The Funny Side of Religion

rainbow kirby

rainbow kirby

Scofflaw

Has this been posted before: christwire.org?

cordially,
Scofflaw

Hagar

Clip needs sound.

Link

Goduznt Xzst

Hagar wrote: »

Clip needs sound.

Link

I love Colbert

Goduznt Xzst

Overblood

An Intelligent Design versus evolution board game. Fun for all the family!

http://www.livingwaters.com/index.php?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=201&category_id=13&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=199

(I think this is actually real)

Goduznt Xzst

If Atheists Were the Majority

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go **** a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!
The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.
ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men ****ing each other in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!
Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.
ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!
The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.
RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!
THE END
Scary, isn't it? If you believe that, its even more scary



Some other good links from that site that I thought where good:

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Atheism

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Atheist_Doctrine

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Reasons_to_become_an_atheist/the_sensible_version

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Christianity

robindch

Goduznt Xzst wrote: »

Some other good links from that site [...]

From the article on christian logic:

Some guy wrote:

When interpreting the bible, it's important to remember that all the stories are supposed to be taken literally except for the ones which are not supposed to be (an example of this is when the Bible says the earth was created in six days). One can determine what parts are literal by relying on an intricate analysis system that consists of guessing, thinking about it picking out what is convenient for you or seems nice and dandy, taking a bit or more of what your parents told you when you were a young child, or what one of your christian friends tells you is definitely true for sure, or best of all, what's shouted at you in a big building in the big voice of a big man who is thumping his pulpit and asking for you for donations for the lord. Also all parts of the Bible are true until it becomes obvious that they aren't and then a miracle happens and they immediately become things that were never meant to be taken literally to start with.

Overblood

One of the best cases against God (pretty funny too) by astrophysicist Neil De Grasse Tyson:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_nqySMvkcw

Dades

^^ That is good! ^^

I note Dawkins in the audience, and watched this clip which is from the same event. Interesting as what Tyson has to say, the last line is the funniest thing I've ever heard Dawkins say.

If that don't work:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_2xGIwQfik

Overblood

Dades wrote: »

I note Dawkins in the audience, and watched this clip which is from the same event. Interesting as what Tyson has to say, the last line is the funniest thing I've ever heard Dawkins say.

I kept on rewinding that bit over and over again it was so funny!!

"If you don't agree you can fachaff!"

mukki

thou shault not take the lords name in vain



translation


God and Jesus are trademarks of the Catholic Church LTD.


its a bit like if microsoft said you can't complain about windows

or kellogs if said you must like all bran

robindch

A report written by 95-year old chap in the Vatican's Department of the Bleedin' Obvious has suggested that women are more prideful than men who are hornier than women.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7897034.stm

"Men and women sin in different ways", explained a different guy.

rainbow kirby

The Mad Hatter

Behold...The Atheist Apocalypse in all its mightiness.

robindch

In the latest in a long string of shocking appeasements and sell-outs, the UK's Telegraph has "reported" that another muslim-centered religious "argument" has blown up in the UK. This time, it's over where libraries should put people's holybooks.

Symbolically demonstrating the different memetic approaches of the two religions, Muslims want their holybook on the highest bookshelf and above everything else, while christians want their own particular holybook to be lower down and within reach of everybody. Apparently, some believers have been running around bookstores moving the books around the place according to their religious beliefs.

Way to go lads.

Dades

I suppose I'd be stating the obvious that the only fair solution is to have them displayed alphabetically in the fantasy section.

robindch

Dades wrote: »

I suppose I'd be stating the obvious that the only fair solution is to have them displayed alphabetically in the fantasy section.

Oh, that they were filed in the bin.

oeb

This website came up on a stumble today, I really liked this post though

Seems to me that Christians worship the incredible shrinking god. I mean at one time it was supposedly capable of flinging thousands of billions of galaxies into existence with a mere thought. By the time of Noah, it was reduced to flooding an insignificant speck in the cosmos. By the time of Moses, its best trick was moving a tiny portion of a minor sea aside for a short while. By the time of Jesus, it has to send a delegate on its behalf who leaves behind only rumors that he was able to turn water into another beverage, or render himself extra buoyant. Now it counts as a miracle if a water stain grows mold that kind of looks like a bearded face which could be claimed to resemble this supposed delegate. How much more pathetic can this god get? How do Christians manage to sing praises of its glory and greatness without feeling like fools--or at best, like new parents gushing over their toddler's ability to make a pee. -- Kronk

Galvasean

The Mad Hatter wrote: »

Behold...The Atheist Apocalypse in all its mightiness.

I love the look on the guy on the bench's face at the end.

nozzferrahhtoo

Soul Winner wrote: »

An Atheist was walking through the woods
"What majestic trees!
"What powerful rivers!
"What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.He turned to look and he saw a 7 foot Grizzly charge towards him.
He looked again, and the bear was even closer.
He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that moment the Atheist cried out

"Oh myGod!..............."

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came outof the sky,"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit the creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of the predicament?"."Am I to count on you as a believer?".

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat meas a Christian now, but could you perhaps make the BEAR a Christian?".

"Very Well", said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
The bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke,

"Lord bless this food, which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen"

I came across this one myself when a theist was annoyed at a religious joke I told in an alpha course kind of meeting in england.

Essentially I told a joke, he got offended and said "See how you like it if I tell an atheist joke".

He was NOT happy with my reply when I said "Actually I think thats quite funny but what a Silly atheist. He should have specified _which_ of the 33820* forms of Christianity to turn the bear into. If he had specified Mormons for example they eat meat sparingly so he would have been in with a good chance at least. If he had said Amish the bear might have wandered off looking for gravy first.

Or maybe even another kind of nutter like the Ugandan "Ten Commandments of God" sect. The bear would have just wandered off into a hut and burned the place down around him then. Not before getting his wife and kids into the hut first however! So the man would have been ok!

"Not to say that any of the christians here are nutters of course." I hastily added "Lord no. Just the other 33819 denominations who clearly have it wrong. You guys are on the money clearly."

*World Christian Encyclopedia (year 2000 version)

The Mad Hatter

I haven't laughed so hard in years!

Graham Linehan put it better than I ever could - Jesus loves them, but not as much as I do.

FFFFFHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!

Flamed Diving

God FAQ:

http://www.400monkeys.com/God/

Overblood

Borneo Fnctn

This is good for a giggle.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glRAN_8CkvQ&feature=related
I thought it was serious for the first 5 seconds and I was clenching my fists.

bogwalrus

probably the funniest thing i have ever seen


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohmhZVjaqQo&feature=related

robindch

bogwalrus wrote: »

probably the funniest thing i have ever seen

I'm glad they can tell the difference between their religion and lunacy coz I sure as hell can't.

Overblood

Look! The Flying Spaghetti Monster has appeared in a military excercise photo... It's a sign!