Volunteers needed

fade2black

Maybe three?

Who has an hour to spare to read an episode of a sitcom.

Tis important

Thanks

FTB

godtabh

fade2black wrote:

Maybe three?

Who has an hour to spare to read an episode of a sitcom.

Tis important

Thanks

FTB

I'll read it but if you want an opinion that will cost you

fade2black

Dinner and dancing?

BaZmO*

I'll do it just for the dinner.

homah_7ft

Do you just want a general opinion or are you looking for someone who has industry experience?

Linoge

I'll do it just for the dancing

fade2black

Well, we're going to be filming an episode of this sitcome that we're working on. There are two in contention and I was hoping to get the opinion of some television watchers to see if it's something they'd watch. AS we know, the comedy on RTE is generally poor and you guys are always very honest with your critiques.

homah_7ft

I'll volunteer to read it if you'd like. I do watch a lot of television comedies!

BaZmO*

I'll have a read of it if you like.

fade2black

Thanks guys. We have to decide by tonight which of two episodes we're going to film. We have an ok sized budget and a producer who has access to a lot of resources but we just can't make a decision on which to go with.

You may hate this one, and feel free to say so if you do. All criticism or comments gratefully received.

Advice on how you'd like to see it...and what you'd imagine the characters looking would help too!

djkeogh

Well I had a read of it there and I liked it. There were some very funny bits in it. Found it tough to get through the first scene but after that it was very good.

fade2black

Thanks. The opening scene might needs some work but I think it will be more effective when seen acted out. Reading it doesn't do it justice. (Or it just doesn't work)

Thanks for the feedback.

godtabh

If any one is interested

Jane did it

Looks like I priced myself out with dinner and dancing!

I'll try and give it a read but not sure if I'd have much for you by tonight

fade2black

kearnsr wrote:

If any one is interested

Jane did it

Looks like I priced myself out with dinner and dancing!

I'll try and give it a read but not sure if I'd have much for you by tonight

No probs.

homerjk

I thought it was very good. Very Seinfeld-ish. You'd want to have very good writers to keep it as snappy as that for a series. The delivery of the actors will also be crucial, no billy barry adults!:p

Best of luck with it.

fade2black

Couple of points...

We're Seinfeld fans...but hopefully not ripping them off.

Also, we did a reading of another episode before and it really brought it home how important it was that the actors hit the nail on the head with the delivery. It's one of my biggest concerns. The way I have the words delivered in my head is not necessarily the way they'll see them.

humanji

fade2black wrote:

Couple of points...

We're Seinfeld fans...but hopefully not ripping them off.

Also, we did a reading of another episode before and it really brought it home how important it was that the actors hit the nail on the head with the delivery. It's one of my biggest concerns. The way I have the words delivered in my head is not necessarily the way they'll see them.

That's what rehersals are for

fade2black

Aye....I don't want to be too intrusive though or the actors will want to kill me. I'd hate a joke to fall flat on its face because of poor delivery

BaZmO*

Just finished it and eh....I didn't really like it tbh. There weren't any jokes in it, especially the first scene which I'd imagine is very important as you'd want to drag the audience in from the off.

There were a few bits throughout were you missed the chance to put a joke in that would've kept the sitcom part of it going.

Maybe it's a case of it works better in the delivery but personally I feel the script was quite weak and I thought the bit with the midget was just awful and tbh in bad taste, although maybe that's what you're looking for? But it was just obvious and it seems that the midget thing has been done to death lately, Phoenix Nights, Extras. I didn't really like the bit when the kid asked "What is it?" to his mother, quite offensive imo, but again, maybe that's what you're after.

Sorry for being so critical and hopefully you'll prove me wrong and produce something really good from it so good look with the shoot.

homah_7ft

As a previous comment noted, it does depend a lot on how it's directed. It could actually be good. I'd be worried about whether some of the jokes would make it to the screen. I can't imagine RTE showing a comedy with people talking about some of the ahem, acts described in the script, especially in prime time. I did note the Seinfeld influence. The superman bit was great, as was the blood jealousy.

fade2black

@Bazmo

Thanks for the comments. First off, I really don't like the term sitcom but I guess I did use it. I'm the first to admit that I can't write jokes. I've tried stand up a few times and I just ended up telling stories about myself, mostly embarrassing stuff. I can't tell jokes and I don't think what I write in the future will ever have a joke in it. I kinda rely on the dialogue being funny in other ways. You didn't find this one funny, I hope that's not going to be a universal response but as they say everyone has different tastes. Believe it or not, pretty much all of it is actually based on true events. Offensive things do happen every day and I don't see any reason why we can't watch them on telly. Maybe not on RTE mind you. I hope I'm not coming off as being overly defensive, your comments are much appreciated and maybe some improvements can me made in the 2nd draft. It will be very reliant on actor delivery though.

@homah_7ft

I don't think much of it is any worse than what Podge and Rodge do to be honest.

homah_7ft

Let us know how you get on.

fade2black

Thanks Homah. We've decided that even though it's harder, and more complicated to film, we're going to go ahead and do this one. (The other had just one location). We even have our midget.