The Funny Side of Religion

Dades

5uspect wrote: »

Cardinal tells Irish bishops only humility will renew church

Humility begins at home, they say.

liamw

Kay Burley has to say sorry for mistaking Ash Wednesday cross on U.S. Vice President Joe Biden's forehead for a bruise


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1251794/Kay-Burley-sorry-mistaking-Joe-Bidens-Ash-Wednesday-cross-bruise.html#ixzz0ftX52H7r

Ye and apparently she's a Catholic.. lol

robindch

Persecution!!! Help!!!!!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jKve2NOxQY

Galvasean

robindch wrote: »

Persecution!!! Help!!!!!!!!!

*Starts a persecuted not a church thread*

That guy was fond of saying bullsh-t wasn't he?

Genghiz Cohen

liamw

This is hilarious...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_EXqdJ4L7I

Galvasean

Not sure if this has been posted before:

Dades

Galvasean wrote: »

Not sure if this has been posted before:

It appears we require your Yahoo mail login to see this. Spit it out!

Dades

Dades wrote: »

It appears we require your Yahoo mail login to see this. Spit it out!

It asked me for hotmail.

GLaDOS

Dades wrote: »

It appears we require your Yahoo mail login to see this. Spit it out!

Deleted User wrote: »

It asked me for hotmail.

I don't see anything

The Mad Hatter

liamw wrote: »

This is hilarious...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_EXqdJ4L7I

*yawn*

Turtwig

ScienceNerd wrote: »

I don't see anything

You're probably using Chrome like me.:cool:

GLaDOS

Malty_T wrote: »

You're probably using Chrome like me.:cool:

Nope, firefox

Galvasean

Dades wrote: »

It appears we require your Yahoo mail login to see this. Spit it out!

Appropriate choice of words...

vibe666

Galvasean wrote: »

Not sure if this has been posted before:

weird, i can see the link when i quote you, but i don't see anything in the forum, or when i try and open the link in a new browser window.

it's a bit of a long link though, what's that all about?

Flamed Diving

Galvasean wrote: »

Not sure if this has been posted before:

I googled the IP in the link, but the first link had a trojan so I went no further...

http://www.google.ie/search?hl=en&q=http%3A%2F%2F65.55.85.231%2F&meta=&aq=f&oq=

odd...

robindch

EJ, not previously known for engaging with our religious has announced that Jesus was a "super-intelligent gay man".

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8523538.stm

BBC wrote:

Sir Elton John has claimed Jesus was a "super-intelligent gay man" in an interview with a US magazine.

The singer also told Parade Jesus was "compassionate", forgiving and "understood human problems".

A spokesman for the Church of England said: "Sir Elton's reflection that Jesus calls us all to love and forgive is one shared by all Christians."

"But insights into aspects of the historic person of Jesus are perhaps best left to the academics," he added.

Sir Elton said in the interview: "On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving.

"I don't know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East - you're as good as dead," he added.

In the interview, the singer also said he did not like being a celebrity any more because "fame attracts lunatics".

"Princess Diana, Gianni Versace, John Lennon, Michael Jackson, all dead. Two of them shot outside their houses. None of this would have happened if they hadn't been famous. I never had a bodyguard, ever, until Gianni died," he said.

The full interview will be published on Parade's website on Friday.

Dades

robindch wrote: »

EJ, not previously known for engaging with our religious has announced that Jesus was a "super-intelligent gay man".

Not according to Dan Brown he wasn't - and I know who I believe! :pac:

liamw

This reminds me of someone... Sam knows

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PK7P7uZFf5o

vibe666

bleg

Bottle_of_Smoke

robindch wrote: »

EJ, not previously known for engaging with our religious has announced that Jesus was a "super-intelligent gay man".

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/8523538.stm

Great line in the Belfast Telegraph in response to this "Now that we know Jesus is an abomination, we'll have to ask..... what would Iris do?"

robindch

The prominent, and possibly, the last surviving out and out leftie comedian, Mark Steel, discusses sex education and the religious in an article in the UK's Independent.

