Sayings you'll never tire of.

potty pete

Pighead wrote:

Yes, yes it is. Bravo. As far as Pighead is concerned our feud is now over. Water under the bridge.
As you well know potty pete, the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, They must be felt by the heart

Haha. Indeed. Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.

Pighead

potty pete wrote:

Haha. Indeed. Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.

Thats fcuking beautiful. Well done once more pp. May I call you pp?
Your saying reminds Pighead of the saying DeVore used when he first invented boards “Think P.I.G. - that’s my motto. P stands for Persistence, I stands for Integrity, and G stands for Guts. These are the ingredients for a successful business and a successful life.”

Never a truer word spoken Dev. May I call you Dev?

thelordofcheese

I've always liked the phrase
"I hope you die roaring"

as in
"Aha! i've beaten you in tiddlywinks, AGAIN"
"i hope you die roaring"

can also be coupled with the phrase "ya cnut, ya" for extra emphasis

as in

"Aha! i've beaten you in Cribbage, AGAIN"
"i hope you die roaring, ya cnut, ya"

Slaanesh

Yore Ma

tonc76

Someone who is tight with money:

"so mean he'd peel an orange in his pocket"

Someone who is unlucky:

"If he fell into a bucket of t1ts, he'd come out suckin his thumb"

Hangover description:

Rough as a badger's ar$e

Ugliness:

Face like a bag of hammers

Face like a welder's bench

Description of drunkeness:

Full as a boot

Full as a tick

Full as an egg

trout

OK Pighead ... here's two Dub-a-lin sayings handed down by pa trout, for use in emergency situations with ladies ...

unsavoury ladies:
if I had a garden full of mickeys, i wouldn't let her look over the wall

ladies who are attractive and know it, and would like to be noticed:
jeebus ... look at her ... she walks like a bag full of bowling balls

I have more ... but they may be too crude for this forum :rolleyes:

Pighead

Slaanesh wrote:

Yore Ma

This one infuriates me and definitely doesn't belong in this thread. Its old, tired, jaded, and worn out. A text version of Sophie Loren, great in its day but fit for the knackers yard now.
As the old saying goes,"Youth looks ahead, Old age looks back and Yore Ma looks tired."

potty pete

Pighead wrote:

Thats fcuking beautiful. Well done once more pp. May I call you pp?
Your saying reminds Pighead of the saying DeVore used when he first invented boards “Think P.I.G. - that’s my motto. P stands for Persistence, I stands for Integrity, and G stands for Guts. These are the ingredients for a successful business and a successful life.”

Never a truer word spoken Dev. May I call you Dev?

You can of course.

meditraitor

Get out of that Garden

maybe its me but the purpose of this oldy was always lost on me, any wisdom with regards to the true meaning will be gladly received

jester77

My ma had a few classics when I was a wee young lad.
If I was given some lip at the dinner table there would be the look followed by "Shut yer mouth & eat yer dinner"! Always put me in my place but never knew how to react to it - was I supposed to snort my dinner?

"Never judge a book by it's cover" was another very true saying!
"Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are"!

Beruthiel

Pighead wrote:

On and by the way, Beruthial, where is that classy lady I once knew and loved?

You were looking for oldies and that saying came from my lovely Granny, who died aged 91 last year.
Here's another one of hers:

A whistling woman and a crowing hen
drives the devil out of his den.

That was said to me as a youngser as I whistled to myself one day...

She had many more, I should have written them down

_feedback_

meditraitor wrote:

Get out of that Garden

maybe its me but the purpose of this oldy was always lost on me, any wisdom with regards to the true meaning will be gladly received

As far as I know it would be a kind of... "ah will ya go away out'a that"

Example:

Some little 6 year old scumbag: "mister, give us a light or I'll kick the jaws off ya"

Me: Ah, will ya get out'a that garden..... ya little cnut.

source

No sh1t sherlock......is prob my favourite saying of all time ever, especially seeing as most of the young people these days have no idea who Sherlock Holmes is

_feedback_

jester77 wrote:

My ma had a few classics when I was a wee young lad.
If I was given some lip at the dinner table there would be the look followed by "Shut yer mouth & eat yer dinner"! Always put me in my place but never knew how to react to it - was I supposed to snort my dinner?

