Love Seems

Flattery

Embraced lovemade bodies lie-
Resting you and I
On a bed, pacing a silence

On a table in a jar,
Flowers sigh and say:
This is what humans are

Continents, apart in a world,
Common in that at least.
Drifting, upheaving past peace.

Discrete, no definition for us
Words lie between I and you

Our nature is language of divide

Argie

This is good, I like it.
I love this:

"On a table in a jar,
Flowers sigh and say:
This is what humans are"

Flattery

This poem is actually not mine, but the work of a more bashful friend. The title "Love Seems" was one I affixed to it without much thought, so if anyone has any suggestions as to a more appropriate title, please let me know.

EdithFloral

yea really like that 2nd verse too!

shiv

Flattery wrote:

Embraced lovemade bodies lie-
Resting you and I
On a bed, pacing a silence

On a table in a jar,
Flowers sigh and say:
This is what humans are

Continents, apart in a world,
Common in that at least.
Drifting, upheaving past peace.

Discrete, no definition for us
Words lie between I and you

Our nature is language of divide

Beautiful piece; I like 'pacing a silence' best, and the stanza after that.
Not sure why the last line is separate, think it works better belonging to the two before it... Would also flow/sound better if it was changed it to you and I instead of I and you.

Please pass on my well done and tell your friend to post!

will_me

Flattery kindly posted this poem for me (though a kick for calling me bashful), so i think i should reply to the few comments made:
Nice to hear people appreciate the second verse, though personally i prefer the first(Embraced lovemade bodies lie,with a pun on "lie", to be explained later in the poem). With regards shiv's comment about "pacing a silence", it's interesting as i too liked the phrase (as did flattery) though we both agreed that it doesn't fit the rest of the verse since i'm using a mixed metaphor of sorts which muddies things, loath as i am to admit it, and i'm reluctant to change something i like. I've been wracking my brains for a better phrase while remaining to true to the original "pacing a silence"; the best i can come up with at present i think is
"Resting ....
Heart-pacing a silence."
To directly answer shiv's questioning leaving the last line separate- this was done deliberately, though i think flattery removed a full stop accidentally from the line above it. I think that lack of rhythm or dissonance can be effective, and i was happy to ruin both by the reversal of I and you, and leaving the last line apart in the spirit of what i am trying to say. To me this is a major point of the poem; that what remains intrinsically divided must remain isolated and apart, for all the similarities between components making up a whole. It also was meant to contrast the lazy rhythm and consonance of the first and to underscore the lie. Could be waffle what i'm saying i freely admit.
Thanks once again.

DamoBrad

oh i reali like this poem.. its got a wonderful image depicted within the storyline... i say storyline because i feel that poems and poetry as of such doesn't jus paint an image or a scene but also depict a runnin course of thoughts and moving imagery..

actually at the moment i'm Listenin to Nine Inch Nails - la Mer and whist readin this poem and listenin to that song paints a fantastic white lighted feelin throughout..

ps: i liked it too