The Funny Side of Religion

Stercus Accidit

Galvasean wrote: »

I suppose you've all heard about those recently discovered hominids from Georgia? info.

Well, it would seem that the Creationists have jumped on this as proof that evolution is wrong and therefore God exists.
*sigh*

How have they managed that?

Surely this is another piece of evidence for evolution, an early relative of man. That some hominid species may have left africa earlier than we had thought surely isn't justification for screaming that evolution is a lie, worship the magic man.

I'd love to see how the cretinists have spun this one.

robindch

God's aim must be off this morning -- this spam showed up in my inbox this morning. Feel free to take the offer up

---

Dear Beloved in Christ,

It is by the grace of God that I received Christ, having known the truth, I had no choice than to do what is lawful and right in the sight of God for eternal life and in the sight of man for witness of God & his mercies and glory upon my life. I am Mrs. Sheila Johnson the wife of Mr Harold Johnson, my husband worked with the Chevron/Texaco in Kenya for twenty years before he died in the year2001. We were married for ten years without a child. My Husband died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christians.

Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of US$3. 5M. (Three Million Five Hundred Thousand U. S. Dollars) with a Bank in Europe. Presently, this money is still with the Bank and the management just wrote me as the beneficiary to come forward to sign for the release of this money or rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf if I can not come over.

Presently, I'm in a hospital in Kenya where I have been undergoing treatment for esophageal cancer. I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only a few weeks to live. It is my last wish to see this money distributed to charity organizations anywhere in the World. Because relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth since my illness, I cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them. Please, I beg you in the name of God to help me Stand and collect the Funds from the Bank. I want a person that is God fearing that will use this money to fund churches, orphanages and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained.

The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband's relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord.

Exodus{14 VS14}says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my soundless voice and presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of my attorney who is in Europe as he will be the one to assist you in laying claims for this funds. Kindly send your reply to my private email address which is as follows:infosheilajohnson@yahoo. com

Your Sister in Christ,

Mrs. Sheila Johnson.

Dades

Hehe. She said Johnson.

kiffer

ah... A masterful 419 scam... If it hits a less than streetwise person believer or not it could tug their heart strings. If it hits a dishonest person it could call on their greed...

It's a great scam... I just wish that people didn't fall for them...

...


Dear Sinner,
You have been selected in the Vatican Planar Indulgences Lottory. Each year the Catholic Church must give out a set number of indulgences but since the sale of these was made illegal during the counterreformation the Church has been unable to keep up it's quota. This quota must be kept and order to do this with out favouratism it was decided that random selection was the fairest way to decide as God would guide the process directly with out human prejudices.
This is not a partial indulgence and will clear you of all your time due in purgatory, and not just time due-to-date! This is a Total Life Time Planar Indulgence! You will never need to spend any time in purgatory! Please contact us at indulgent-lotto@yahoo.co.uk in order to find out how to claim your indulgence and get out of spending any time in purgatory.

Cardinal Malloc Thorpson Sr.

Dr Pepper

Dades wrote: »

Hehe. She said Johnson.

And bosom.. Hehe.

Next step - Talk to 'attorney' in 'Europe', hand over large payment to cover 'legal administration costs' in transferring the $3.5M.

Do people fall for this kind of thing?

kiffer

Dr Pepper wrote: »

Do people fall for this kind of thing?

Yes... Yes they do. It's a huge scam industry...

Years ago when I worked in a cybercafe/callshop I "caught" a guy operating out of dublin... He was using our fax machine. Guards didn't seen to want any thing to do with it... So we rang the guy the faxes were coming from/going to ... He had sunk a large amount of money into the scam and wouldn't believe it was a scam. His house and business were on the line.

robindch

Dr Pepper wrote: »

Do people fall for this kind of thing?

Some unfortunately do, but there is an active scambaiter community too -- ethically questionable, but they catch a few all the same:



http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=38&full=true
http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=141&full=true
http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=152&full=true
http://forum.419eater.com/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=153&full=true

etc, etc.

Dr Pepper

Just goes to show if you concoct an elaborate enough sad story, there are always some suckers around who'll buy it *couch* :pac:

Edit/ *cough *

Dades

^^ I love the way you left the *couch* for us to see. ^^

hairyheretic

http://web.archive.org/web/20050504190702/http://www.geocities.com/steerp1ke/David_Ehi.html


419 scammer, meet Cthulhu

Tyler MacDurden

kiffer wrote: »

ah... A masterful 419 scam...


Dear Sinner,
You have been selected in the Vatican Planar Indulgences Lottory. Each year the Catholic Church must give out a set number of indulgences but since the sale of these was made illegal during the counterreformation the Church has been unable to keep up it's quota...
...... This is a Total Life Time Planar Indulgence! You will never need to spend any time in purgatory! .

Cardinal Malloc Thorpson Sr.

All credit to Euclidean Geometry, but don't they mean plenary?

Galvasean

Don't you need to be alive at the same time to form a coalition?

kiffer

Tyler MacDurden wrote: »

All credit to Euclidean Geometry, but don't they mean plenary?

Yes, I guess I did... but um... Odd mistakes are hall marks of 419 scams... I actually think some are deliberate, to weed out all but the dumbest respondents who are more likely to send off money... Or to make the 419 look like an easy mark so the recipient might think they can controll the situation and get a bigger share of the US$150,000,000 (ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS ONLY).

This was not the case here however... Here it was my mistake. I've always though it was to do with the plane of existance, purgatory, rather than a word meaning total.
(like astral plane, limbo, hell...)

Turtwig

Beware...Cheesus is everywhere!!

5uspect

"Jesus on a stick", LOL.

Galvasean

fitz0

I find it funny that Google ads placed a link to this on this page.

Turtwig

Not sure if this has been posted before, either, but this is brill:D

ZorbaTehZ

maskofsanity

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=031gj9_3T8c

Tyler MacDurden

While most of you heathens were at DawkFest '09, I was in Vicar St. to see Timmy. Here's a tune from his show about our favourite infallible, divinely-inspired page-turner:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PESsCd7vYII

Overblood

Malty_T wrote: »

Beware...Cheesus is everywhere!!

LOL @ 1:32: "The hay-lo is above his hey-yed"

5uspect

Well, it's been nice knowing ye.
http://home.flash.net/~evt/rapture.htm
(copied from pharyngula)

Turtwig

5uspect wrote: »

Well, it's been nice knowing ye.
http://home.flash.net/~evt/rapture.htm
(copied from pharyngula)

I prefer God Vs Satan

Galvasean

Id say this has been posted before but its a calssic anyhow:

Turtwig

This has probably been posted before too, but it's our religion now:)
(To said before breakfast and after supper)

Our Darwin, Who art a genius
Hallowed be Thy Mind;
Thy evolution come,
Thy will be done,
In fact as it is in theory.
Give us today a transitional fossil,
And forgive us our mutation,
As we survive those who try to kill us;
And lead our lot into natural selection,
But deliver us from creationism.

Galvasean

Malty_T wrote: »

Give us today a transitional fossil,

Turtwig

Zillah

Malty_T wrote: »

It helps that she is gorgeous.

Turtwig

Genesis The Science of Creation, by Michael Shermer..not particularly hilarious but a good illustration nonetheless.