My mum had a great one....

Example:

Me: Quietly playing up a 20 foot tree.

Me Ma: Shouting from the kitchen window: "If you fall out of that tree and break your legs ... don't come running to me"

Slaanesh

Pighead wrote:

This one infuriates me and definitely doesn't belong in this thread ...

Should the 'me' not be Pighead?

Are you slipping back into first person?

meditraitor

It would be a great country, if you could only put a roof on it

Idle chat on rainy day when you meet someone vaguely familiar

CountingCrows

Pianist's Daughter - she knew how to tinkle my ivory

Chimney Sweep's daughter, but she soots me fine

Armadillo's Daughter but she could suck a melon threw a straw

potty pete

meditraitor wrote:

Get out of that Garden

maybe its me but the purpose of this oldy was always lost on me, any wisdom with regards to the true meaning will be gladly received

I'm not sure. But it reminds me of a comedian Stuart Lee. He does a joke about Joe Pasquale and the phrase 'get out of that garden' comes up in it. Quite funny. You can look it up on youtube. He doesn't profess to know its origin so I've been of little help to you, but if you want to have a laugh at his standup...

Beruthiel

Another few of Grans:

She's mutton dressed as lamb
or
Talk about trying to make a silk purse out of a sows ear

Branoic

My wife's grandmother uses the phrase "You have your sh1te!", or its cousin, "I will on me sh1te!", and I've started using them too. There's something simple and elegant about them.

They're to be used in much the same way as Pighead's favoured "The fcuk I am".

Example:

Wife: "Help me with the shopping"
Me: "You have your sh1te!"

meditraitor

Beruthiel wrote:

Another few of Grans:

She's mutton dressed as lamb
or
Talk about trying to make a silk purse out of a sows ear

She must have know my last girlfriend

She's a head like a bag of spanners

Dreamer 7

Nuthin strange or startling?

As in " Hey how are u long time no see"
reply "A grand not a bother nuthin strange or startling?":D

johnny_adidas

"To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all of life's problems."

happpily stolen from an episode of the simpsons but used on many an occasion to justify a binge!!

Kintarō Hattori

I quite like 'It's All Good'.

Slow Motion

"Her skirt was so short you could see her lunch"

Funny but vaguely disgusting.

potty pete

I'm always unsure how to answer when someone says(and it's a very commonly used one): "What's the craic?" How does one really answer it. I'm not sure what it is?

Slow Motion

potty pete wrote:

"What's the craic?"

Divil a bit !

SoundWave

a similar one has probably been posted before or ... but i always liked:

"If i had a truck full of mickeys i wouldn't give her one"

Jeanious

a put down about a mate who fancies a girl but doesnt stand a chance:

"If it was him, her and a sausage at the end of the world, and the human race dependin on them breeding....

she'd ate him and fcuk the sausage"!

Also my favourite: "she's a face like a bucket of smashed crabs"

plonk

Women drivers

She wouldnt drive a stake in a wet bog

Agamemnon

For someone lazy: "If there was work in bed, he'd sleep on the floor."

For an exceptionally promiscuous young lady: "If you gave her a kick up the arse, a bag of mickeys would fall out of her."

potty pete

agamemnon wrote:

For someone lazy: "If there was work in bed, he'd sleep on the floor."

For an exceptionally promiscuous young lady: "If you gave her a kick up the arse, a bag of mickeys would fall out of her."

I like the worky one.