Mark Steel wrote:

You can teach birth control but you'll end in hell if you do it

There's no other subject schools can teach with their version of the truth

How can there be so many lunatics opposed to sex education? And apart from anything else, what makes them think a lesson about sex is going to make kids go out and immediately have sex? It's education about it, not an instruction to get it done before dinner break. Maybe they should demand an end to history lessons as well on the grounds that "I don't want my fourteen-year-old learning about Napoleon as he's too young to invade Italy."

It took institutions as irrational as the Catholic Church to make their objections, so a law was devised making sex education compulsory. But now, after "Extensive lobbying" from the priesthood, an amendment's been added that religious schools will still be able to teach their own unique Biblical version. For example, according to Ed Balls, Schools Secretary, the schools "can still teach contraception is wrong, but they can't refuse to teach it."

So that's an improvement I suppose. The Catholic teacher can demonstrate putting a condom on a banana, saying "First we expel the air, then place it over the end, then we remember if you do this for real you'll face an eternity in unimaginably agonising molten lava searing through your pores as you scream in soulless anguish while demons submerge you in relentless unbearable horror, then right the way along, nice and snug and we're done. Now you try."

If the only rule is that they have to teach about sex, but it doesn't matter if it's in any way true, the religious schools might as well teach anything they like. They could tell the class "Copy down these facts - 1) Doing it from behind makes your tongue fall out. 2) Masturbation causes earthquakes. 3) Every time you get an erection you poke an angel's eye out."

There's no other subject that schools would be allowed to teach with their own version of the truth. If a teacher told his class "Some people believe the capital of Italy is Rome, but I've always said it's Nairobi in the North Pole", they wouldn't get an Ofsted report saying "He might be teaching geography that's cobblers but he's teaching it, and that's the main thing."

Religious schools will probably try this trick with other lessons now, to see what they can get away with, refusing to teach chemistry as they don't believe in sulphur, or announcing they won't teach the six times table as the Pope's had a vision that it's wrong.

So we're left with differing methods of approaching sex education. One might be to acknowledge that we get desires, that can be lethal at times, so it's probably for the best if we find ways of managing them safely and respectfully. Or there's the more traditional method, which is more along the lines of "You know those natural feelings you get – well they're unnatural so stop having them."

They might as well teach that God wants everyone to be cold, and if we feel a desire to shut the door in winter we must fight the temptation, and we must go to the park in January in our swimming trunks to and, if we shiver or reach for a coat, that's Satan at work and we should discuss it with the priest.

This might do less damage than teaching sex education that involves pictures of sexually transmitted diseases, and stories of the decrepit life that awaits anyone who submits to sexual temptation. Imagine the outrage if people in favour of sex education resorted to those tactics, by saying "This is what happens if you stay a virgin all your life", and showing a picture of Ann Widdecombe.

But somehow it's when sexuality is most denied and suppressed, that you find society most riddled with torment and horror, of abused children shipped out of the country to avoid embarrassment and hushed up illegal abortions and all the things that God doesn't seem to mind as long as no one uses a condom.

But then the government probably isn't bothered about the social implications of their policy, as long as the schools get good exam results. They won't mind if the Catholic school turns out a heap of screwed-up teenagers as long as they get A grades for correctly calculating the angles in the holy trinity.

In any case it's probably all irrelevant, as most schools manage to make lessons excruciatingly dull whatever the subject. So it could be a sex education lesson about responsibility in relationships, using the problems of Ashley Cole, and by the end everyone would be staring out of the window as the teacher bawled "Come on, we ought to know this, what's wrong with Ashley's texts? Well, before he writes 'then make you scream like a hyena' there should be punctuation. No wonder he's in trouble, now write it out as he should have done."

conorthehippy

C'mon!? Needs I say more?

Galvasean

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swGBlDn_yiI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPdFrW076R0

Ickle Magoo

Galvasean

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

They spelt my name wrong! :mad:

Ickle Magoo

He he, I was going to say something along those lines but thought I better not. :P

Galvasean

Who wants to edit the wikipedia page? :P
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galveston,_Texas#Notable_Galvestonians

Dades

Galvasean wrote: »

They spelt my name wrong! :mad:

This is what I always think of...