The Funny Side of Religion

Cabaal

Bannasidhe wrote: »

Absolutely - they need to get in there and work out how the hell something that was ingested ended up finding it's way into not only a womb but got through the placenta wall...:eek:

Also - what a plump, clean, unwrinkled new born that is - my fella looked like Henry VIII after a particularly wild party when he was born.

I'm surprised that you haven't pointed out the other MASSIVE flaw in the story,

The newborn is talking!
we're doomed!!!!

:pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac:

Sarky

I think that if any newborn baby started talking within seconds of leaving the womb, fire would be the logical next step. Freaking demon babies.

Bannasidhe

Cabaal wrote: »

I'm surprised that you haven't pointed out the other MASSIVE flaw in the story,

The newborn is talking!
we're doomed!!!!

:pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac:

Oh my giddy aunt - you are right! :eek:

Was so busy trying to work out what was wrong with babymamma's internal workings which allowed free movement of ingested items that I missed the talking new born part...wonder if he sounded like Bruce Willis?

robindch

Aphids crap on believers. Believers give thanks.

http://www.theindychannel.com/news/u-s-world/people-pray-at-tree-outside-cathedral-in-california-say-tree-weeps-gods-tears

TheIndyChannel wrote:

FRESNO, Calif. - As the mid-day sun beat down, a group of parishioners huddled under a tree looking for shade, but seeking a miracle. Rosemarie Navarro, a parishioner at a Fresno, California Catholic Church says, "I said my prayer and asked the Lord to give me a miracle cause I'm really, really sick."

Navarro counts herself among the believers, a small but growing group that thinks the liquid dripping from this Crape Myrtle tree is the tears of God. Parishioner Maria Ybarra says, "When you say ‘glory be to God in Jesus name’ the tree starts throwing out more water." On close inspection, arborist Jon Reelhorn agrees, something is falling from the tree in front of St. Johns Cathedral. But it isn't water.

"The aphides will suck the sap, the sap goes through the aphid and then it is a honey dew excrement from the aphid and it gets so heavy in the summertime that it will drip down," Reelhorn says. He calls it a natural process. He also found another tree dripping across the street. And like the honey dew rolling off its leaves, clinical therapist Mark McOmber says the way people choose to interpret it can also be attributed to nature.

"Human beings inherently need to hope for things, things that they can't understand, things they can't see," McOmber says. Miracles are nothing new in Christianity. In fact, their origins can be traced back to before the time of Jesus. But for catholic Miguel Beja, this tree doesn't qualify. "For me it is a natural thing but for some they say its different," he says.

Maria Ybarra was the first one to feel the drops this Wednesday and whether they are aphid waste or water, she believes they're divine. "I can tell you looking at it from a scientific standpoint and a spiritual standpoint it is the work of God manifesting here on earth," Ybarra said. Parishioners say the water started falling on Wednesday.

kylith

"I can tell you looking at it from a scientific standpoint and a spiritual standpoint it is the work of God manifesting here on earth,"

God manifests through insect shít folks, you heard it here first!

Cabaal

Bannasidhe wrote: »

Oh my giddy aunt - you are right! :eek:

Was so busy trying to work out what was wrong with babymamma's internal workings which allowed free movement of ingested items that I missed the talking new born part...wonder if he sounded like Bruce Willis?

Maybe it was one of these
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2274570/

Cabaal

robindch wrote: »

Aphids crap on believers. Believers give thanks.

http://www.theindychannel.com/news/u-s-world/people-pray-at-tree-outside-cathedral-in-california-say-tree-weeps-gods-tears

So aphid **** is divine?

hmm, there's alot of cows around here. Do you think I can sell that to them? :pac:

TheChizler

If there's something religious about aphid excrement then my car is some sort of Mecca.

Bannasidhe

Cabaal wrote: »

So aphid **** is divine?

hmm, there's alot of cows around here. Do you think I can sell that to them? :pac:

If aphid **** is divine does that make aphid eating ladybirds Satan's instruments?





Hark at me doing philosophy.

kiffer

Cabaal wrote: »

I'm surprised that you haven't pointed out the other MASSIVE flaw in the story,

The newborn is talking!
we're doomed!!!!

:pac::pac::pac::pac::pac::pac:

The part that most confused me was why were they beating the laughing baby?
The more they beat it the more it laughed?
Eh... wtf kind of hospital where they in?

Sarky

One of those pro-choice hospitals no doubt. I hear they only let babies live if they can survive a beating before being left outside overnight exposed to the elements, Sparta-stylee.

Nodin

Don't suppose anyone remembers the dire classic "I Don't Want To Be Born".....

FouxDaFaFa

kiffer wrote: »

The part that most confused me was why were they beating the laughing baby?
The more they beat it the more it laughed?
Eh... wtf kind of hospital where they in?

Because they were so angry it survived the abortion attempt, they decided to beat it to death with their bare hands.

