'm no good at writing happy songs!! LOL . In response to an earlier comment the lyrics are set to some very dark metal. I'm not talking dark as in typical death metal, but we tried to make it sound as sinister as possible. Think along the lines of the theme of Nightmare on Elm Street and you're on the right track.

iconboy

so 80's those lyrics.. break out the spandex and bats blood duuuude

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

Well, I don't like them, but me and metal got some issues, so I'm not a fair judge. The second verse I actually think is pretty ok, but the third verse definitely could do with leaving a little bit to the imagination...if it was even just a teensly bit less graphic, I think it'd be more creepy. Also you used "my love" and then right in the next line "my dear". But like I said, I probably wouldn't even listen to metaphysical sonnet form heavy metal, so you can probably ignore everything I just said.