The Funny Side of Religion

Calibos

Someone needs to re-de-convert that dude by reminding him that all atheists to the last man or woman has at one time or another uttered those very same words, "God, if you're up there and want me to believe, help me or mine win big in the lottery"

A win happening for one atheist out of a few hundred million that have uttered those same words proves diddleysquat.

Coriolanus

TwoShedsJackson

I sat back and thought about it and realised the odds against this are astronomical

Astronomical? Yes. Impossible? Clearly not. Surely this guy should realise that proof of God would be if it was actually impossible to win the lottery and yet he did after praying

robindch

Australian bish gets all hot udner his dog collar by conciliatory pro-islam ads:

http://news.brisbanetimes.com.au/breaking-news-national/bishop-calls-islamic-billboards-offensive-20110530-1fcc3.html

Brisbane Times wrote:

A Catholic bishop has slammed controversial Islamic billboards for being "provocative and offensive" and he's calling for them to be removed from prominent locations across Sydney.

The billboards carrying the slogan `Jesus: a prophet of Islam' were erected late last week in Darlinghurst, Rozelle and Rosehill. They have been paid for by Islamic group MyPeace, which wants to encourage Christians and Muslims to find common ground by raising awareness that Islam believed in Jesus Christ.

But Bishop Julian Porteous, from the Archdiocese of Sydney, says Christians believe that Jesus "is more than a prophet". "He is the Son of God. He is acclaimed Lord and Saviour of humanity," he said on Monday. "In Australia with its Christian heritage a billboard carrying the statement `Jesus A prophet of Islam' is provocative and offensive to Christians."

Bishop Porteous, whose comments come a day after the Darlinghurst billboard was vandalised, said it was important religions don't antagonise others with "provocative statements". "For the sake of preserving social harmony and respect between major world religions these billboards should be withdrawn, along with others which carry messages directly offensive to Christians," he said.

But MyPeace organiser Diaa Mohamed told Fairfax he had received "overwhelmingly positive feedback from Christians, atheists, Muslims, everyday Australians" while the vandalism "validates the reason they went up in the first place".

And he said he wasn't deterred from plans for similar ads - with such slogans as `Holy Quran: the final testament' and `Muhammad: mercy to mankind' - on buses travelling through the city and in the Hills district. Bishop Porteous believes they are having a very different impact. "The campaign organisers profess the billboard advertisements are to inform but in effect they have provoked a response reflected in the vandalism we saw at the weekend," he said. "We certainly do not support vandalismbut its occurrence is a sign that the advertisement has provoked a negative response."

Last week, the Anglican Bishop of South Sydney, Rob Forsyth, told Fairfax it was "complete nonsense" to say Jesus was a prophet of Islam but the billboards weren't offensive. Comment was being sought from MyPeace.

JBnaglfar

This is from a couple of months ago, so may have been posted already. Newt Gingrich fears religious atheists may take over America.

This is handy. We no longer have to wait a whole day for Newt Gingrich to flip-flop, because now, while fear-mongering during a speech at a religious conference, he did it in one sentence:

"I have two grandchildren: Maggie is 11; Robert is 9," Gingrich said at Cornerstone Church here. "I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American."

Oh no! The religious atheists are taking over!

Moron.

ShooterSF

"In Australia with its Christian heritage a billboard carrying the statement `Jesus A prophet of Islam' is provocative and offensive to Christians."

Uck, heritage, quickly becoming as detested a word to me as tradition.

But MyPeace organiser Diaa Mohamed told Fairfax he had received "overwhelmingly positive feedback from Christians, atheists, Muslims, everyday Australians" while the vandalism "validates the reason they went up in the first place".

How could the feedback be anything but :pac: "ha, you silly religious types"

Must be some trolling atheists in Oz

Links234

stevoslice

GLaDOS

http://www.torontosun.com/2011/05/31/kkk-counterprotests-extremist-church-group

A crew of alleged Ku Klux Klan members counter-protested followers of a controversial Kansas church before the U.S. Memorial Day service with President Barack Obama.

The white supremacist group, who call themselves Knights of the Southern Cross, said they were at Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia on Monday to protest the anti-military message of Westboro Baptist Church.

"It's the soldier that fought and died and gave them that right to free speech," Dennis LaBonte, the self-described "Imperial Wizard" of the Virginia-based group, told CNN.

Westboro Baptist Church is known for holding anti-gay protests at the funerals of U.S. military members.

Three members of the church were there, saying the dead should not be idolized.

Another collection of about 70 people, not associated with the KKK, also protested the extremist church group while police monitored.

Even the KKK hates the WBC :pac:

Undergod

ScienceNerd wrote: »

http://www.torontosun.com/2011/05/31/kkk-counterprotests-extremist-church-group


Even the KKK hates the WBC :pac:

Check out the second last release on this page!

MagicMarker

Undergod wrote: »

Check out the second last release on this page!

Ah ffs did you have to link to that page? Some people are not on their personal PC's!!

legspin

ScienceNerd wrote: »

http://www.torontosun.com/2011/05/31/kkk-counterprotests-extremist-church-group


Even the KKK hates the WBC :pac:

You do have to wonder. If you are on the same side of an issue as the KKK and they think the other side has gone too far, wtf is the other side like?

robindch

An atheist buys an ancient lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, “I’ll grant you three wishes, Master.” The atheist says, “I wish I could believe in you.” The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him. The atheist says, “Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this.” The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. “What about your third wish?” asks the genie. “Well,” says the atheist, “I wish for a billion dollars.” The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. “What’s wrong?” asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, “Just because you believe in me, doesn’t necessarily mean that I really exist.”

recedite

robindch wrote: »

http://news.brisbanetimes.com.au/breaking-news-national/bishop-calls-islamic-billboards-offensive-20110530-1fcc3.html

ShooterSF wrote: »

Must be some trolling atheists in Oz

But Bishop Julian Porteous, from the Archdiocese of Sydney, says Christians believe that Jesus "is more than a prophet".

