Measuring Cups

shiv

Remember that night in my kitchen
When you apologized for dropping a plate?
I laughed and cringed and told you not to worry about it

(Comparing cracked delph to a future broken heart)

Against that cozy backdrop
Of corkscrew pasta and chopping board bliss
Kisses between courses
I didn't give the fault line anymore thought

(The psychological equivalent of declining second helpings)

Sitting perpendicular to be closer
Joking about my culinary mishaps
All the time we were playing footsie under the table
I was translating the language of your seashell hands

(Withheld words washed up like pebbles under my feet)

OliverTheLithe

not feeling this...maybe its a grower...dunno

Blush_01

I like this better today than I did yesterday. It almost seems as though you're holding something back though - I don't know what.

I do like it, I just think I like other poems of yours better.

shiv

Thanks for the honest feedback guys, appreciate it

Argie

I actually love this, it's fantastic!
Such lovely images, you've created a perfect mood.

smcgiff

So, actually it's got nothing to do with bra fitting?

smcgiff

(Comparing cracked delph to a future broken heart)

Hardly comparing - a metaphor perhaps?

I like the poem, but I'm a little confused. Are the words in parenthesis part of the poem? I think poems are better when explained, so we can see what the poet was seeing exactly. But in this case I was seeing something else. Still enjoyable!:)

shiv

thanks so much Argie! You gave me a glimmer of hope it isn't complete tripe!

smcgiff, I will say one thing for you. Your timing is highly ironic.

As for comparing cracked delph to a broken heart, I was actually. Or perhaps measuring the culpability between breaking the two would have been more accurate...

Yes the words in brackets are part of the poem. I find it interesting you say you want to see what the poet does exactly and that brackets somehow hinder this. To me they have the effect of actually opening up more of what's going on under the surface than what is 'officially' stated. I also just like the effect, it's like reading someone's secret thoughts. Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate it!

smcgiff

Hi Shiv,

Now that I know the lines in the parenthesis are part of the poem and not a commentary (as I had thought) it makes more sense! :eek:

Actually, what I know about poetry could be written on the back of a haiku!

Blush_01

Hey Shiv. In relation to your comment to Argie - the poem isn't complete tripe - not by a long shot! It just seems to be holding back a little more than your other poems. It's like a painting rather than a snapshot. It just needs to be looked at a few times to absorb the different constituents (brushstrokes, the type of paint etc.), rather than focussing on the picture itself, like you would with a photograph.

shiv

smcgiff wrote:

Hi Shiv,

Now that I know the lines in the parenthesis are part of the poem and not a commentary (as I had thought) it makes more sense! :eek:

Actually, what I know about poetry could be written on the back of a haiku!

I think my knowledge could fit on a postage stamp
Seriously, thanks for taking the time to comment at all.

shiv

Blush_01 wrote:

Hey Shiv. In relation to your comment to Argie - the poem isn't complete tripe - not by a long shot! It just seems to be holding back a little more than your other poems. It's like a painting rather than a snapshot. It just needs to be looked at a few times to absorb the different constituents (brushstrokes, the type of paint etc.), rather than focussing on the picture itself, like you would with a photograph.

Hey Blush, thanks for writing that. I definitely had the feeling while writing it it was very distant in tone or content, perhaps reflecting the situation it was describing. I am holding back in it, you're right, but I suppose that's the point of it for me, because it mirrors the relationship. Thank you for the lovely painting analogy

p.s it's your turn to post.

will_me

Interesting Poem Shiv- very neat and tidy . I gathered the comments in brackets were a deeper perspective on the undercurrents (to run with the sea imagery) within the poem, but apart from the first, which after a little rereading i grasped, I found the other two brackets rather obscure though nice sounding nonetheless. For commentaries which to me should clarify what's come before, they did the opposite, muddied the waters so to speak. Perhaps this is what you intended, but in this case i feel it ruins the run of the poem a little, weirdly you said the same about something i wrote.....
how i understood the poem: images progress the story of an evening developing from one event, which point to an close an intimate atmosphere(corkscrew pasta, the bad cooking, the sitting perpendicular) , but the doubt underneath : was/is the broken plate symbolic of the relationship? And should we measure our lives by such moments (measuring cups), and which moments should we choose? Which is a truer measuring stick, the broken plate, or the other moments of the evening? I think these are the some of the questions asked.
And is the relationship really that good...."translating the language of" is very interesting and well used if you intend it (which i don't doubt), because there is a huge difference between translation, and natural comprehension, to me at least: one is natural, and the other is self conscious and affected(in a sense). Which you follow up in brackets with something even stronger if i'm reading it right.
So is this where the doubt comes from, that the relationship feels translated, or studied??To me there is also a feel of self fulfilling prophecy in there too.
Having looked through what i have written, i realise that i could be well off the point(self consciousness kicks in) but i felt like being constructive in the best spirit.
If it was my poem, i would make the link between the brackets and the verses stronger or clearer, while still leaving room for suggestion.
I found it worth reading anyway.

geuro

love this poem..

it is written with the same tenderness and regret and fondness that i feel when i remember certain intimate moments. Almost true love.

(and i'm a fan of the brackets too, i think they very effectively temper the bliss of your memory with the reality of its flaws)

shiv

will_me, please don't think I'm the rudest person on the planet for taking so long to reply to your lovely, insightful post. Thank you so much for taking the time to write so much. I appreciate it and was flattered by your level of analysis. It's amazing how someone else's interpretation can make you think about your own...Yes, the comments in brackets were meant to be a deeper perspective on what was going on in the poem. I did not intend to muddy the waters, so to speak, so that's not good that you found two of the three obscure If I said something similar about your work, is this poetic karma?

You ask some interesting questions. You make me think. Thank you for that.
Yes, the relationship is full of doubt, the plate symbolizes the willful destruction of it, the guilt on my part. What goes on between them needs to be translated because it is not forthcoming and too much is going unsaid.
Thank you again for being constructive in the best spirit.

shiv

geuro,

Thank you for your kind words about the poem, they mean a lot!
There's something about brackets, isn't there? Like you're reading a delicious secret...

Thanks again for taking the time to comment and interpret!

will_me

No problem shiv, I'm glad you took my comments in the best spirit It's great that you took something constructive from them as well, and your reply was interesting for me too: i hadn't considered guilt before, though maybe that ties into my self fulfilling prophecy comment a little. Restating it your way makes more sense.
And no i didn't think you were rude.
Poetic Karma indeed