The wit & wisdom of pa trout

trout

Hill Billy wrote: »

Brother trout - No disrespect to Pa, but that's coming close to jumping the shark.

Watch what yore saying ... true story

trout

#40 ... the nomenclature of farts, according to pa trout

1 fizz
2 fuzz
3 fuzzywuzz
4 buzz
5 ripsh1te
6 teararse
7 rattler

1 to 4 are self-explantory, based on the sound involved.
5 is most often heard just before the 'pace car' breaks free.
6 refers to the those rare, awful expulsions which draw blood (:eek:) while number 7 refers to those monumental, once in a lifetime efforts which threaten the integrity of your window panes.

Santa Claus

My own dear father who thankfully is still with us once told me :
"Women can either give erections or directions but never both"
(obviously I would never stop to ask for directions but am not above asking for help with the other)

He's also like Pa Trout a great fan of the swift kick to the bollix in any fight, which he refers to as a "Ringsend uppercut"

trout

Santa Claus wrote: »

He's also like Pa Trout a great fan of the swift kick to the bollix in any fight, which he refers to as a "Ringsend uppercut"

Not to be confused with the Ballyfermot Kiss, which is a head-butt :rolleyes:

trout

#41 pa trout was often hungry ... "jaysiz ... I'm that hungry, I could eat the leg off the Lamb of God"*











*pronounced lammagod

johnnyskeleton

trout wrote: »

Not to be confused with the Ballyfermot Kiss, which is a head-butt :rolleyes:

Like a glasgow kiss, but wetter?

trout

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

Like a glasgow kiss, but wetter?

Quite so. With more of a horsey smell to it, particularly if it happens near the Pine Tree.

Mahatma coat

trout wrote: »

#41 pa trout was often hungry ... "jaysiz ... I'm that hungry, I could eat the leg off the Lamb of God"*











*pronounced lammagod

and go back for the ewe

LouOB

My next door neighbour 'crazy paved' the back garden

My dad called them real 'physopaths'

trout

Inspired by a combination of the fine weather, the Limerick thread, and some very dorty posts in the bar this afternoon ... I am moved to record some of the poetry pa trout was wont to recite.

#42 The "Spring is Sprung" poem, recited when fine weather is noticed (but no ladies)

Spring is sprung
The grass is riz
I wonder where
The birdies is ?

at which point pa trout would leer, looking for the ladies

#43 The "Apples be Ripe" poem, recited in fine weather when ladies are noticed

Apples be ripe
nuts be brown
petticoats up
trousers down

at which point pa trout would say "hwa hwa hwa hwa hwa"*



*oh, he loved to laugh did pa trout

trout

I was reminded of this one yesterday, when discussing what time people get up for work of a morning.

pa trout liked sleeping, almost as much as he liked beer, steak and chips, and yet he would often haul his carcass out of bed and into work at the crack of dawn, hours before his colleagues

When I asked him to explain this dichotomy (that's how we talked back then) he gave me this sage advice

#44 ... the man with a reputation for rising early, can often stay in bed till noon

trout

Thanks go to Brother Wilburt for triggering this memory

#45 ... on hearing anyone complain of stomach pains, indigestion, or any form of tummy upset pa trout would smile and say "shure, have a good hard sh1te now and you'll be grand"

he almost always farted as this advice was imparted, by way of emphasis

Will

Wise man he was.

trout

This one was triggered by Zapherella's recent thread about pancake-covered-sausage-on-a-stick.
When faced with a new 'thing', especially if it was related to food or drink pa trout would exclaim

#46 ... you should try anything once ... except for incest, folks songs and dancing

DenMan

Brother trout. Any more fantastic tales to tell from pa trout? Would love to hear some more.

Den

rotinaj

Ah a man after my own heart




/A pint left behind the bar for his son

trout

Although he was blessed with a most sweet and gentle nature, pa trout would sometimes find himself confronted by angry, shouty louts who would offer invitations to "step outside"; at such times pa trout would say

#47 ... grand so ... you go outside and practice falling down ... I'll be along directly

Lucy Lu

Great to see Pa Trout back He has been missed.

trout

If the angry shouty lout looked really serious about "stepping outside" ... pa trout would speak very softly, and utter the following words of wisdom

#48 ... grand so ... let me have your mammy's address first, so I'll know where to send the flowers.

Slow Motion

trout wrote: »

If the angry shouty lout looked really serious about "stepping outside" ... pa trout would speak very softly, and utter the following words of wisdom

#48 ... grand so ... let me have your mammy's address first, so I'll know where to send the flowers.

I am reminded of an incident with my da related by my older brother from many years ago! They were both in the same establishment when some shouty louts invited my Da outside to continue a discussion of their differences, a mate of my brother noticed what was going on and pointed it out to the brother. At this point the brother saw my da going out the door after the two lads in question, by the time my brother made it from the far end of the bar to the outside the two lads were on the ground and my da was standing there looking all innocent! He looked my brother straight in the eye and said "Son! There is no such thing as a fair fight!"*







*It is worth noting that my dad was an unarmed combat instructer in the army during WW2

trout

pa trout loved "de fillums", especially Clint Eastwood or Jimmy Bond movies.

One friday night, we watched Commando, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, where we both admired Arnold's robust attitude to problem solving.

pa trout on Arnold Schwarzenegger

#49 ... "he looks tough, wha ? ... betcha he sh1tes coconuts"

DenMan

Thanks for this trout

In eternal memory of my Grandfather, here is a famous quote of his. He is a Giant.