Obvs.

Obliq

Hotblack Desiato

arborist Jon Reelhorn agrees, something is falling from the tree in front of St. Johns Cathedral.

I read that as 'abortionist' :eek:

recedite

"I can tell you looking at it from a scientific standpoint and a spiritual standpoint it is the work of God manifesting here on earth," Ybarra said.

There you are. Science confirms this aphid excrement is of a divine origin.

robindch

ninja900 wrote: »

arborist Jon Reelhorn agrees, something is falling from the tree in front of St. Johns Cathedral.

I read that as 'abortionist' :eek:

You've been spending too much time reading "Alive!".

krudler

Someone needs to post that newborn talking baby pic on Youth Defences facebook page, I bet it'll get a pile of likes

Worztron

Cabaal

krudler wrote: »

Someone needs to post that newborn talking baby pic on Youth Defences facebook page, I bet it'll get a pile of likes

They banned me, I wouldn't mind but I asked them a very reasonable, not abuse question.

But yeah I agree, it needs to be posted

robindch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbqiiY_Pam8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xGNA7U54Qw

Cabaal

Amazon reviews

http://www.amazon.com/The-Holy-Bible-James-Version/product-reviews/0529064634/ref=cm_cr_pr_top_sort_helpful?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addOneStar&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=byRankDescending

Some of the reviews

The main character* of this book is an insane, genocidal sociopath. First he creates people that have no knowledge of good and evil/ Then he requires that they follow rules that can only be followed if they had knowledge of good and evil? What kind of sick, sadistic jerk does that?

The story goes WAY downhill from there. The so-called "bad guy" of the story** kills maybe a dozen people or so. The "good guy" kills MILLIONS! Most because they don't know him! Why didn't he just introduce himself if having people know him was so important?

It's a difficult book to finish. I enjoy a good horror story but this read more like the depraved ramblings of a lunatic. If you really want to read it, there's usually a free copy in any motel room.

* "The Lord", "The Word" or whatever of the long list of names the authors came up with. Honestly, pick a name and stick with it.

** "The Devil", "The Beast" or "The Serpent" or whatever. Seriously, the authors should have kept notes to maintain some continuity!

I picked this up because I heard it advertised as the Gospel, which translates to "good news." It opens up by telling the reader how the human race is doomed because two poorly developed characters ate an apple that a snake told them to eat.

That's not good news.

I can't say I found much good news at all in this. It actually closes by telling us that the world is going to end, and how we should all be prepared.

I would not recommend this book to others. It does not deliver on many of its advertised promises, and features weak characters and archaic diction.

For those of you who don't know, this is God's second novel after the Old Testament. It's a marked improvement, in my opinion. He got rid of a lot of his previous angst and scorn, and has really begun to show some of the maturity present in his later works. He's become a much more loving and kind God, and, noticeably, he doesn't throw nearly as many tantrums as he did in the first book.

That said, there is still vast room for improvement. Plot wise, there isn't really much suspense, and the story can be incredibly repetitive. In like four chapters, he just rewords the same basic story over and over again. To top that off, he puts those chapters one right after the other. Like we wouldn't notice! I like the whole Jesus character, but let's face it, the whole good guy martyr thing has been done before. There was no need to devote so much of the book to that guy.

If you're really looking for a good God read, check out the Koran or the Book of Mormon. They're much more polished. Plus, the storytelling in the Book of Mormon is wild. Some people say it goes too far and point to it as evidence that God's over the hill, but I beg to differ. Just read it. God's like a genius or something. I mean, magic spectacles! Tell me that isn't awesome. I don't know how he dreams up some of this crap.

coffee_cake

Bannasidhe wrote: »

It's correct spelling is Corr.
.

>.>

Brian Shanahan

endacl wrote: »

Vader is Lukes' Mum

You're wrong actually:

Kevin Bacon is.

endacl

Brian Shanahan wrote: »

You're wrong actually:

Kevin Bacon is.

Seriously?!? You even seen StarWars Bro? No? Didn't think so...

gaynorvader

Brian Shanahan wrote: »

You're wrong actually:

Kevin Bacon is.

Actually you're both right:

Kevin Bacon played Vader who was Luke's Mother

Bannasidhe

gaynorvader wrote: »

Actually you're both right:

Kevin Bacon played Vader who was Luke's Mother

So,

I am 6 degree's removed from Vader's Mam

- :cool:

endacl

Bannasidhe wrote: »

So,

I am 6 degree's removed from Vader's Mam

- :cool:

Very decent of you to hide that appalling misuse of an apostrophe behind a spoiler tag!

:pac:

Bannasidhe

endacl wrote: »

Very decent of you to hide that appalling misuse of an apostrophe behind a spoiler tag!

:pac:

Your'e Welcome. Oh Punctuation Politburo Comrade

endacl

Bannasidhe wrote: »

Your'e Welcome. Oh Punctuation Politburo Comrade

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