Annoying Female Traits

TallGirl

Degsy wrote:

Anotherthing,why do dthey moan when i leave the toilet seat up?If i leave it down it just gets piss all over it so i'm doing her a bloody favour.Moaning all the bloody time.

I'm with you on that.... I wish my boyfriend would just leave the seat up instead of taking a leak while the seat is down.... I go for a wee and get his piss all over the tops of my legs...

Not nice!:mad:

John Mason

TallGirl wrote:

I'm with you on that.... I wish my boyfriend would just leave the seat up instead of taking a leak while the seat is down.... I go for a wee and get his piss all over the tops of my legs...

Not nice!:mad:

i am with you on that, but at least it your boyfriend. i have a particular male friend who left a lovely wet seat for me a few weeks ago when he was pissed

dr.bollocko

Learn to love it ladies.
We will never change.
And while you're here, make me a toastie.

Alfasudcrazy

Women and smoking - the vast majority of smokers these days are women and they spend all the working day outside gossiping and smoking - then they want equal pay and rights - for what. :rolleyes:

It only really hits you when your in the UK and walk into a pup and be immediately blinded and choked by all the smoke - again mostly women. :rolleyes:

dr.bollocko

Smoking is sexy. Women who smoke are sexy.

Lazy women who smoke and doss off at work to smoke are sexier again.

super_furry

Four words - "What are you thinking?"

Degsy

irishbird wrote:

i am with you on that, but at least it your boyfriend. i have a particular male friend who left a lovely wet seat for me a few weeks ago when he was pissed

Pissed was i?I did it on purpose!

Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend..............
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

bombidol

Its probably been covered already, its something I like to call "Bag of Chips Syndrome) or B.C.S.

ME: Im gettin chips, want some?
HER: No
ME: Mmmm chips
HER: Give me one
ME: I asked you if you ****in wanted some
HER: I dont! I just want one

RESULT = Me gettin half a bag of chips.

_______________________

Women who wait till they are at the ATM to start rooting around in their bag for their wallet/purse. THEN When they get their money they go back to rooting around in the bag for the the purse again instead of walking off the line and letting the next punter up.

This is the same in supermarkets/shops when paying for things.

____________________________________________
Wearing tight and uncomfortable clothes out then complaining about it all night.

____________________________________________
Thinking a night to yourself so you can chillax and watch telly means you hate them.

____________________________________________
Going out with your mates means you are cheating/Hate them

CrowdedHouse

bombidol wrote:

_______________________

Women who wait till they are at the ATM to start rooting around in their bag for their wallet/purse. THEN When they get their money they go back to rooting around in the bag for the the purse again

Yes and then proceeding to (seemingly) key in their life story into the machine.....

daiixi

How very disappointing. I was hoping to find some real men here but instead I've found a bunch of whinging pussy whipped men who:

1. can't learn from their mistakes and (a) buy their missus food when they order some for themselves when their missus has said "no thanks"; (b) not go shopping with their missus; (c) not watch sport with their missus; (d) know what "fine" means and respond accordingly; (e) know that if his missus is cleaning up that she doesn't want to either it just has to be done and he should pitch in because it's half his mess;

2. don't realise that there's a lid on the toilet so it doesn't matter whether you lift the seat up or not the lid should be closed once you're done anyway; and

3. go out with whinging whining annoyingly stupid women.

/edit: I can understand how some of you would want this forum to be private - I'd be ashamed of myself too.

Stargal

Lol!

Well said sister - I think you speak for many of us who have been reading this thread in astonishment at the sheer cowardice and pussy-whippedness of the men on this thread who put up with these godawful women. I salute your fearlessness.

Blowfish

Laika wrote:

Lol!

Well said sister - I think you speak for many of us who have been reading this thread in astonishment at the sheer cowardice and pussy-whippedness of the men on this thread who put up with these godawful women. I salute your fearlessness.

Ah yes, but you missed the sublety of this thread, in that it was designed to root out and find the few wimmins that aren't like those godawful ones

We've already had two of you denouncing the other wimmin, and thus being on our side.

Stargal

Blowfish wrote:

Ah yes, but you missed the sublety of this thread, in that it was designed to root out and find the few wimmins that aren't like those godawful ones

We've already had two of you denouncing the other wimmin, and thus being on our side.

My god... that's genius... how did I not see that? Well, you have us I guess. Well played gentlemen, well played.

K-9

dr.bollocko wrote:

Smoking is sexy. Women who smoke are sexy.

Lazy women who smoke and doss off at work to smoke are sexier again.

