Bad News

Hagar

Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a
terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says
his wife's been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the
case. They page the doctor.
Doc comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones. "Mr.
Jones?" the doctor asks. "Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?" The
doctor sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's accident
resulted in two fractures of her spine."
"Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?" "Well, Mr. Jones,
her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is inoperable. She'll have no
motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her."
Mr. Jones begins to sob. "And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours
to prevent pneumonia." Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly. "Then, of
course," the doctor continued, "you'll have to diaper her as she'll have no
control over her bladder and of course these diapers must be changed at
least five times a day."
Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails. The doctor continues:
"And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she'll have no control
over her sphincters. Her bowel will engorge whenever and quite often I'm afraid.
Of course you must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the
putrid effluent she'll be emitting regularly."
Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning
to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass.
Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on
the shoulder.
"Hey, I'm just messing with you, dude. You don't have to worry- she's dead."

Steoob

are you serious?

Hagar

No... It's a joke... see above -> Humour Forum


Fair enough though. I never guaranteed it would be funny

Sofaspud

I think this was in a Family Guy sketch before.

TerrorFirmer

Yeah, I was just thinking Family Guy when I read this. One of the funniest sketches in the show...

endplate

I LOLed:D

Mr Magnolia

I lol'd

5 stars here

drunk_monk

Heard something similar:


A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital.

He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant.... Then he remembered his wife.

Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you!

"I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require 'round the clock care. And you'll be her care giver!"

The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed. The doctor snickered and said, "Just messing with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?"


Very funny indeed

Mr Magnolia

Reminds me of this one:

A husband and wife are out playing golf when, on the 14th hole, the man finds himself in the rough with a barn between him and the green. As he ponders just how he's going to save par, his wife suggests, "Why not open the front and rear barn doors and hit through the barn?"

He thinks about it and decides to give it a try. After opening the doors, he hits a low-flying shot, which smacks off the barn door and ricochets to hit his wife right between the eyes, killing her instantly.

About a month later, he's finally put himself together again to start playing golf. The first time out with his buddy, he somehow finds himself in the same predicament on the 14th hole: right behind the barn. He can't believe it. Considering the shot, his friend suggests, "Why not open the barn doors and hit right through it?"

"God no, I tried that a few weeks " replies the man.

"What happened?" asked his buddy

"Tripple fcuking bogey, that's what happened!" he replied.

Steoob

Sofaspud wrote:

I think this was in a Family Guy sketch before.

hence why i said are you serious... one of the most posted jokes on these forums and was also in one of the most popular shows on tv

shayser

<snip>



edit:
Rabies

Please read the charter.
Next time is a mini holiday.

Steoob

shayser wrote:

<snip>

haha funny

Hagar

Steoob wrote:

hence why i said are you serious... one of the most posted jokes on these forums and was also in one of the most popular shows on tv

Sorry about that. In my defence, I have never seen a single episode of Family Guy.:o

mobby

Shocking absolutely shocking joke…………………… I did laugh though :-

shayser

shayser wrote:

<snip>



edit:
Rabies

Please read the charter.
Next time is a mini holiday.

Sorry about that. And in your thread too Hagar, sorry.

Sinfonia

Saw the first one comin, cos of Family Guy


I love those golf jokes though, triple fcukin bogey lmao