DarkJager

She's got a face like a smacked arse....
I wouldn't give them the steam off my piss....

gurramok

'He made a hames out of it'

'She has a face that could sink a thousand ships'

'I've a head like a siv'

da_deadman

‘How’s your jacuzzi?’ as a greeting phrase. I like it because it’s not the usual “how’s it going” or “what’s the craic?” that are often used.

Example => Pighead: “Top o’ the morning, Deadman”.
Me: “Well Pighead, How’s your Jacuzzi?”


If you’re particularly hungry then one that my da would have used a lot was
“Jaysus, I’d eat a scabby baby” (or else maybe he occasionally had weird cannibalistic tendencies)

gurramok

da_deadman wrote:

‘How’s your jacuzzi?’ as a greeting phrase. I like it because it’s not the usual “how’s it going” or “what’s the craic?” that are often used.

Example => Pighead: “Top o’ the morning, Deadman”.
Me: “Well Pighead, How’s your Jacuzzi?”

or 'Hows it hanging?'

shane86

He who dares wins

gwan Del Boy

CDo you remember years back if you asked someone where something or somebody was, if they didnt know theyd reply "up me arse pickin daisys"

Where did that go?

Dyr

"whats that got to do with the price of turnips?" always got me

Slow Motion

shane86 wrote:

Where did that go?

"..up me arse pickin daisys"

Beruthiel

Bambi wrote:

"whats that got to do with the price of turnips?" always got me

I've used that more than once. What's not to get?

trout

to be used when someone is looking for their glasses/keys/phone again ... "is my face red ?"

as in

mrs trout : "have you seen my glasses/keys/phone anywhere ?"
trout : "is my face red ?"
mrs trout : "eh ... no"
trout : "well ... it's not up my arse then!"

timeless classic... use sparingly for maximum effect.

Archeron

"You and your seed should be wiped from the earth"

meditraitor

Axe me bollix (spelling may be wrong)

shane86

Slow Motion wrote:

"..up me arse pickin daisys"

Haha, walked into that one

Saint_Mel

Commenting on the seemingly impossible ...
Pick a wind, and p!ss against it

In Hunger
I'd eat the hind leg off the lamb of God
I'd eat a horse, and chase the jockey

Ugliness
She has a face like a plate or mortal sins
She's Bruce Lee's sister, Ug

Showing distain for someone
He's two ends of the same c*nt
Theres only 2 c*nts here, and he's the both of them

Go wipe yer arse with a broken bottle

stovelid

The smell of your effort

I'd eat the leg of the lamb of God

I'd eat a horse between 2 bread vans

Bate it indaye (heard this in Belfast, means get it into you)

Your ma's your da (see above)

Neck like a jockey's bollix

Going on gur (running away from home, even temporarily)

Sketch (warning, look out etc)

Get out and walk (immediately after audible fart, accompanied with llifted leg and exaggerated hand waving movement.

Also my ex claims that her ma used to say No bell on your bike but your knickers are (w)ringing which I really want to be true

patrickolee

You have all the allure of a bus drivers sock.

You're as pretty as a lily on a dungpile.

Gone... like a hot snot.

stakey

i'm that hungary i'd eat the back wheel off a menstrual cycle

that one always made me laugh...

source

stovelid wrote:

The smell of your effort

I'd eat the leg of the lamb of God

I'd eat a horse between 2 bread vans

Bate it indaye (heard this in Belfast, means get it into you)

Your ma's your da (see above)

Neck like a jockey's bollix

Going on gur (running away from home, even temporarily)

Sketch (warning, look out etc)

Get out and walk (immediately after audible fart, accompanied with llifted leg and exaggerated hand waving movement.

Also my ex claims that her ma used to say No bell on your bike but your knickers are (w)ringing which I really want to be true

I think it's where would you be going without a bell on your bike any your knickers wringing.

meditraitor

deconstruct wrote:

i'm that hungary i'd eat the back wheel off a menstrual cycle

that one always made me laugh...

Classic

Im that hungry Id eat the balls off a low flying seagull