Women who smoke are easier to lay. Know what I mean:)

Bunnykelly wrote:

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

How do u give a woman a orgasm?

Who the f*** cares!

K-9

And all proceeds from the aforementioned videotapes sales must go to the husband. All for the benefit of education for us males. Off course :cool:

John Mason

Degsy wrote:

Pissed was i?I did it on purpose!

charming

trout

bombidol wrote:

Its probably been covered already, its something I like to call "Bag of Chips Syndrome) or B.C.S.

ME: Im gettin chips, want some?
HER: No
ME: Mmmm chips
HER: Give me one
ME: I asked you if you ****in wanted some
HER: I dont! I just want one

RESULT = Me gettin half a bag of chips.

Brother bombidol ... next time just buy two bags of chips, and offer your bitter half her own bag ... she may feel honour bound to refuse, and you get two bags of chips! If she does take them, she won't eat the full bag, and you still get extras! Even if she does polish them off, she will be sure to reciprocate in some way, and you still have your own bag of chips ... no matter what happens, you are a winnah!

bombidol

Brother Trout I would rather not plaster over the fault! but expose it!

Dyr

bombidol wrote:

Women who wait till they are at the ATM to start rooting around in their bag for their wallet/purse. THEN When they get their money they go back to rooting around in the bag for the the purse again instead of walking off the line and letting the next punter up.

This is the same in supermarkets/shops when paying for things.

I think its actually legal to put two rounds in the back of peoples heads for this heinous crime..move ferchrissakes :mad:

bank machines should be equipped with automated shotguns so they can give dilly dallyers both barrells after a set time

daiixi

Blowfish wrote:

Ah yes, but you missed the sublety of this thread, in that it was designed to root out and find the few wimmins that aren't like those godawful ones

We've already had two of you denouncing the other wimmin, and thus being on our side.

Excellent. Now where can I find my real man?

Slow Motion

bombidol wrote:

Women who wait till they are at the ATM to start rooting around in their bag for their wallet/purse. THEN When they get their money they go back to rooting around in the bag for the the purse again instead of walking off the line and letting the next punter up.

This is the same in supermarkets/shops when paying for things.

____________________________________________
Wearing tight and uncomfortable clothes out then complaining about it all night.

____________________________________________
Thinking a night to yourself so you can chillax and watch telly means you hate them.

____________________________________________
Going out with your mates means you are cheating/Hate them

Here's your brother, Brother !

Blowfish

daiixi wrote:

Excellent. Now where can I find my real man?

y'now, I would think up a cheasy chat up line, but i'm far too lazy

K-9

You, Heading out on the piss and not coming back to 5/6.

Her: That's shocking, I'm leaving you, grow up etc.etc.etc.

Then when she does the same, oh wasn't it brilliant. I had such great craic, I'm allowed to let my hair down once in a while etc. etc. etc.

Sparky

daiixi wrote:

Excellent. Now where can I find my real man?

Right here

<

---

(yes I'm pissed, but its all in good will )

DarkJager

Spanky-s wrote:

Right here

<

---

(yes I'm pissed, but its all in good will )

This ain't a scene, its a god damn arms race!!! Spanky s cuz, major respect Brother!

Agent Smith

daiixi wrote:

Excellent. Now where can I find my real man?

if you can get me a Austrailian Passport, I'm all your....



sorry lads...

Sam Vimes

daiixi wrote:

(a) buy their missus food when they order some for themselves when their missus has said "no thanks";
(d) know what "fine" means and respond accordingly;

tbh, if the girl is going to lie to the bloke, she shouldn't get in a huff because his telepathic powers are on the blink

bombidol

HER: .........
ME: Whats wrong?
HER: .........
ME: Seriously whats wrong?
HER:..........
ME: Jasus woman whats wrong with you?
HER: If you really loved me you would know!
ME: .....What in the name of jasus?!


Again, if your telepathic powers arent 100% dont attempt conversation with a pissy woman.

brianthebard

Commander Vimes wrote:

tbh, if the girl is going to lie to the bloke, she shouldn't get in a huff because his telepathic powers are on the blink

Fecking wimmen. Either sulk in private, get drunk, or tell me what's wrong, but don't fecking sit there saying there's nothing wrong! Also on foodstuffs, I was told that you should ask a woman three times if she wants some chocolate or something like that. Why? I don't know really, something to do with it being a favour to you rather than her wanting to stuff her face. Feck it woman if I offer once you should be grateful, I'm not askng the same fecking question three times!!!!

tony 2 tone

Degsy wrote:

A girl i was dating asked me to get her a "martini with white lemonade" in a pub in talbot street!!I felt like a sex-offender or something.Suffice it to say,i kicked her to the curb in record time.

