The Funny Side of Religion

robindch

strobe wrote: »

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/

Many blessings to our humble brothers over in Landover Baptist!

Just came across the Theory of Punctuated Smiting:

Brother Bob wrote:

Science has long noted sudden change in species and been puzzled by it. From time to time animals will suddenly, as if over night, show abrupt changes in appearance or behavior. The most famous example is the English moth that changed from white Biston betularia f. to the dark Biston betularia f. carbonaria.

Puzzled by these rapid changes in otherwise static world science has puzzled long and hard over it and offered many theories on the matter. Darwinists have cynically used this of proof that magical animals that give birth to children that bear no resemblance to their parents. Obviously magic is not something rational good and true Christians can accept.

Well finally Christian science has an explanation; Punctuated Smiting. In essence this exciting new theory offers a comprehensive explanation without resorting to naturalism or other pagan superstitions. It takes biology out of the dank dungeon of secularism and into the light of God’s sweet reason.

It goes like this:

God creates a species for His ineffable purpose.
The Species angers God for some sin it commits.
God is wrathful and destroys the species.
God repents of His wrath, creates another species that is slightly different.
God replaces the smoted species with it.

This why their species change appear to happen so fast! In the blink of an eye God sends His angels to annihilate every member of species without mercy and then in the next blink replace it with a similar one. With His perfect, unending love for His creation God removes what it bad and replaces it with the good, until He decided that good has sinned and must be liquidated.

Punctuated Smiting is just simple good Christian science and that is why we Christians accept it.

mewso

strobe wrote: »

Edit: Also, 101 pages and 1501 posts of religious hilarity. Nicely played boys and girls.

I only believe in 38 pages. Join the church of 40 posts per page in paradise, I mean user settings.

iUseVi

mewso wrote: »

I only believe in 38 pages. Join the church of 40 posts per page in paradise, I mean user settings.

Yeah, same here. Bugs me when people reference a post on "back on page 14", and I check and I've only got page 2 or something.

oeb

strobe

South Park Fantastic Easter Special: "As the Marsh family colors eggs for Easter, Stan questions what it has to do with Jesus Christ. Not really satisfied by his father's vague response, Stan storms off and makes the same inquiry to a mall Easter Bunny"

http://www.iamboredr.com/media/8516/South_Park_S13E03_-_Margaritaville/

Karl Hungus

Daftendirekt

Don't know if it's been posted before but this is awesome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_G9awnDCmg

So is this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_fRuTlH964

Mark Hamill

Hope this isn't a repost
What if the Terminator was sent back to Jesus' time:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qnq7N6X4x84

bnt

This is what Christians are currant-ly up to in India:


(No, I don't know what Vishnu is doing in that Easter procession ... )

eblistic

http://www.newstalk.ie/programmes/all/tom-dunne/jude-the-ascetic/

bleg

What a nutter.

Don't scratch an itch!!


Listening to the rest of it. Hilarious!!!

fitz0

eblistic wrote: »

http://www.newstalk.ie/programmes/all/tom-dunne/jude-the-ascetic/

Quality.

"If Jesus was playing rugby, he'd show them boys something."

I wonder if he knows that the sabbath is actually on a Saturday when he's complaining about moving mass from Sunday to Saturday. He sounds like an awful gobshite to be honest.

EDIT: Please, please say this is satire. It HAS to be. Idiots like that can't possibly exist. It's too funny to be real.

GLaDOS

Saw this today at a bus stop (outside a church and all) and it certainly made me laugh

Daftendirekt

eblistic wrote: »

http://www.newstalk.ie/programmes/all/tom-dunne/jude-the-ascetic/

Wow. Wow. Wow.

What a crackpot. Assuming he isn't just a very funny prankster.

bleg

http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Jesus


Link NSFW

Jesus was a CONVICTED CRIMINAL.
Jesus makes a cameo in the Koran but he's not Allah's son and Allah only makes it look like he was crucified, so what was the ****ing point?! apparently he comes back on judgment day to kill the infidels and restore justice.
Makes celebrity appearances on bread.
Knows his cunnilingus.
Jesus was meant to return last year in an immaculate conception but was aborted.
Is not allowed within 50 feet of any public school in both New York State and Oregon.
Jesus does not like to be ****ed in the wristholes or footholes.
Jesus says that he was too drunk at the time to remember turning water into wine, but also says he thinks it was actually Jack Daniel's because wine is for pussies.
Jesus occasionally guest-stars on TV's South Park. Nobody is sure if he's making good on a bet or if he's just hard up for cash.
Any person living in that area during Jesus' time would have had the skintone of an Arab. Be sure to tell Christians this as the thought of a black Jesus will drive them bat**** insane.
The purpose of Israeli special forces Mossad is to prepare for Jesus' return so that he can be killed again.
Was a JEW and by de facto did WTC.
Was not only a jew but the jews' instrument to control all Monotheists except the Zoroasthrians.
If Jesus is the Messiah, David Koresh is the Lord of the Universe.
Was responsible for your childhood pet dying and is torturing it as we speak.
Had no sense of humor.
Hated Jay-Jay the Jet plane.
Has been known that during his life all members of dreamtheater have inhabited his body

Daftendirekt

You've all probably seen this before, but there's a little twist at the end of this version that cracked me up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfcYRKk0sa8

rainbow kirby

Sam Vimes

I thought this thread was somewhat amusing in that the thread is going a lot like it would in A&A with people pointing out problems with the claims, asking for substantiation etc. Of course instead of referring to science they refer to scripture as the authority that these claims are measured against but other than that they're showing a healthy dose of skepticism and asking the questions that should be asked. They're even taking the piss out of it (and outright insulting it in some cases) in much the same way that would have us branded disrespectful arrogant closed-minded fundamentalists.

iUseVi

Sam Vimes wrote: »

I thought this thread was somewhat amusing in that the thread is going a lot like it would in A&A with people pointing out problems with the claims, asking for substantiation etc. Of course instead of referring to science they refer to scripture as the authority that these claims are measured against but other than that they're showing a healthy dose of skepticism and asking the questions that should be asked. They're even taking the piss out of it (and outright insulting it in some cases) in much the same way that would have us branded disrespectful arrogant closed-minded fundamentalists.

LOL yeah thought that. This is no more ridiculous than the feeding five thousand story. But that's true!

Dades

Humans. Do not compute.

Galvasean

This last one is not religiously themed (unless you take it up as a dig against the ressurection, which it isn't), but I think you'll get a kick out of it anyway:

rainbow kirby

Mataguri

fitz0

Galvasean

Stumbled acroos this. Not sure if it's real or fake...

iUseVi

mehfesto

If I believed in hell, it'd be this:

liamw

Not strictly religious but still...

rainbow kirby

Zascar

I love these kind of photos, here's a few I found recently, add your own here:



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