Out Of The Babies Mouths

drunk_monk

1. Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit
with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about
2 A.M., I found my two children in bed with my wife, apparently scared by
the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night.
The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was O.K. to
sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please
don't sleep with Mom that night. They said OK.
After my next trip several weeks later, my wife and the children picked me
up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, there
were hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers, also.
As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting,
"Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" ! As I waved back, I said
loudly,"What's the good news?" "Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away
this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the
waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest
of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.


2. An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her
then 4 yr. old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her
stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began
playing with it. 'Be still, my heart,' thought my friend, 'my daughter
wants to follow in my footsteps!' Then the child spoke into the instrument:
"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"

3. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm
Mr.Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must
say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and
said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I
was, but mother says I'm not."

4. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too
rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I
can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"


5. A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the
way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

6. At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the altar
wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the
pastor, he leaned over and said to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress.
Is it your Easter dress?" The girl replied almost directly into the
pastor's clip-on mike, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b it ch to iron."


7. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next o
the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The
barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."

TerrorFirmer

First one is excellent..

cornbb

Hehe, and the last one