I can top that, Guinness with blackcurrent in it I die a little in side any time she gets it. She still hasnt come around to the "fruit based drink for the lady" philosophy yet...... yet.

Hagar

This always gets up my nose.

In a moment of weakness you bring her out for a few small sherries then off to a posh eating house for a good feed.

She spends 20 minutes reading the menu before she makes up her mind. Then orders something she doesn't know whether or not she likes it.
My mind is made up in 30 seconds flat, I order a large steak and chips, well done, black pepper sauce and a side order of onion rings.
The food arrives, she eats some of hers then she starts "Is your steak nice?". "Can I taste a little bit?". "Those onion rings look lovely, you're not going to eat them all are you?"

"Fúck off", says I "They were on the menu you had too".

Wimmin.

the_syco

Blowfish wrote:

The unanswerable questions.

"Does my bum look big in this?"

If you say no, she claims you are merely saying it to keep her happy.

If you say yes...

No, but the chocolate's do...

=-=

One I hate: when a young womin wears a skirt 2 inches BTML, a piece of string around her nipples, and then goes mental when someone comments on her "lovely body". WTF? Sure, figure hugging is one thing, but complaing about complements when you leave nothing to the imagiation?

DublinWriter

Every time I get into this type of dangerous conversation with wimmin I always bring up the fact that they *NEVER* show any sign of gratitute when you let them drive in/out from junctions.

The usual reply is "oh, that's because we're too busy concentrating on driving safely"

...to which you should reply "I thought you could feckin' MULTITASK?!"

the_syco

DublinWriter wrote:

The usual reply is "oh, that's because we're too busy concentrating on driving safely"

...to which you should reply "I thought you could feckin' MULTITASK?!"

Oh, classic!

K-9

the_syco wrote:

Oh, classic!

Brilliant, must note that one.

Hagar

Who put the "TIT" in multitask? Wimmin.

smashey

What about when the wimmin decide to go to weight watchers? They put themselves through some serious sh1t for a week, go and get weighed and come back all delighted that they lost half a pound. In a week. My response to this is that every time I sit on the toilet, I lose twice that.

xebec

smashey wrote:

What about when the wimmin decide to go to weight watchers? They put themselves through some serious sh1t for a week, go and get weighed and come back all delighted that they lost half a pound. In a week. My response to this is that every time I sit on the toilet, I lose twice that.

Do you really though?! Have you proved this scientifically? There was a thread in AH (I think) recently about a similar topic.

Oh hang on, do you really care - NO! Tell her to stop wasting money on weight-watchers and to stop eating chocolate, that'll solve her problem.

K-9

Exactly, stop paying her hard earned money to weight watchers.:)

The weighing scales don't lie love. Whether they are in Weight Watchers or my pad. :rolleyes:

Eat less and mind your diet and you will weigh less. Amazing insight. :cool:

jester77

Another annoying trait that came up over the weekend...

She has a bad dream in which I'm involved and the following days she's in a pissed off mood with me wimmin!

MarkR

jester77 wrote:

Another annoying trait that came up over the weekend...

She has a bad dream in which I'm involved and the following days she's in a pissed off mood with me wimmin!

Happened to me as well. Cold arse job the next night. Can't remember what I did. Hope it was worth it. I think I should at least be allowed to recreate it if I'm going to suffer for it.

padser

Same thing happened to me...so I tried it out myself a few days later...got the head eaten off me.....

BrianD3

Anyone see the post in the Motors forum about the woman driving the wrong way down a motorway slip road. Guy sees her doing it, stops her, tells her that she's going the wrong way. Her response:
"How do you know where I'm f$cking going"

Priceless But also scary.

Max_Damage

BrianD3 wrote:

Anyone see the post in the Motors forum about the woman driving the wrong way down a motorway slip road. Guy sees her doing it, stops her, tells her that she's going the wrong way. Her response:
"How do you know where I'm f$cking going"

Priceless But also scary.

Plus 3 penalty points!

Another thing that annoys me about wimmin is when they start blabberin' on about what such a friend (who you don't know, or care for that mater) said to another friend (again who you don't know), or how they go into detail about what happened at a party they were at, blah blah blah, I don't give a flying fúck.

At the end of the day, to use the much used phrase, we can't live with them, and we can't live without them.