Short tune for listening and critiquing

mike65

Its only 1.34 and 1.5 mb so it need not detain you long!

http://www.artistserver.com/artist/song.cfm/a/1608/tid/16826/FutureMusicCorp

Not sure but to download you may need to be registered. It can be streamed otherwise.

Any feedback welcomed.

Mike.

rcaz

I like it... Really good stuff... One thing I thought, after a while, it starts to sound sort of empty, until the swell in the backgroud... Maybe fill it up a bit? But other than that, bang on, very nice stuff.

Neurojazz

It would be nice to have something countering the melody and then see how the melody works against other things... to my ears it needs to find a home that makes the melody make sense... be it a chord change in subtle sounds in the back ground or a single noise that make sense of the melody in the gaps between it....

How long have you been writing?

mike65

Writing???? I've been doodling on and off for about 7 years, posting stuff on line for 5 or so.

Regarding the 'emptiness' thats actually intentional, the track is uploaded to www.labelsound.com who licence for third party use in media and I wanted to keep it clean so ambient fx can fit over it in soundtrack work. Its also why it short.

Mike.

Neurojazz

Without a counter melody in there it sounds like it's lacking any emotion or direction... a counter helps to pin the mode of the melody down (and can be done keeping plently of space in the mix for TV/Radio) - and as i said, without a counter the riff is purposeless, it has no identity without at least one counterpart.

To go further, if the melody is to be 'on its own', you should be using a question and answer format in it (one note is even duff).

There one common thing about all music that gets picked up - it is a complete entity, it opens and closes or follows a formula.

If i was a record company exec (oops, i am) - i would send this back to the artist and say - the melody has one duff note in it and the dissonance it creates puts the listener off.



Please tell me you know what modes are (or the modal system)? - after 5-7 years of writing your melodies should all flow as they are the simplest part of the music.

cornbb

I like the fact that its so minimal but I thought the melody was a little bit weak. I thought the faint drones in the background were fantastic though, there's lots of really nice but barely audible stuff going on there - they sounded like they were going to develop into something really interesting just before the tune ended.

One idea might be to send the melody into the background (lower volume + even more reverb), bring the drones to the foreground and develop them over an extra minute or so, i.e. continue in the direction they were heading in just before the end. Don't clutter it with extra instrumentation though, the minimal "emptiness" works quite well.

mike65

Neurojazz I like dissonance! As for modes, I've not had a minute of formal tuition in my life so the technical langauge of music is, at times beyond me.
btw I can't spot which note you consider 'wrong' but that could be "wood/trees" syndrome.

cornbb I have hours of that grumbling, lurking, droning ambient atmosphere recorded. You can listen to some of it here* if you like. Dropping the piano into the gloom is interesting - I'll give it a go.

Mike

*not sure if you can download without signing up but give it a try!

Neurojazz

Modes (also know as modal theory)

A dead easy example to get u started. Take a simple c major scale and play a 'C' beneath the scale as you play each note of the c major scale (easy so far) - now to play the 'second' mode of the 'c major' scale play a 'D' under each note of the c major scale - each note will have a different sound to it now... you can repeat this until you get back to the note 'C' and the scale sounds normal again.

Just in case you need a 101 on a C major - the notes are C,D,E,F,G,A,B (thats all the white notes on a keyboard

frobisher

I like it. It has mood and texture and it works. My critique would be that it feels like the melody needs to stay open by not resolving itself down to the root too early (which I beleive is a G#). I also agree with cornbb and think you could mess with the volume on the background sounds and swell it in and out a little. I think the droning could swell up nicely on a 9th (A#).

I'll have to disagree with Nuerojazz on this one. Even though he is a record company exec, fine custiodians of music that they are. Counter melody is a powerful useful tool but I think saying that the tune simply lacks emotion without it isn't quite right. And I haven't listened carefully but that duff note pased me by, where is it?

Neurojazz

46-47 seconds in and again later on.... flow gets interupted (for my ears), i am a fussy bastard tho

Niall - Dahlia

Neurojazz wrote:

the melody has one duff note in it and the dissonance it creates puts the listener off.

I just gotta say I completely disagree! I don't believe there's such thing as a "duff note" in a melody, except of course a note that is played by accident. If people didn't experiment with flattening and sharpening the notes of traditional scales and creating dissonance, we wouldn't have all the unique scales that have developed over the centuries.

Draw outside the lines!

Neurojazz

Dissonance is 2 notes played off each other - not one note that is not in the right place at the right time - Also, bear in mind that the person wanted critisim and so far has basically said 'your all wrong, the music is fine and ok' - which basically sounds like talking to a brick wall... egos have to go out of the equation.

I've been writing (and i mean 99% every day) for just over 15 years and have supported many peoples development, those who listened went far, those who didn't flounder around staring at their navel wondering how great they are - and i'm a firm beleive as telling like it is - my advice is offered freely and impartially from a perspective of a listener armed with music knowledge devoid of personal taste, basically the nuts and bolts.

As soon as that track starts it struggles to establish its own flow and really trips up at that given time, i might be the only one who's really listened and picked it up (and would take about 1 second to shift the note to the correct position it has strayed from) - those who cite that music should wander out the boundries, please note that the notes follow the western scale and hit western ears, not some alternative weird eastern/augmented or whatever structure, it is basically a simple melody that is 'not right' - (as the person has posted asking for opinions about it, they can hardly be confident with it. Give me the midi data if u have it and i'll move it - for free ;P

Niall - Dahlia

Yeah I know what dissonance is, I've been playing piano for 15 years (wouldn't say study, but I've done the grades), I wasn't talking in regards to Mike's tune. In the broad scheme of things, experimentation with "odd" notes that don't belong in traditional scales is what creates new styles and sounds. I just don't agree that music "follows a formula" like you say. If it did it'd be stagnant. Formulaic music is to be avoided in my opinion. Nothing wrong with hitting them western ears with something a bit different and unusual now and again.

But anyway back to the song. It doesn't actually do anything for me either (sorry Mike!), but then it's not my type of music. I just thought what you said about melody was interesting (and disagreeable!). But to be completely honest, even with the guide of 46-47 seconds, I still don't know what note you're talking about! Wouldn't mind hearing the "correct note" version...

You shoulda posted this in the songwriter forum Mike...