"The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions."

Wise words indeed.

Otis Driftwood

Great thread.

Reminded me of my late grandfather.

He enjoyed his Guinness and the day after a particularly pint heavy excursion he let go one of the most rip roaring and pungent farts Ive ever encountered.

Cue my mother (his daughter) tutting in disapproval and Mikey retorting with

"better out than your eye daughter,and not half as sore on the hole"

The_Joker

I remember me ol Granpas last words :-
"Be Jaysus there's people dying now that never died before"

garbanzo

nedtheshed wrote: »

Great thread.

Reminded me of my late grandfather.

He enjoyed his Guinness and the day after a particularly pint heavy excursion he let go one of the most rip roaring and pungent farts Ive ever encountered.

Cue my mother (his daughter) tutting in disapproval and Mikey retorting with

"better out than your eye daughter,and not half as sore on the hole"

Hey nedtheshed

The version of that saying I've heard from relations in Kerry is before is ".... better out than your eye . . and a sorer hole it won't leave '' Pa Trout rocks !

mattblacktiger

Rumored to the Brendan Behans last words to the nun who was taking care of him
"Thanks Sister and may all your sons be bishops"

FarmerGreen

trout wrote: »

#33 ... the morning after a good night out, pa trout would declare himself to have "a mouth on me like the bottom* of a budgies cage!"

Last week a girl, at work said something like that
Her friend said "yer well you did have a cockatoo in it last night"
Charming.

AWard

.....any more?

I love stuff like this, it's more like what I was raised with...

Some of it I recognize. Probably comes from having a dad who was raised by Irish and Scottish nannies and a mom who had strong Irish ties. I miss my parents...

{[~] <-- toast to pa trout

trout

*blows dust & cobwebs from thread*


pa trout had a few ways of describing people he considered "a bit thick"

#50 ... "that fella is as dim as the hole in a cow's ar$e"

#51 ... "he's a fuppin' brain donor"

#52 ... "yer man is Yorkshire born" ... this one puzzled me for many years, I only recently found out there's a skipping rope rhyme which pa trout would have heard from his neighbours back in the 50's ... which goes as follows

Yorkshire born and Yorkshire bred
Strong in t'arm and thick in t'head

Zaph

Oh how we've missed pa trout

The Hill Billy

I just received the following nugget of wisdom from a guy on Twitter called @****mydadsays:
You didn't get a good deal, you were just ****ed gently. Trust me, Best Buy will not be the one with the sore asshole tomorrow.
Made me thing of this thread & thought I'd share.

How is Pa Trout these days?

flahavaj

Hill Billy wrote: »

I just received the following nugget of wisdom from a guy on Twitter called @****mydadsays:
You didn't get a good deal, you were just ****ed gently. Trust me, Best Buy will not be the one with the sore asshole tomorrow.
Made me thing of this thread & thought I'd share.

How is Pa Trout these days?

Still resting in peace I'd imagine.:pac:

A few that Pa Trout would appreciate...

When referring to someone not exactly steady on their feet....."Yer man was like a sh*t in the shower - he was all over the place."

On being hungover....."I've never been to America, but I was in some state last night!"

Neonjack

Referring to someone who could put away pints easily - 'Giving that lad beer is like throwing biscuits to a bear'.

trout

pa trout did not approve of people just downing pints without appreciating their inner beauty, he felt it lacked decorum* and was somewhat pointless

#53 ... "like throwin' water into a barrel of sawdust"

like many fuller-figured gentleman, pa trout didn't quite trust very skinny people, or "scrawny poltroons" ... he claimed they offended the laws of physics**

#54 ... "that fella is so skinny, he has to stand up twice just to cast a shadow"










* pa trout was big on decorum ** and physics too ... decorum and physics were ever his watchwords

baby8music

Respect to Pa Trout, a funny & wise Ol man, reminds me of many uncles & may as well throw my father in there too!! Keep them coming

trout

when breaking wind, as one does, pa trout liked to mark the occasion ... of which there were many

#55 ... "ooh! ... better an empty house, than a bad lodger"

#55a ... "oop! ... next time pay yore rent"

#56 ... "aah! ... 'tis a sad ar$e that can't rejoice"

#57 ... "hear! ... you can get out and walk"

#58 ... "hah! ... that one sounded like a wood pigeon, wha?"

#59 ... "hey! ... whiff a sulphur offa that one, can't be too healthy"

jem

Have to say that Pa Trout seems to have been one hell of a character.



An Uncle of mine had a few him self:
one of his fav's was:
"May u never take a cleannn hand from ur arse any time u wipe it."

To an one that was useless: "sure that cnut wouldnt organise a ride in a bothel"
about someone that could drink a bit:
"sure u may as well be trowing it into lough derg"

while talking to a fella who was annoying him:
Fella : A thought just crossed my mind
reply straight away: that was a dam short journey

To same fella: there is two bollockes in this town and u are the both of them.

OhMSGlive

If only I had the chance to meet Pa Trout, I'm sure he would've imparted a lot of wisdom on me.

If I may, I'd like to impart some wisdom of my own, given to me by my friend, who got it off his grandfather:

"You wouldn't put a horse in a goat's bed."

Never a truer word was spoken.

/me raises glass to Pa Trout.

Rick Rod

Anymore? These are cracking !

The_Joker

Florentius Pavils Cynefrid Stanimir wrote: »

kj

What the....


Empty vessels etc etc