Ozzy atheists were probably making helpful suggestions for the billboards. Maybe we could help out some more.
How about;

"Jesus: failed carpenter, next prophet of Islam, eventually the son of god; join our celebrity centre and you too can hit the bigtime"

OR;

"Holy Quran: the final testament of this series"

OR;

`Muhammad: mercy to all mankind (except infidels)'

robindch

strobe

If you drink Holy Water... and next you to take a piss.

Is your piss then magic?









I haz theology!

Sarky

The only sure way to test this is to drink a few litres of holy water and pee on someone with cancer.

kiffer

Sarky wrote: »

The only sure way to test this is to drink a few litres of holy water and pee on someone with cancer.

pee on vampires... It's vampires that holy water hurts... Not cancer victims.

Sarky

Peeing on vampires is far too dangerous. How about we just get a wide range of people with varying degrees of sin, pee on them, and see if the worst offenders are most put out by it?

kiffer

Did you know that you can top a bottle of holy water up with normal water and it stays just as holy? There are some rules about it, but it basically ends up that you can't use this to end up with two bottles of holy water but you can have a bottle that never runs out of holywater...

Fighting vampires is much easier when you have supersoakers full of holywater that you can refill with tap water and yet still have holy water!

If only the frog brothers had known...

liamw

kiffer wrote: »

Did you know that you can top a bottle of holy water up with normal water and it stays just as holy? There are some rules about it, but it basically ends up that you can't use this to end up with two bottles of holy water but you can have a bottle that never runs out of holywater...

Fighting vampires is much easier when you have supersoakers full of holywater that you can refill with tap water and yet still have holy water!

If only the frog brothers had known...

The holiness doesn't dilute?

Which raises a question: do small amounts and large amounts of water require the same prayer effort to make them holy?

ShooterSF

If I boil a potato in holy water and then take a potato gun to it. Can I use it to bless people?

Genghiz Cohen

holyopathy?

kiffer

liamw wrote: »

The holiness doesn't dilute?

Which raises a question: do small amounts and large amounts of water require the same prayer effort to make them holy?

It's complicated... The amount of holyness seems to be set by the maximum amount of holy water that was ever in the container...
So if you take a 1 litre bottle to the tap on the side of the church and fill it up, then use up some of it you can top it back up to full.
but if you pour half of it into a new litre bottle you can't top the new one up to full because it was only ever a half litre worth of holywater...
Though I guess you could top up the first bottle back to a litre and then use the topped up holy water to fill the new bottle up the rest of the way...

However I think that the idea is you can only top up holy water that has been used and I assume evaporated so the holyness can be recycled...

Calibos

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

holyopathy?

You are mixing up your alternative therapies.

Holy Water is not like Homeopathy because if it was, it would get more holy the more you diluted it which as we all know cannot scientifically be the case. IIRC Its something to do with Saint Avogadros or Saint Molars limit or something like that.

You might be making the same mistake as a lot of people by mixing up Holy Homeopathy and Holy Herbalism.

That said Holy Water is not like the alternative therapy of Herbalism either because if it was you could just pray to God for him to tell you what the active compound in the holy water was and distill it and refine the dosage thus eliminating all the harmful effects of consumption of raw unrefined holy water (Like diarrhea). Remember, Holy water that has been tested and found to work by science isn't called Holy Water anymore, its just called....Water!

No. Holy Water is most like a DIY version of Reiki IMHO. A Mystical Force is channeled by putting your hands on someone in the case of Reiki.....or Blessing Yourself in the case of Holy Water.

If you don't believe me there is tonnes of research published on the internet using a 'Peer reviewed randomised control bible study group' methodology.

mehfesto

From the awesome website, "Literally Unbelievable" - a site dedicated to people who don't know The Onion is a piss-take. It's amazing.

ShooterSF

Also unlike homeopathy, I don't think holy water "cures" homosexuals:

http://www.care2.com/causes/civil-rights/blog/german-catholic-doctors-offering-homeopathic-gay-cure/

Calibos

ShooterSF wrote: »

Also unlike homeopathy, I don't think holy water "cures" homosexuals:

http://www.care2.com/causes/civil-rights/blog/german-catholic-doctors-offering-homeopathic-gay-cure/

Thats because they are forgetting the cardinal rule of Holy Homeopathy. The notion that 'Like' Cures 'Like'. Obviously they need to get a Gay Priest to bless the Holy Water for it to work as a cure for homosexuality.

eyescreamcone

If holy water doesn't dilute - then why doesn't the persons qualified to change lumps of "2Hs and and an O" to "holy H2O" go down to the beach and just magic the oceans into being full of holy water.

We could wash in it, flush it and piss it -
is this level of holiness sustainable?





Or are the "qualified" afraid that god will be blamed if a "holy water tsunami" wipes out a few coastal towns?

liamw

kiffer wrote: »

It's complicated... The amount of holyness seems to be set by the maximum amount of holy water that was ever in the container...
So if you take a 1 litre bottle to the tap on the side of the church and fill it up, then use up some of it you can top it back up to full.
but if you pour half of it into a new litre bottle you can't top the new one up to full because it was only ever a half litre worth of holywater...
Though I guess you could top up the first bottle back to a litre and then use the topped up holy water to fill the new bottle up the rest of the way...

However I think that the idea is you can only top up holy water that has been used and I assume evaporated so the holyness can be recycled...

They should really consider putting this riddle into the next Die Hard.