The Funny Side of Religion

Delirium

Pimp My Lord? :P

ShooterSF

From YLYL: But I honestly intend to use this!

Links234

Penn

Saw a similar one which said "If Atheists are so great, why did Christian Bale visit the Aurora shooting victims but Atheist Bale didn't? Christians 1: Atheists 0"

Bannasidhe

Not sure whether to put this here of in Hazards - but since it made me laugh at the thought that nearly everyone I know will be in hell perhaps as a deeply anti-social person I should be trying to get into heaven now...:eek:

Beruthiel

Fornicate, I love that word. It never gets old.
Don't the majority of planet earth do it?

Heaven must be fairly empty.
A bit like going to a fancy new night club and it's totally dead because there's only two other people there sitting in the corner drinking orange juice.

Genghiz Cohen

Beruthiel wrote: »

Heaven must be fairly empty.
A bit like going to a fancy new night club and it's totally dead because there's only two other people there sitting in the corner drinking orange juice.

Or Google +

Bannasidhe

Beruthiel wrote: »

Fornicate, I love that word. It never gets old.
Don't the majority of planet earth do it?

Heaven must be fairly empty.
A bit like going to a fancy new night club and it's totally dead because there's only two other people there sitting in the corner drinking orange juice.

Those would be the two people who arn't talking to me because of something I said about their Jesus.

Beruthiel

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

Or Google +

Which is a total shame because it's much more preferable to Facebook!

Sarky

If you think Google+ is empty, you're doing it wrong.

Beruthiel

Sarky wrote: »

If you think Google+ is empty, you're doing it wrong.

Oh, I am well aware that you are spamming the fuk out of it.

LittleBook

Bannasidhe wrote: »

Today being my day for mad out there thoughts - could they not control their filthy minds and not get worked up at the sight of a female calf muscle?

There's a good moment in the film "Persepolis" when the heroine is running for a bus. She's stopped by the religious police (or whatever they're called) because running means her backside makes obscene movements and she responds with "Well then, don't be looking at my ass!"

Bannasidhe

LittleBook wrote: »

There's a good moment in the film "Persepolis" when the heroine is running for a bus. She's stopped by the religious police (or whatever they're called) because running means her backside makes obscene movements and she responds with "Well then, don't be looking at my ass!"

One hot summers day in London I got a call on my day off asking me to pop in to work and get some supplies out of the store room for the Bengali children's language class. I was wearing shorts - not short shorts, knee length shorts - the language teacher was an elderly Iman. As I headed for the storage room I noticed that the Iman was hot in persuit, his eyes fixed on my calfs.

Naturally, I stopped suddenly causing a bit of a pile-up .

I smiled sweetly at the Iman once he has finished leaping away and asked him what exactly he was doing. He defiantly replied that he was looking at my legs. 'Why?' said she, now smiling like a crocodile, 'because I don't ever get to see women's legs' he replied pathetically.

I then informed him that he better not be having 'impure' thoughts as a) I could do him for sexual harassment and b) wives number 1, 2 and 3 were watching him and not looking best pleased.

Wife number 3 (who was in her 20s) and I threw ourselves around the place the next day laughing at her husband - or the 'dirty old goat' as she called him.

kylith

Bannasidhe wrote: »

Well, if I can't do any of those things then I don't want to go.

Sarky wrote: »

If you think Google+ is empty, you're doing it wrong.

I'm obviously doing it wrong so. I'd love to use it more, mainly because my mum has never heard of it and I could make posts that are full of tales of my misdeeds and profanity, but only one of my mates is ever on there.

joseph brand

Man Thanks God He's Not Sexually Attracted To Children.

"I can walk past a playground full of kids with no problems whatsoever," Farlow said. "I don't feel any sort of urge to go over and talk to them, and to be honest, I don't really think about them at all. I just keep going with my day."

Added Farlow, "Thank ****ing Christ for that."

Even though it's an article from The Onion, it's actually less crazy and weird than the real story of Gordon Dalbey in this thread.

joseph brand

joseph brand

joseph brand

ShooterSF

^^^^^
Pfft, women dont do sodomy

Delirium

Delirium

magicbastarder

this was attributed to Alive! on the forum i saw it on.

Bannasidhe

magicbastarder wrote: »

this was attributed to Alive! on the forum i saw it on.

My divorced and remarried only sets foot in a church for weddings and funerals but calls herself a Catholic sister took the name Maria Goretti for her Confer - I'll have to ask her if she is did owt special to celebrate the feast day.
I shall place particular emphases on the refusing to do bold things part of her name sakes life :P

eoin5

magicbastarder wrote: »

this was attributed to Alive! on the forum i saw it on.

Hi Kids,

...terrifying murder story...

Hope you enjoy the holidays.

:eek:

Bannasidhe

eoin5 wrote: »

Hi Kids,

...terrifying murder story...

Hope you enjoy the holidays.

:eek:

Speaking of religious horror stories and holidays - I often wonder what children reckon is the connection between Jesus being nailed to a cross for 'our' sins and the consumption large amounts of egg shaped chocolate.

robindch

eoin5 wrote: »

...terrifying murder story...

What's that dangling around the place at the top of the photo? It's either the legs of somebody hanging by their neck, or something quite unmentionable.

Ah, just checked:

http://www.alive.ie/uploads/6/5/1/1/6511516/alive_july_aug_2012.pdf

Top left of page 15. Just a friendly kid, in kids' corner. Though presumably without the knifewounds.

Bannasidhe

robindch wrote: »

What's that dangling around the place at the top of the photo? It's either the legs of somebody hanging by their neck, or something quite unmentionable.

Ah, just checked:

http://www.alive.ie/uploads/6/5/1/1/6511516/alive_july_aug_2012.pdf

Top left of page 15. Just a friendly kid, in kids' corner. Though presumably without the knifewounds.

'What's that?..... Ah, just checked'.

This sums up what I love about this forum

sbsquarepants

Bannasidhe wrote: »

Speaking of religious horror stories and holidays - I often wonder what children reckon is the connection between Jesus being nailed to a cross for 'our' sins and the consumption large amounts of egg shaped chocolate.

Jesus, i've heard some stupid questions but this one takes the biscuit..:mad:

You see what happened was, eh, jesus died right and then em, oooh this is embarrassing, eh there was a bunny rabbit involved i think, and he eh, shít...

Nevermind
Praise the lord:D

Dades

Bannasidhe wrote: »

I often wonder what children reckon is the connection between Jesus being nailed to a cross for 'our' sins and the consumption large amounts of egg shaped chocolate.

I'm fairly certain it has something to do with how Jesus got back to heaven again.

Bannasidhe

Dades wrote: »

I'm fairly certain it has something to do with how Jesus got back to heaven again.

Has anyone checked The Dead Sea scrolls - perhaps there is a 'lost' passage text that roughly translates as:

'yea, and once they had seen that the Lord had risen and did walk among them once more they did rejoice. They did celebrate with chocolate. And this chocolate was shaped as an egg to symbolise life emerging from a tomb. And that which was not there but was alive is now there and alive.'