European Security Alert Levels

Hagar

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross ". Londoner's have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

drunk_monk

haha, well done Hagar I like that one

humbert

very very good

karen3212

Very funny,
think the collaborate in the french bit offensive though, but i still laughed

The Hill Billy

Nice on Hagar!

Don't dismiss the Belgians quite so quickly though...
They are still really annoyed about the Krauts robbing their grandparents' bicycles.

AlmightyCushion

Hagar wrote:

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

:D Funniest part of the whole thing.

biko

You can tell this joke was "Made in America"

old boy

take off your coat

Sinfonia

biko wrote:

You can tell this joke was "Made in America"

I thought it came across really like a Python sketch.
Sort of instinctively imagined Eric Idle's voice when reading it.